Dear Nexus
Yesterday I felt compelled to register to this forum once again: I had an account here but lost my login details a while ago, after updating my password
I left it at that because I wasn't that heavily into the Nexus anymore, or dmt for that matter. When I originally registered in 2012 I had just discovered dmt and it helped me tremendously in overcoming a depression, as well as being a fantastic adventure in and of itself.
The nexus of course helped me in all the practical ways with my extractions and with finding an adequate ROA for dmt. It was a rollercoaster ride and the Nexus was a bunch of people who had been on it. Some were smiling, some were sick to their stomachs but they showed the ride was survivable
I don't know that many people who know dmt and less who have known it and it makes communication... uhm... impractical. People here know where you're coming from, and where else you could go.
The success of treating my depression with dmt (and mushrooms) made me curious for other serotonin-active drugs and I dived into the gray world of online available chemicals. Developed a real taste for a couple of them and soon I had a nice collection.
I've never had much experience with chemicals except for some lsd and a couple of 2c-? in the nineties and I always looked down upon them- I much favored the mushroom at the time. But these new experiences were good and helpful in their own way and the last year or so I neglected the dmt completely in the RC's favor.
These experiences had their merit and they were rich but not by any stretch as rich as dmt. Dmt has a depth to it that had started to scare me the longer I hadn't taken it.
A couple of weeks ago a friend whom I had introduced to dmt went to an ayahuasca retreat to work on some issues after he and his girlfriend broke up. It re-opened my eyes to the healing possibilities of the spice. I felt I had to return and give up my easy pill-gobling life (that's a bit hyperbolic; actually I was going into these experiments with a lot of care)
Yesterday I happened on the Nexus again and I decided to re-register, if only to be able to see the aatachments in posts. Picked a stupid screen name. And then later that night when rolling a joint, on a whim I threw some changa in the mix. Went to the balcony to smoke it. I was actually trembling a little.
Slowly the view from my balcony changed. When I closed my eyes I couldn't really see the dmt-visions but as a low dose of dmt does, it makes you realize that they exist, they come within grasp, if that makes sense. I rolled another and smoked that on the balcony.
I hadn't been very liberal in sprinkling changa, and I still wasn't anywhere near breaking through but with my eyes closed I could now see some sort of crazy spaceship with multicolored snake-like belts circling it. The spaceship felt very female and caring and it re-assured me that if I would just let the Moment flow through me, it would help me and everything would be alright.
With the maniacal smile of acceptance on my face that dmt gives me, I went inside for the small hashpipe that I used to smoke changa from and loaded it up. Took a big toke of the harmala-heavy changa (god this stuff stinks lol). As everything disappeared in flowing, rotating, interlocking hallucinations I became scared- suddenly imagined I would be letting all kinds of spirits in this world. I blew out what was left in my lungs and got totally overwhelmed.
I got up, hallucinating heavily. Earlier I had vaped about 10mg of aMT from a test tube and now my elevated heartbeat- it was pounding in my chest- started to worry me. I forced the smile back on my face, I was at once ready for everything that would happen and at the same time not ready to die at 36.
How do you deal with this insanity? But after a minute or so, when the hallucinations became a little less intense, the panic subsided. 'Thank you' I said out loud again and again. It was a totally humbling experience. I realized I had been playing around, wanting to see pretty colors, but this was the real deal. Not some toy that you pick up to play with; on the contrary, that's what it does with you.
It was a dmt experience that I hadn't expected or prepared for but that felt long overdue in retrospect. When I smoke changa, it instills a sense of warriorship in me, it reminds me that life is more than vegetating and waiting out your time. I feel very thankful for this renewed lesson.
When I registered I picked this screen name. I like it now because of this humbling experience that re-introduced me to dmt, and all that around the spring equinox
I'm very glad to be back.
dankbaar, heel dankbaar