...ok, so
now i really have something to write home about o_0
changa. please forgive me if i've written a lot of
introduction essays so far... please think of it as
practice; i'm just trying to get myself right for you first ^_^

so -

it seems to me as though i've discovered a genuine wormhole...
...but i can only understand this; having... apparently,
just been somewhere else on earth, i.e. somewhere
that my body was not. fwiw, i believe that place was egypt,
and my guide was literally... I would say God himself, but
quite seriously, after DMT, I may still call myself christian, but
i certainly believe in more than one.
because i've met them. it seems.

...most smart people i know are
kind of uptight when it comes to discussing these things...

i'd like to try to write this one down...
...for my own sake mostly, if thats ok <3 (& i do hope so)

here goes;
eye closed
immediately, there is a strong and very alien presence.
i can't help but feel threatened by how... 'something' it is.
but its certainly something, and i'm very sure
it could fuck with any cell of my body if it wanted to;
[heh. lols at how he still had a body in this part ^^]

at first, just; UP.
*very* high, but not drug high.
altitude high. 'i can't breathe' high.
like 'holy crap, i'm gonna die', high.

like, holy crap,
i'm dead <3 i'd luckily read about the breathing thing,
and i've died a few times before, so
it didn't freak me out as much as i imagine it would most.
but it felt a lot like all the air being sucked out of my body.

...i didn't realise at the time that
my spirit had been ripped from out of my body.
i definitely do believe that literally, fwiw.

and its dark. i'm still rising.
the 'alien' is there... it looks like i imagine a mothership would;
but its completely alive, and looking at me without eyes.

i feel an overwhelming need to reassure myself;
but in this space... i got nothing.
i admit openly; that i am scared.
i half expect this to be an invitation,
for 'bad spirits', if you will...
....nothing sinister happens.

[don't be scared.
be alarmed... be concerned.
but don't be scared...
just watch.]

theres pressure in the skull, like light bursting out.
and then... theres very bright light.

and the black and the light form a picture.
everything smells and tastes like dmt, but for some reason
i imagine describing this smell as roses. i get a sense
that i am under a gallows. i am above what feels like my own coffin.

i'm scared to watch, but i do.
i could have averted my eyes less... i dunno,
like i said, i was scared. but they're like...

[watch! watch!]

it seems as though a couple of grunts are sitting, waiting.
thats what i do not like about this light; its like the light
of military gunfire. "watch", they say. and they do;
they watch a bomb of some type, like a rocket, spear off into the distance...
...they watch it go, with their hands over their eyes, as if they were
trying to minimise the glare of the sun...

they look human. and i say 'grunts', but really... they are nothing more
than civilians with helmets. i mean... t-shirt, shorts and all sort of thing.
but i only see their backs, as if over a fence.
i was afraid to be honest and did not want to watch.
there was the sense that... the civilian/grunts did not care,
or rather, they were resigned to it... and the bomb;
for some reason, it left me with the sense that
that one bomb could (and would, and i was watching it happen)
destroy everything. that rocket-thing was akin to M.A.D.

and i didn't really want to watch that; even though Gaia (if i may)
wanted me to. i hope and think that i saw enough to see...
...whatever it is i saw. but i still wish i had looked more.

and then it was just dark. and i'm left to realise,
that i definitely don't know my body anymore.
i admit once again that i was scared, as that seemed to be
a fair thing to do and my only place to reach out from, in the dark.

i thought back to how i used to get myself through hardships that were out of my control... since DMT, i have been struggling to integrate the God i've been praying to with the God I can see. this experience seemed to clarify things for me on that one, as having met Gaia, I can clearly see that whether or not this is the God I have been praying to, it is certainly the one i have been interacting with. this caused me some useful and necessary integration periods <3

so i prayed to my prayin' god ;D yeah i got one, big whoop...
...and i'm given the sense that; this was a really good 'question'
to be asking at the time.

