Hey everyone I have been reading posts here for the past couple of months and have decided to register and share my experiences.. and perhaps receive your opinions/advice.

Before my 6 or so DMT experiences I have only really had LSD on 6 occasions (Dose from 1-3 tabs) and only experienced more vivid colours, higher sense of appreciation (expecially when listen to music) and seeing tails of speckled light from passing car headlights late at night.

Before I mention my last 2 bad trips I thought I might share what I had seen/experienced on the 1st 4 occasions. (By the way my intentions for using DMT are for me to address issues that I am consciously unaware of or don't take serious enough.)

1st time I tried DMT I was nervous, I eyeballed a quater of what the cheap 10mg scales claimed to be 100mg. So I decided to use the bottle method with the aluminium foil and loaded the apparent 25mg in. When I could see vapour I inhaled fast and deep, oh boy the was some harsh hot plastic. I laid back and saw a Crysanthemum in 2d behind my eyelids starting with one petal then fanning out to more and spinning, I also her buzzing and felt vibrations that reminded me of when I use to try astral project many years earlier.

2nd and 3rd time was just geometric patterns behind my eyelids and a nice buzzing feeling afterwards (perhaps dose may have been 5-10mg eyeballed.

4th Dose I used my new GVG and once again eyeballed perhaps 20mg. I lit up and thought wow this is smooth, no plastic taste what so ever, but the lighter played up and so I only experienced the Geometric patterns a few mins later I tried again and the net minute I saw this tunnel/funnel there were these clown like creatures holding onto the walls of the tunnel gesturing for me to come, the hold at the end/centre was black and the clowns had a sinister feel to them, their large grins only made me feel its wise to hold back.

NOW for the BAD TRIPS
I got my new 1mg (Diamond) scales and weighed up 44mg* I doubt its accuracy.
Once again placed on top of 7 screens. I had just gotten back from work (night shift) and this a about 6:30am.
I tried to relax, emptied my lungs and then 1 long inhale. Halfway through inhaling the effects were already coming on quick, I was getting disorientated, I kept inhaling and strugled to place the GVG down next to my bed.
No sounds, No Vibrations, I was in a 3d room with geometric wallpaper or perhaps the atmosphere itself (wrong term I know) was the geometric pattern in the way the sky is blue.
I saw this thing dont know if it was an entity or not, the sight was to complex for me to familiarize it with something so I looked to the left and saw what can closed relate to being a hand of 3playing cards.
The next minute I was in this large empty geometric space, the colour theme was Yellow, Red and Orange. I thought I was dieing, then I thought I had died, then I forgot I ever exsisted beyond this place no matter how much I tried to give in, relax try to put out love... it changed nothing. I had not body, I was just there, perhaps like energy. And the visual patterns that remained still put of an unpleasant vibe. There was not physical pain, nor torment from any entities. It was just me all alone as if my energy was absorbing very uneasy vibes from the patterns. I thought this is all I have been and always will, time did not exsist and I (believe in God) felt that God had left me here and turned his back on me.
I had a knowing feeling that I was here now being the victim of all the hate that I had ever felt. The idea that I was going to be here for eternity was PURE torture.
The DMT then started to wear off I could hear a screeching, it was my teeth tightly clenched grinding away, I thought I will never touch DMT ever again. Then back to reality I have never been so happy to be alive. I then had a knowing feeling that if I dont changed my highly strung/justice nature that I would spend eternity in a place like I did in my bad trip.

Later that day I thought I better have another trip before the previous experience scares me off DMT for good, So at 5:10pm I packed 24mg* into the GVG, emptied my lungs and one long inhale...once again the effects were kicking midway while breathing in.
I gently layed down and then saw this image that way to complex for me to familiarize with so then I looked left and then what I can only closely describe as the same hand of cards as the previous trip. NO NO NO NO NO NOT AGAIN!!! The whole trip from there to end was identical in everyway. During the comedown my girlfriend arrived I was so happy to be back here and her presence brought me much comfort. I asked for the time, she said 5:20 and so I ranted on and on trying to explain things which turned out to be a chore at the time. After what seemed like 15-30min I asked for the time again to get an idea how much longer I could expect to be on the comedown, she said "You just asked me 5 seconds ago, It's 5:20" I could not believe it.

Sorry for the long post, but I would like to know if this is considered a BREAK THROUGH or SUB-BREAKTHROUGH, I have read many definitions one what people consider an EGO-DEATH is this in your opinion one of them?

I would like to have a good experience on DMT but to have the scariest experience of my life TWICE in one day worries me a lot. I would not wish what I experience upon my worse enemy and that says a lot for me. Are the odds against me that the next time I take a decent dose that I will return to this bad trip?

