Hi All,
Long time lurker, first time poster, I don't really have anyone to share this with in my personal life but I feel the need to discuss & share my experiences so far.
Apologies if the content is lacking / disjointed, communication isn't one of my strong points.
My first extraction exceeded my humble expectations yielding me roughly 1.7g of fluffy white spice, very excited & quietly proud of my efforts I was eager to begin.
I started slow, not sure in myself or my spice probably less than 10mg (didn't have accurate scales at this time), but I knew after that first hit that I was on the money. I experienced a pressure build up in my head, my heart rate increased, colors seemed more vibrant & the sounds of my room seemed to grow distant, intimidated at the prospect of breaking through I was reluctant to take a second hit, I repeated this a few times with similar results, my fears holding me back.
I eventually began increasing my dosages, & experimenting with adding Nitrous to the mix, it was here at probably around 15mg + some Nitrous that I first felt a presence. Staring at my wall like a moron I started to see the patterns melt & morph & with a big hit of Nitrous I began seeing strange fractal shapes & a beautiful color green, it felt almost as if I was being showing some strange garden, I could feel a female presence with me but nothing solid & as I was trying, perhaps to hard to make sense of the situation I heard a loud but distant bang & like a flick of a switch the effects faded, mind blowing it felt as if someone had simply switched me off, I sat for a while with a stupid shit eating grin on my face, thinking “so this is DMT”, mind being blow apart by the prospect of an other worldly presence.
Once again I attempted a similar dose, with similar effects only this time I could feel as though the entity was trying to take me away somewhere but I was scared & hesitated & again the effects faded away.
Now at about 20-25mg (keep in mind my smoking technique is still pretty hit or miss at this point), while watching a movie I had some crazy visuals, the movie seemed like a water color painting come to life & right at my peak I took a big hit of Nitrous which boosted me further, the characters on the TV distorted to the point they looked to me like classic aliens (big eyes / foreheads). Pretty crazy but at this point I'm starting to feel like the Nitrous is polluting the experience.
I stuck to this dosage for a while, trying to get my technique down (still struggle street, especially after that first hit), experimenting with different art / music. At some point during this stage I experienced what I would say was my first mild breakthrough? Staring off into one of my favorite paintings things got weird, multiple entities that seemed to be so excited, showing me strange things it's very hard to describe & it was all very chaotic & fast, strange almost faces & intentions coming through, sorry but it is very difficult for me to remember or describe adequately.
I had another very similar trip where I first noticed how much the piece of art I was looking at colored the entire experience, from vibrant bright yellow clouds to swirling purples & pinks, very cool stuff.
I remember on this trip wanting for a hit of Nitrous but I couldn't figure what exactly I wanted or where it was, I eventually came too enough to remember where / what I was long enough to inhale, which picked me back up & threw me down another path, I could feel the auditory hallucinations that come with the Nitrous playing a big part but I felt like something was trying to help me & the gas was leading to my death, felt as if I could feel my self dying & paramedics coming to my aid it was very strange / terrifying.
After these mild breakthroughs, sitting in the afterglow I crack the biggest smile, almost as if I can't control my own body, I feel incredible happy & at peace, which for me is rare since I seem to struggle with depression quite a lot, especially recently.
Toying with these doses I start to feel as though I am abusing the DMT / Nitrous combo so I decided to continue without it, who needs anything more than DMT anyway right, I don't want this journey to be diluted / clouded until I have more experience under my belt.
Now at about 30-40mg I experience what I believe my first real breakthrough, deciding to forgo visual aids & simply let it take me where it wants to take me, I take a monster hit, biggest to date, I put down my pipe & close my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing, the come up can be pretty uncomfortable & intimidating at times. Behind closed eyes I see shapes forming & feel the intentions of the entities, they can be barely made out after the initial entry but I still get the feeling they are offering me gifts & are generally excited to play with me.
Sometime during one of these type of breakthroughs I feel the presence of the female entity again as if she is trying to show me something, each time a little more. Eventually on these trips after the initial excitement I feel as though she is leading me somewhere, like we are traveling down a hall but not...
I find this all very difficult to put into words so bear with me.
Eventually I feel as though I am lead to some kind of vault / room where they are keeping something precious, I feel I'm allowed deeper each time.
My second most recent trip I get passed the initial offerings / excitement phase, & I'm lead again down the “hall” by her into the “vault”. I can vaguely see a morphing sphere of color revealed before me, very distant but the first colors I have seen in this space, reds, blues, yellows, greens, up until this point everything here has been beautiful shades of purple, not able to get close enough to take in the sphere in great detail before I fade back to reality unfortunately.
So, several days later, I embark on my latest trip. I loaded up 50mg of spice, got a good hit but I don't think I was able to vape it all efficiently, the effects were mind blowing none the less.
Upon entering hyperspace I'm greeted with the familiar but forgotten (I feel each time I am able to bring a little more back with me) entities & offerings, this time I get the feeling that after the initial greeting I am being prepared by them to go deeper, it feels as if they are giving me something or altering me in preparation for something & I feel I have been through this process before but have previously been unable to remember it, the entities here seem to be brighter & show more color than the others I'm almost able to make out faces, impossible to describe. Sorry for the vagaries but I still find it all very difficult to comprehend / remember, I feel somewhat of a test subject in this space! Feeling somewhat reluctant during the process but once they are finished I continue deeper down the “hall” guided once again by the familiar female entity to the “vault”. It all feels more vivid this time, I can almost make out the entities & shapes, they appear as curved wisps of color & light in varying shades of purple, always morphing, but it's still very chaotic & makes little sense to my monkey brain.
As I get deeper I once again see the strange sphere of color this time brighter & growing larger than before, but I feel other entities with me this time, one or more? Hard to tell really, seem to have doubts about me, I'm not sure if I am not ready or not worthy? But I feel as if the leading female entity is being persuaded not to take me further, shortly after I get the feeling the trip is coming to a end & it all fades away.
I have tried to limit my research on other peoples experience as to not subconsciously guide my own, I want to walk my own path so to speak, but from what I have read of some others experiences are a lot more vivid than my own, some even having conversations in the void, as I said the entities I see / feel don't really have a form, one that makes sense anyway, perhaps that world lies on the other side of the hypersphere!
So curious as to what it is in store for me, what is it they want me to see, hopefully I will be allowed further, I wonder if it is my own doubts / subconscious / self-esteem holding me back.
Looking forward to exploring further, & perhaps trying my hand at changa, I will continue to post this journal here if it's deemed worth the read!
Thanks for reading my ramblings, before I go I'd like to offer my gratitude to Earthwalker & Cybs for lending me the keys, your work is greatly appreciated.
It's really starting to sink in that there is something beyond this world, something I never believed possible, truly amazing times friends, I welcome any discussion.
Thanks.