Hello all and I want to thank you ahead of time for letting me be a part of this community.

I started what I like to call my divided path as a teen. I went with my father to a few workshops in the PNW on mushroom farming and mycological restoration projects. This experience was totally life changing and still sticks with me today. The people I met there were truly happy in their work and this is what stuck with me the most. Another intriguing thing I found there was a field guide on psilocybin mushrooms. This got me interested in the subject and years of research into psychedelics and shamanism followed. I hungrily devoured anything and everything on the subject and kept finding ayahuasca similar preparations in several cultures. These plant and earth based psychedelics have always drawn and interested me. I put the information in the back of my mind and set off on my path to a college education.

The second path of my life then started. I had the experience of caring for my grandparents in their dying years. My grandmother who had always been healthy succumbed to cancer. I watched the beast devour her but even in her dying days I watched as she selflessly gave her time to others and never complained. My grandfather fell into depression after her death and slowly withered away over the next year. At the time it was extremely painful to experience but now I am thankful for having been through this as it is a part of me and who I have become. Because of this experience I was drawn to medicine as a college path. I started off my college career as a premed student majoring in molecular biology and neuro science. I soon climbed to the top of my class as science has always been a passion and the subject to me was something I enjoyed. As I began to shadow doctors and get closer to beginning med school I became disenfranchised with the American healthcare system. Greed, corruption, and laziness surrounded me everywhere I went. I was accepted into medical school but turned it down and looked for antoher career. I bounced arround was a cattle hand for a bit, became a mail carrier, went to computer engineering for a few semesters. Caring for people always called me back. I then decided I would become a nurse and follwed that path. I graduated nursing and continued on to post graduate school where I became a Nurse Anesthetist. It has been a rewarding career I am caring for and have a hand in peoples lives every day. The thing I am most grateful for is the trust people put into me and being able to experience human vulnreability. I find this culture in the US to be more closed as people turn to technology for communication so these moments to me are precious.

After going through a terrible marriage and divorce I again became currious in psychedelics. I looked up some of my old friends in the PNW and acquired spores. I researched honed my techniques and soon I had several pounds of psychedelic shrooms. I decided for my first experience to jump into the deep end. I was remarried to the love of my life and she agreed to sit as I went on my journey. I ate 100g of fresh mushrooms and sat back as reality dissolved around me. First I noticed tracers and every sense became heightened. I went outside with my cat and sat under some trees. A buzzing began in my body and then the world began to come alive like nothing before. Every living thing glowed with an energy and life. Tears were streaming down my face and even now it is hard to described the emotions. I purged hard at this time and then lay down as I dissolved into nothing. I remember feeling my last breath and my heart stopping its last beat. I felt myself over what seemed like an eternity dematerialize into pure energy. I flew out over a field of fractal geometry through what I can describe as a worm hole. As I entered the portal I saw several shining beatiful orbs floating about. They were communicating with me telepathically and I could tell that they were intelligent and friendly. All I felt from them was pure love. A conversed with them for a while then they told me I had to go back to my world and that everything would be different but ok. I felt despair as I slipped out of their world and down into a darker plane. What I witnessed there was terrifying. I felt and witness what seemed like the collective dispair and pain of humanity. I was seeing ever more horrifying and breath taking images and my mind was reeling with terror. After that I slowly faded back into reality. I was utterly drained physically and mentally having trouble comprehending what I had experienced. I sat in silence with my wife and cat for a few hours watching beatiful oev and cev until it was over. I had survived but would be forever changed.

I spent the next few months puzzled about what I was doing with my life. Why was I working so hard to accumulate so much stuff. I came to the realization that things didnt make me happy that people and experiencing true friendships and relationships was my riches. We sold our house six months later downsized all of our things and made it a mission to be debt free. I am now two years into this process and within a few months will forever have the burden of debt off my back. I have tripped on mushrooms around 50 times since with varying degrees of intensity but have since not broken through into the other plane of existence. I again became interested in aya and shamanism in general and led myself here. I am in the process of making my own extraction and am looking forward to delving deeper into my psyche with DMT. I hope to continue to learn, give to, and experience this community as I grow as a person.

So my divided path has now become one who knows what direction it will lead me....

hello majorthomthom, and welcome to the nexus.

That was a very nice read, thank you for sharing some of your personal history with us. Your first experience sounds amazing - I don't think I would have the courage nor the stomach to take such a high dose... Though when I was younger...

I agree about your observation concerning our society in being closed as technological communication spreads. I spent almost two years without a cell phone and in this time it became very apparent to me how addicted people are to these things, and how negligent they become to the people around them. Especially now with smart phones on the rise.

Coming back to your experiences with psychedelics... You describe your first experience and how everything was changed, however you don't quite explain how and what was changed. Since integration and personal growth catalyzed by psychedelics are two of my favorite topics to ponder upon here on the nexus, I would love to hear something more about this part of your journey.

cheers to you and a very warm welcome, once again.

As far as changes in my life. Before I was always under stress, running trying to keep up with the "status quo". After it was like being transformed. I no longer feel it important to stress the little things, people in my life have become what is important to me. Really connecting with others through my travels is important. I find myself extremely sensitive to how negative a majority of "Normal" people are in every day life. I have slowed down and see the beauty in our world, the joy and wonder in a childs face. I could go on I makes me tear up to think how I lived before. My close friends have also become interested and some are having similar experiences. Its almost like psychedelics unlock the true humanity in some of us. I have started work with cannabis for healing and pain alleviation in the chronically debilitated and am eagarly awaiting legalization. For those that are ready and close to me i share in psychedelics as well. I believe they are powerful medicine in the right setting. Again I hope to learn, travel, and grow with all of you.
ThomThom

Please tell me this is a typo. 5g puts me through the looking glass for a large portion of a day.

Welcome, btw. I have worked in healthcare myself; it can be a hard system to retain your ethical integrity, IMO. Having a good grasp of physiology and pharmacology sure comes in handy when working with psychedelics! This place has a lot of very intelligent, chemistry oriented folks too. Cheers.

Ya deep end is an understatement for that dose... I am very glad it turned out to be such a positive life altering experience for you. The fungus is quite remarkable isn't it? Definite favorite for me as well

If you aree looking to delve deep then Aya/DMT will not disappoint you. And you have certainly come to the right place - welcome!

I do love the fungi and no 100g is not a typo. To clarify that was 100g fresh undried. Equivalent to around 10g dried a heroic dose yes but well worth it after the experience. I did not post that to brag about stupid human tricks just to relay the depth of ego death and journey that I experienced. For whomever has access to freshies I reccommend a try just multiply your normal dose x10 for cubensis. The journeybon fresh is always much more earthy and Gaia based for me. Like nature is channeling through me. I look forward to exploring my inner sanctum further with aya/dmt, cactus, and some pure lsd swim has acquired. Swims first extraction is a success and large white crystals are forming. For those of you that have went for it all on your first dmt dose what was your experience. Would you recommend a high dose for a relatively experienced mushroom psychonaut such as myself? Look forward to my experiences and contributing to this community.