I have to say the past week since then I have never felt so relaxed, each day I am finding it easier to let go, be calm and no longer hold onto negative/hateful thoughts.
I know this may wear off, but I feel this trip snapped me out of my denial, and that I must put the effort in to change myself for the better and not go back to the old me.

Thanks everyone, I would like to know you opinions, I have read about Set & Setting and 'thought' I had it covered.

Just to add, the DMT is not white nor yellow, but dark amber crystals.
I was thinking of doing a Sodium Carbonate wash but the GVG makes its so smooth.
Could this be jungle spice? or?..

I could post a picture if that would be needed, but I now have to rush off to work
Thanks again

COuld be jungle spice yeah. I think you need to integrate the experience as clearly theres something for you to thiunk about due to it recurring. I too have a memory of 3D live tarrot cards being shown to me with different entities on each card.
It seems you likely did break through if there was no sensation of body or perception of time..the gemoetric patterning, or 'jim-jam' can be discombobulating and give almost a sense of motiion sickness as they morph and change in smoothly impossible ways. As for lack of entity contact thats a personal thing some see many others rarely some never.
So being of a religious nature did you equate the empty space as purgatory? Maybe some ddeeply ingrained religious fears at play here. Others have reported being in the 'waiting room' between the other side and the sub-breakthrough space.
Glad you have had positive after effects those doses are fairly large for a GVG by the way. Maybe go back to 15 and work your way up if so desired. You may get a better more progressive view on what the message is.
Working your way up the dose and experience inmtensity ladder usually greatly reduces the shock factor making it much less traumatic and easier on the body and mind.

In my opinion it sounds like too much too soon . I don't agree with the full on
dose thing especially in the beginning. I think it's better to do more lower dose
experiences and work in more gradually. You can learn as you go . While I understand
everyone's desire for the elusive breakthrough I think it's something to work up to.

I suggest back off the dose and choose your set and setting wisely
Doing it after a long night at work would not be my first choice. It doesn't do well
when your tired or fatigued in any way . I've also noticed that the jester and card theme
Is something you get hit with in the very beginning stages of experimenting with dmt.
I got it in the beginning but haven't seen a playing card or jester in years .
Right off the bat that tells me your dose is too high and you need to back it down .
You'll probably have anxiety now the next time you go that's something
You'll have to deal with . Set and setting is everything it will shape your trip .
Learn to breathe through tough spots etc. there's an art to managing this stuff .
Another thing is to not let this stuff scare you hold your ground be strong .
It will take advantage of you and scare the crap out of you at too high dose levels too early on .
Set setting Dose Grounding

Set setting Dose Grounding

Be careful

It 'scary' because of how your reacting to it.

Alot of times, people think that these experiences are 'scary', or sometimes i see the word 'negative', but from what I read alot of times, it seems that it's all in how you approach the experience and how you react to it's unfoldment. Every little microsecond or microthought - things that are typically hard to be aware of - can turn an intense experience into a 'scary experience' (whatever scary or any other word like that even means in the context of this experience).

It's tough for many people to stay completely centered and attachment free during these deeper experiences, and by 'attachment free', I mean no sort of mental clinging or any sort of thought-forms how ever small. You have to be truly 'no-mind', and it's truly tough to do, and it takes time, experience, and practice.

Pranayama, yoga, breath meditation. These things outside of the DMT experience help tremendously, and most overlook them. They just light up the pipe and hope for the best.....heh...not the best option.

Learning to still the chaos that is the mind, is a tough nut to crack, but it can be done, with time and practice.

The experience works with what you give it - nothing more and nothing less - remember that.

And like I said..it's truly hard to go into a harrowing experience as its just squeezing the life from you and you panic - it's hard to fully relax and release into something of that intensity - but it can be done.

Remember..the experience just IS ...and it's we who draw the conclusions.

<3

To be honest I had to google up what Purgatory is, During the peak of the trip I had no memory of physical life and felt that I have always been there and always will, nor did time exist.
Being in the same place but before and after the peak when I had memory of life, I first thought ok I had died and now I'm here because of it, not thinking that I was ever going to move on from there.

Even though this was the most traumatic experience to my memory, I did not see this as being Hell as Christians see it, as I was not being tortured etc but instead I was surrounded and in energy. That energy to me was all of my hate I have felt/put out and the feeling of absorbing that for eternity was unbearable.
My intentions of this trip were to have my problems brought to my attention, this is exactly what happened. I have not felt love in nearly a decade as I have been consumed by disgust and other negative emotions. The knowing message I got from this was for me to Relax, Let Go and to only put out feeling of good.

