I just wanted to open up a discussion about past love, what it symbolizes, how to integrate such a powerful experience.

Me and my ex have been separated for over 8 months and I still think about her every day, obviously much less than before, but still.. it's unhealthy, and taking a mental toll on me.

Nexus, what are your experiences/thoughts on past love?

Removed

Blessings
~ND

It's funny, 8 months and your mind is still choosing to be preoccupied by those thoughts... Just shows what minds do when they become attatched to external objects like women and attatched to sensual pleasures like love... rather than just letting good things past and being satisfied about it (better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all).

I know this directly because I still constantly, almost daily, uncontrollably wish I could caress and swoon my ex once more and frequently dream it so and all of that was 6 years ago!

To think... If I never acted a fool and let her dump me, I would have just been another sucker for the system with a baby in my hands. No DMT or journey for self-discovery, just babies and hardcore fucking! and work and reality television shows... whew! thank god for that! but I miss her still The impetuous desires and impulses of being an animal on a planet in space & time !

Its funny you say woman are objects and attachments then you contradict yourself with saying how you are doing exactly what you should not be doing by obsessing over her lol Also woman arent objects but I get the point of attachments. I think as you get older you get over them and move on. I was with my ex for 6 years, met her just before I discovered dmt and aya and she supported me the whole way, no babies were involved though but I done lots of dmt with her, she didnt, she only drank cappi on occasion and it was a wonderful time. The first ever SHE event on here she transformed into an alien goddess of love and death and it was beautiful and terrifying but yeah she was pretty special but the relationship and her idiot family, complaining about my cactus growing and "hobbies" really put an end to it. She was everything to me but her attatchments to mummy and daddy showed her immaturity and ir ended. Of course she will always be in my thoughts with fondness but Ive grew out of her.

I'm now married with a baby and thats certainly a journey of self discovery and my wife is perfect and would never stop me from using/making dmt growing cactus whatever but isnt possible atm due to many factors. Im not a prude but saying hardcore fucking is quite unbecoming of you and is frowned upon here, I come from a big swearing culture so understand but sometimes I think its unecessary like yours. I wouldnt cry over your ex fathomless as you said you now have the freedom to completely explore this magic, you should appreciate and make the most of it because you probably will meet someone else and it will help with your personal growth.

My ex was perfect at the age I was, 26 till 32 but we evolved in different directions and its funny how things work out, my explorations of dmt led me to the life I have the family I have, its seriously all due to being interested in dmt and its funny how things work out, so appreciate your time with the magic and stop crying, and swearing unnecessarily

I agree with this. It's something that never does truly vanish. The best technique I find for over-thinking or over-analyzing past relationships is to prevent a tangle with yourself. Be happy and smile at once was so it no longer burdens you. It will never appear the same as it were in the past, but will always hold sentiment value. That's why we still have these thoughts and feelings. By allowing those thoughts and feelings to be positive or neutral can help one learn about themselves and move forward with their own lives. Kind of like pushing uphill steadily, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.. or like a plant growing up through pavement.. only to open onto something incredibly beautiful.

8 months is not necessarily that long.

Trust me, you get over it..and then you will be thankful it ended and you got out when you did. Go out and live your life, meet other women, make new friends etc..

Past is the past for a reason. I cant think of one relationship that I would choose to have back. They ended because they never worked to begin with.

Out all of them I had, all of them were/are relatively irrelevant in my life except one. Neither of them left a mark except one.

Only one still has the place in my mind and my heart. But our roads turned out to be different.

I don't think it matters how much time passes. If you truly loved them, a tiny piece of your heart will always remain with them. My high school sweetheart (and first lover) was absolutely psychotic, but I loved her to death. 2 days after high school graduation we were driving home from the movies, my best friend was with us.

She and I were getting into some stupid verbal argument that escalated and escalated. Towards the end of our relationship she got into this very sickening habit of saying she was going to commit suicide every time we had an argument or if things didn't go her way. She was unstable. It was all talk...usually.

