This one straight from the ontological factory...
Having arrived yesterday from a few days back in the city where I grew up, and before that a relaxing week with very anti-drug friends (almost a crime not to trip there.. if you could see the nature in that place!.. but I digress), and lost between the ever-changing environment of the last weeks, there was not much of a plan for today.
All I could muster yesterday was going out for dinner, and that was after a royal nap. It was a long way back home and man, was I tired.
Today? Today I had some stuff in mind.. which could very well be postponed one day.
So after some deliberation, I carefully weighed 10mg of Metocin (4-HO-MET), then double and triple checked the amount. Can't be too careful when a) new substance and b) the plan is cycling on it (
DISCLAIMER: while fun, you definitely should know your dose, your surroundings, and your skill level to pull this off, considering that there are other people on the road and it would be rather easy to end your life or get seriously injured if you miscalculate anything -- if in doubt, don't do it!)
With that off my chest, I put on some headphones and set out cycling.
Nothing much worth reporting happened for 30 minutes or so, as one might expect..
(All times, if mentioned at all, are complete fabrication: not once did I check an actual clock)
And then, slowly, it did. At first, like something was vaguely off. My attention was vaguely fractured, but nothing too much. By then I was in a backroad, surrounded by nature.
There was definitely some sedation, and I remember thinking that if not for the fact that I was determined to carry myself to this natural reserve some 20km away, I could very well just lie down somewhere and take a nap.
My muscles felt heavier than otherwise expected, and exerting force to move the bicycle felt like more work than it should be. But who knows, I'd just spent a week basically getting roasted in the sun and swimming, so perhaps this would take some getting used to.
At around +45m I begun feeling like something was 'off' in my gut, not pain, barely even discomfort, just enough of a persistant sensation. It's still here as I type it, but much more subsided. I remember thinking that this must be what people label as 'body load'.
Fortunately (I guess), other than some nausea with certain medicines, I don't usually suffer from any bodily discomforts while tripping.
Anyway, on it went. At some point I chose to explore a forest trail, which ended up not being transversable. I remember taking great metaphorical meaning out of this:
"Sometimes in life, a path will abruptly end; and sometimes, rather than hacking and slashing through it and potentially ending nowhere, it's better to double back."
That was it - official confirmation. I was tripping balls.From the period between doubling back on that trail and once again joining the beachside,
what I remember the most is how floaty cycling had become. Me, the bicycle and the road - we were one. I would know exactly when to compensate, when to stop pedaling, when to pedal faster, as I fought the myriad trials of bricks, shattered glass and sand back to the main road, and then downwards to the beach. Just effortless.
I did close my eyes a couple of times at this point, and it felt fucking serene - but also caused me to instantly steer into the middle of the road (don't worry, I always checked first
) without realizing it.
So yeah. I stopped doing that.
Well, at some point I make it to the ocean again. And I catch myself staring with wide open mouth at the ocean and the sun rays piercing the vast clouds (a rare occurrence, given that it's fucking June!).. now this was still an area with people and cars, so I had to keep the genie in the bottle for just a little bit further, and kept pedaling towards the natural reserve which was to be the high point in all of this.
As I was negotiating the final turns in the wooden path by the beach, the peak was looming. I remember feeling that it would be grand to simply recline against a tree somewhere, close my eyes, and let it take me.
For another 5 minutes I kept it relatively together, and what do you know. Every single little kid I passed smiled when I looked at them. Little fuckers, what I was living then must be how it always is for them. What a golden time childhood is.
So at this point I made it! I'm entering the natural reserve, still feeling like me, the bicycle and the road are one. It's very easy to handle the terrain, even as sand and stones are repeatedly thrown in the way of the tires.
I cycle a lot, but we are talking a whole new level here. I would not risk some of the moves I did while sober; whether that's a good thing or not I leave the reader to decide, but let me note that I would not have attempted such maneuverings had I not been relatively sure that my sense of being able to handle those challenges was not being falsely inflated by the drug -- I felt more capable of handling the terrain than normal, tested this a few times, and basically stopped worrying about it - from then on all the terrain negotiation was pretty much done on autopilot
So, the sun is shining, the ocean is in the distance (<500m), I'm surrounded by nature, and peaking on this stuff. It felt
incredibly euphoric and
orgasmic.
I kid you not, I was basically moaning as I breathed, each breath complete ecstasy.
Here we get into a classical hippie stereotypical moment, where I got off my bike and carried it above a corridor of furious ants (which, by the way, I would have
never noticed while sober; not like this, basically they got spotted from 5 meters away, while moving), with the mandatory 5 minute stop to marvel at them.
And then I took the headphones out of my ears, and just listened.
The birds, the wind, and a silence with a certain tryptaministic feeling to it. Where do I remember this from? DMT?
Yes, DMT.
The resemblance is distant, but it is definitely there.
A sense of vast space behind closed eyes. Patterns forming. And that eery tryptamine-flavored silence pervading both inner and outer space.
I think I had a choice there, to sit down, meditate, and embrace this silence-- towards Ego death.
Frankly, it still is something that scares me, allowing the Other to engulf the I.
Without a single exception, every time I experienced ego death, it was because it was no longer possible to fight it due to high dose. It is not something I welcome on a normal day. But I guess that's the Ego speaking
So at that point I switch to The Doors, which eventually did keep me company safely all the way back home.
From here on there is little of interest to report, and we enter the final section of this report;
Remember how the weather was looking funny for June? Well, by now, it took a perhaps not completely unexpected turn for the worse; The clouds looming above the horizon had hinted at it before, but now it was official.
What really stayed in my memory then is just how setting-dependent this substance seems to be; The moment the sun was overcast by the big clouds, the previous orgasmic, warm, carefree nature of the experience was replaced,
in a matter of seconds.
It was not negative or evil, but the character truly completely changed!
Now it was all about fighting the elements and surviving the harsh conditions on the long 20km way back home. Which obviously I did
The comedown left me with something that usually I associate with amphetamine-like substances, an overly-stimulated feeling all over my face, wider-than-normal-eyes and what very possibly looks like a "I will murder you if you flinch" look
By the time I did get back home, it was raining slightly, and I did do a few more 'laps' near the beach (<3km total) to try and burn the extra energy; from previous experiences I know that if I don't, it'll be a very restless evening; just wasn't expecting it from 4-HO-MET.
Anyway, when the door to the building was opened and I stared at the wooden walls inside, it was obvious that baseline had not yet been reached. Stuff would still be morphing and appearing to be more distant and then closer, breathing -- interesting, I had not noticed it much while outdoors.
4h30m had elapsed since I took off.
It's now 10PM and baseline has been reached (edit/clarification: it has for awhile now. The whole thing lasted around 4h, just as predicted); The "something off" feeling in the gut has mostly disappeared, and while I didn't feel like eating at all, I chose to anyway, given all the cycling of the previous hours.
Tasting the fresh veggies was very nice, though I
really didn't feel like eating.
All in all, it was a very interesting afternoon with a very interesting substance. I am glad to have made its acquaintance; the dosage was perfect for the occasion - it never once felt like too much to handle.
10/10 would recommend
This is the time to really find out who you are and enjoy every moment you have. Take advantage of it.