I tried something new today.
Instead of trying to fight what ever this is, I decided to try to ask it why it does what it does.
I began the experiece taunting it and poking at it. Before even launching, I was already in a fight mind frame.
I launched. Instead of being confronted with this negative entity, I was met by an old friend. It was a "pink light entity" that I had spent a lot of time with earlier this year. The Pink light entity seemed to mainly occur in a very special place - the rock. "The Rock" is the very first place I tried the molecule. I would hike to the rock frequently to journey/ask for advice.the pink light was always the first thing I would encounter while at the rock. It was like a gate keeper/guide.
Since I've moved, I've not been able to visit the rock, or seen this particular entity. Seeing it was such a pleasant surprise. I was still in fight mode, but seeing this old friend she'd light on a few memories.
1. I used to be more loving and compassionate when I first met the molecule
2. I had become slightly more frustrated since I've been having the weird trips/took a month long break
3. The move, the change in jobs, the change in life style, the change triggered a bit of frustration.
4. Anticipation of the move triggered frustration
5. Unpacking the move triggered frustration
6. New work schedules triggeref frustration
It seems like all these changes triggered frustration. I felt like a child in a new world, but retaining the old memories. I was the one who chose to move, and I knew it would be a sacrifice going into it. I honestly thought I would adjust quicker than I did.
Over all, things are better. Cheaper living, closer to parents and grandparent. Stable job with a flexible schedule so that I can work on school. I'm happy with the pay. I like my job and my boss - I worked for them 4 years ago and they are like family. Doing well in school....
But the change. That's what got me the most. Missing friends. Missing "the rock." Missing my old lifestyle - where I stayed home all day and played; only worked when I felt like it, but worked enough to stay above water.
Since I took the 1 month break from the molecule, and coming back to it after the move, I'd kinda been having dark, freaky trips. Which explains my post above. I was pissed!!! I wanted to go back to the hunky dory trips that always led me to happiness and love. Recently, I'd only been feeling violated. I felt like this negative experience was related to my new area. I was ready to blame everything else: The space aliens, the entities, the spirits, the land, the people down here.... But I hadn't quite been able to blame myself for these feelings.
Today, after seeing the pink light and remembering the happiness that I used to hold so close to my heart, I decided it was time to talk to this negative entity.
I waited a few hours before confronting it. I taunted it, took a few puffs and waited. Sure enough, it shows up - slithering, creeping, stinging, and pulling at the skin. As soon as I saw it, I kept saying (in my mind), "let's talk about you, let's talk about you, I'm here for you. Why is it that you feel it's important to act this way? Why do you project fear onto us?"
It continued to envelope me, and I kept asking. I could see areas in it that appeared to be changing. Instead of all black and white patterning, areas began to form lines in the shape of a silhouette of a human head. The lines began to turn pink.
I said, "let's just talk. We all have problems. Right now, I'm trying to figure you out - that's my problem. I have no clue how to deal with you. What's your problem? What's bugging you?" It continued to invade.
"I'm pissed!," it said. "I put all this effort towards helping shape this reality, and I get no appreciation. Your species disregards all of my suggestions and claims that they have all the Answers."
I asked, "if you helped form this reality, then don't you hold some of the responsibility for the way things are? I mean, if you are that important, didn't you have input about how the experience goes?"
It said back, "well, I could ask you the same thing. Don't you hold responsibility for me as much as I do you? Isn't our reality one in the same?"
And then it seemed to lift. The frustration, the speculation and paranoia of entities attacking my brain. The stress of the move, and work, and school.... lifted. I was then sent to a place that was very euphoric.
Maybe this negative entity is our own mind.
Sometimes it's good for a change. Other times it isn't.