So picture this, we are flying down an outer road at 55-60mph in a Kia Sportage, yelling back and forth at each other about god knows what when she starts saying the suicidal things (I'm driving, she is in the passenger seat and my buddy was in the back). Being young and idiotic at the time I kept saying that I didn't care what she did anymore yada yada yada.

Then I saw a look in her eye that I have never seen on anyone else ever since and she said, "So you really don't care what happens to me then?"

"Nope" (of course I did, we were young and arguing)

"Fine" she says and lunges toward me.



She grabbed the steering wheel with both hands and yanked it to the right. We went straight into to the ditch and rolled three times according to the police(the car ended up on its side in someones yard). I was knocked unconscious on the second roll. I came to on the side of the road. My buddy said I had climbed out in a daze while my ex screamed and screamed in agony, (she had crunched a couple discs in her spine, whatever the real term for that is). I don't remember much after crashing but I apparently called an ambulance, her parents, my parents, and my buddy's parents. We all rode to the hospital in the ambulance(s). My buddy and I were physically fine. My ex was the only one who got hurt. Poetic justice I guess.

I also had a half oz of some blue dream in my pocket that my older brother got me as a graduation present. Being dazed and confused, from the wreck not the weed I thought I should hide it since the police were likely to search the vehicle and us. So I stuck it in the crotch of a "Y" shaped tree that was on the property we crashed on to. I'm thinking that the people who lived there saw me do this because I went back there a couple days later and my ganja was gone, of course! No silver lining for me!

So, this was years ago but it obviously sticks with me. It was very traumatic but I am thankful that I came out of it alive. We all did. Moving on from her was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I still loved her even after she tried to kill herself, me and my buddy in one fell swoop. But we had a very unhealthy relationship and continuing it was obviously not an option. I had to let the love fade away.

Every now and again I think about her and what led up to those events. I wonder about how it would be if things were different. A part of me will always miss the good times I had with her but would I ever go back? Hell no!

I think I came out of the whole thing a better person. I learned a few lessons and found a whole new appreciation for life itself. I have grown and matured and am currently in a healthy relationship with the most wonderful girl!

Past/ex lovers are hard to get over, there is no denying that. Your best friend in these situations is time. "Time heals all wounds" is the saying, I believe. And I feel it really does if you allow it to. If you want it to. It took me years to fully get over this. Talk about integration.

Anyway, thank you for reading all of this. This is a very personal story that I haven't told for some time but if any sort of people were to hear it, I think the Nexus is one of the best places to share. There is infinite wisdom here that is for sure!

Thank you,

-The Grateful One-

Women = external objects ?! That's a nice way to put it...

And what's this talk about babies? You do know you can have a relationship, even a sexual one, without making babies?! Also you can have a relationship in which you can explore dmt and other things...

Ex lovers, hm... to be honest, most of the relationships that ended for me, ended in a way that left me glad I was out of them. Not because they were necessarily bad, but because it was time to move on (ok yeah, I've had bad ones too). When they end before you've grown out of them though its like being ripped out of your skin, your reality, and everything sort of changes at once. For me at least, the things I missed the most in these situations weren't the people themselves - I can let go of external objects such as men - but the future and present that I had imagined with them. Their presence symbolized something for me that really didn't necessarily have much to do with reality, but they were pleasant dreams and it was always hard to let them go, and it was these fantasies that haunted me, in the shape of my ex lovers, when I did dream about them after it was over.

How do you deal with it? Make new plans, create new dreams, redefine yourself, analyze your feelings...

and love

Very well said, Enoon. We all face change and adapt to it one way or another but with relationships it can come crashing down without a moments notice. Whether you see the end coming or not, it is still quite painful. But we could never really experience true love without the possibility of failing and getting hurt.

No one is perfect, after all.

But we can try and that is the beauty of it.

In my experience, there comes a point in your dreaming life, where there is a sudden shift..and for me it goes like this...

I no longer chase after the person in my dreams.

When I do dream of them I often am the one to tell them to go away, or leave myself because I no longer feel attached to that idea of them I once held on to.

I might dream of a time when I am still with them, in the past of w/e..but I know something is wrong and I am convinced that I need to get out of the relationship etc..

I am dreaming about other women in my life, and not them.

