It has been quite some time since I have had any LSD, probably around a year and a half or more. This experience is from about a week ago now, and I believe I have integrated my experience well enough now to type it up, so here it goes:

Pre Trip Info:
Setting: Alone at home (I know not usually ideal...)
Mindset: Agitated, mild pre-flight anxiety, undefined emotions
Desired outcome: Looking for the introspective nature of LSD, perhaps some of the spiritual aspects that I've read so much about others experiencing
Dose: One tab (unknown exact micrograms)
Participant: Male, with perhaps 10 other low dose experiences with LSD in the past

I will note beforehand that I had preformed a basic 'black light test' on the tab prior to taking, and it glowed white-blue as I've seen in many pictures online like it should, and also slightly on the foil, suggesting some had rubbed off the blotter and onto the foil.

Report:

10:00 am: I've been awake for roughly twenty minutes, I look over at the folded foil which contains the single tab, part of me is thinking "wait longer, you only got it the other day, you need to think more about it before" and another part of me is thinking "why wait? Day off work, when will opportunity occur again?". After probably another few minutes of contemplation, I take the tab. I then go to the kitchen and start making myself some oatmeal for breakfast, playing with the tiny piece of paper with my tongue and chewing on it slightly. "I wonder how long until I don't need to have it in my mouth anymore, should I swallow it?" runs across my mind as I prepare my meal.

I finish eating probably about a half hour later, "am I feeling affects yet?". Part of me is considering the placebo affect, still under an hour yet.

11:00 am: I walk into the other room, which is visually divided in half (one half is my fiance's, the other my half). I immediately I begin to feel unsettled as I look at my half of the room; which is currently disheveled, disorganized, and basically in a disarray. It dawns on me that my emotions are much the same as my half of the room: unkempt and in need of attention. I decide that enough is enough and I should clean up and organize my half of the room, symbolic of the desire I've had to do the same with my emotions.

I focus on cleaning and clearing out my half of the room, removing the cluttered trash, being reminded of all the things about me I've been hiding out of shame from myself (and in general others) in the process. I realize that I often fear/have strong hesitations involved with cleaning, and organizing, both in the world around me (my room, the dishes, etc.), and in my inner self. I toss around the idea that I've been representing my inner self with how I act in the confines of my home, like the way I procrastinate cleaning up the pot and bowl from breakfast could be similar to how I've been procrastinating with clearing out my emotions. These are generally not thoughts I've been accustomed to having, and it surprised me to come to this conclusion.

12 noon-1:00 pm: I'm beginning to notice everything around me is moving in fluid motions, coinciding with my breathing. I ended up staring at the stained patterns on a chair for at least a few minutes, shrinking and expanding with every exhale and inhale. I've begun to focus on my posture more and more; realizing that even though I've been wanting to and trying to have good posture, that when I've tried to stand/sit up straight before now, I would end up having thoughts and emotions which I've been intimidated by, thoughts that I've grown tired of feeling, partly because I've had these thoughts for what feels like forever, and partly I hadn't known what to do with them. I sat for a while, in a meditative state, with all of my things scattered around me. I feel as though I've been at ends with myself, trying to do too much of what I think is right for me, and not enough of what I feel is right for me. I think about my relationship with my fiance, and how much pressure and strain I've put onto it in the recent months, and how I've placed a great deal of unnecessary expectation on her. I feel things for how they have been, not like how I wanted them to be. I'm overwhelmed with emotions, stretching from guilt, to sadness, to grief, and much to my surprise, I accept that I feel this way, and I accept that I've been (for the most part) unable to define my own emotions, particularly because I haven't been listening to myself. After all, how can you define what you haven't been paying attention to? I thought that I had been listening to myself before, practicing the technique known as 'Focusing' in an attempt to listen, but the reality is: I was only 'going through the motions', doing the bare minimum to say I tried when in reality I wasn't trying at all. I sat for a while longer, wondering why it is that I had found myself in this position, what led me to try without trying?

1:30: I see the time that is it, and realize I should probably prepare something for lunch. I don't really feel all that hungry, but I recognize the need to eat. I decide on making saffron rice, with a nice pot of silver needle white tea, my mind shifts away from the negativity that I've been focusing on and I focus heavily on the simmering pot of rice, it's almost like I can see myself simmering in the pot, the questions I had were in the pot, simmering away. I decide to eat outside, the weather was finally tolerable so why not?

