Greetings Nexus Community,

Awarreness here. It appears that it is tradition for new members to submit an Introduction Essay. I think that’s a great idea and what you don’t see in my essay feel free to go ahead and ask me. I usually don’t spend a lot of time talking about myself because I enjoy listening to what the other person has to say, but if you want it here goes.
First let me thank the Nexus Community for allowing me to join. You have a wonderful resource here and I’m grateful to be part of it. What brings me to your doorstep is my Spiritual Journey. I have been on an active Spiritual Journey for about the last five years. The desire and intention of this Spiritual Journey is to have a Mystical Experience. An experience that will somehow transcend this reality and allows me to see behind the veil of normal reality. I’m not sure what that experience has to be, but I think I will know it when I have it.

I did entertain the subject of Religion/God many years ago but after my inquiry I decided the subject was too intangible, full of too many contradictions, and too enigmatic so I put it all on the shelf and didn’t give is a second thought. Ironically about five years ago the subject of Spirituality raised its head in an unusual and compelling way. I was watching a TV program with a Psychic Medium named John Edward and was moved by what appeared to be his ability to somehow communicate with the Spirits of the dead. In the past I viewed this Medium stuff as “BS” and dismissed all of it. But, somehow John Edward was pretty convincing and sparked an interest in me. I didn’t buy this stuff hook line and sinker but I found it compelling. And, if there was any credibility to it, it would open the door to other unseen possibilities such as Spirituality/God.

I started an inquiry of the subject by reading several books, viewing YouTube videos, watching several TV programs on the subject, and even having a couple Psychic Readings. I also incorporated regular meditation into my daily routine. Unfortunately this inquiry was no more tangible and fruitful than my inquiry many years ago, but it had started me on the Spiritual Journey I am currently on.

My Spiritual Journey continued with an inquiry of Shamanism. Again I read a couple books on the subject, reviewed YouTube videos on the subject, and contacted a local Shaman. I discussed with the Shaman my desire to have a Mystical Experience and made arrangements for several sessions. The hour long sessions consisted of a relaxation/hypnosis type therapy where you visualize, “Journey”, what the Shaman is describing to you. Some sessions involved a little more ceremony including the burning of sage and the beating of a drum. Unfortunately this didn’t generate my Mystical Experience either. I did enjoy the Shaman’s stories of her Psilocybin Experiences when she lived in Northern California.

Around this time I became aware of the possible Spiritual Benefits of DMT. I believe it was on a YouTube video that it first came to my attention. I read Rick Strassman’s book DMT The Spirit Molecule and made numerous other inquiries into the subject. I even explored the DMT-Nexus website for pearls of information. After I had educated myself on the subject of DMT I decided that I wanted to have the Ayahuasca Experience. I was convinced that Ayahuasca would provide the Mystical Experience I was seeking. Now for clarification I’m not into drugs. I experimented with various drugs many years ago when I was in my teens and twenties. I had one LSD experience during this period, and for reference Led Zeppelin was rocken the charts. Note: (I have noticed that many of you appear to be pretty young and perhaps are not familiar with Led Zeppelin. I would suggest that you do a Wikipedia inquiry. I would also recommend listening to the LZ-1 album first to get your feet wet. There will be plenty of time, when you’re ready, for climbing that Stairway to Heaven. Now back to Ayahuasca. So after some serious reflection, I booked a 12 day Shipbo Ayahuasca Retreat near Iquitos Peru. I did all the proper preparation and in June of last year I went to the Amazon Jungle. I participated in six Ayahuasca Ceremonies, but again I didn’t have my Mystical Experience. I was definitely LOADED but that was it. The concoction tastes terrible, churns in your stomach, and leaves you wondering whether you should vomit or crap you brains out. Overall the retreat experience was very enjoyable but the Ayahuasca Experience was disappointing.

I am still confident that DMT can provide the Mystical Experience I am looking for. I am hoping that smoking DMT will be able to provide the experience. Since I don’t move in circles that have access to DMT I am compelled to extract it myself. I feel better using something I had a hand in anyway. Besides, the chemistry involved is very interesting and I’m looking forward to it. I would have done better in my college Chemistry Class if I had been aware of applications like this.

Now that my life has more days behind me than ahead of me I can appreciate how blessed my life has been. Unfortunately I haven’t always had the wisdom to recognize and appreciate the blessings. One lives the life one focuses one’s attention on. Also, it’s important to challenge one’s self. Failure is not defeat. But, fear of failure dominated by one’s insecurity is a tragedy. Failure isn’t fun, but regrets are built on a foundation of missed opportunities and unexpressed passions, not failure.

If I am unable to have the Mystical Experience that allows me to somehow transcend this reality and to look behind the veil, I’m OK with that. At least I can say I tried. It’s your stories of transcendence that helps keep me in the game. I’m looking forward to your knowledge and guidance and hope that someday I can contribute also.

Peace and Gratitude,

Awarreness

PS I’m not all that familiar with Social Media and the technical aspects of posting information and data on a forum, so please excuse any faux pas I may make.

