So with this trust we have with each other on this online sanctuary that many of us consider as such; there's something on my chest that i need to talk about.

so i had this friend. this was a friend that was really, really, really close to me. our relationship/friendship was really hard. it was hard because they had PTSD and although i had suffered previously with a problem with trauma, stress, anxiety, and fear (although i was never diagnosed PTSD); it could be hard to relate to this friend because i was "recovered" and they were still stuck in thought loops and negative outlooks on life. this person wasn't a psychedelic user and was scared of drugs. this person was also scared of certain types of people too; basically mean people.

so i dream about this friend. in my dreams their really elusive like a cat and i always notice both in the real world and in the dream world that i have a protective guard when i'm around them. in my dreams i can dream them as being happy. unfortunately they aren't always happy in waking consciousness like in my dreams.

well we were best friends. but i basically "hurt" her. not on purpose or anything. but i hurt them by having a mental breakdown/freak out. i basically stripped naked in front of them (like not sexually but crazily; like a crazy person). this really did hurt them; because it was a "trigger" for their PTSD and ever since then they haven't talked to me and they've deleted me from their physical and digital life.

something has been missing in my life ever since then. i wanted to ask the nexus if they think that someday our friendship can be a friendship again? it's also complicated too; because i like like them; actually i love them... actually i'm in love with them... at the same time i'm inlove with them like a family member... so like i said it's complicated.

and i also wanted to ask if you guys ever had anything like this before? like a friend that meant everything to you and suddenly one day that friend just left and now it's all empty and stuff...?

What were the circumstances surrounding your breakdown? To her was she seeing someone she thought she knew succumbing to,in her mind, the demon drugs?
PTSD is difficult, the urge to avoid unpredictable events is very strong and the need for stability is too as you are regularly getting rushed with adrenaline, always on the lookout for danger in fight or flight mode.
She will probably come around when her anxiety lessens but be prepared to wait a while, be kind to yourself you have nothing to blame yourself about. Doesnt make it hurt any less at the moment I know but in time it will subside.

Thanks for your thoughts DmTripper they help a little.

i just miss this specific person; but i'm not beating myself up over it (though i do look back on the situation and slap myself in the face from time to time out of embarassment and shame). but i think it'll take time. and if they want me back in their life then that's their choice but i have a bad feeling; as if that was the last time i'd see them again.

but also i wasn't sure about the circumstances surrounding my breakdown. i know i had some sporadic, senseless toughts that would pop up. i was also pretty dissasociated/withdrawn from people.

but i don't think she thought it was the drugs. i didn't take any that day but for some reason i just flipped out. like i don't know why; but i just flipped out.

I am wondering ... your friend uses psichadelics ?(like shrooms lsd dmt etc.)

I've read a few articles on shrooms (2015 articles) about a new(?) kind of therapy with with small doses of shrooms that helps with PTSD. I dont know where u live if the laws changed regarding medicinal and therapeutical use of magic mushrooms but if she do uses them u might suggest to her to look for a profesional that might help her with this.

Hope im not out of topic and helped u a bit

Cheerz mate

thanks sloby! she's mainly scared of drugs. but i think something like MDMA would really help her. but we don't talk anymore unfortunately. but maybe one day we'll get in touch again.