Hi.

I here to seek advice, or maybe experience.

I don't know if my story is particularly unique in any way but Ill tell you anyways.

I grew up in a very repressive house. My father and indeed my mother are fear driven people. The lives they have lived have been dictated my the perceived results of the actions, they have chosen to love not out of a desire to seek the love of someone else but out of fear of being alone. Everything from the household budget to vacations were decided upon out of fear. My time with them was sad, it was repressive of my existence, my expression. I remember feeling so unsure as a child, as a teen and up until I left as a young adult.

Over these years I began to drink, excessively.

I have found a solution to the drinking problem. I have not drank or used drugs in many years now. However I cannot help but feel that I am stuck, somewhere in the past, somewhere inside myself. I feel like I'm still trying to return to that place that we all come from, a place where expression is not questioned - but expressed - a place where a harmony exists in the world.

I find myself angry, a people, myself, the world. I don't know why. But I cannot help but feel like its attached to something thats inside me, something that I either experience or haven't expressed.

Over the last year I have been seeing a wonderful psychologist. We have delved into places inside my mind that I was unaware of, that were unknown to me. Recently after expressing this feeling of restraint that sits inside me he suggested that I think about DMT as a way to explore that feeling.

Here is where I stand.

I am concerned about that dark matter that is inside me and the potential for a dark experience. I have been sober for many many years and I don't know how that will affect me. As a member of AA it's always been said that any mind altering drugs are considered a relapse. Okay, so I feel strange about AA, it would be one thing if the people that I met were happy, they are not. Most are restricted my the mind, they live inside the rational, the controlling elements of the intellect and are either severely depressed or anxious or confused in some way.

I want to know if anyone has experience with what I have discussed. Also, if or what are the affects that an experience with DMT has remained with you. Have you found a peace? A tolerance for the world around you?

Please note, I have no experience with psychedelics in anyway.

Welcome to the nexus, Noreception.


I've become very much less angry (idk if that's common).
I still get frustrated though when I hear some highly ignorant points expressed [less common here than facebook].

If/when you try dmt, do it on a day that you feel positive, the day has gone well, and you don't have unexpected interruptions coming; if you do that, it's more likely to go well.

Again, welcome.

Thanks you for the quick reply.

Do you mind me asking you if DMT or psychedelics are something that you have found yourself doing often? I can only imagine from my curious view on life that I would want to continue to explore this for a ling time, beginning that cycle of need/using that I don't want in my life. Do you think that it has become an addictive desire? I don't mean that it's something that you're thirsting for daily but something that is on your mind a lot?

I use DMT about once every 2-3 months usually; occasionally I'll do it 2-3 times in a month. I am a lover of Cannabis; a very heavy user of Cannabis that has now been abstaining for about 67 days to try to get a good job.

I feel the most addictive thing is reading on the nexus, and learning a little more about plants & psychedelics each day.

from: https://wiki.dmt-nexus.me/DMT-Nexus_Wiki:Health_and_Safety#Addiction

Edit: collecting plants is also somewhat a compulsion I have developed though; Acacia, Mimosa, Trichocereus.

I had zero experience prior to DMT myself, I don't even drink regularly and if I do I probably have 2 drinks total per year. I spent much of my life with zero mind altering experiences.

I would certainly say that, while Im sure your AA meetings have helped somewhat, they surely can if you want them to, but of course theyre going to say that any mind altering drug is a relapse. The whole world is gravely fearful of exploring the mind. For the most part, people shy away from exploring and solving issues and sweep under the rug instead. So while they say youre relapsing by taking a mind altering substance, I wouldn't doubt that one experience with DMT will leave such an impact on you you'll never even consider alcohol as a viable substance again. People are afraid of "drugs" because they know nothing about them and then spread misinformation in a snowball effect. If I could go back 3 years ago and could tell myself that I took psychedelics, my old self would break down laughing and say get outtttt of here. But I took the time to learn about them and they make sense. These substances have existed along side of us for thousands of years and we can have experiences with them for a reason and they can have the most profound, long term impact of anything.


