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Desperately in need of help! Please respond Options
 
Shenzi
#1 Posted : 9/19/2014 10:45:45 AM

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Hi there all,

My humble plea for assistance;

I am having very real spiritual issues which are in need of resolvement. I believe the users of this forum may have relevant information and insight with which to guide me to a resolution.

There are two main issues, now perhaps interlinked.

One is that God is testing me, almost everyday. It has driven me from despair to hope and faith, but now my hope and faith are trembling once more. As well as tests God has given me signs of hope, love and faith. These are partially responsible for my upswing in mood.

Another is this 'demonic parasite' or traveller. This has been with me for twice as long. I had managed to let it become very much a side issue, until only very recently it took control of my mind in a very scary and powerful way (perhaps God enabled this?). If I had known it was possible I could've resisted better but I was unaware of the possibility. I learnt some valuable lessons, I think, but now I am scared of it happening again, and what's more that God is letting these terrifying potentials happen to me. I have prayed for a release for the being but to no avail. I wonder why my God is being so merciless to one who holds no bad wish or grudge against anyone.

I have tried getting in touch with an exorcist, twice (Christian) but the waiting process is so long I have had little success, particularly given my changing travel arrangements.

This is just the short version. Please, anyone with any insight or relevant thoughts, I am in need of assistance. If there were anything bad I had done to deserve this, in the Christian theology at least, I have already been forgiven through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. Besides, I have been given very good signs that these tests are neither warnings nor punishments.

I consider myself somewhat Christian and potentially Omnist although I know I don't have all the answers. I have taken medication but it hasn't really helped, particularly with the testing. I am now going back on medication to potentially help with the travller parasite if nothing else, as I am too scared to do otherwise. I know for sure though that these are real experiences. I think the demonic being was picked up on a psychedelic trip although only revealed itself quite a bit later. As for God testing me, my experiences have been far too real for me to dismiss them as false - this is absolutely the case.

With many thanks and kind regards

Shenzi
 

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Earthwalker
#2 Posted : 9/19/2014 10:58:00 AM

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If I was you I'd stop partaking in any drug use and go to a hospital or you're family doctor and tell them the whole story !!
 
obliguhl
#3 Posted : 9/19/2014 11:19:35 AM

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Do you know this being is really a demonic one, which is trying to harm you?
Have you tried to communicate with it & asked him what he wants from you? It sounds silly, but perhaps you could strike a bargain somehow. Exorcism isn't the only solution to spirit posession. There are cultures, in which it is common, to try and reason with the spirit first.
 
AcaciaConfusedYah
#4 Posted : 9/19/2014 1:20:43 PM

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obliguhl gave a pretty good suggestion.

I dealt with a month long loop with a difficult entity. It felt like very trying times. I finally shook it when I stopped being frustrated and scared. Instead of being upset, I just told it that I wanted to talk about it. I asked it why it was frustrated and so on and so forth - you get the picture.

To some it up: frustration, anger, threats, fear..... these didn't work. It only seemed to make matters worse. It wasn't until I decided that I would try to help ease the entity's frustration just by being calm and reasoning with it.



Sometimes it's good for a change. Other times it isn't.
 
DreaMTripper
#5 Posted : 9/19/2014 2:06:07 PM

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We are all being tested in one way or another, to get out of bed and live to get that job or girl or go the shop or whatever it is the alternative is rolling up into a ball and waiting for death..
There is a case where just like acaciaconfusedyah said the act of questioniing these entities has created a harmony and not a conflict, often I believe it is our own feelings and memories that are projected from the subconcious and take over the concious and affect the balance of neurotransmitters in the brain.
You are insightful enough to see that something is out of your control and if you feel you are losing control to this demon and it is affecting your quality of living then you should supress the mechanisms that it manipulates by taking medication and you say you are doing this so thats also a good thing for now. What is the nature of these tests?
It is possible you picked up this demon during a psychedelic trip and it has been waiting for the right conditions to surface however I would ask you to look deep and ask yourself what gave rise to this demon?

Was it created out of an event or a moment of time, fear is at the root of many things and can manifest itself in many ways it can hide for years and pop up unnananounced disguised as a thought process or behavioural habit or demon. Ask yourself does it live off your fear? Is that what is keeping this demon alive? Is this demon actually a guide leading you back to that hidden fear so you can uncover it and diffuse it?