...its hard to remember it all. but i certainly remember:
a huge window opening up in my forehead.
i recognised this immediately as the 'third eye'.
and so suddenly,
i begin to see a place that i recognise as somewhere somewhat mountainous on earth;

i'm careful to try to 'think properly',
to look in a way that maintains them with mentality,
but not in a way that is too 'awed'; i understand,
i am here to be shown what wants to be shown,
not what i want to be shown.

now up until now, the only presence i have felt, apart from
things that are neither men nor woman, is of a woman.
i have her permission to refer to her as Gaia, but she is also a place and a time/
/that i am not familiar enough with to describe any further without
risking disrespect... perhaps you understand <3

so i am surprised; to look to my left and see a man.
or, the outline of a man. i am even more surprised;
that this does not frighten me. rather, i am
too curious to know who this is for once.
(i am not a fan of most men; no offense. <3)

and that man is God. and i do not need DMT: to meet God...
...but i have never seen him like this.
i am in pretty constant conversation with God as is, and so
there was nothing i felt i needed to say, except that
i was so impressed to see him as a man; he looked
just like the old-school depictions, grey beard, white robe & gnarly staff.

and he wants to take me somewhere;
and i'm like, 'holy shit are you kidding? i love you God, yes please!!'
and its by *foot*, like earth. only we fly; and i have the uncanny feeling,
that this is truly a real place, on earth. and i've never been there until now.
but i'm there now... and it finally hits me.

[holy shit, i'm astrally projecting.]

yes.... now tell me; what do you see?

[...i see what i think is Egypt.]

and i can't help myself; i get a bit lost up in the moment.
i can't look at though it were daylight all around;
but the sense of it all is there. i see animals running around,
and the rocky earth teeming with life and rain...

[its... beautiful, God.]

(yes... now, watch.)

and God basically switches the sun for the moon,
and now its night; and i begin to perceive this as 'dark'.
and since i'm actually here, so it seems... i am left with
the same thoughts i would have if i found myself
stranded in the wild after sundown; things that are like,
but not best described by, the word fear.

but i'm sure its ok; after all,
freaking God is here so i'm pretty sure i'm cool
i'm looking at what looks like a river;
but its a strange and unique river.
and suddenly, i realise that i'm only afraid because
on earth, i need to sleep. and in reality,
the earth is teeming with life. all the time...
...more than i'll ever see through natural means.

it's hard to describe what lessons i learned therein,
but whats important is that: i've finally found
the wise teacher i have been looking for, for
oh so long i really thought they'd take the form of
you know, like... a human being or something ;P
but i do indeed love God's wicked sense of humour

i'm going to stop now, because
i'm not sure what kind of sense this makes
reading...
but i certainly got a lot out of
writing...

so

<3 thank you very much ^_^ <3

love mikey xo

Great report, thank you!

I'd like to ask: Are you sure that what you experienced was God, and not your Higher Self (Shiva)? Shiva/HS is a being derived from All That Is, so it's very powerful. You're part of it, and you always have a connection to it. It usually appears with anthropomorphous looks, while the All That Is usually appears as a big light (at least according to reports here).

hi ^_^ thank you for writing.

no, i'm not sure at all, in fact,
i'm sure you're probably right;

but that's a very interesting concept that
i happen to be totally down with ^_^
that 'we', are somehow 'God'...

...the first time I met her,
she told me to look her up on the internet o_0
i had to break it down from "serpent goddess" to "snake lady" (lol)
before i found the info i'd been pointed to;
"kundalini"... i find it very interesting,
if not alarming; that to read of kundalini awakenings,
is to read of similar difficulties i imagine most people having
if they happened to have, say, and unprepared breakthrough.

so, yes ^_^ the first time i saw her,
i thought an alien was in love with me
turns out, she was me... that time.
Gaia is something else, like the spirit of nature...

...it would be nice to learn how to
be my own guide <3 but to answer your question,

no, i'm not sure of anything at all ^_^
which is kind of why i'd like to come in a bit further <3
not so much to write... i'd just like to read, knowing that
i have the opportunity to expand on ideas if the desire arises <3

thank you for your concern ^_^
DMT strikes me as a way to learn lessons I have no other ways of learning, by being exposed to things that are outside of my current existence. it is definitely an area where guidance would be, to say the least, highly preferable... i may have found mine, however, i still need all the earthly guidance i can get <3

thanks for writing ^_^ <3m

...i'd like to say, thank you <3

please forgive my noobness when it comes to navigating the site initially <
i'm finding that a little hard; and its not you, its me ^_^"
i have a bit of a learning disability here, so
just please know that i am trying my best <3
but for instance... i wasn't even aware i was a member until just now ;P
not really sure when that happened ^_^" (i'm really sorry) so,
please forgive me if there are things i'm not aware of..
including any messages written in response to my earlier introduction posts.