PSS I have noticed considerable discussion regarding terms, abbreviations, acronyms and several individuals attempts to compile a list of these items. Since it’s essential to be familiar with these terms in order to understand many of the postings, I have a suggestion.
Would it be possible to create an Index that contains definitions, terms, abbreviations, acronyms etc… that can be accessed from a link on the Welcome to DMT-Nexus page? Maybe a box next to the ATTITUDE link. I apologize if it already exists and I haven’t discovered it yet.

Hello Awarreness,

Welcome to the Nexus! Thank you so very much for taking the time to submit such a thourough, well thought out, well written and nicely edited Introduction Essay. That was a pure pleasure to read and was over all too soon, .

I love welcomimg new Members to the Nexus, but I gotta say, there are a couple of classes of folks that hold special places in my heart, including women and those of us humans who, as you said, "Now that my life has more days behind me than ahead of me, . . . " More and ore folks who are at midlife or beyond are coming to the Nexus and to speak more widely, to DMT.

Funny, I took psychedelics in my youth, took a 19 year break, then came back to them in desperation, dealing with what I call a "midlife crisis." I also did a crapload of research, but rather than on spirituality, on DMT. I read The Spirit Molecule, every single issue of The Entheogen Review, Tryptamine Palace, etc. . . . every single book, magazine or fringe publication mentioning DMT . . . .

Ironically, I did not know what I was looking for but when I got slapped HARD with it, I realized I had found it. And it was in fact a full blown mystical experience. In hindsight it is funny, because I had done a lot of research on drugs but not on anything else, so when it happened, I could not fully identify it. I floated there for a few infinities, then started to "come down," a bit, i.e. my ego began a re-construction proces, my "I" began to come back to me.

I knew it was a breakthrough of unimaginable depth, that I had literally gone to the edge of infinity, viewed the gears of the Universe and saw all of everything ecompassed in a single point vibrating on a line which was itself suspended within a mindboggling 3D architecture. I was convinced beyond all that I WAS DEAD. Something had happened, something had gone wrong. . . . oh man the last thing I recall is working with big doses of DMT. . . . I'm middle aged . . . I must have stopped my heart!

I described it to a couple (excessively patient!) friends and relatives whom I trusted with my life. None of them called me crazy but they couldn't identify it either. My husband said it reminded him of descriptions of near death experiences, even though I had not gone into a light so to speak. My sister in law said it reminded her of her readings of something called Akasha.

It didn't take too long for me to eventually realize what had happened was in fact a mystical experience.

Since then I've had a few more. It took a lot of drug use to induce them. Every single one was a surprise. Since then five years have passed.

There is something very important I think about mystical experiences based on my experience, that must be mentioned, even though I bet someone of your depth of experience already knows this:

It changes EVERYTHING, . . . . but . . . . NOTHING changes.

For me the catalyst for these experiences was vaping high dose DMT fast. I've tried a number of other things, but my aging mind is stubborn. It stubbornly holds onto the thought patterns it has engrained for so many decades. A big psychedelic/metaphysical kick in the pants is what it takes for me to go deep. I've made it to various levels on pain, lack of food and being in chanting/drumming/dance circles, but for me DMT is the deep medicine. It shows me a part of myself to this day I am surprised exists.

I have not done DMT in over two years. Not sure if I will ever do it again.

I am left NOT religious. For all of that, I never witnessed or experienced a sense of gods or goddesses that are looking down on us, judging us, creating a Heaven or Hell afterlife. What a laughable notion to me personally. Still just smells of big men trying to grab even more power over others in my opinion.

What I HAVE witnessed/experienced is a strong sense that perhaps there is still more to be discovered in the quantum-cosomological realms, that perhaps there are things going on (in other dimensions?) that are incredibly powerful and energetic but that do not manifest in a measurable way here in consensual reality. But, I do hold out hope. I mean just 20 years ago Dark Matter was a fringe joke theory instead of the current theory of the majority of the known Universe. Who knows, right? Certainly not the likes of me.

I welcome you with open arms to this community. I do hope you find what you seek, but even if you don't, maybe you will learn something, or find something funny, or make a new friend. Thus, success, . DMT is a strong medicine that tends to give folks what they need rather than what they want. The key is being able to integrate the experience and figure this out in my opinion.

Warm Regards,
Pandora

P.S.: Somewhere in the wiki is a "Hyperspace Lexicon" link that you might find to be helpful. Otherwise, if you see an abreviation or acronym in a post you don't recognize, just ask what it means in your reply.

Sounds like you would enjoy the book Waking Up

...AND a trip to Hyperspace

Welcome, friend, lifting of veil is why many of us are here (not all).Peace.

Welcome! Great intro. I hope you are able to find what you're looking for, or at least enjoy looking at something you'll find.

Greetings,

Thanks to all of you for your warm welcome.

Thanks Shadow for the book recommendation, "Waking Up". I took a look at the link you attached and I plan on ordering the book.

Wow! Pandora, you do have the gift for gab and you do it so well. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience, it’s greatly appreciated. Since I am just getting started with this DMT thing, and you have already been there done that; I hope you don’t mind if I ask a few questions now and then. One question I have now is, what plant source do you use for your extraction? MHRB seems to be the plant of choice but it appears that availability and added scrutiny my be a concern.