For me, it was life changing. The single most important life experience(s) to date even. I am who I am today because I was shown that there is so much more than day to day reality. I am more compassionate, willing to be patient, etc and my goal for the rest of my life is to continue improving upon all things positive that Ive come to learn and feel from this. Even the "dark" experiences have a positive message to convey if you take the time to reflect and learn from them. So dont fear the dark heavy experiences. They can be the most frightening thing you may ever live through, but they may teach you more about yourself in 10 minutes than you'd learn in 10 years. And I mean that.


So be reasonable with them and use the molecules contained in these plants, and you will surely reap the benefits.

welcome Noreception,

What an interesting psychologist you must have for him to suggest dmt or psychedelics to you. I for one certainly believe that psychedelics can help us delve up repressed feelings or unresolved issues, clarify the murky waters of our mind and soul.

As for addictions, I think in general you won't have problems with addiction to psychedelics. Physiologically they have almost no addictive potential. Psychologocially they can become the object of obsession and this is quite common with a lot of us - I've had my obsessive episodes myself. But a lot of times at some point there comes an experience that cleans out this desire for more by giving us exactly what we needed - even if sometimes it's not what we thought we needed or expected.

If you want to try psychedelics I strongly advise you to become clear on a few things - Psychedelics are mind altering drugs, but they can be used as medicines in many ways. Taking them and using them for this purpose is not a relapse, even if some people might say so. It's a form of therapy. If you don't feel a 100% sure about this, during your trip you might feel guilty and that would certainly trap you in a negative place aside from not letting you explore the things you really want to.

A negative or dark experience doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. A lot of the most powerful and helpful experiences in my life started out very negative. But I see it as something that I'm being confronted with, something I'm carrying around with me already and only during the trip do I get to really see it for what it is. So when it happens it might be scary but in the aftermath of the experience I can learn a lot from it, figure out what it is, where it comes from and how to better the situation. Sometimes even during the trip one can resolve this kind of negativity. So don't be afraid of bad trips. I would say, if it's all daisies and blue-skies you're probably never going to find what you're looking for anyway. If it's hiding from your conscious mind, then it's bound to be in some kind of dark corner and to illuminate it, you have to decend into and experience this darkness first. However, things like set and setting are still important in order not to get sidetracked by unnecessary stress-factors.

You might not, probably will not get straight answers from psychedelics, but they can give you a lot of material to think about. Maybe the first few times you will be stuck on a level where you can't go deep enough into your mind to find the things you are looking to uncover - perhaps some other hangups have to be dealth with, like the whole substance abuse issue. I would try to see this as a positive development though, rather than a waste of time. With every step we learn and grow, and finding the right way to access our mind's deepest secrets takes time and sometimes the right tools. Learning how to navigate psychedelic states is not always easy.

I highly recommend you take a look at the Open Hyperspace Traveler Handbook (www.oht.me/index.php/download) for lots of information about psychedelics and things to consider. Do your research before you dive into this and try to feel safe and comfortable with your decision of taking psychedelics.

Welcome Noreception,

I was drawn to psychedelics (iboga/aya/dmt) because of the therapeutic effects (I have had drinking problems too, sometimes it is still a struggle). That and spiritual exploration alongside. I wouldn't call it obsessive, but I feel this incredible urge or thirst (excuse the pun) for this exploration. Almost as if I want to be picked apart and be put back together, if that is what is needed (but wont necessarily happen of course). Point is, I almost welcome any kind of experience, positive or 'negative', as you get what you need. Because of this I seem to have little fear so far actually, even if things tend to turn dark.

So far I haven't had any real shocking breakthrough experiences, but I do feel like pieces of my personal puzzle are beginning to fall in my lap. Slowly but surely. And subconsciously, it seems like gears have been put in motion somewhere in the background.

I must say, though I didnt expect anything (started about 2 months ago, about 3 trips), I noticed that I feel surprisingly positive, calm and carefree these last few weeks. A lot of my frustrations of the past two years seem to have found their place.

Saying that using DMT is a relapse, is clearly just ignorance. Its not physically addictive. Mentally? Perhaps for some, but you can get addicted mentally to almost anything (games, internet, porn, sugar, fat, .. stamp collecting). It also seems DMT has this built in mechanism against abuse almost, called a 'hyperslap', look it up in the handbook as suggested .

