Inexplicably, sometimes you feel disconnected from certain events. You push a door closed and are surprised at the sound of it closing for a moment before remembering that it was you that had swung it, you're making love to a woman and suddenly you feel silly and wonder what the hell is going on here am I actually me here doing this with her, you're eating and suddenly you have no idea why you're eating at all, you feel angry while you're yelling at someone and then you don't feel angry anymore but you keep yelling because you're confused, in cases like these you lose some essential part of you or just forget it for a moment and in that time you see yourself as some kind of a ridiculous creature effectively in the midst of a long series of epileptic fits, you might as well be some kind of a pseudo-conscious animal like a dog or a snail or even a fish, and your arm isn't really your arm anymore, it's the representation of some strange entity that you aren't familiar with and haven't seen before and yet you think corresponding thoughts or pseudo-thoughts or sub-thoughts and then

the strange entity of your hand goes this way or goes that way or your fingers do this or that curling and uncurling as much as the bones and ligaments and muscles and flesh inside the fingers allow them to curl and uncurl and inside the flesh is blood vessels with blood in them and nerves and nerve endings and the nail, look, this hand that's attached to my body does this, watch, see, it does this, and I can make it do almost whatever I want, am I really in a body, what's going on here? You're enjoying yourself with friends over a beer and suddenly you aren't anymore and all you're aware of is the clock and the silence in the room which wants to be heard but is constantly interrupted with the stupid voices of humans which to them sound infinitely sensible and realistic but in actual fact are some kind of bizarre conglomeration of auditory hallucinations and mystical divinations into the beyond where the beyond is, a blob. You're

suddenly outside yourself looking down on your everyday illusions with the eye of a hyena that doesn't know if it's daytime or nighttime except that itself is an illusion, an illusion behind an illusion, because you're still in the act of hallucinatory perception even if you're hallucinating hallucinations or the representation of hallucinations which seem easier to control than hallucinations because the power of hallucinations is supposed to be the fact that we don't realise they're hallucinations whereas in fact the real power of hallucinations is their power to convince us of their relevance and importance in spite of their embodiment as hallucinations and then when we succumb to the hallucination not as a deity of the mystical but as a deity of the unconscious we have surrendered our minds to that mystical deity thinking that we are in escape from our unconscious when in fact the mystical deity is our unconscious embodied in a new format and we are pleased to imagine that we have conquered the sublime and are in control of our bodies and unconscious minds but what is really going on is that we are peons in a supracelestial subdivision of plots of

land each with its own master wielding a whip of burdening portents that are no more able to manifest themselves as bodily harm than we are able to extricate ourselves from our flesh and yet we are driven both by the notion of harvest and by the notion of flesh which are both noxious to the olfactory system that seeks subvert both the master and the plot of land and transcend the subdivision and evaporate into a supraconsciousness in the supracelestial realm and fatefully this olfactory system is but another representation of hallucination because the supracelestial in which the olfactory exists has always been to begin with a hallucination created by a hallucination for the purpose of internal subjugation and fortified fantasies of geometrical shapes and mathematical associations into the blob which has never moved but only sits in the centre of the divine thought as an idealised state of existence and is pumped full of toxic gases which do not affect it but we imagine that they affect it and in doing create without realising a hallucination of the blob which transforms into a living pulsing heart blob and then further into the representation of a consciousness which may take any shape or form as dictated by the hallucination and in our ongoing quest for the mystical deity which we imagine as being on the horizon in order to convince ourselves of perpetual dissatisfaction of the ideal without making our conscious mind aware of the deception inherent in the horizon and all horizons we translate the signals sent to us by the hallucination in which the mystical deity exists as coordinates which depict a map of the cosmos represented by myriad microcosms and never do we realise that eye is not an instrument of exterior sensory collection and transmission to the mind in the way

of a miner digging into the earth or a forager gathering fruit but of reception of the elements which are impressed upon us and which dictate reality which is the categorised embodiment of our hallucinations within hallucinations under the mystical sky and sphere of cosmic energy which is chaos. You're reading the paper and suddenly realise that you're on a planet in a country in a specific location reading a paper which came from another such location as an amalgamation of coincidences culminating in the impression of ink unto paper and formation into the device known as letters which are representations of language which is a representation of consciousness, which is of course the blob, and you perceive the idea. And you're feeling hunger. And now you're feeling sadness. And now you're feeling truth. And now you're feeling age. And now you're feeling anxiety. And it goes no further but you'd like it to, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Now, there are a few big things wrong with capitalism. The first is that capitalist systems necessarily subjugate the masses, vocation is essentially slavery or rental

of the self aka prostitution, education is perpetuation of the capitalist ideal under the guise of the impression of history upon the collective intelligence and knowledge of mankind, and so on. The second is that capitalism necessarily recognises the function and usefulness of the state and therefore undermines itself by creating idealogical weak-points in its own structure, but this is a good problem, for us. The third is operates under the assumption that capital is fundamentally good and desirable and that transmission of capitalist objects is a natural state within humanity, and so on. The fourth, and most important, is that it operates under the assumption that a system in itself is necessary, the idealisation of ideal represented in hierarchy and fetish and so on, and perceives itself to be lucid and all other states of existence to be the repressed desires of capitalism inherent in even mathematics itself, anarchy wants to be capitalism but it doesn't understand its impulse so it pushes them unto its unconscious, socialism wants to be capitalism but it's too insecure and doesn't want to leave the safety of the parents' home, and so on. So how do you defeat Freud? With Lacan. Jung had it wrong, he tried to oppose Freud, suggest new and different ideas, and go even deeper than Freud had, except by being even more superficial in that paradoxical way fundamental to all

psychology, he tried to create a system outside and beyond Freud. No, this is not how you defeat Freud. You defeat Freud by coming up next to him and making friends and calling yourself Freudian, and slowly little by little you change one idea or one definition, you move a few pieces around a little bit, but you are always fundamentally Freudian. It is not radical, this is important. Then, after a while, you've changed enough that what you have is no longer Freud, but something else, but it's still called Freud. This is how you defeat Freud. Think of the famous paradox of the unstoppable force meets the immovable object. No, what you want is to slightly alter the course of the unstoppable force, little by little by suggestion, you make it go to the side, barely noticeable, and then, it goes around the immovable object. This is what real revolution has become. Small, insignificant and unnoticeable changes that eventually add up to be something seismic and transformative.

