Hi
Edit: Thanks for moving the thread, next time I'll post the next morning.
IntroductionOk me. First me then the story. I wrote this last.
Hi, I'm a programmer, currently working on Phonegap. Small company, fultime. Live in Holland. Always have. First the main capital then the same Province's capital. Didn't finish college. I have autism and love talking about it, should anyone be curious. I have also recently overcome (few months) a serious depression. Dmt helped me fix a part of this, it reset it and gave me the ability to rebuild the wrong ways I had learned myself to think in growing up. I in fact remember telling a high-school friend "I can't imagine you are all like me" because there was simply nothing to connect us and I did not have the impression anyone else was doing the same as I was. Which was basically the entire point behind my depression. This is gone. I have a lot to learn but my social stress, fears, anxieties all gone (my last shroom trip even seemed to have helped me through my fear of needles). It has become a possibility for me is what I mean. I can turn it off. That's what it feels like. I don't remember knowing how. "Being yourself" "Relaxing"
Really wanted a good introduction on dmt-nexus, now it's finally words which I have to bring you. Thoughts which I can comprehend. I didn't ever feel I had much to share about my empty life.
MDMAweight: ~65kg dose: 112mg
Tonight I was shared an incredible substance which was in my opinion beyond dmt merely because I could grasp it. It just taught me, chunk-sized. Thoughts like "if you want to make this illegal so bad, you must know what it does". Or "perhaps I fucking hear birds every time I trip because they have sex where they feel our energy". If I take this once during work I don't think I have to work for the rest of the week (programmer). I can do anything. Apart from moving too much, too quickly, became clear after I rushed to my neighbors to apologize for yelling, but kept enough in to barely notice, I felt it come on and responded in time.
Onto the clear part. It feels like I can do anything and what turns out what I want to do is:
-Dance
-Think/chill/chat
Now that says something about life.
Without regressing into the beginning of my trip, which felt like I brushed life off my shoulders, after this is what I want to tell you about. I can tell about the beginning but it involves a lot of my personal problems and personality and I would like to introduce you to my personality another way and my story another time
I can however share that my life lessons were suddenly coming from the Polish people outside while:
-I don't speak Polish
-They did however communicate back to me through the smallest sounds. Grunts, smiles, I know these guys inside out and I could hear every word. Intentions? Ideas?
Would however not like to get stuck in a telepathy discussions because I think with faith you can turn anything off. And this was my "delusion" if you will
So to get to the point as is healthy I integrate, I always contemplate what life is during trips more than other times. What is my life. What do I do. Why do I do it.
Love & Gratitude. I read this. I even sent it to someone. I no longer agree with it. I think if this community truly is what it says to be gratitude is something it needs to get out of. Gratitude implies the need of repayment for what you get. Gratitude is only needed with distance. You know you don't have to thank your SO for your birthday-gift when you're alone, there's better solutions. Gratitude is boundaries.
I bet expressive gratitude came the same time money did.
Not saying you should **** everybody that usually gets a thank you but you know what I mean. As long as everybody is respectful to another shouldn't this be a Cooper-verse without this nonsense?
Mdma made me think that if this is a community of such high minds I don't think you need such a convention, write a useful reply instead or let someone else. Discussions. Core. Thoughts.
And frankly a simple thank you in between the comments underneath trip report is sometimes a bit excessive.
Goodnight :O *looks at time*
I tried to finish the survey before going to bed, to no avail.
I'll continue tomorrow.