I can recommend a special method, that you can choose when to start and stop. It may indeed have some connections to the psychedelic-entheogenic experience, including DMT; overall it is a way to use your own mind and body as regularly available and uniquely adaptive and creative medicine.

Do you like to sing? Singing is in many ways a much more unique process using the mind but where it has been part of human life for eons it is not always seen as purely surreal and extraordinary as it truly is.

If you already do sing, that is perfect, if you do not yet sing that will only add to the medicinal quality of the experiences.

The method is to sing ideas and phrases out loud, usually trying to keep singing for five minutes and if you like this process you will eventually sing until you feel you have completed singing for that session!

In some ways it is like you are making up a song (improvising) but you can sing previous songs, parts of songs by other people, and there do not always have to be words: there are no rules for what you sing. What I find key to the experience is simply that it lasts for a few minutes or longer.

For me, singing sessions provide psychological and spiritual exploration as well as the physical and emotional "trip" , this trip is the music itself.
To create music spontaneously is similar to how the mind creates spontaneously within new states of consciousness through medicinal changes, but, it is also as voluntary as singing, it is somewhere between deep entheogenic medicine and normal consciousness.

Please ask any questions as i have written this without knowing your thoughts on music and singing! I do have hope that it would really help you!

Before DMT, I was a damned fool with no direction. After DMT, I'm a damned fool with a mission. I don't know which is more dangerous.

I will warn you about one thing: After DMT, you may be subject to question the validity of the disease called addiction. You might accidentally start thinking that words like addiction are only labels that people apply to situations that they know little about. People desire to classify things with labels - this helps them understand and maneuver this reality. Labels define and also create limits, which might feel restricting after feeling the infinite eternity of a full blown break through.

I had an issue with alcohol before I tried DMT. After trying it, I decided to stop drinking for 4 months. After 4 months, I felt that labeling myself as an "addict" only created more limits. I came to the conclusion that in order for me to truly be free, in my own mind, I would have to find a balance that allowed me to know moderation, yet still allow for occasional indulgence. SO far, things have been good. It's been about 10 months.

There's a possibility that you may have some sort of experience like that. Maybe not. After DMT, the sensation of emptiness seemed to go away. I found purpose in my life, and with purpose came pride. That pride allowed for balance. The balance and purpose seemed to aid in the regulation of my emotional status, which led to a decreased desire to drink. Sure, life throws curve balls, but I think I handle them much better than I used to.

As the other's have said, it has no known physically addictive properties.

It should be stater here that bill Wilson himself , founder of AA, used LSD once he got sober and had a spiritual experience which helped him maintain his sobriety. Not only did it profoundly effect his life but he was so impacted that he thought to include it as part of aa program as a way to bring about the spiritual experience the steps state as necessary for recovery.

However after discussing it with other senior members of aa they talked him out of bringing it up inside of aa and was therefore left out and never mentioned.

Most people in aa do not know this or don't believe its truth. It is however easily found info online.

Just some more food for thought.

This is the strangest advice I have heard in a long time, this psychologist should know better then to advise patients to use powerful scheduled drugs and advising former alcoholics to use drug as a means to solve there problems.


Also yes dmt can have a positive effect on ones live, yet it can go the other way around just as easily, that's basically the problem with psychedelic's, it's a flip of the dice.
You can have very profound experiences that lead to live improvement or very dark ones that will bring the opposite of what your looking for. One thing is for sure it will give you more questions then answers in life.

My advice would be first take care of your problems in real live.

finally I'm not sure if you were an alcoholic, or an alcoholic with a drug problem, in last case I would definitely not recommend the use of any drug since it can trigger old pasterns to re-emerge.

take care

Maybe it would be better if go step by step. Instead of going straight to Hyperspace, it could be wiser to go little by little. For example, try Mescaline, Psilocybe Mushrooms or a low dose of LSD.

I've never tried DMT, but it sounds like a very strong and life changing experience.
On the other hand, Mescaline (I've had like 8 San Pedro trips) feels sooooo good, it's all love, harmony and peace. And also big introspection. Like I said in my introduction, San Pedro has allowed me to see and heal my self from wounds in my past. I stopped hating my self for example.

Basically, all I'm saying is that if you wanna try entheogens, it maybe safer/easier to handle, to start with compounds that are a little "softer", and from there see how you feel.

Warm greetings