I immediately feel clear headed, for what feels like the first time as I sit down to eat. I don't feel rushed to just scarf down my food like I have a tendency to do, instead I sit back, and enjoy my food. I feel the breeze on my back, I listen to the birds sing, I watch the trees sway in the wind, it looks almost like a dance the trees are preforming to the wind, the speed and intermittent nature of the wind much like the tempo and chords of a song. I find myself in rhythm with the breeze, inhaling as the wind subsides, and exhaling as the breeze picks up. I bask in the experience of it all, realizing I had forgotten to do exactly this: to just sit back, and enjoy life, no need to constantly worry about the 'what ifs?' or the 'whys?'. There truly is a need to stop and relax, no need to feel like you 'deserve it' or that you've 'earned it' first.

~2:15: I have finished eating and I stand up and turn to face the wind I've had my back to (I didn't want my food to get cold too quickly on me), and I embrace its feelings, I gaze into the scenery before me, and I see what I have always seen before me, change perspectives. In the past, I would look this way and I would see the 'mega church' (which is roughly a block or so away and on the other side of a highway, its large sign easily capable of being read through the trees) take up a large portion of my focus and thoughts, consumed by negative thoughts, relating to my past traumas involving the church I attended as a child. but today things looked and felt different. I experienced as with every exhale, the building would visibly shrink in size, and with the inhale: the grass and the trees, and sky above me, filled with clouds and light, would expand and fill me with joy. I felt as though my heart was telling me to stop looking for what I hated, and to start feeling the world around me, and I felt at peace. At this point I begin to feel the effects which I refer to as 'permi-grin' (the inability to stop oneself from smiling) take effect.

It's hard to describe this next part. However I feel as though it's necessary for the accuracy of the trip report to include the bowel movement I experienced after I returned inside from eating lunch: for it was almost like I was re-experiencing those feelings for the first time. You see, as I've tried to describe before, I've had quite the issue of cue-dependent memories for me. Everything reminds me of everything. Bowel movements being one of those things... to say that one should be allowed to enjoy a good poop has been unknown to me. Also, to say that I felt like I was purging negativity the likes of which I had never felt before, all while enjoying the experience, would be an understatement. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that. I will note that during this time, I notice that I was experiencing closed eye visuals, fractals of colored light, beautiful to my mind's eye.

It was shortly after this that my fiance returned home from work. I immediately embraced her, overcome with emotions, and I exclaim everything to her. I tell her everything I've been experiencing. I hadn't been that open to her in what felt like forever. I end up deciding by myself to give her a foot massage, which is something that I'm usually hesitant to do, I'm not sure exactly what motivated me, but all I knew what I felt compelled, and I embraced it. It's almost indescribable how connected to her stresses I was.

She then reminds me that I still had a great deal of my things to reorganize in my half of the other room (as I had become quite distracted and things were still scattered around). And I return to organizing again, but this time around, it feels less of a burden.

It was during this time that I came across a bag of cat grass seeds, another reminder of things that I hadn't been listening to. You see, roughly 2 weeks ago, my fiance's cat had died, and I felt as though I needed to 'be the shoulder for her to cry on' all the while I was inevitably suppressing my own feelings about the event. It's like I felt like I had to 'be a man' and be there for her, but I was ignoring the fact that I had to be there for me as well. I admitted that had grown quite attached to the cat over the few years I knew her, and that I did actually feel sorrow. I expressed this to my fiance, and I felt a release of emotions I never thought I could have.

~5 pm: I'm practically done with reorganizing my things, and I feel pride in what I've accomplished. I feel as if I've come down now (not completely), and I begin to realize that I shouldn't forget the lessons of the experience I had during the day. I feel as though perhaps I put expectations on the trip, and maybe now that I've learned these things about myself, that I should take them in stride, and do more to feel, rather than repress what I don't understand. Perhaps vagueness in what is felt is ok after all? Maybe accepting the vagueness of the unknown is what really is needed to start to define things inside oneself? Is any of these thoughts I'm having now making any sense? Perhaps it's ok to question oneself and how one feels?

Rest of the night: I ended up talking with my fiance a great deal about some of the difficulties I've been having in life, theorizing on some of the motives that I've had preventing me from moving forward in life, and at one point I ended up crying in her arms over the great deal of sadness I've been holding back, refraining from being felt. And I felt much better after I let it out to be experienced.

Ending thoughts: Perhaps I have been a little too rash about my actions, perhaps this trip has shown me that, perhaps I should have had a sitter with this experience, however: perhaps things turned out alright after all?