I read from your previous posts that you have taken quite a lot of dopamine targetting substances , this demon could be manifesting itself as a kind of amphetamine psychosis , the root of which is an imbalance of dopamine in the brain, among other things, they are only just scratching the surface of how the dopamine system interracts with other nuerotransmitters to precipitate a psychosis. I assume you no longer take them? If you do then STOP taking them.

After the psychedelic experience did you have a conflict with your beliefs? What did you have and what happened? Often psychedelics will give much food for thought and can challenge all you think you know.
WHy is this happening to you? If we knew that WE would not be human beings I think we are too infantile to know the answers to those questions, but I wouldnt take it personally Wink
 
GOD
#6 Posted : 9/19/2014 3:40:28 PM
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The best thing for you to do would be to stop takeing drugs for at least several months to give your bain chemistry a chance to normalise itself if thats what it needs and in that time eat good , sleep good and do a lot of excercise . Plus visit a doctor that you trust and tell him the whole story .

Takeing more drugs and / or acepting longdistance telepathic diagnosies from unqualifyed people is not a good idea as every person and case is different .
I am autism spectum ........ please dont burn me at the stake for being honest .
 
Hieronymous
#7 Posted : 9/19/2014 3:52:11 PM

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^ there you go, directly from God. It doesn't get much better than that.

The best advice I've heard for people in the grips of psychosis is to stop bullshitting yourself.

Listen to your self talk and edit out the bullshit. When you notice that you are having yourself on, make a deal with yourself to not do it anymore.

If you keep reinforcing bullshit with self talk then it can compound itself and end up getting the best of you.

You are the master of your mind, not some spirit or demon - be it real or imagined.

Take control and don't entertain those thoughts - create the reality you want.
 
Orion
#8 Posted : 9/19/2014 3:52:56 PM

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Ok, I'm going to either help in some way or just offend you, the latter is certainly not my intention at all:

Well.... it sounds like religious practice isn't doing too great so far ? Being on medication because you are afraid to try anything else also sounds like a road to avoid walking down.

You said yourself that the experience is real. You nailed it there. The experience can be real, but your interpretation of what is happening seems like an act of self-sabotage. If it truly was a demon that cannot be exorcised, and that god himself is targeting you... well... you would be screwed for sure.

I don't think you are screwed because I don't think what you believe is necessarily the truth, I think your experience validates your claims but I think a great deal else would be validated if you saw it from a different perspective without god being against you and without demons.

I think if god really was against you, you would have simply been erased from reality by now.
Art Van D'lay wrote:
Smoalk. It. And. See.
 
#9 Posted : 9/19/2014 4:59:30 PM
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Very much agreed with Orion.

You said YOU had managed to LET it become a side issue, until recently it resurfaced. You then state that perhaps 'God' enabled this? Im not quite sure I follow what your saying. Aren't you the one who was able to toss it to the wayside to begin with? I am very much sure that 'God' isn't the one enabling negative archetypes/thought-forms/etc to surface/resurface in your mind; in the last analysis..YOUR the one in control...not some personified God nor some higher-realm deity/deities.

As far as resistance goes..as with most things in life...resistance is typically not the best of options.

And remember, regarding medication - medication is NEVER going to fix the issue at hand in regards to your thought-form anamoly/s.

Meditate, do some yoga, go hike and get out in nature, clean up your diet. Most people don't take these things into strong consideration...but certainly should.

Be well <3



 
Curb
#10 Posted : 9/19/2014 7:09:45 PM

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A sensation or repetative mindloop i got into before my psychosis was not being able to feel well (even to the point of nausea), a total in-ability to be at ease, an uncertain and helpless feeling towards existing in this harsh world with such material frailty, this sudden constantly mindblowing realization of the enormity of the situation NOW (No Other Way) and then i would go crazy at any and all thought that came through my mind, cause thats all there was.. this confrontation. my only rational reaction to this was a throwback to john c lilly's cogitate meditation. you just have to keep moving, if things are not moving vibrating, happening, doing, being, having, experiencing. then they are not, to be is to want to be.

it doesnt matter. if there really is no purpose to existence then i believe thats why we are here. to make something out of it all, to create meaning for ourselves -and the universe- from subjective experience.

