Felt it was finally time for my intro...

So, I've been browsing the Nexus ever since a deeply spiritual experience with the sacred molecule this past summer that shifted my focus to getting a degree in biochemistry and saving as much money as possible (something I've never been good at). I've been experimenting with spice for longer than that experience though, since my first encounter with DMT in my freshman year of college. While that experience was life changing in that it opened up the door to hyperspace, I didn't really garner any spiritual appreciation from it or any of my other forays into psychedelics.

Anyhow, that first blast off was over a year ago, and I'm now working instead of continuing my education. I know this sounds strange considering what I've just described about the breakthrough that brought me to the Nexus inspiring a passion to achieve a degree, so let me explain. I was in a severe depression coupled with an anxiety that still manifests in certain situations (though nothing like before) since I was in elementary school. I went to a small, private Catholic school in New York at the time and was bullied to the point of transferring to the public school system, where I stayed through high school. As I got older, it only got worse, despite my situation being somewhat improved in the more diverse public school system. By the time I left New York for college, I'd spent extended stays in a mental institution more than once. Throughout my high school career, I'd also become quite the Hunter S.Thompson type, living in a constant state of Fear and Loathing. The 4th of July of the summer that I left for college, my close friend and I tried LSD of the first time. This experience as well as first encounters with MDMA and mushrooms that summer set me even further on my path of self destruction.

I spent my freshman year dicking around, skipping classes, dropping courses, doing every drug imaginable in amounts often times exceeding what should have been lethal. Somehow my body and brain survived the ordeal, though there did come a point where my addiction to Klonopin nearly killed me. I spent nearly two weeks in a mental hospital detoxing at a pace entirely unsafe by any standards. I couldn't protest, however, because in Pennsylvania (where I was going to school at the time) one can be legally charged with insanity and sentenced to hospitalization for 5 days, at which point there is a trial to see if they are fit to leave. I won my trial but was forced to stay because the university owned the facility and threatened expulsion if I resisted. So, I stayed another 10 days during which I was moved from 8mg of Klonopin per day to just 1mg. The withdrawals were painful, with alternating fever and hypothermia (though sometimes I would feel as if I were experiencing them in unison). At one point I started convulsing and one of the nurses had to restrain me while another injected me with Ativan and Xanax. By the time I got out, I was no better off then when I entered, aside from no longer being addicted to benzos.

When I came back to New York in the summer with a one year suspension from school and on probation in two states (shhh, that's a bit of a secret), it was just my luck that my best friend who I'd first tripped with revealed he still had some spice left. That experience led me to make an account on the Nexus to learn more about the female entity I'd encountered. After countless hours of lurking, I finally did my first extraction (which went sour). Now, after finally performing a successful extraction, I once again reach a crossroads in my life, with all my close friends who never left the city finally moving away and having to come to terms with the fact that I haven't created any positive future for myself yet. In an attempt to remedy the situation, I very recently earned a hyperslap when I attempted to dab the spice. I experienced the edge of death and it filled me with fear as the jaguar god and friends stood over me disapprovingly.

But, yesterday I finally conquered the fear by finally weighing out my dose. I again dabbed it on my titanium domeless nail, but this time, it was the female goddess again from my summertime awakening. She poured love into my heart and arteries and restored my confidence in myself and the spice. I feel I owe you all at the Nexus huge thank you, as reading through threads of members with similar issues and countless science articles for mental reassurance. Thank you, guys and gals! I truly feel blessed

EDIT: I forgot to mention the very important fact that I've registered for classes this summer to get back on track with my education. This is just a hiatus right now, until I get back on my feet.

Best luck on your adventures! you sound about as stubborn as me. Hopefully this spice thing will be Healthy for us. The depression/anxiety?/moods, i find to be a stubborn mule for me too I do believe it's trying to tell me something though...

Its quite a story my friend. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am happy to hear you are getting better.

Oh, definitely. I'd say I've finally squashed the depression/anxiety for good. Isn't it amazing what the spice can do?



Thank you, for taking the time to read it. I can't thank you all here enough for helping to catalyze the change in me that I didn't know I was capable of. This site has been even more important for me than the sacred molecule, in some very important ways.