As the title suggests, i'm going to smoke dmt for the first time on new years. After three years of research a long period of obsession with dmt, i have come to the conclusion that dmt may not hold all the answers i'm looking for, it's been months since iv'e had that realization and i'm glad i reached that point before i actually smoke it. I think everything has culminated exactly as it was supposed to up to this point. I have extracted dmt several times before and was always super afraid to smoke it, i would get severe anxiety when even thinking about smoking it, which now i understand is pretty normal. But i never felt it was the right time in my life when i did have dmt in my possession and i tossed everything i had, but i think i understand why, is because i was looking to it to for all the answers to life and what lies beyond. Now i'm content with trying it without any expectations, it is a natural chemical and it shouldn't hurt to do it only one time, i'm going all or nothing, straight for the breakthrough. I'm bipolar (self diagnosed) and i didn't know or accept that fact until about the time i realized that dmt may not hold all the answers to life. I didn't want to accept that there was something wrong with me, but deep down i knew, i have always been bipolar but pretty good at playing it off. I'm a lonely person but somewhat content with it, i still interact with people everyday but i'm not very open emotionally.

Anyways i'm going to try dmt only once and be done with it, i'm going to do everything i can to breakthrough. I'm willing to accept the consequences if things go south and it causes lasting negative effects, i'm at a point in my life where i just don't give much of a fuck anymore. I just want to try something new, that may have the potential to change the way i view reality, or whatever lies beneath.

Anyone want to join me on new years?

First of all

Welcome to the nexus cbdcure!

as some of us here might tell you, the experience may give more questions than answers

I myself suffer from severe anxieties (sometimes completely irrational but that's neither here nor there). I personally don't think of it as "theres something wrong with me", only because of the fact that I am the way nature made me.

I totally understand the fear of trying spice, especially of your own. It took me awhile to come to terms of trying my own creation (I'd say two weeks of staring at it ) and I feel that's completely normal. The fear of the unknown is a part of human nature and it can be a pain to deal with.

do you have any prior psychedelic experience (e.g. mushrooms, maybe LSD)?

Mushrooms were what opened my eyes and taught me to proceed with caution but, not fear.

I will be in hyperspace at the turn of the year, I guarantee it.

BTW, watch the language. I know there was just one word in your whole post but there is a rule about that here and I would hate to see that be an issue.

PM me if you want, I will do my best to respond with a quickness.

Happy Travels

-Pandamonium540

Welcome, and sorry to hear about your situation.

From my own experience, I think your goal might be a tad unrealistic.

Aiming for a first-time breakthrough is like expecting to play like Hendrix after your first guitar lesson

Even if you master the inhalation technique, and the taste etc, which is already unlikely, you will find yourself trying to download gigabytes of data, over what is still a shaky dial-up connection...and either throw up or blackout during the attempt.

There is some evidence the brain needs an opportunity to "learn" how to handle exogenous DMT, before anything else. Even seasoned voyagers will often have a light dose first, to prime the pump, before going for the breakthrough subsequently.

But most of all, start small! Low dose DMT is equally wonderful in it's own way. Too many people are fixated on the big messy money-shot, but it's much better to begin with pleasures you can safely handle, and recall, and integrate.

If I were you, I would give myself the chance to get acquainted at leisure with this wonderful - but insanely powerful - substance. Learn how to vape it. Learn the taste. Learn how to hold it.

Low doses, with the hum and magical stillness, and amazing CEV's are still my favourite way.

As of now, you also have no idea what is a low dose or a breakthrough dose for you personally. There's a big variation between individuals, made greater with imperfect vaping/inhaling techniques.

Separately, ketamine is being examined closely for its potential benefits in the treatment of bipolar disorders:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/05/120530100247.htm

Good luck!

Man From Chan Chan is right. DMT rewards patient practice. I know in other corners of the Web there is a rather gung-ho "Bro first time you HAVE to just load 150mg and rip it as hard as you can!" mentality, but this is a waste of Spice, and could lead to a traumatic or blackout type experience. That amount would get me off 5-10 times!

On top of that, there is no way you will experience the full range of effects and experiences that it has to offer simply by overloading your system one time.

Ultimately it's your decision. Please don't take silly doses, it really is unimaginably powerful. You may find that lower doses are very helpful for your state of mind and to understand your condition more fully, and will also help you understand and enjoy higher doses. The cultures that have used this stuff for millenia call it 'medicine' for a reason.

Thank you.


That seems to be the common denominator here.


I understand that, it's not fun. That's good, i probably shouldn't think of it that way either. I believe that we are a product of our upbringing and we have full responsibility to change into what we want to be, easier said than done.