I find myself saying everything to them that I never said but always wanted to..without any expectations..just release of a lot of old crap I had held in..often not nice stuff either but at least emotionally authentic(different from actually hating a person)..

For me, that stage has always come about at some point in my dreaming life in relation to old lovers. It is a HUGE relief..as if I am finally free, to again dream freely.

The deepest truth I have learned from broken relationships? The medicine told me one night, while on my knees in extremely deep despair, depression, heartbreak..

"this love is first and foremost for you...you own it...you only projected to onto someone else to give it a face to identify it with..but it is yours to keep".

I think we often choose to have relationships with certain reflections of ourselves, and that just becomes expressed between individuals. It will be interesting to explore a little beyond all of that. Beyond the manipulation, passive violence and unhealthy needs that so many of us(myself included) bring to relationships.

This is true. I felt like our love was a lot of seeing ourselves in one another.

It doesn't help that the relationship was actually working when it ended, and that distance brought us apart in the end. We had been through a lot together in a few years, and I have never related to another human being in the same way I have with her. Ever. I feel like I lost not only one of my best friends but a part of myself as well.

It also doesn't help when they are able to move on way quicker than you can.

Sigh

http://www.the-alpha-lounge.com/oneitisex-gfs.html

tl;dr be with other women and stop obsessing over your ex. It'll go away in days.

I didn't contradict myself. Put it this way, by using your logic when one understands what one understands what freedom is, then therefor one therefor is free or that when a heroin addict knows it is time to give it up that he is undeniably going to give to up.

This is to say that I understand the women/love-attatchment concept intellectually and regard it being unified with truth but that does not mean to say that I automatically have the ability over my own volition to stop obsessing.

Also, women ARE objects just in the same way everything that appears to your mind are objects. There is no way to get out of objectivity in an objective world viewed subjectively. You just correlated the world to general terms and associated it with something inanimate like a table but that isn't the correct meaning of object, especially objectively abject objects.

Well, loves absolute essence and purpose is to generate new life. So, the principle of having a relationship is babies and everything else is subordinate to that purpose.

Put it this way, if there was no physical attraction (which purpose is for making babies) then we would not be engaging in relationships especially with the opposite sex the way we do.

So when you speak of 'just having a relationship without babies' really, you are refering to a secondary process by which is founded biologically on making babies. I don't find anything wrong with that, it is just good to understand that that is what it's prime definition should be.

Also, women are objects just in the same way everything that appears to your mind are objects. There is no way to get out of objectivity in an objective world viewed subjectively. You just correlated the world to general terms and associated it with something inanimate like a table but that isn't the correct meaning of object, especially objectively abject objects.

I was swearing with poetic license for the orgasm isn't much of an experience and I wanted to adequately capture that by using a word so blunt and vigorous as 'fuck'.

To explain this further, imagine a world in which the DMT experience was replaced by an orgasm and all orgasms where replaced by DMT experiences and then you would have people hunting trees down and performing extractions just for a pretty superficial and very empty 5 second burst or at best a 10-20 minute impetuously passioned massage.

I agree with you that swearing inappropriately is inappropriate but swearing appropriately can be a useful linguistic tool and you should try not turn a blind eye to that just because of your upbringing.

Lovers, they come and go, so many, some for weeks, some for months, some for years... Slowly flowing along, then past, not stopping, not anchoring, sometimes owning you if you succumb to being owned, not binding but slowly intertwining until breaks in the hardened branches are inevitable upon separation...

I've loved fully and the end of a relationship is not end of love and sometimes the end of love is not the end of relationship, maybe it should be but too often it isn't...

Pain lasts for a time, sometimes a long time, then you move on.

After years... it's painful. Sometimes you give so much of yourself you never get it all back.

That's why you're not the same person afterwards... you either become less... or you replace the missing parts with something completely different.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... The sun does shine and it's nice and warm, but sunlight is a harsh light and it can end up highlighting every edge and every shadow of your self-created emptiness. Attainable, but not always desirable. One of those things that is nice to dream about... but if you live it... the reality can be less dream-like.

We learn from love and we learn from loss and we learn from pain and we learn from mistakes. Everything will unfold as it should...