I have a strange relationship with DMT--and most psychedelics, I suppose.
I have a tendency to use a plant medicine after taking a month or two off, and I'm instantly reminded why I have such a strong relationship with the plant.
You see, DMT just scares me sometimes. It's not usually in the trip itself, but in the moments before taking a dose. It's like I have this (well deserved) anxiety like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff that drops into the infinite abyss, and once I jump, it's all good and falling is all that's necessary. But taking that leap is scary as all hell.
So if I do not use DMT regularly, I get this idea built up in my head that it's scarier than it actually is.
Anyways, this morning after the gym and breakfast, I sat down and meditated. I think that I knew about an hour before that I was going to take a dose, but until the meditation I wasn't 100% certain. It'd been awhile since I'd vaped, and I was overdue. I was very afraid.
So I took about 4-6 very light doses, increasing the volume of the toke each time over the course of about an hour. It was so beautiful, and warm, and it was Luv. I laid out on my bed as I came out of the experience, and all I could think was how beautiful the universe is.
I actively pulled "bad things" into my mind as I was coming out of the trip--people at work who are really upsetting me, and anxieties that I have about money and other big stuff. As I looked at these "bad things" in the afterglow of the DMT flash, they were all laughable. They were so insignificant.
I read a post this morning about someone saying that DMT has a calming effect on him/her, and that planted the seed for me. I'd neglected to really think about that for awhile, and his/her post reminded me why I tattooed a DMT molecule on my body.
So now I am reminded that the universe is indeed made of light and Luv. I am grateful to have this molecule in my life, and I'm grateful that the Nexus has been there for me to explore this piece of the universe.
I missed this gnosis.
All of my posts are entirely fictional. I am a writer, and as a means to research the life of a fictional character that I'm writing about, I post on the Nexus to get into character. In real life I have no interest or interaction with mind-altering substances.