thanks just for being here <33

forgive the 'holy s^&*' part of my report... i could think of
nothing else i could say in its place, especially since
i did in fact say that <3 and it was an important piece of writing to me...
...and i felt like it would have lost something if i'd written it as above.
so i hope you will forgive my swearing this time 'under reasonable context'.
but i promise to tone it down from now on, and
to give myself a refresher on the whole 'tone' of the place here
before i jump on any further.

sincerely,
thanks for listening,
but the space is more than enough for now <3
...here's to our spiritual maturity.

thanks very much <3x

Can i ask how much your dosing and by which method?

yes sir.
i tried to post a picture of my changa as a reply to the changa thread,
but i can't figure out how to do that yet ;P
please forgive my learning disabilities ^_^"

i only have a small amount (i call it small; 4 or 5 full cones worth? under 0.5g?)
from what i understand, its caapi and nothing else; i'd venture to say,
i can tell it is only caapi by observing it;

i put a notably small amount of damiana on the bottom of a cone,
packed basically the entire cone full of pure changa
(i am unable to provide you will any accurate 'ratio' of the mix at this time)

and to keep from losing the top while i considered it,
and to kind of 'keep the thing together' (since this changa is like bark)
i applied an equally small amount of marijuana/tobacco mix to the top to press down.
i know its not always advisable to add marijuana, but in my case i think personal relationship is too big a factor to simply dismiss entirely... plus i try to be as authentic as i can to myself when i go, and hell, i smoke weed a lot ;P so,

i have iron lungs and can smoke anything, & wasn't too concerned, esp. since
i used a water pipe, not a dry pipe this time,
to have the whole thing in a complete inhalation.

i physically could have held it in for literally as long as i wanted;
but the 'mothership' from this report was quick to appear, and
although not remembered as a sound, the 'carrier wave' thing
happened quickly; 5, 10 seconds at the most and i was over the top.
normally i'd have held it for longer... but it was stronger than i'd expected,
even with having worked up to this 'dosage' knowing that
all batches of changa would be different...
just feel the need to mention how my dosage is likely not relevant to anyone elses, necessarily, and that i would always suggest to apply titration for safety...
i just felt i should add that part o_0 and that, in my opinion,
this is a sincerely decent batch of changa.
i certainly would not want it any stronger.
its good how it is <3

...i recommend damiana with this one, highly
it's amazing to find the spirit of a plant you already thought you knew,
come out to great you somehow in a surprising and beautiful new way.

i'll post a picture if i can figure it out ^_^"
thanks for asking <3

bless x

...forgive me for being naive <3

on second observation, it appears that
mullein is also a component <3 i know and trust my source,
and one day i will be my own source <3 but for now,
my friend does a superb job with their work.

we have talked before about mullein,
when i first met him and we began discussing smoked dmt.
so it would make sense to me that he would prefer his changa
with an added fraction of mullein; a small % it looks like.

apart from that i'd say it's pure caapi,
but i'd be fascinated to hear otherwise <3

...i still can't figure out how to post an image ;\
i apologise <3
hope this helps xm

Love the Hello Kitty bag! Its funny right? How once you stick your toe over the edge you're sometimes left with more questions and "what was that?"kind of stuff? Interesting point above about how maybe we don't meet "God", maybe we meet our "higher/highest self"...of course it's all relative and all of that. To me it's a thing of beauty merely having the audacity and curiosity to even take the dive, or third toke or whatever. I watched an interview with pro skater Rodney Mullen the other day where he said basically; in his view skateboarders were a breed apart from many folks because they push themselves and break petty laws for their craft to be mastered and they push themselves physically and fall down only to rise again over and over. The same could easily be said of psychonauts and ESPECIALLY members of this forum. We push ourselves beyond the limits of normalcy and comfort in an effort to experience the unfathomable. We may sometimes have hellish or disturbing journeys, but hopefully we will pi k ourselves up and be relentless in our work.
Later in the interview he said he met a research doctor at a Ted Talks summit in California who told him: "If only more of our researchers and scientists had that quality(that skaters have, of relentless perseverance and courage in exploring unknowns) then we would have more great scientists." That struck me as worth having listened to and I immediately thought of my family here on The Nexus. I humbly apologize if that was an awful tangent but I cant help but be inspired and pour words onto the screen sometimes :-) I Love You All

personally,
i loved it :'
quite honestly,

if beauty-induced hypergraphia is
not cool here... then i definitely
have a big problem remaining here
beauty is cool <3

i liked your message <3
thanks for it ^_^" xm