LSD and DMT are the only drugs that I have done that affect me every, single day of my life.
DMT does so in a more spiritual way, always making me think about the more. But LSD has done so in a way that has forced me to re-examine every little detail in my ape life.
I have only done LSD four times total. The first trip was nothing too special with regards to the trip reports we are always reading online. It was a good deep time with friends.
The second trip was when things got serious; I viewed everything that surrounded me as a primate archetype. For the duration of the trip everything was stripped down to its bare components. Cars were like tiny metal houses that transported us apes around. Peeing was an ape function that we must undergo constantly to survive. That day the phrase I used was "streamlined ape sh*t". Guilt was attached to many of these things for no apparent reason. Everything relating to humans appeared in a primate form, with everyone being these odd monkeys who walked around trying to satisfy their ape pleasures.
The third trip was the absolute worst of my life, yet this is the one that was the most eye-opening. I was in a pure existential hell for about 6 hours. It was a beautiful spring day and I was alone in my home, but none of it mattered. I was destroyed that day. Before that I told people, "there's no such thing as a bad trip." I was proven wrong. I learned more than I ever have in one day which is a positive, but all of the information was cynical and just forced me deeper into this primate-existence notion.
The fourth trip was more analysis of the prior trips, but the components were still there. People I knew were just "some guy" or "some kid". An example to help you see my dilemma: my friends and I ate some Thai food, and all while eating I was just imagining the hardships that the wait staff and the family who owns that restaurant must go through. I pondered how low-quality the food was, how the pesticides and desiccants and antibiotics in it were poisoning my ape body. This trip ended with me crying for the first time in years; it felt like the perfect capstone for LSD so I stopped (and subsequently began DMT use which was totally fine).
Heavy marijuana trips after this were then morphed into neutral-to-bad LSD trips where I saw everything for what it really is: transient trash. Things were only special because they were in relation to me, but without my ego there, nothing was special. Everything was dirty. Nothing maintained that beautiful glint that it did when I was a child.
I had many revelations stemming from these experiences, like how we have to define our own meanings and act upon them, we should avoid archetypes and cliches wherever we can to live fuller lives, we must not feel sorry for other people as they are the masters of their own lives but we can offer advice if it is asked for, don't look back, just let go, and that there is really nothing that is objective in an ultimate sense besides our own awareness. And so much more... The 'more objective' or 'steps back' view of life allowed me to logically work through a lot of problems with no bias. I am now obsessed with biases and assumptions and their origin.
But now I have fallen on a bit of depression again. I walk around and think of everyone, all the time, as the ape creatures that they are. If I see an attractive girl with makeup on, she is a physically attracting monkey with a painted face. If I see an athletic guy, he is a physically-fit monkey with the ability to manipulate suitable shapes like balls and pucks for social ego success. A professor becomes an academic monkey. Public bathrooms are where we monkeys can relieve our natural pees and poos but other weird stuff goes on in there. We all have to "put up" with certain things that "aren't very nice". Monkeys everywhere wearing clothes.
I hope this is conveying to you the position that I am in. This is so difficult, and many times I feel guilty about these ape qualities for no apparent reasons. Now I need to know, should I delve back in? Do I have unresolved problems that I should try to fix with more LSD or should I let it fall by the wayside? Shrooms, DMT, weed, and mescaline have all given me similar views, but nothing has lasted like the LSD has. All of these other drugs are great and have led me to certain realizations on their own, but nothing as ground shattering as LSD (in a social context; DMT hyperspace is physically shattering but does not necessarily affect my social life as much).
I have a very hard time communicating with others now. Trivial things mean little when I know that things only have the meaning I give them. It's been very tough for me; should I go exploring again?
"Think for yourself and question authority." - Leary
"To step out of ideology - it hurts. It's a painful experience. You must force yourself to do it." - Žižek