I have experience with cannabis, mescaline, and dxm (on top of chugged vodka, long time ago). Basically on i had no idea i was taking dxm, i was given some pills (6 Corcidin Cough & Cold) after i chugged about 4-5 gulps of vodka, i ended thinking i was going to die, i dropped on my knees, started praying, and ended up seeing a white light which i "knew" to be God, it was very emotional. I was pretty stupid back in the day. Just recently I had to stop smoking high thc weed due to delusional thinking, it would get very psychedelic for me, i even grew my own "anti-anxiety" strain and i had the worst anxiety attack iv'e ever had. I quickly learned that it's not for me anymore as much as i didn't want to accept it. I now use legal hemp based cbd for anxiety and the anti-psychotic effect. Anyways, the first time i tried mescaline it was pretty powerful and i find myself, two years later, having full memory of that trip and the mental lessons it provided me with. I don't have time or the right circumstances for long lasting psychedelics anymore though. Ultimately iv'e learned i don't need psychedelics (and probably shouldn't use in my case), i just want to try dmt to see this bizarre dimension people speak so highly of.


Awesome, maybe we'll cross paths.


Apologies to the nexus! Now i know.



Appreciate it!

Thanks. Your probably right.



Yeah, i probably shouldn't fixate on the messy money-shot. Love the analogy by the way. What would you say would be a good place to start? Maybe 10-15mg and work my way up in 5mg increments to breakthrough? I'm going to go about this smart and buy the right equipment, vapor genie and mg scale. I have an addictive personality and that's why i'm limiting myself to one night with dmt. I know it's not habit forming but i don't want to be fixated on it or depend on it for anything.


How would you say that lower doses and breakthrough doses differ? Is it more personal?


I've actually been looking into this lately, very very interesting stuff. I would definitely try ketamine in a controlled environment to treat my bipolar. I'm afraid of needles or i would do it myself. Iv'e read insufflation isn't a very good ROA, but i don't really know. I'ts the only drug that's proven to treat anhedonia.


Gracias!

Thanks for the advisory! Warning heeded. I shall respect La Medicina.

Just make sure that you extract more than you think you'll need. You'll probably enjoy it.

Just so ya know: It doesn't always have to be about answers and questions. Sure, many people highlight that part of it, but sometimes it's just a fun way to explore your consciousness.... no particular reason other than just "havin' a nice time."

Others may disagree with me, but I see absolutely no reason why DMT cannot be a recreational/fun experience. And, sometimes, there's no need to look deeper than that.

Okay, i hope so.

That's an amazing quote in your signature AcaciaConfusedYah! I dig it.

Hey cbdcure, great to read your feedback, sounds like your preparations are going well...

10-15mg is ideal for starting out.

Have you considered pre-dosing with harmalas, either oral or smoked? Other reversible MAOI's like eg. passionflower are also good too. You're creeping towards an aya-style combo then.

They can smooth out, potentiate and extend the experience, and leave you with a nice serotonin-boosted afterglow lasting a few days, which might be good to have on 1st Jan...

Re: ket, I've never injected. Don't want to cross the Bridge of Steel, well not until I'm in the care-home anyway...
For "therapeutic" insufflation, 20-40 mg is fine for starting out, WITH A SITTER, initially at least.
Rectal is also possible, not my favourite, and more body-oriented/less mental effects, so probably not what you're looking for either. I strongly doubt that you're going to nuke your bladder with moderate, occasional use. It can be quite moreish tho, and from your posts, you might not like that aspect. YMMV.

Embrace the light within!

Why New Years? Next Full moon sounds cool to me. For a Breakthrough or just for generally enjoying it I strongly recomend Changa a little freebase harmalas either from Caapi or rue to mix with it. Although that is a little more challenging to only do one time. Welcome! I have had tsour tsunami and found it most interesting. You already have the coping mechanism down for if it gets TOO intense, the praying works well. I have found that if I light a ciggarette, put it in the ashtray and hit the spice and it is WAY to crazy with the alien machine elves trying to get me to buy a timeshare for all eternity that when it wears off and I feel down again and look that ciggarette is still burning and has about a 3rd left. It passes quickly.



"Further up and Further In"
Aslan

Why New Years? Next Full moon sounds cool to me. For a Breakthrough or just for generally enjoying it I strongly recomend Changa a little freebase harmalas either from Caapi or rue to mix with it. Although that is a little more challenging to only do one time. Welcome! I have had tsour tsunami and found it most interesting. You already have the coping mechanism down for if it gets TOO intense, the praying works well. I have found that if I light a ciggarette, put it in the ashtray and hit the spice and it is WAY to crazy with the alien machine elves trying to get me to buy a timeshare for all eternity that when it wears off and I feel down again and look that ciggarette is still burning and has about a 3rd left. It passes quickly.



"Further up and Further In"
Aslan

Welcome cbdcure!