Medication: try to get something you only take when absolutely necessary, long term regular medication will destroy who you are and takes a long time to get over.

Help: definitely speak to someone who might understand your situation better than any of us do, it might sound silly to talk to a 'professional' but theres no point waiting till its an absolute crisis

PM me if you want
"you know, there are many people in the country today... who, through no fault of their own: are sane. some of them were born sane, some of them became sane later in their lives. it is up to people like you and me (who are out of our tiny little minds) to try and help these people overcome their sanity" -Monty Python

"I have reasoned and i have logicked and mentally discovered with my mindthoughts that this world (the one we live in) is created by people. people are making this happen." - Unpopular Youtuber
 
Shenzi
#11 Posted : 9/19/2014 7:30:20 PM

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Hi everyone,

Many thanks for the replies

I have had a read through the replies. I am very tired at the moment so I know I am not in the best state to take it all on but I will seriously consider what you are all saying. I do have preliminary opinions on what you have stated but as I said I am pretty exhausted mentally at the moment, it's pretty hard for me to come up with an ideal response at the minute. Like I said before, many thanks for the replies, it's much appreciated. I always feel I can come here in a time of spiritual need.

I was wondering, something no one has seemed to mention, or if they have I have missed it and I apologise... anything about DMT or psychedelic experiences to put it into context. Previously when I was having troubles I spoke to Hyperspace Fool about it and he had some great insights, partly because of his experiences. Not to dismiss anyone whose advice is not centred around such things as they can potentially be just as valuable.

I do have thoughts that aren't fully there yet with which to reply with, like I said earlier when I feel more up for it I will give it a go. If anyone else has anything else to say, please do!

Much love,

Shenzi
 
Infectedstyle
#12 Posted : 9/19/2014 8:22:27 PM
I compulsively post from time to time


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All wise words from all the Nexians in here, if you ask me.

Maybe you can tell us more about how you are being tormented? And how this has came to be?

Quote:
I was wondering, something no one has seemed to mention, or if they have I have missed it and I apologise... anything about DMT or psychedelic experiences to put it into context.


I'm not sure what you are looking for here. I can tell you about encounters on DMT which have seemed Demonic. I had the experience of picking up some sort of negativity and then 1 week later having a snake exorcized out of my body with the use of accumulated dosages of dmt and seemingly other entities. Then later have another one get into me and which does very little but torment me in dreams for a while mostly asking for my assistance and cooperation. It's motives for being a parasite seemed to be mostly based on fears. But it doesn't bother me and it would only pop-up during negative dmt sessions and had a few of those dreams but that's about it. The only thing that makes it so real to me was the first moment I met it which was like having my mind shared and partly becoming a monster myself for a little while. I had a conversation with this thought in my mind and a nightmare that entailed that conversation but that's it. Nothing else really happened afterwards. Whatever does happen is a feeling of irrational fear that this thing might eat me. But I believe it is the fear itself more than the concept/dreamlike experience that can hurt me.

I hope to say all that without sounding like a cook. But if you want my advise i would tell you to drop all of your beliefs and preconceived notion and stay calm about everything. If anything I think ur life is now at a point where you can learn something valuable. And that in itself suggests there is nothing negative or any help that you really need besides any humans basic need of nurture from friends (forum members) and family.

Deep slow rhytmic breathing and meditation have proven wonders for me in the past, maybe they can do the same for you.
 
starway6
#13 Posted : 9/20/2014 12:36:35 AM

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I would just stop the drugs for a while and look for the positive things in life...
I take daily walks on sunny days and observe honey bees working soo hard colecting nector from tiny little purple flowers...
Ive learned that they prefere this flower to most others..
After more observationfor several weeks. i noticed that some bees sctually died on the flowers from working so hard..and a strange insect waits in the flower for fallen bees to devour them as a food...
I see dmt more as a medicine put on earth for humans to use to encourage life..a food for the soul like ..[ [mana found in the desert] the bible speaks of..
Just take a break for a while and look for the beauty of life..you will be fine...Smile




2. Consciousness and Reality


We don't know what matter is anymore than we know what mind is.


Christian de Quincy,
The Paradox of Consciousness

Reality is not what it seems to be,
nor is it otherwise.

