Hi everyone!

From the age of 18 I have delved into the wonderful world of psychedelic mushrooms. It was recreational at first, just as my weed and mama use was. However, it didn't take long before the mushrooms taught me a very valuable lesson. I realized that I was always longing for more intense experiences. Always pushing myself to a more blissful state. When I was at a nightclub, I would instantly think: "this music would sound better on mdma". If I was lying in the sun, I would think: "I could relax more when smoking some hash". I was never enjoying the moment. In their own epic way mushrooms showed me how toxic this continual seeking was. I quit everything and lived straight edge for 3 years.

During those three years I acquainted myself with meditation, yoga, silent retreats and mantra chanting, amongst others. Eventually these habits waned and I found myself quite depressed. I went to a psychiatrist but that didn't help at all. I somehow felt the urge to trip again and started to grow my own mushrooms. Best decision ever.

This was three years ago and in these three years I have reacquainted myself with the psychedelic experience. It has lost all recreational purpose and is instead a journey full of self discovery and intent. I have worked through childhood trauma's I didn't even consciously know of having. I expanded my horizon to incorporate other tools, not just mushrooms. I have fully embraced LSD and I am now getting to know DMT.

I have had two sub breakthrough changa experiences and just this night I broke through for the first time.

Fascinated and humbled by the immense mystery that lies before me, I am happy to join a community that shows me that thousands have ventured into this realm before me and are safe and sound.

Sharing is caring.

Love, Vince.

Welcome to the Nexus, Vince.

I've had a many terrible therapists throughout my life, it got me thinking that the people in that profession chose to train in their field due to them needing help themselves with their personalities and other issues.

I'm really happy with the one I have now, so if what you're trying doesn't do the trick, you might have to try a few therapists to find a decent one.

Welcome GoldenEye,

Thank you for the introduction. I remember having the same kind of thoughts when I was younger and just starting out with psychedelics. I felt like the altered states would be an enhancement to regular reality, to mundane activities. But of course we can't be high forever, and anyway that doesn't really work anyway. The more you do it, the less you remember what this feeling you were looking for was all about. At least that is how it feels to me.

Sorry to hear you suffered from depression. Psychedelics can be a good pointer, a kind of road sign to help us choose the right direction when we want to free ourselves from depression, but walking that road can be hard. Breaking cycles of negative thoughts for me was very difficult when I was depressed, and in some cases psychedelics were very helpful with this. In the long run though more work without them than with them had to be done. But they were valuable tools in the process either way.

Have you tried or are you planning to try pharmahuasca/ayahuasca? I highly recommend trying the oral route. Nothing has ever touched me to the core as has a high dose of pharmahuasca.

anyway, I wish you the best in your future explorations and hope things go well for you. Nice to have you aboard.

Thanks for the warm welcome. I am indeed planning to try aya. I have always wanted to try aya first before vaping, as I think ritual and tradition is important. It makes integration a lot easier. However, recently, I had two guys over that I met at a festival abroad and one of them gifted me some changa. I was instantly excited and tried some with him. It just felt right to dive in at that very moment.

I still want to try aya but am unsure of doing so outside of the ritualistic setting. I could visit Santo Daime but I am afraid of the religious connotations. I can't afford the 375 euro's for a session they currently charge here and going to the Amazon is not an option at the moment either.

It looks like I will go solo from home but I am apprehensive about this. I'd like someone to tutor or guide me through this. Perhaps the nexus is all the guidance I need.

First, finish the changa!

I think I might start with caapi only brews soonish... That seems like a good way to develop a feel for the medicine.