I too have bi-polar disorder, but diagnosed by both psychiatrists and psychologists. There is an extremely good new medication out for it called Saphris manufactured by Merck. It's expensive if you don't have insurance, but a visit with a psychiatrist can actually have him fill out the Merck Patient Assistance paper work based on your income and the company will send you free Saphris in the mail every month, you don't even have to pay shipping. I have General Anxiety Disorder so don't smoke weed anymore either as it causes me to have paranoia and panic attacks. I take Klonapin for my anxiety which is in the same family as Xanax but safer. I don't think your goal is unrealistic. Just make sure you are in a safe, controlled environment, preferably surrounded by nature like greenery and trees- nothing artificial like man-made stuff. It's all about your mindset and breathing before going into your DMT trip and 'packing your bags' of stuff you don't want to come up. I am skeptical of people saying you can't have a break through experience when they have maybe just experienced ego-death and not broken through themselves, especially when there is no real consensus on what it is like to break through. Just go into it knowing it will be one of the best experiences you've ever had and let go of all attachments to everything about your life and who you think you are as who you really are will likely be completely different


Safe Travels!

Ben Frank

Hi Ben Frank, it's nice to know that someone else with bipolar disorder has tried dmt. I'm very wary about taking medication, which is why i have been hesitant to see a psychiatrist, even if i can get it free. What are the side-effects like, and is it worth the benefits? Cbd seems to work okay for me, i wish it weren't so expensive though.

And thanks for the advice, the baggage coming up is my only real concern. I'm hoping dmt transcends the mind, mescaline manifested my mind, which was sort of scary because i was in a delusional state, but it did help me to view it from a different perspective and i realized the origin of the delusions were in my thinking processes which iv'e carried with me and energized for a while. I've learned since then to let go and just think positive no matter what my mind may conjure up.



Sounds awesome!

Hi, cbdcure. Welcome.

My best friend actually has bipolar, and is a psychonaut with more experience than me. Well, when I first introduced him to dmt, I gave him a breakthrough amount and it scared him to the point of not wanting to do it again. He respected it, sure, but it was highly undesirable for him. I had to explain things and slowly introduce him to low amounts so that he could understand that I was an idiot for tossing him into the water when he didn't know how to swim

If you're really looking for a positive New Year's experience, I would follow the above advice and try harmalas or lower dose free base. The issue with it is the slingshot effect, which scares people half to death if they're not used to it. I hope you have a fantastic New Year's. Be safe!

Welcome cbdcure!

I just wanted to make a few comments on what some of the others have said here.

As stated a few times already, starting low is a VERY good strategy. My last DMT trip, a few months ago, was only 12mg melted onto some choreboy stuck in the end of glass tube. One hit.

It was "enough".

I saw the chrysanthemum. I experienced "oh... oh, right... I forgot about THAT". I experienced mySelf as multidimensional hypercubes folding in on themselves. And the unity of being that makes all the little hiding and secrets of my everyday life seem so absurdly silly.

One thing IME that makes a big difference, is holding it in for as long as you can. And/or letting it out when you have that feeling like, "ok... that's good... don't need any more than that!"

I would also recommend NOT using in conjunction with harmalas for your first time (or any MAOI). It can, on some occasions and in some circumstances, have an unpredictable effect on the intensity and duration of the trip. I've seen it happen. You probably don't want to wind up in a tree for a month like Dennis McKenna! Do you research and ease into it if/when you feel you'd want to go that route.

Make sure there's nothing nearby that you might bump your head into. Having a sitter is never a bad idea.

And finally, there's nothing wrong with having expectations... in fact, I don't believe it's possible to not have them, about anything. Better to bring them into the light, examine them, question them, think up even better ones! What is it that you really want? Why do you want it? Are you currently getting a "hidden payback" for not having that in your life? Setting conscious intentions is a powerful thing. Own it.

Peace,
rootsie

Whoa, sounds intense for a low dose. It's really fascinating how the majority of people see this chrysanthemum thing, it sounds like everyone is seeing the same thing.



How did Dennis Mckenna wind up in a tree for a month? I'll take all this into consideration, thanks.

Interesting, did that breakthrough dose exacerbate your friend's bipolar symptoms or leave any lasting negative effects, like delusions or anything? I'll probably go for the low dose freebase without the harmalas. Thanks a bunch, you too!

quote=rootsie Welcome cbdcure!

One thing IME that makes a big difference, is holding it in for as long as you can. And/or letting it out when you have that feeling like, "ok... that's good... don't need any more than that!"

I would also recommend NOT using in conjunction with harmalas for your first time (or any MAOI). It can, on some occasions and in some circumstances, have an unpredictable effect on the intensity and duration of the trip.