Tibetan Buddhist teaching



If there is anything about which we feel sure, it is that the world we experience is real. We can see, touch and hear it. We can lift heavy and solid objects; hurt ourselves, if we're not careful, against their unyielding immobility. It seems undeniable that out there, around us, independent and apart from us, stands a physical world, utterly real, solid and tangible.
But all is not what it seems.

First, the apparently solid table in front me is, it turns out, far from solid.
And second,we assume that we are directly experiencing the world around; that the colors we see and the sounds we hear are there, around us, just as we experience them. But even an elementary study of the processes of perception show that in this, too, we are much mistaken.

All that I see, hear, taste, touch, smell and feel has been created from the data fed to me by my sensory organs. All I ever know of the world around are the images produced in the mind. I think I am seeing the tree "out there", in the world around me. But all that I am actually experiencing is the image created in the mind.

This simple fact is very hard to grasp. It runs totally counter to all our experience. There seems nothing more certain than the fact that I am seeing the world as it is, around me. But however nonsensical it may sound, this is the conclusion we are forced to make.
Dreaming the World
The world we experience around us is no more "out there" than are our dreams.

However real it may seem, it is, in the final analysis, all in the mind. We never experience the physical world directly; all we ever know is the image of the world generated in our awareness. And that image is no more “out there” than are the images of our dreams.
Illusory Realities
We may find it hard to come to terms with the fact that our normal waking experience of reality is a manifestation within the mind, but in many other instances we readily accept that we create our experiences. [Creating Illusions]

Virtual Reality
The entire concept of virtual reality is founded on the understanding that the brain is a reality generator as much as an information processor. [Virtual Reality]
In all these instances of illusory or artificial realities we readily accept that the confusing or abnormal perception stems from the way the brain creates our experience of reality. Yet when it comes to our normal waking experience, the base state in which these so-called "illusions" occur, we adopt the opposite position. We feel that we are experiencing the world as it is, "out there" in front of us. But how could the illusory perception be an image in our mind, yet the world in which the illusion occurs be the physical world around us?

Seeing what isn't there
Many other creations of the mind we dismiss as hallucinations. These are typically experiences which occur under the influence of drugs, and during illness, extreme fatigue or stress. For one reason or another the electro-chemical processes are modified in some way, leading the brain to generate a different different image of reality. One may perceive unusual colors or patterns, perceive time and space differently, or experience some other "non-ordinary" manifestation in consciousness.

We call such images "hallucinations" because they do not concur with our normal experience of reality, or with the reality that other people experience. We say we are seeing things that are not really there. But, surprising as it may at first seem, this is what we are doing all the time. Even in normal, everyday perception, the kind we all agree upon, we are seeing things that are not really there. Color, sound, smell, and all the other qualities of experience are not qualities of the physical world; they exist only in the mind.

The fact that we create our experience of reality does not imply that there is no underlying reality. When a tree falls in the forest, there is a specific event that is happening in the physical world. There is something that gives rise to my perception, and to your perception -- and to the perception of a bird sitting on one of its branches. But we know nothing of that event directly. All we know are the experiences created in our minds.

Maya
Conversely, it would be wrong to relegate our experience to the world of illusion. It is very real, the only reality we know. If I kick a boulder my foot hurts. The solidness of the stone is real in my experience; so is the pain.

The illusion comes when we confuse the image in our mind with the thing-in-itself. The Vedantic philosophers of ancient India spoke of this as "maya". Often translated as "illusion", the word is better understood as "delusion". I suffer a delusion when I believe that the manifestations in my mind are the external world. I deceive myself when I think that the tree I see is the tree itself.

A Computer Analogy
As a contemporary analogy, we might liken the situation to the image created on a comnputer screen. Within the central processor of the computer are numerous bits of information, encoded as electronic states in the circuitary of the chips. Software in the computer processes this data, putting it into a form that when sent to the monitor causes it to light the screen in particular ways. The image that is created may be derived from the data in the central processor, but it is not the same as the data. The computer is not producing some faithful imitation of an image held in memory. All there is is code; microscopic electronic switches that are either “on'; or “off”. There is no color or light in the computer code, and the spatial layout of the data on the chip bears very little resemblance to the layout of the final image.

