From he age of 14 up until the age of 18 I would've told you that I am an atheist. I believed humans were mere animals who simply rotted and broke down back into the earth upon death and all consciousness previously experienced ceased to exist. Looking back, I don't think my faith was completely certain in these beliefs, but these beliefs more harmoniously coincided with my contrived, sculpted identity of an intelligent, scientific individual.

At around the age of 16 I started experimenting with psychedelics which at first were cannabis and mushrooms, and later LSD and various other research chemicals and plants. I had no profound spiritual experiences during my first couple of years of experimentation. I would just laugh and giggle and see trippy colorful geometric patterns. At the age of 18 my friend brought me some Blue Shiva LSD from Canada. I was quite accustomed to taking LSD at the time, and I would always drop 3 hits to get to my preferred level, so I followed my usual regimen of taking 3 hits with the Blue Shiva. This LSD was way, way, stronger than anything I'd previously experienced. Within about an hour of dropping it, I had completely forgot everything about myself. I could not remember my own name, who my family members were, who the people sitting around me were, and eventually my ability to understand and use language disintegrated. My inner monologue ceased, and therefore all thoughts ceased. The only thing that existed was a feeling of complete fear and terror. Eventually I surrendered to the experience and was able to somewhat relax. My mind slowly started to reintegrate and I could again speak and understand language. I slowly started to remember this person who I thought I was from a place that was outside of this person. I then entered a phase of reflection and psychological purging. I did not use the word "I" when reflecting on myself, but referred to myself as "he" instead. I started to see how flawed this "he" was. So many of his mental constructs, beliefs, behaviors, and actions were creating so much chaos in his life and in the lives of those close to him. I continued to purge these mental constructs, beliefs, behaviors, and actions for a couple of hours when suddenly I felt an instant change similar to an orgasm, but this was a non-sexual orgasm. My forehead immediately started on fire (not literally) to the point where it was actually pretty damn painful. What happened at this point is completely beyond words. It was as if the mathematical, geometric, completely precise machine like structure of the universe poured into my whole being at once. I understood the patterned relationship of all things in the universe and they all followed the same fractalized structure through all dimensions. I was in the biggest state of rapture I had ever experienced. I was experiencing God Consciousness.

I'm now 27, and to this day, this has been the most powerful experience of my entire life. As a result, spirituality has become the most important focus of my life. I practice meditation and a regimen of other yogic practices twice a day. I still consider myself an atheist in that all things in reality seem to follow law and logic, but there are aspects and dimensions of reality that science has not yet been able to or may never be able to fully grasp and understand. I have had several experiences with DMT and changa and feel I can go much deeper with the molecule, but every time I'm holding the pipe I'm shaking like a leaf and I'm scared. I've had some interesting experiences of seeing beings and being completely encompassed in beautiful mosaic like patterns, but the experiences are so short lived and often nerve racking. I feel like I probably have much more to gain from longer lasting pharma or ayahuasca sessions. On another note, DMT feels so much more spiritual than other molecules, and it's interesting because I experience many of the same sensations and symptoms I get from yogic meditation with DMT except these symptoms are amped up 100X to the point where it can be a bit uncomfortable.

I've suffered from some pretty debilitating back pain since the age of 15 and suffer from depression as a result. I have seen various doctors, gotten a large amount of body work in the form of chiropractic, massage, and rolfing, but I still haven't gotten the amount of relief I need in order to live a happy fulfilled life. It's hard to carpe diem when you're pretty damn uncomfortable all waking hours. I'm looking to DMT to hopefully help me better accept my situation in life and show me which direction to take in order to heal myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. I've also heard B. Caapi can be a powerful tool for treating depression. I have visited the nexus for quite some time and am thankful to have the opportunity to be a part of a whole community of intelligent seekers.

Hi! There are some great friendly ppl ̶i̶̶n̶̶v̶̶o̶̶l̶̶v̶̶e̶̶d̶ looking into the conversion of 'harmaline' from peganum harmala to tetrahydroharmine (THH) via reduction. It works! The next step would be, providing/finding/working on a simple enough tek that is do-able with everyday kitchen equipment. We (intezam) think often about it (near-about everyday)...

..intezam also suffer from back pain due to screwed intervertebral discs and we found that p. harmala (presumably harmaline) is like a miracle aid when nothing else helps. Also works with warp 10 toothache of the whooooooosh category...(for us)

Strangely, for intezam, it doesn't work within hrs, but after sleeping over it -- e.g. on the next day -- pain be gone -- and it stays gone for up to two (2) weeks...but let us not forget - the cause for the pain may still be out there (and real) so one has to move xtra carefully not to aggravate the damage.





..we don't know how it *works...

*note: we disapprove of these mice tests

Would you say that the effects of THH are more desirable than the effects of harmaline?

nah...or rather - yes - maybe we wouldn't say it *that way. THH is 'definitely' something also desireable, some would even go as far as to call it a 'grail' or jam-e jam. We believe in the past medieval Arab and Indo-Persian alchemists have already experimented with powdered meteorite in order to find philosphers stone/cintamani, but it wasn't a very systematic approach since the principles of reducing agents was perhaps little understood back then, similar maybe to the powdered thokcha medicine superstition(?) of Tibet or some ancient potentially dangerous rasayana preparations of India ... whilst these days, great discoveries are made (..and then sometimes not given their due attention/importance because one discovery hunts/haunts another..)

*Harmaline seems to be the culprit that causes much of the unwanted dizziness in rue aya analog, but then if we'd got chronic pain, we'd be happy to welcome harmaline...THH on the other hand introduces aspects of clean, clear, clarity...


pic: Ottoman threefold cintamani tile


pic: Himalayan lungta with cintamani (N.Roerich)


pic: Another himalayan lungta with cintamani (N.Roerich)


pic: A third himalayan lungta with cintamani (N.Roerich)

Well thanks Intezam. I find all the nooks and crannies you imbed in your posts interesting and entertaining. I'm definitely interested in trying isolate harmalas and trying them all separately to compare. I found another thread on the nexus mentioning taking B. Caapi extract daily as an anti-depressant. I think I'm gonna give that a go to deal with my mood issues as of lately, and if it works as a pain killer, that's good too.

Do you think that the Chintamani Stone was a drug?