hello Amy S,

is there any chance of some spacing to make it a little more pleasant to read?

cheers

Yes paragraphs please. I've made the same mistake before so no worries.

Might wanna put down the DMT pipe for a couple weeks or so.

Reading your very first sentence, it sounds like a specific brain condition I learnt about in a neuroscience course back in the day (sort of similar to Deja Vu), which for the life of me I cannot recall at the moment....

It's happens to me when I might say a word (such as "bridge", for instance) and for some reason, the word sounds and feels completely alien... it may even feels strange voicing the word out loud..

The word you're looking for is 'jamais vu,' which is the opposite of deja vu. Deja vu is when something unfamiliar feels familiar, and jamais vu is when something familiar feels strange.

For the OP: I don't know how much spice you've been smoking or what's going on in your life, but I highly recommend you take a break from any mind-altering substances and try and do something centering. I'm not in a position to definitively tell you something about how your brain is working, but it sounds like you're having some cognitive difficulties.

I'm reading your post and trying to understand: do you feel as though you're having a hard time connecting one moment to the next? Are you having difficulty differentiating between imagined stimulus and perceived stimulus? Do objects seem to have abnormal salience in your environment? The text was a little hard to make sense of.

Also, I couldn't help but notice that you did not make paragraphs, but rather, just pressed the return key a few times at seemingly random points.

How are things in your life? Are you feeling okay?

Blessings
~ND

I had no trouble discerning this text. Enjoyed it thorougly.. I thought it was inspiring, insightful and quite close to home. I liked the ending and transition to society as a whole that was really insightful.

That's the one ~ND.. thanks

... after reading the next sentences, and getting lost a little... I don't believe it is the same condition. In fact, I actually suffered from a similar condition back when I was around 17 and had a bad LSD trip. I felt "off", like nothing was like it seemed anymore, I felt 'weird" around other people, it was like my mind was still in a slightly altered state... like 'not coming down completely' from the trip...

....I was like that for around 6 months, and what turned it around for me was having another trip. This time it was a wonderful experience and I came out of it 'ground' and feeling normal again. This was my own experience, and I would NEVER recommend the same approach as i do not have any medical qualifications. It was something that I felt was the answer at the time.

What I WOULD recommend as a first approach is exactly what Nathanial.Dread has suggested.... take a break from any mind-altering substance, and try to center and ground your thoughts.

Lastly, thank you for sharing this with us. Stay safe, speak your mind, there are many great people in here who are willing to understand and help you.

I actually thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Although, a little more structure wouldn't hurt.

Enjoyed the OP and could relate to certain parts. But i don"t really understand the lay off the drugs comments by other members. It"s the philosophy section guys. If every philosopher was told to lay off the drugs by their peers everytime they presented a seemingly odd concept, there would be a lot less philosiphising being done.
I appreciate that you want to help but i don"t really see that much that is odd or worrying in Amy s"s post. I think that it is perfectly normal to feel a disconnection to what is physically going on around you at times. It is a sign of an analytical mind. (But i am willing to admit that perhaps i should lay off the drugs aswell).

nice post Amy S

i can relate to much of what you're saying , you know things are the way they are in our world ,

yet all we can do is accept and observe

i am not into philosophy anymore , precisely for this reason

Dissociation.
I experience it too sometimes.
To be very far removed from where ever you physically are and whatever you were doing all of a sudden.


It has alot to do with attention. When this happens the attention/awareness is somehow withdrawn from the
outside world and drawn into the mind/psyche. This can happen in less than a second. Like falling out
of the physical world and into the mind, quickly loosing touch with the physical world around you.


Could this brief dissociation be connected to the phenomenon of "micro sleep"?

Possibly. Most research done into dissociation looks at the relationship between the prefrontal cortex and the lower limbic system. Dissociation is thought to be when the prefrontal cortex, in response to high levels of stress, inhibits firing in circuits that generate emotional experience. If you look at patients with depersonalization disorder, you can see that, when they're shown emotionally distressing scenes and pictures, there is reduced activity in areas related to emotional processing and increased activity in areas associated with regulating emotion.

http://www.sciencedirect...le/pii/S0925492701001196

Microsleep, however, is generally associated with changes in regions of the brain that modulate the wake-sleep cycle. Regions associated with arousal are, for some reason, abnormally sensitive and so doing repetitive tasks (like driving) causes them to flip into the 'off' state.

Best
~ND

Interesting, your too-brief comments on microsleep Nathanial. Also I appreciate your concern but I assure you I am doing fine, have not taken DMT in over a year as it happens, which is however irrelevant as I wrote the OP maybe 5 years ago (I used to meditate heavily, then) and came across it while doing a PC clean out. I thought it was amusing and interesting and actually the above is only an excerpt.

The denser middle part may seem like pure gibberish, probably because it was never intended to have an audience meaning nothing is explained or simplified. Think of it as stream-of-consciousness meditation-cum-neurophilosophy if that helps you.