[More parallels with the image on a computer screen]

The Two Realities
It is important to distinguish between two ways in which we use the word "reality". There is the reality we experience, our image of reality; and there is the underlying reality that we never know directly, but which is the source of our experience.

In Indian philosophy these two realities are sometimes referred to as the Absolute and the Relative. The Absolute is the underlying reality. It does not change according to who is experiencing it. It is, as it is, an independent reality. The Relative is the reality we observe, the reality generated in our minds. There is just one Absolute; but there are numerous relative realities, each relative to a particular experiencer at a particular point in space and time.

Other times they are spoken of as the unmanifest and manifest levels of reality.

Species-Specific Realities
How we construct our image of the world is determined by our sensory organs and nervous system. Most human beings have very similar sensory organs -- my eye, for example, is virtually identical to yours -- and the neural processing of the sensory data follows very similar pathways. We receive the same data, analyze it in the same way, and so create very similar pictures of reality -- unless, that is, a person is color-blind, near-sighted, or tone deaf, in which case we make allowances for our different perceptions

The fact that we seldom disagree on our experience of reality reinforces our assumption that we are seeing reality as it is. But if we could communicate with other creatures we would find our naive assumption severely shaken. Dogs, for example, hear higher frequencies of sound than we do, and their noses detect a far wider range of molecules. If we could put ourselves in a dog's mind we would find a somewhat different perception of reality.

[How other species experience reality.]
From Plato
The realization that we do not experience reality as it is, but only a picture of reality constructed in the mind, is not new. In The Republic, Plato argued that the objects we perceive are not the ultimate reality, but more like a shadow of reality. He illustrated this with his analogy of "The Cave".

Although Plato believed the real world was a world of ideas and eternal perfect forms, his story is still pertinent to our own experience. Most of us assume that the sights and sounds we perceive are the "real world". When science inform us that we are not seeing reality as it is, but merely the images that manifests in our minds, we shrug in disbelief. How can that be? How can the world that I experience so clearly as "out there", be just an image in the mind?

To Kant
The notion that reality is "all in the mind" resurfaces repeatedly in modern philosophy. The person who is generally regarded has having made the greatest contributions in this area was the eighteenth-century German philosopher Immanuel Kant. Building on the work of Berkeley and Locke, Kant drew a clear distinction between our perception of reality and the actual object of perception. His key insight was the realization that all we ever know are the structures generated in our minds; the world that gives rise to this perception, what he termed "the thing-in-itself", remains forever unknowable.

All we can ever know, propsed Kant, is how reality appears to us -- what he referred to as the phenomenon of our experience, "that which appears to be". The underlying reality he called the noumenon, a Greek word meaning “that which is apprehended", the thing perceived.

Kant's statement that the noumenon is forever unknowable should be interpreted as forever inexperiencable. The mind is forever barred from a direct knowing of the thing-in-itself. This does not imply that we cannot understand it, or form concepts about it, which is what modern science sets out to do.

Because all we ever know is the product of the mind operating on the raw sensory data, Kant reasoned thatour experience is as much a reflection of the nature of the mind as it is of the physical world. This led him to one of his boldest, and at that time most astonishing, conclusions of all. Time and space, he argued, are not inherent qualities of the physical world; they are a reflection of the way the mind operates, the perceptual framework within which our entire experience of the world is constructed.

It seems absolutely obvious to us that time and space are real and fundamental qualities of the physical world, entirely independent of my or your consciousness -- as obvious as it seemed to people five hundred years ago that the sun moves round the earth. This, said Kant, is only because we cannot see the world any other way. The human mind is so constituted that it is forced to impose the framework of space and time on the raw sensory data in order to make any sense of it all. We are forever constrained to construct our experience within these dimensions -- much as a computer is forever constrained to present its data in the two-dimensional format of the monitor. It is law of perception rather than a law of physics.

It may have been an astonishing claim at the time -- and probably still undeniable that the world we experience extends out there around us -- but we shall see shortly that it is a realization that contemporary physics is also coming round to accepting.

But perhaps the most remarkable aspect of Kant's work was that he came to these conclusions without any of our contemporary scientific knowledge of the world, or any understanding of the physiology of of perception. Had he known what we know now, his conclusions would have been so obvious as to be totally unremarkable.