Peace and Gratitude,

Awarreness

welcome to the nexus your essay was great I hope you enjoy the many benefits of the DMT experience
regards from mr whippy.

Welcome to the nexus Awarreness,

I enjoyed your intro essay a great deal. Interesting to hear that you did not get a mystical experience with the ayahuasca sessions in the amazon. It's strange how unpredictable these things are.

For me these things are dose-dependant. Above a certain dose with DMT/Ayahuasca or mushrooms I almost always have a mystical experience or an epiphany and on several occasions even with moderate to high doses of LSD. Although admittedly with smoked DMT this is for me much less the case than with oral DMT. Just my personal experience - it will probably be very differet for you.

Perhaps the setting can also contribute - the less external distraction you have the more likely you are able to let go and let the effects of the psychedelics fully unfold, in my experience. Your mindset can also affect stuff - if you are hung up on some kind of issue, some worry or whatnot, it might distract you from going with the flow and going where you need to be.

But on the other hand it's absolutely not clear as to what produces these mystical experiences and why some have them and others don't. I've always kind of taken it for granted that I can have them, believing it's just a matter of dose. Clearly that's not the case as people can take very high doses and have very otherworldly experiences without entering the mystical state. It's hard to say which is stranger. The same I think would apply to entity contact - no one really knows how to bring it about specifically or why it sometimes happens and other times not.

It certainly would be interesting to find these things out, - how to cause a certain type of experience - but my suspicion is that it is very personal, very complex and perhaps very subtle.

In any case I wish you the best of luck with your ongoing search for this experience. There's a lot to be gained from psychedelics even at levels that are not break-through and not mystical, so make the best of your explorations. I hope you get what you need!

Greetings Enoon,

Thank you for your comments. I was disappointed when the Ayahuasca experience didn’t result in a Mystical Experience. So many people have had wonderful, amazing and sometimes terrifying experiences with Ayahuasca. Unfortunately it just made me feel ill.

The Ayahuasca retreat I participated in is called, The Temple of the Way of Light. Everything about this retreat was pretty impressive. From their website and email guidance, to their well coordinated support and activities, to their facilities and accommodations, to their food, to the Staff and Shamans, it was everything I hoped it would be. I can’t imagine a better environment for the Mystical Experience.

Anyway, I am still hopeful that DMT can provide the experience I am looking for. It looks like the DMT-Nexus community has all the knowledge and wisdom I need for my Transcendent Experience.

Thanks again Enoon for your comments.

Peace and Gratitude,

Awarreness

PS Thank you Mr. Whippy for your kind words.

If it "just made you feel ill", perhaps you metabolized the dmt before it could reach your brain i.e. the MAOI didn't do their work at the right time, and the buzz you felt was only from the caapi vine? Or perhaps there was not enough dmt containing plant material in the brew to give you full effects? It could be that you are a psychedelic "hard head" or that your metabolism goes at a different pace. I know that with pharmahuasca timing can be cruical and even once you got the timing down you can get misfires. Not sure how it is with ayahuasca and misfires.

I'm very interested to hear how it goes for you with the smoked dmt. Most people will probably recommend you make changa for a longer experience and ease of smoking. I have no experience with changa, but the arguments seem convincing - I just don't like smoke, so I prefer pure vapor. I'm pretty sure the experience will be, at the very least, surprising.

cheers.

Greetings Enoon,

Thank you for the reply. I had also considered that the MAOI was not strong enough to prevent metabolism of the Ayahuasca (DMT). I do have a pretty a pretty strong digestive system.

The retreat I attended had approximately 20 participants and most of them claimed to have significant experiences on the Ayahuasca. There were three or four people that did leave the retreat early because of challenging experiences or the feeling of being sick to their stomach.

During one ceremony I took an additional dose of Ayahuasca after about an hour into the experience hoping to have the transcendent experience. The main difference with this experience was I became very confused and disoriented. At one point I was unable to find my mattress after visiting the bathroom and just laid on the floor. Eventually someone was able to convince me that I was in the wrong place and helped me find my mattress. I was seriously messed up.

I am looking forward to the smoked DMT experience. I have acquired most of the materials and ingredients for the extraction process but I haven’t yet obtained the plant material. I am a bit confused on this issue. MHRB seems to be the plant of choice but it appears that availability and added scrutiny from the law my be a concern in the USA. At this point I am still trying to identify a plant source that is readily available, doesn’t attract a lot of attention and is a good extraction candidate. To be honest, there is SO MUCH INFORMATION ON DMT-NEXUS, I am finding it challenging to find what I am looking for. I am reluctant to start asking questions when I haven’t researched everything available. I don’t want to be accused of asking redundant questions and not doing my research. Anyway I’m sure I will find the information I am looking for sooner or later.

Thanks again Enoon for you knowledge and insights.

Peace and Gratitude,

PS I think the fact that I am Dyslexic contributes to the challenges of my research.

PSS Also once I am able to have the smoked DMT experience I will let you know how it goes. I am currently limited where I can post so I won’t be able to send you a personal message. I will attach it to my Introduction Essay post.