Overall: I feel as though this was one of the most powerful LSD experiences of my life (almost makes me question if the tabs I've had before were real LSD or not), and I will take its lessons personally, as I feel far more connected to my life now that I've had this experience, and I have promised myself to do more for me, and for my relationships, and not to expect others to do the work for me. To say that I had experienced some spiritual connection to the planet and to myself is potentially accurate, although I'm still not wanting to speak definitively. I still feel as though I'm not quite where I should be in life, but at least I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, and I feel more motivated to actually try.

Thanks for reading.

Thanks for the report. Many of the things you say are very familiar. Your bowel movement and the "purging of negativity" is especially interesting; it's nice to let that concentrated evil out!

I can really relate with how you embraced your fiancee and reorganized your things. It's nice to do what you view as good things on LSD, it just feels so great and righteous! Cleaning a bunch of dust off a bottom shelf was a great experience for me while tripping once. It's funny how much a physical environment can affect your emotional and mental state! You become extremely sensitive to stimuli while tripping which plays a big role.

LSD is so great in that one tab can be just as influential as five depending on your outlook and the things you do. No need to lose your mind when you can have experiences like these. Thanks for sharing, I'm glad you had a beneficial experience and are integrating the lessons.

I can totally relate to the physical environment as an indices of the inner emotional world. I'm not always in touch with how I'm actually doing with life, with my spirituality, and my emotions. I can often times only realize where I'm headed after I'm well down the path I'm going. I've learned too look at my physical environment as clues to help me before I go too far.

If i'm not making my bed in the morning or on top of dishes and laundry, I now know I'm going down a path I don't want to go, much sooner than if I'm not paying attention to my physical environment.

It was a great lesson for me to learn and has helped me immensely.

Thanks for the replies!



I feel like I do the same thing with cleaning dishes/leaving them in a dirty pile too... although I usually wait as long as I can with laundry anyway, just one large load whenever I start to run out of clothes!

Very nice trip report, i really enjoyed reading that. It sounds like you had a very reflective experience, i can see how cleaning up the room can lead to cleaning up mental clutter, on LSD i find that some physical movements like stretching or cleaning up can carry over into the mental realms, as if the energy pattern of the physical action repeats on itself and subsequently affects the mental movements.

I've also had similar experiences with the bowel movement, LSD tends to make me purge both mentally and physically, i always have at least 2 BMs during a trip, i much prefer this to purging from the other end

Then there's posture... i'm glad you mentioned this, i actually don't think i ever fully stood up straight until i took LSD, and although having practiced it for many years i never really understood Hatha Yoga until very recently, working on my spine is probably the most recurrent theme of my early LSD trips.

It sounds like you had a great time and learned a lot about yourself, i also find that lower doses can be good for indepth psycho-analysis as there's little in the way of visions which can become a distraction, just be sure to integrate those insights so it's not just a passing glimpse. I'd love to hear back how you've gotten on since the trip

It's interesting to see someone else experience a similar BM experience Chronic! It did feel like quite the purge!

I've been doing a lot better since that trip, although I had a bit of an emotional day almost a week later at work where I experienced a strong emotional flashback after someone played relevant music to my traumas, but at this point I feel like it might be better for it to have happened than for it not to have, for that was pretty much the first time I actually embraced my emotions surrounding said music, instead of trying to run away from them. Perhaps I'm beginning to cope better with those things now?

A good friend of mine had suggested that, with regards to chakras, I've been working on my solar plexus chakra with the shift from trying to escape my emotions to embracing them. I feel as though he's correct as I have been feeling what I've been thus far calling a 'something' right at my solar plexus... I'm still working on finding more definable words to use while Focusing, but so far I've made progress with simply referring to things I feel as 'something'.

Also, I had another trip with the same tabs last week (I think last week?) this time I took two, still working on integrating that one. I might end up posting that report as well, whenever I get the time to that is. Also, I found out that each of these tabs have roughly 200-250 micrograms.

I can definitely agree with your logic in that I might have had a more in depth psycho-analysis with the first trip with only one tab vs my most recent two tab trip, definitely a lot more distractions to be had... probably why integration has also taken me longer as well...

I find that i can become quite emotional in the days following a deep experience too, but it's always a nice release when it happens, it's good to let it out... i'll usually see some tears either during the trip or in the following days, for me without some tears the integration process is incomplete, i think it's pretty beautiful.



Those are some very potent tabs you have there, use them wisely! I assumed by your description of the visuals it was a lower dose that you took, in my experience 250µg is very visual indeed, of course this can vary quite a lot, some people i know even claim to have zero visuals on any psychedelic.

8===D