At the time, Kant's arguments were a watershed in Western thinking. They were, as Kant himself saw, the equivalent of a Copernican Revolution in philosophy. Whereas Copernicus had effectively turned the physical universe inside out, showing that the movements of the stars are determined by the movement of the earth, Kant had turned the epistemological world inside out. We are not passive experiencers of the world; we are the creators of the world we experience. He had put the self firmly at the center of things.

Knowing and Seeing
Our tacit assumption that we perceive the world as it is, has become so deeply ingrained that it is very hard indeed to appreciate that our image of reality is a construction within our own mind. Even when we intellectually accept the fact, as eventually we must, it is still extremely difficult not to see the image we have created as "out there".

In fact, we will probably always see it this way. But that is not to say it is not possible to see it otherwise. It may be that spiritual adepts who have made a deep personal investigation into the nature of the mind, explored the workings of their own consciousness, and witnessed the arising of experience, have come to see it that way. Throughout the mystical and spiritual literature of the world are examples of individuals who have claimed that the whole world is within them rather thant around them, as most of us experience.

The ardent materialist might assume that these are the ravings of a mind deranged by too much meditation. It is far more likely that they are coming from people who have experienced first-hand that the entire universe -- everything we know from the cells in our bodies to the distant twinkling stars -- exists within the mind, not the other way around. Far from suffering from an illusion, a person in this state is knowing the phenomenal reality for what it is. It is we who are under an illusion when we believe that the world we see around us is “out there” around us, rather than within us.

The Key
Even though most of us are probably far from such advanced states of consciousness, it is important that we do not become seduced by our daily experience into false beliefs about the true nature of things. We may still see the sun going down, but we know reality is different, and take this into account in our considerations of the cosmos.

The difference with the Kantian Revolution (let's follow tradition and name it after one its founding fathers) is that the shift in metaparadigm is not yet complete. All the pieces are in place -- just as all the relevant pieces of the Copernican Revolution were in place by the early seventeenth century -- but they have not yet been put together into a coherent model, and the implications have still to sink in.

The foundation stone of the emerging metaparadigm is the distinction between the phenomenon, the reality generated in the mind, and the unknowable reality, or noumenon, that underlies it. When this distinction is clear, many anomalies and apparently intractable problems across a broad spectrum of human endeavor either dissolve or take on an entirely different nature.

The "hard problem" of how consciousness arises from matter is turned inside out So is the question of the location of the self. The distinction throws new light on Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity and the wave-particle paradox in quantum mechanics. It also offers a new perspective on many spiritual teachings. Religion and science may not be as antithetically opposed as many believe; the new model suggests an alternative, and far more enlightening, meaning to God.

But the ramifications are not just academic or philosophical. They have very practical implications for how we live our lives. The current materialistic worldview may have worked fairly well in the physical sciences, but is failing us abysmally in human affairs. Many of the crises now facing humanity -- ecological, economic and social -- boil down to a crisis in worldview.



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Ez
#14 Posted : 9/20/2014 4:09:16 AM

"Love is the medicine."


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Great food for thought!
(¯`'·.¸(♥)¸.·'´¯Pleased But suddenly you're ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but my god you are alive and it is spectacular!
 
--Shadow
#15 Posted : 9/20/2014 3:38:21 PM

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There's a book called "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins, which I think could help you...

Seriously, this is truly one of the frightening aspects of the supernatural beliefs that adults teach children...

Everyone has good and dark sides to them.. this is what makes you the same human as the rest of us. There's no scientific or rational reason to believe that there are scary unseen monsters and demons out to get your soul or torment you.

My cousin flipped out on LSD one night when we walked past a yacht on a trailer, and I said "It looks like there's people inside!" (obviously I was tripping).. He unfortunately (likely because he was also tripping) thought I said "Look.. there's demons inside!"

So he power-walked off ahead to his parents house, and before I could get there had woken up his parents, and wanted to baptise his brothers in the swimming pool as he paced up and down the hallways repeating the words "God...God.. he's gonna protect me..." .... all because he imagined I said something other than what I did.

It's your imagination man. Seriously.

I don't mean to sound harsh or rude, or insult your beliefs or intelligence, but what I say is going to come across that way. Thou, I promise you from my heart, I really do have good intentions for you.