I was very on edge from the trip the following day, scared of dieing before I make positive changes, but the past few days I have felt better and better than I have in over 10 years. I feel so relaxed, I only now see how tense I always was. The anger thermostat has been reset instead of holding around breaking point, Problems at work that would have me going crazy I now face either calmly or they simply dont bother me at all. OCD things have been disappearing, leaving my head clear instead of it being in over drive with a million thoughts all the time, Dreams have been very pleasant, and my desire for material things has also lowerd big time.

This unbearable experience was a blessing, it really snapped me out of my denial.
It has only been a week today, and I have read that people can return to their old ways after a few weeks/months, but I know its up to me to change. And having a CLEAR head for a change will only make that easier.

Next time I will choose set and setting more wisely and will keep it at 10-15mg for a while.
Thanks for your responces everyone, very much appreciated.

the "bad trips" were not ego death, quite the opposite. they were your pure ego fighting for "its life".

read this to understand what the ego is:
("tip 's post in this thread: 12-12-2007, 02:17)
https://www.drugs-forum..../showthread.php?t=43062

well, i think you need some preparation in a sober state. maybe try this:
http://viewonbuddhism.or...st/death-dying-bardo.htm

prepare yourself for death you will die anyway one day, why not do it properly prepared?

is the thought of your own death frightening to you?

The one thing I will say is that do not think that 10mg of spice can have a less of an experience than 50mg of spice, my single greatest experience was on an insignificant amount I thought would be nothing short of a headrush, and I've hit as much as 100mg in one hit (possibly even more as it was oil) and only had slight visuals with a moderate body high.

I've noticed that your experience depends on a lot of psychological reasons, I've had very jungle like experiences, love/hate experiences (I had one that had male on onside of my vision and female on the other, in their own personal Gardens of Eden), and even alien experiences or meeting entities (I meet entities often, almost every single time).

I've based most of these truly on my current mood and thoughts at the time, if your sad, if your happy, adventurous, cowardly, sorry, proud, it can have an effect on your experience, kind of like watching a horror movie on mushrooms, the set and setting of your experience, I sometimes wonder what a solid mind would experience on any psychedelic, as I have never meditated or even wanted to meditate on a psychedelic under its use.

I would describe ego death as amnesia, kind of like, not not knowing who you are, more of a philosophical questioning of the universe, YOU do not exist at the current moment, but YOU question why YOU are here.

I've had two similar experiences just like yours... First time I was listening a tame impala's song and in my trip it just seemed like I was trap with spiralish dissolving CEV's along with a metallic - liquid crystalish taste (dunno if it's an accurate desc) in my mouth and song would play for about 10 seconds and repeat in an infinite loop, making me think I was going mad... also felt like I was left alone somewhere by myself... First word that came to my mind after it all ended up was 'isolation'.

I don't know if it's something that just happens or if theres some kind of hidden message behind this... I've come to think that maybe (don't know if it's also your case) I just need to learn how to be comfortable by myself and enjoy my own presence (don't know if it is a common problem for you all, but it's been for me for a while), but in the moment it seems impossible due the intensity and disorienting nature of the experience.

It would be great to strip down the whole issue and understand the core/what causes this kind of trips (If there's anything related to this... Don't know if it is "the price" and we just need to deal with it).

I would love to hear your thoughts about what could had go wrong.



Would You say amnesia is always related with ego death? Lately I seem to remember less and less about my trips and not sure why... been rarely having any visual patterns at all, it seems like most of my last trips have been all about sensations and emotions rather than visual experiences.

I thought I did I not fear death, I was in a suidal state of mind not long ago, not a cry for help but trying everything to fix myself before ending it. After I lost hope in a shrink I though that was it, then I stumbled across DMT on the net and thought 'perhaps this will be like a DIY hypnotherapy and raise my issues' Not only did I get that but from thinking I wanted to die to now being scared of dying... At lease until I become a better person. Needless to say the thought of suicide has vanished my mind.
Thanks for the links, I'll check them out.
At the peak of the trip though I didn't know what I was, I was just there, everything seemed connected. Unless
That horrible energy was my ego, but then it didn't seem attatched to me, like a cloud in the sky, me being the cloud and the sky being the ego surrounding me and passing through me

ASCII I am not sure about your trip but I didn't at all feel mine had a hidden message, I just had the knowing that I have to relax and be happy and not dwell on anger and hatred.

Cheers once again, I really appreciate your help.
Nice to see things from other peoples view