Hi all,
this is a short intro about myself and my first 3 experiences with DMT.
Disclaimer: Please excuse my English and lack of humor, I am German ;-)
This reminds me of a joke:
How many Germans does it take to exchange a light bulb?
One. We are efficient and don't have humor.
Well actually both my parents are Persian and have left Iran after the Mullahs came to power in the late 70's. I have grown up non-religious while Iran has a long tradition of non-dogmatic Mysticism, i.e. the Sufis, which has always intrigued me.
My story goes like this: My grandfather was a very talented and well-known Dervish in his private life, including smoking Opium on a daily basis for 30+ years, and a respected government employee in his professional life. An incredibly happy and humorous man even in his last days. I see many similarities to my life being a "high performing" business consultant while soul searching in my private life. The soul searching fueled by strong feelings of unhappiness has become quiet intense in the last months once I had accomplished what I though was what I wanted (good paying job, cute girlfriend, nice apartment). What a cliché.
Despite (or because) all of this I was growing less happy and less centered over time and observed an increasing coldness and superficiality in my personality. A classic mid-life crisis at age 32. Don't get me wrong, I am still in the middle of it, but I now have a path THROUGH it, much better than being lost IN it.
And this is mainly thanks to this loving community where I have found the orientation I was looking for. Thank you very much
All that I have read has lead me to really want to try DMT as well as Ayahuasca. I have booked a trip to Peru for 4 Aya sessions next month and have done DMT 3 times in the last week.
#1 My first session with 30mg DMT in a GVG didn't really work because my technique was off. I inhaled when there was nothing there and was out of breath when the smoke arrived
So I had some mild visuals and body feelings, which where actually a great introduction to DMT because it gave me a feeling of the kind of trip it would be - so I thought.
#2 Boy was I wrong. Of course the next 30mg trip, this time with better technique, totally overwhelmed me. I was fighting, trying to control where I was going and hit a wall of intense fear. Interestingly, I remember thinking: "I need to cancel the Ayahuasca sessions, I cannot face this fear!!!". Only minutes later I was laughing about this as I realized these where just feelings and nothing could happen to me anyways, I was of course in the safe surroundings of my home.
I have found this post to be very helpful to understand and overcome this fear:
http://www.reddit.com/r/.../the_fear_dmt_ayahuasca/ (I hope it is ok to post a link from a different site?). This anxiety was felt only during the first 3 minutes of the trip (I recorded it on video which was actually cool because it helped me remember some of the things I had forgotten). The rest of the trip was very warm, loving and insightful, but without any entity contact and not what I would call a breakthrough after what I had read. In any case I was absolutely determined to not let fear stop me.
#3 I was assuming that I would be facing several of these anxiety trips before I would be able to relax into the experience. So I read several threads and decided the best way to handle it would be to chose a mantra that helps me through this launch anxiety. "YES" was simple enough, because I understood that resistance to the overwhelming launch was the cause of my problem. And so I prepared everything, this time much calmer than the 2nd time (remember I am an experienced pro now
) and reaffirmed that "YES" I will go with whatever comes my way. My technique was good this time and I launched into hyperspace. The first 5 seconds I reminded myself to say YES YES YES to whatever happens and BOOM I was in a colorful parallel world, a kind of multicolored adventure park with small multicolored friendly, female beings. They took care of me and nourished me.
At one point I remember testing them to see how they would react to being messed with. I was impressed because they knew how to defend themselves but wouldn't go overboard with it. They would just push back in the exact same amount that I had pushed them. This increased my trust and respect for them and we continued our colorful dance. The come down was again very smooth and reminded me very much of my early childhood. That feeling you had when you just watched a fantasy movie and everything was warm and full of magic. I remember when I had watched 'The NeverEnding Story' at age 5-6 and felt like this. This is when I realized that DMT is some fantastic stuff that I need to do regularly.
As far as integrating this breakthrough experience into my world view: I believe that the skeptical ego becomes more dominant over time, especially for a business/analytical guy like me. This blocks the inner child that is naturally connected to this magical world. I don't feel like making a judgement of what this magical world is and how this connection really works... I will need some more experience for that
Now, I am interested to observe if/how these experiences will change my life. So far I have seen that for a few days after the trip I am more relaxed, a bit like after a good massage or a nice sauna session. But it also differs from these experiences in that I feel like being in a slightly higher level of consciousness.
Again, thank you all that you exist and have put me on this path back to the inner magic. I am looking forward to interesting exchanges
Much love,
Childlike