Hello community! I'm new here and would like to be a member.
I vaped 5-MEO-DMT September 24, 2014. It was in the context of a ceremony with an experienced shaman and several other people holding space for me (one of whom was a nurse). I couldn't have asked for a better situation. I was asked for my intention for the ceremony. I didn't see the point; I thought the medicine was just going to do what it did and it didn't matter what I wanted. In the moment on a whim I said that I wanted to get rid of my emotional baggage.
I had been told that it was important to surrender my ego to the medicine and say "yes" to whatever comes up. I didn't have much trouble surrendering my ego. I have a history of depression so I didn't mind a vacation from myself for a little while. :-)
I don't remember much about what I saw while I was tripping, but I have the impression that I saw a galaxy with a bright light in the center. I knew intuitively that that is where souls go when we die and where they come from when they're born.
I felt intense unconditional love coming at me. It felt like a perpetual orgasm. It was so intense that I worried I couldn't take it, but I did. I had difficulty accepting the love. I found that I was thinking of reasons why I didn't deserve it (I must've been coming out of the trip at that point as my ego was reasserting itself), but my companions kept repeating "yes" to me, and I kept saying "yes." I asked for more medicine and it was given to me. Soon after that I threw up twice. The shaman said, "there's your baggage." It felt so good.
Over the next couple of weeks I continued to heal. The medicine was continuing to work on me and guide me in healthy directions. It was very emotional, but mostly good emotions. I felt like I had come in contact with my higher self, and that I was God (we all are) and that I had the power to shape my reality with my will.
Whenever I would fall in to the old habit of mentally berating myself, a voice in my mind would say, "Beloved, we don't do that any more." I called her Sophia.
I lost the ability to bullshit myself and my addictions and compulsions lost much of their charm. I admitted I had a marijuana addiction and started attending Marijuana Anonymous meetings (although I've since decided that I might not want to give it up completely). I had been using daily to cope with daily life. My use has decreased substantially.
My eating disorder vanished for the first couple of weeks. I was very present when I would eat and I enjoyed my food as a sensual experience. I ate less and enjoyed it more.
I became clear about some problems in my marriage that I had been ignoring and I began to take action.
I started a business to earn money I wanted. I felt much more empowered.
One night I awoke at 2 am and couldn't sleep (I didn't sleep much the first couple of days after the ceremony). I went to an altar I had set up the day before and started crying. My jaw was chattering like crazy. I had been a jaw clencher all my life. This is where I carried tension. All of a sudden my jaw stopped chattering and the tension was gone.
I could feel where I carried tension in my body. I began to believe in chakras because I could feel them. I could go on and on....
Before the ceremony I was an atheist, but I wasn't any more.
Over time the voice in my head stopped and my old habits started creeping back. I felt abandoned and sad. A wise person said to me, "The medicine shows you the path, but it doesn't do the work for you." He also said that "once a child knows how to walk, the parent stops carrying him." So now I'm learning to walk the path and doing the work. I'm trying not to doubt what I saw and trust my gut.
Overall, the medicine helped me greatly and I can't wait to do it again. I'm supposed to do it again in early 2015.
Thanks for reading!