I would stay away from psychedelics until you are 'calmer in the mind' with your own internal struggles and interpretations (we all deal with them).

I'm not sure whether MDMA with a qualified clinician will be therapeutic. I could definitely see an angle where it would be beneficial helping you go thru what you are going thru.

Wishing you all the best my friend...
Throughout recorded time and long before, trees have stood as sentinels, wise yet silent, patiently accumulating their rings while the storms of history have raged around them --The living wisdom of trees, Fred Hageneder
 
Shenzi
#16 Posted : 9/20/2014 6:11:12 PM

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Right, well, first of all, luckily, I am feeling much calmer and more with it than I was before. Still pretty tired, but not as much, and good enough to give what I hope is a reasonable response to many of your posts. Before I start I would like to say thank you to everyone for your kind words of support. It is truly of great value to me.

So, to get started...

With no offense or disrespect meant at all to the atheists here (I was once an atheist too), this can't be boiled down to being simply in my imagination (for me, of course). I have seen and experienced far to much to discredit the existence of spiritual things. I did read the "The God Delusion" many years ago as a teenager. I found it interesting then, and it only served to feed my atheism, but even towards the end of my atheistic years I came to regard Richard Dawkins as rather condescending (and therefore not the ideal standard bearer for the atheist "movement" ). Not that this would make his arguments fundamentally unsound.

I personally was not really indoctrinated in supernatural beliefs, and resisted any attempts to thrust them upon me from childhood to adulthood. That said, science has it's limits. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big believer in the value of science, particularly as it relies strictly on evidence. But this is an argument for another time and day. I'm not here to convince people to accept any particular spiritual beliefs whatsoever. And furthermore, this is not to say that secular or atheistic responses to my query will not have any value.

With regards to drugs, I am definitely staying away from all of them (and without a doubt the psychedelics) indefinitely. Alcohol and caffeine seem to not have particularly deleterious effects on my psyche but I shall try to be careful and sparing with them too. All drugs can be rather unpredictable, I would say.

As for starway6's answer, that is a long post, and while I don't doubt it has something worthwhile to contribute I may not have the time and energy to read and respond to all that quite now, not on top of everything else. I will try to read it and take it in for all it is worth, however.

As for DMT and related experiences of relevance, this just one example of the sort of thing I meant could be helpful.

From here: https://www.dmt-nexus.me...&m=472625#post472625

A super intelligent and highly knowledgeable being gives words of advice to a traveller:

"The voice you hear that speaks to you of judgment of yourself and others is not you. You do not have to feed the demon of judgment or the demon of fear with your attention and energy and spirit. You are no voices, you are the observer perceiving the voices. You are the observer. You are. You are the observer of voices, and confusing these voices with yourself is the root of all your suffering."

"You are surrounded by those who love you. You must stop rejecting their love, and inhibiting the expression of your own. Love is the most powerful force in all of existence."

This last line has helped me so much... "Love is the most powerful force in all of existence."
This means I can rule out so many possibilities that would have me be fearful. Like this idea that I'm being played with by Allah, the deceiver, that I may be destined to an eternity of hellfire as per the Quran , or the Christian religion (however, the Christian Bible is much more vague and allows room to dismiss the idea). It gives credence to all my most positive experiences, that I may believe that no matter what happens, love will triumph in the end. It validates all the positive signs God has given me, and gives me great reason to hope.

As for what Orion said here "If it truly was a demon that cannot be exorcised, and that god himself is targeting you... well... you would be screwed for sure." This line I mentioned, along with the positive signs of God, I believe give me good reason to hope. I do believe the parasite can be exorcised some day, but it seems it is not part of the plan for it to be today. Even in a universe with a benevolent God there is indeed much suffering. I believe we will all see good for what we have suffered at the end of days. With no disrespect, I suppose a certain reading of what I said would amount to a certain nihilism; that is not what I believe although there have been the occasional days where I have felt too close for comfort. That is when and why I posted here.

God, while testing me heavily, has given me signs to hope and have faith, signs of love and support. It goes to show how intense the testing can be that I even have doubts sometimes.

"I hope to say all that without sounding like a cook. But if you want my advise i would tell you to drop all of your beliefs and preconceived notion and stay calm about everything. If anything I think ur life is now at a point where you can learn something valuable. And that in itself suggests there is nothing negative or any help that you really need besides any humans basic need of nurture from friends (forum members) and family."

