Around a week ago I had a very unsettling dmt experience. I don't remember most of the trip, but I know I felt as if our universe doesn't exist and is just my imagination, I am the only existing being and I have lived this life many times already. I know some people here have experienced the same. I made an explanation for myself and I hope you can give me your opinion.

The next paragraph is to make sense of why the universe exists in the first place, but isn't really important or a very good explanation.

I think the only reason why there is existence, is because nonexistence is a paradox. If existence doesn't exist there is no opposite of it, so nonexistence can't exist. The only way nonexistence can exist if existence equals non existence. So our universe only exists within itself. It equals to nothing. Like a sum 1-1=0. In the sum both 1 and -1 exist, but really it's 0.

I think we are all one. I think there's one consciousness that created the perfect story in which everything would eventually converge and restart the cycle by diverging as the big bang. It created the universe so that it's conscious would end as sentient and would slowly give rise to more conscious living beings, never dying. It plays out the role of every character of its story and communicates with itself. For every character there is the opposite whose consciousness combined would equal the sentient state of consciousness that is reached at the end of the cycle of the universe.

This cycle repeats itself over and over again.

I still find this idea very alienating, though not as much as during the trip. I really hope someone can tell me something during their dmt experiences that contradicts this idea. Otherwise I would like if someone simply responds that they've had a similar experience to mine. Not being able to tell anybody who had been through the same about this experience is not a something I want to go through again during my next trip.

Interesting concept!

I often find myself throughout the day questioning are all of these people around me real and conscious like I think I am? Am I aboard my body and am I making these decisions, thoughts, actions, etc. Is this a simulation?

It would be funny to find out one day that our "universe" was just the byproduct of someone in some other universe striking their lighter to vape some spice and we were created out of that "big bang" haha, that we're living inside that 1/5th of a second ignition of the flame and we think its several billion years

Solopsism on a cosmic level.

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Perhaps our perceivable universe, with all its immensity and beauty exists only within the confines of a mushroom awaiting a higher dimensional sentient being to pluck it out of the ground, and extrude everything we've ever experienced (and transcribed) into its own consciousness for 4+ "hours". Launching us into a new existence.

stonedsam... Welcome to the Nexus, my friend!

I get it. Really.

A few thoughts on your post... First of all, relax. You're just suffering a bit of the old Solipsism, as concombres stated. Most intrepid psychonauts have had a bout or two sometime along the way. I surely have!

Trying to make sense of it is natural. But ask yourself, is your trying to make sense of it just an attempt to make your fear of the unknown into a fear of something you know (but less scary than the unknown)? It's quite possible that the universe doesn't make sense. That it is a complete mystery and always will be.

So what is one to do? I like what Einstein said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” And the cool thing is, YOU get to decide.

I've also heard it said that:
1) Life is empty and meaningless.
2) It's empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless.
3) It's in our nature to perpetually make everything mean something.
4) So make up something that's totally awesome.
5) When in doubt, go back to step one.

Regarding your existence math... I came up with something strikingly similar about 20 years ago after a strong mushroom trip. I've come to find over the years that my math was wrong. Believe it or not, there's actually a branch of mathematics that studies "nothing." I don't quite understand it myself, but it is a pretty hot topic these days. And it's hotly debated as to what "nothing" actually "is".

I think a more important question to ask than why the universe exists or how it exists, is to ask who exists? As in, "WHO is it that's asking this question?" This is a powerful Self-Enquiry. There's a whole thread about it here on the Nexus: Advaita Vedanta - ancient wisdom. Good stuff.

Personally, I've also found the practice of yoga and meditation to be immensely grounding when facing existential crises. And since I'm still in the midst of an existential crisis, I continue to practice these things

As Lao-Tze says:

Approach it and there is no beginning;
follow it and there is no end.
You can't know it, but you can be it,
at ease in your own life.

Enjoy the Mystery!
rootsie

Thanks everyone for your responses .

I want to clarify: I don't believe I am the only existing being. I just feel that noone exists at the same time. As if we right now are communicating through a collective memory or perhaps all just reading this story of our universe from different roles of that story.

@rootsie That's a very optimistic idea . This idea however is more of an elaboration of the thing I felt were throung on my trip. Making sense out of the feeling of being the only existence, feeling like I had lived this life and had that trip before. I can't really make something positive out of the idea of living this life again till infinity . If you can, please tell me .

stonedsam,

ok... let's say you are just one big collective memory phenomena stretched out across non-linear time, communicating through the ethers with yourself in an endless loop with no point.

So what?

You could look at it two ways...

1) That's the way it is, you have no choice in the matter, your just the cosmic victim of hapless and forever lonely universe. And since there's nothing you can do about it, why not relax and enjoy the ride?

2) You have choice, so use it. The thing about choice is, it comes with responsibility! And what tends to happen is we'll make up elaborate stories to try to avoid this responsibility. We want to have it both ways: choice without responsibility. But I don't think it works that way.

Bottom line is, you had an experience. You are now making up a story or interpretation of that experience. And then you're giving that story significance by making it mean something. Why?

I'll give you one more option:

3) Put on your black turtleneck, chain smoke cigarettes, be depressed, and try to bring everyone down who's around you.

@rootsie

I feel you got me wrong here a bit. So let me clarify: I posted here for 2 reasons. 1 I thought it was an interesting theory and wanted to know what more experienced dmt users thought of it. 2 preperation for my next dmt trip. Right now I am not very bothered by this idea nor do I feel like it's even true. I don't now if I will now be able to deal with the feeling of this being true better as I know what I'm in for, but otherwise I thought that people here might tell me why it isn't true or why it being true isn't a bad thing. But most of all I was bothered by not being able to tell people who knew the feeling.