And finally, there's nothing wrong with having expectations... in fact, I don't believe it's possible to not have them, about anything. Better to bring them into the light, examine them, question them, think up even better ones! What is it that you really want? Why do you want it? Are you currently getting a "hidden payback" for not having that in your life? Setting conscious intentions is a powerful thing. Own it.
^^This

There is no doubt that psychedelic or other substances present dangers for us more so than the regular user. When I first took DMT it was after I had eaten mushrooms some months before. Since years before that time though I have always been taking prescription medications together like Celexa and Wellbutrin as prescribed. Like you I didn't want to talk to a doctor for the first time years ago and when a Psychologist told me she felt I had symptoms of bi-polar I refused it and stopped seeing her. I then kept seeing Psychiatrists for anxiety and depression and wasn't until I had a full blown manic episode in December 2012 where I very regrettably put many lives at risk, not too mention my own. I changed Psychiatrists to a more prominent one who had more experience with patients who have had 'psychotic episodes' (I don't like that term but whatever). We tried several bi-polar medications in conjunction with the others I was regularly taking. We tried Geodon, Abilify, Seoquil, Ziprasidone and I felt better with them but always had some side-effect like head pressure or difficulty thinking or feeling detached from my car when driving. Keep in mind that everyone's brain chemistry are like fingerprints and are all unique, so what works for some will not work for others and vice-versa.

The latest most revolutionary bi-polar medication to come out is Saphris and unnaturally has good feedback from the majority of users. I don't get majorly depressed or manic and generally feel pretty chill. I don't have the side effects with this medication as I did with the others and I take 10mg every night, it also helps me sleep so that's nice. All drugs have positive and negative effects. With Saphris there can be an increase in insulin levels and slight average increase in body weight of ~10 lbs so regular exercise and good diet are critical, as they are for anyone's mental health anyway. If you have any questions about any SSRI medications feel free to ask I'll be as honest as possible. With bi-polar though it is a very serious condition and really should not go untreated, you're putting yourself and possibly others at risk- I'm not saying that you're going to do something or are not stable just cover your bases is all as I personally found out the hard way.

Many people who are always seeking out MDMA (Ecstasy) or constantly binge drink and call it 'partying' likely could benefit from some form of SSRI as its less dangerous, consistent, and quality tested federally and they may have some issues they're avoiding. If you do decide to try a bi-polar medication and don't know where to start I would talk with a doctor about Seroquil. A friend that recommended it to me liked it a lot and he was constantly in a good mood. I liked it a lot too, more than Saphris I'm currently taking, but unfortunately had a slight side-effect of some kind of pressure in my head that wasn't like a headache or anything I just wasn't able to get past it, everyone's different remember so it may work for you. I used to do a lot of partying in college and wanted to try everything at least once while I was young and naive. I played around with herb, MDMA, Ketamine, Meth, Cocaine, Mescaline, LSD, Mushrooms, Research Chemicals, Oxy, Percocet, Vicodin, and possibly others and fortunately found that I do not have an addictive personality and have no desire to do any of them at the moment and haven't for over a year and have been married for about the same time. The wifey keeps me balanced and grounded even though I feel she is too restraining sometimes I know she is just looking out for my best safety and should consider myself lucky. With the prescriptions I take now I generally feel pretty alright and have some I can take as needed instead of doing something like smoking or more serious MDMA. If you have any questions as to what all I take, the dosages, and what they are for or do, just feel free to ask

People like us with mental illnesses are constantly told not to take any substance other than prescribed medication for various reasons like exacerbating our condition. I can completely understand wanting to check out 'hyperspace' however. As a DMT trip usually lasts no more than 5-10 minutes and leaves you with a little energized/body high effect you can maximize the odds of a positive experience by being in a comfortable/secure environment with hopefully someone who's done it before. I've done it many times and usually go to a black void where I am confronted with what's called the 'veil' of varying neon fast moving electrical charge strands woven together. Beyond that I sense a benevolent and very powerful entity examining me and my intentions. I lost all sense of myself and who I was and felt that nothing mattered other than that I existed. If you experience similar ego death on your trip I fear without medication you may find putting the pieces back together particularly difficult so please be careful and be safe for at least a week afterwards. I have also seen a completely different planet with nothing but lush tropical forests and huge waterfalls putting out rainbows in the mist. On one trip I was told that this is the lowest realm and most undesirable for other beings, but there is much that can be learned here. So keep an open mindset, respect and best intentions, and just wanting to learn what you can and absolutely do not have any other substances in your system when taking it, not even alcohol as they will taint your experience.


Best Wishes,

Ben Frank

Check out True Hallucinations. It's an engaging read. Terence tells the story in there. Take everything he says with a grain of salt though. He could spin a good yarn. Makes ya think, none the less.

Regarding the low dose... the allies tend to open up more when you approach them with discipline and respect. Some of us have to learn the hard way though!