This, in a way, is the point I am at. I have come to drop most of the extraneous religious beliefs that I had built up and am now going back to the basics. Assuming I know nothing, or at least, very little. And you are right, I think the things I really need are mostly basic human needs of nurture from friends and family. And no, you don't sound like a kook to me! Your experiences sound perfectly reasonable. And right on about the fear itself being the real danger. I hope to try to implement better breathing exercises and meditation over time as I believe they may be of some value.

As for how I have been tormented, the means are various. The tests from God are one thing and the pains of the demon are another. I don't really see it as God being against me. While I don't place much stock in the Old Testament (I consider Hindu scriptures to be just as valid, and I outright disavow what I know of deuteronomy and leviticus), there is the Book of Job, which serves as a healthy reminder of how even a benevolent God who wishes to reward those who trust him may sometimes put upon us trying and difficult circumstances. Really, when I made my original post I was at what felt like the brink, a precipice. Now, with the perspective and calm of a few days rest I am feeling much more positive, as I was before.

"You said YOU had managed to LET it become a side issue, until recently it resurfaced. You then state that perhaps 'God' enabled this? Im not quite sure I follow what your saying. Aren't you the one who was able to toss it to the wayside to begin with? I am very much sure that 'God' isn't the one enabling negative archetypes/thought-forms/etc to surface/resurface in your mind; in the last analysis..YOUR the one in control...not some personified God nor some higher-realm deity/deities."

Well I way probably being a bit loose by using the word 'let'. I couldn't say exactly why it became a side issue, but I think simply I got used to it's presence and got used to ignoring it. It was a struggle to get to the stage where I felt stronger despite what was going on, and it still pained me at times. It feels real, completely physical. As for God testing me, then I very much am not in control unfortunately, not to be rude I assure you. I would disagree that this parasite is a manifestation of negative archetypes etc, not that that is a bad hypothesis, particularly from an outsider's perspective. You are right though in one important sense, ultimately, I can take control, in many ways, but it does require an extraordinary amount of strength, willpower and resilience. I guess that often I simply feel too fragile and weak to take the amount of control that is necessary to feel like I am winning the struggle. Your point is valid though and it gives me reason to feel hope. So thank you. Smile

If I haven't commented on what you have posted then chances are I agree with you mostly Smile It would take a long time to reply to each and every sentence.

I would like to say again, thank you to everyone who has given me words of support and is wishing me well in these testing times. Much love to you all,

Shenzi
 
--Shadow
#17 Posted : 9/21/2014 7:02:40 AM

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Very good friend... no matter your path, if it is bringing you sanity and peace of mind, that is the first most important thing for you.

While I wasn't trying to gear an argument for atheism, I was just trying assure you that the problem is essentially in your own mind, and not to worry about any demons inflicting physical harm upon you.

Take care
Throughout recorded time and long before, trees have stood as sentinels, wise yet silent, patiently accumulating their rings while the storms of history have raged around them --The living wisdom of trees, Fred Hageneder
 
obliguhl
#18 Posted : 9/21/2014 9:19:34 AM

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Good to hear you are feeling better! I can see that this situation is putting a toll on you. It seems you are going through a process, and it is good to see progress. Do not hesistate to seek help and support again, and keep this thread updated Smile

 
DreaMTripper
#19 Posted : 9/21/2014 10:03:16 AM

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obliguhl wrote:
Good to hear you are feeling better! I can see that this situation is putting a toll on you. It seems you are going through a process, and it is good to see progress. Do not hesistate to seek help and support again, and keep this thread updated Smile



Seconded, stay strong you are the master of your own destiny, if you feel you are being tested I respect that, you have the ability to exorcise your demons, as others have mentioned we are not all love and light its realising this and acknowledging that and accepting that we all have a dark side to some degree. Personally I vent my dark side through video games and ranting to myself in private , sometimes I will just write it all down and go through it and rationalise it. Something that processes the negative thoughts and feelings without imposing them on others. I also highly recommend martial arts.
 
Nathanial.Dread
#20 Posted : 9/21/2014 10:06:13 PM

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Can I ask what medication you were on?
"There are many paths up the same mountain."

 
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