The constant "trying to make sense of it" is the burden of the coming down. On my last journey, I had an amazing, euphoric breakthrough that left me breathless. It was intense in a unique way. As it faded, my mind raced. I yelled at myself to just shutup and enjoy the ride, because you'll never experience this again. But still, my annoying brain bristled with content...trying to make sense of what I just went through. Finally, I said, "Alright, you win (laugh), we'll just enjoy the thought process and let it be a part of the experience." Then it was included, and became a part of what was happening.

All that to say...you can let the questions bother you. You can let them become a tension in your life. Or, you can simply enjoy them for what they are in all their juicy goodness. Please don't take that as advice, as I only give advice to myself.

As to the actual question of whether we are one or many...we are both. I am you, and you are me, except not. Each of us has trillions of cells in our body. And yet each of those cells does not manifest as divisive entities within consciousness (or maybe they do?). But regardless, each of us is one. It's a fun pastime to think that each of us is a cell in the collective consciousness. Fun...but ultimately pointless. And that's what makes it fun to ponder. Because swimming in the pointlessness of such preponderances is what allows us to see clearly that it matters and it doesn't matter at the same time. Our experience is what gives us more and more. Embracing that, and embracing the different experiences of others allows us to have respect for all life and the planet.

It seems as if I wrote a novel. That's what happens when you have a long lunch break haha.

Hey man, I think the feeling you have is that we are all ONE thing or process? And aside from this is nothing which is somehow everything? In my opinion no one will ever know everything about the universe because everyone is a part of the universe; we're all just one big process that seemingly never ends...

The way I see it is there is so much meaning & if i'm wrong I don't care

"whether you think you can, or you think you can't...you're right." ~ Henry Ford

my two pennies worth...
truth and reality are 2 different things.
truth acts upon reality but reality has no action upon truth...
eg;
religion,which is a physchological reality.
the sacred, which is truth
we create realitys, they may be influenced by or born from the truth, but they do not
affect the truth..
relationships are two way.
so there is no relation between reality and truth.
much as in the statement.
empty and radiant.
there is nothing we can say of the truth...
but feel free to create reality any way you please...
just dont go round telling people its the truth.

I can relate to you on this...
I will not lie to you. You are completely alone...as consciousness...because nothing divides the ether. This universe is one essence. However, you are not just pure consciousness, you have a certain uniqueness that has never been before and will never be again. You are an expression of the infinite.
Knowing that nothing is 'real' is very liberating! Dream a good dream.

Nothingness is just the other side of the coin. The void holds the potential for manifestation. Emptiness is form; form is emptiness. The manifest universe came into being as the universal self wanted to recognize itself by becoming many. We are the witness perceiving the eternal now. But on another level of reality we are also many. You are me and I am you; everything else is ego game. We are the trees , we are the rivers, we are the planet. What separates us is our ignorance that makes us believe in the illusion of duality. We are in a cosmic dance where the impossible comes true. Magic unfolds in every grain of dust.

There is really nothing to fear in emptiness. Life has meaningfulness in it self. You are the meaning. Life is of infinite possibilities. You have to choose your game.

Tat tvam asi

@stonedsam: My apologies. I mistook the words in your post and was under the impression you were bothered by it:

"unsettling dmt experience"
"I still find this idea very alienating..."
"...this experience is not a something I want to go through again during my next trip."
"I can't really make something positive out of the idea of living this life again till infinity."

But I'm glad that you ok with the experience and can be thoughtful about it

My intention was to convey that, yes, I and others have had this experience too... and here's my take on it... etc.

@8x8state, @The Unknowing, @humanbeing: I can appreciate each of your ideas presented here. They are not far from my own. I thought I'd mention however, that I've noticed while browsing the forums here at the Nexus (I'm pretty new here)... that there is a pretty strong culture of stating ideas as opinions, something to consider, or one way of looking at it (out of many ways). And if you are stating something as fact, to site credible sources (like they make you do in school). The intention, as I understand it, is to foster conscious dialogue which leads to greater understanding, growth, connection, and community... while avoiding the kind of confrontation and alienation that often results from a style of communication expressed in terms of absolutes (however benevolent ones ideas may be).

I say this because each of you has expressed your ideas (whether intended or not) as a kind of absolute, universal truth. You seem to offer the reader no opportunity to consider any alternative interpretation other than your own, and by default make them wrong if they do think differently.

I hope you don't think I'm picking at nits here. I believe you have the most heartfelt and pure intentions. And I too am guilty of the very same thing at times. I personally believe our words are what create our world. And through language we have the power to create an atmosphere of inclusiveness, mutual empowerment, and love. One of the many things I've quickly come to admire about the Nexus is the commitment of its members to keep each other in check in order to maintain this kind of atmosphere. It doesn't happen by accident.

@stonedsam: My apologies again! I feel I have hijacked YOUR introduction thread

I do, very sincerely, wish you a warm welcome to the Nexus

@rootsie
I appreciate your words, thanks for that. It's just the kind of language I use to speak about the unspeakable, no absoluteness intended.

"He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know." Laotse

Love

Everything you said, more or less I agree whole-heartedly with.

We are bathed in the mystery; the Self which is in you is also everywhere and in everyone, as well as in that rock on the ground, that cloud passing, that old person walking down the street, saturn with it's rings just spinning away, our galaxy.... ALL is THAT; forever is, was and shall be.

Welcome to your new found realization; hold it closely..but not too close.

The phenomenal world of you and me; imo/ime, is neither real nor non-real; it's just appearance; nothing more nothing less. Any labeling past that point is secondary, imo. We're essentially appearance phenomena; appearance in the physical, appearance of separateness; yet we're all woven into the same fabric; woven in the mystery of being; woven and spiun from the infinite.

All is on track; all is running smoothly.