Background: Back when I was drinking hard, my roommate (also referred to as the friend) at the time (who at this point in time has racked up four OUIs) and I went out on a Sunday to grab some beers and come back to watch The Wire. As we were in the car about to leave after picking up the stouts, a person wearing a ragged shirt and cut off jean shorts came up to the vehicle, tapped my friend on the arm, and asked him something. My friend replied "I don't know, I'm not the one driving." I asked what he had said, and he asked for a ride. I said sure, why not, I felt comfortable with the situation and allowed him in the vehicle. We drove down the road, and I dropped him off about a mile down the road, while keeping the conversation focused on something innocuous such as his favorite radio station. He gave me a smile, left, although my friend did not seem to be too enthralled by the passenger, we went back to drink until we passed out.

A few nights later, I saw a gentleman dressed up wearing a white shirt, dress pants and shoes, walking down the street holding a book that I took to be The Bible. He appeared religious, and upon approaching I realized that it was the same guy I gave a ride to just a few days before. "Weird," I thought, "once looking so ragged and now suddenly so dapper... well, maybe he found Jesus, good for him" and I passed it off as just another one of those things. A few weeks later, I was at a local watering hole with same friend, and I saw this guy again at the end of the bar, not drinking, no one around him, just smiling and staring at me, religious book, dressed up, hair combed over. I tapped my friend on the shoulder, but he became deeply engaged in some conversation with another and wouldn't give me the light of day. This guy at the end of the bar was still staring at me with the same smile. I approached him, as he was dressed in his Sunday best, and said "I think I know you!" He just smiled and shook his head and said "no, you don't" ... and just stood there smiling at me. So eventually I went back to ask my friend if he saw this gentleman, and by the time I got my friend's attention, I pointed to the space where the guy was, and he was gone.

A few weeks later, I saw someone walking down the road wearing army fatigues with short cut hair, and as I got closer I realized it was the same guy, with the same smile. He seemed aware I was looking at him even though we didn't make eye contact, if that makes any sense. Keep in mind these sightings are in a small town, so it's not too unlikely, although the manner of dress seemed weird, it's just another weird thing in a small town I can usually shrug off.

I eventually met some dark days with this drinking friend (involving him drinking himself to a point where I came out of my bedroom and found him so intoxicated he was naked "speaking" in deep guttural utterances and upon seeing me, crawled on the floor to the bathroom faster than I've ever seen a human crawl, reminding me of videos I had seen of feral children as a kid. Yikes.) and we parted ways on bad terms. About a year and a half later, I had a terrible experience while drunk that really shook me to my core. This set off a chain of events where I tried to make amends with past friends, and the aforementioned friend was invited to my place in the new location. This new location is closer and a little bigger. As we are standing in line in a sandwich shop, a person comes in. It's that original homeless guy. He just looks at me again, smiling, and asks me for some money. I say I don't have any, and he just stares, smiling, and walks out. I begin to talk to my friend thinking that I may have some problem, and my friend reassured me that he saw him too so I wasn't hallucinating. Strange, I thought, I would see that dude again in this new location the first time I have seen my old friend in a year. It takes me a couple shoulder rolls, but I eventually shrug it off as one of those things.

Fast forward another year and a half. I am now in another place entirely. This just happened yesterday, as I came back from a weekend where my friends got really drunk and had a lot of ego flares and just not a fun time for myself as a sober person. As I walk back to my new apartment, a guy is standing by the entrance to my building, wearing blue pants and a blue shirt like you would see from a person who has spent time in a psych ward. I think he looks familiar, but he just walks away. I start talking to the maintenance dude here and I asked who he was, but he said just someone who stopped to smoke a cig. I continue conversation with the maintenance guy and the man dressed in blue scrubs walks by, again, looking at me, smiling. It's him. Again! The same guy. With the smile!

The thing about this guy is... the smile he gives, it's a smile like he knows something, and when he makes eye contact with me, it's like he can see everything about me. I know it's different with him because I make eye contact with just about everyone I can, and in so doing I have become pretty adept at seeing subtleties, but this guy is off my books, I have no idea what is going on. I can't figure this one out. I guess I'm looking for general consensus here, coincidence? Or has it gotten to the point of okay... maybe something's up.

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In other news, I was reliving the music of the duo in the entropy post I had made, and their DJ, DJ Quandary, came out with an album called Sigils, and his first song had this quote:

"Some thoughts have a certain sound, that being the equivalent to a form. Through sound and motion, you will be able to paralyze nerves, shatter bones, set fires, suffocate an enemy or burst his organs. We will kill until no Harkonnen breathes Arakeen air."

&

"It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion."

Intrigued, I looked up the quotes and found it was for a movie called Dune. I then saw another quote which coincided with a member of this forum, actually specifically a moderator [a square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn't a square ], who's signature has the quote "Fear is the mind killer", from the same movie. I just watched it, I think I now understand where the term 'spice' comes from, although I don't want to jump to any conclusions. I have believed this substance was able to bend space time before I watched the movie, so I enjoyed the concept put forth in this film.

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I just wanted to let you know how I found out about this forum. I had just gone through my alcoholic years, a week stint in a psychiatric ward (because I told people I had lost my fear to kill myself, and I knew I was a soul in a body so I was not afraid to permanently leave as I was not enjoying existing around other dense humans), and was going through alcohol withdrawal for two months, terrible dreams, a living death during the day, no energy anywhere to be found, a living hell. I eventually found kava because kavalactones seemed to be a good substitute for GABA receptor 'tickling'. It worked well, and after joining their forum for a month I decided to do a group chat. That night DMT nexus chat members 'infiltrated' (for lack of a better word ) the forum and set up a sub forum there. I wondered what the heck the Nexus was, and then upon searching I thought it strange that the first night I join kava forum the Nexians arrive, although just another wacky coincidence. The kava forum didn't like it too much but the thing they were most angry about is some Nexians were talking about buying/selling kratom on their forum. Either way, I no longer am part of that forum due to some information from posters not matching up with what they originally said, which puts me at a state of dis-ease.

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Where am I going from here? Another quote from Dr. Quandary album is this: "Do you know where dreams come from?" continuing, "Acetylcholine neurons fire high voltage impulses into the forebrain. These impulses become pictures, the pictures become dreams but ... no one knows why we choose these particular pictures".

Intrigued, I searched the above and found a google books excerpt from a book The Philosophy of David Lynch written by none other than.. David Lynch, the director of Dune. In this book, the following is found after that quote --> ( season 1, episode 3: "Rest in Pain" ). Googling this phrase, I have found it to be taken from an American mystery television series named "Twin Peaks". I'll watch it and let you know what's good there.

I, I'm not looking for anything this time. If you want to type something, just let it flow. I'm maxing out here, I think its time for a walk!

Dune, what a great movie that is!

If you like the quotes, credit is actually more due to Frank Herbert, the author, than David Lynch, the director.

Hi

Im sure you're familiar with the concept of set and setting and how both contribute to a safe and fullfilling psychedelic experience. Given the experiences you describe I would be concerned about your set here.

The folk here have some good advice here. check out section 5:

https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=57344


Seeing the same person in people who's external appearance in fact changes, and feeling that this same person follows you from place to place with the feeling that he is all knowing, are not common experiences.

I don't want to be alarmist but given a history of alcohol problems too one could be forgiven for thinking you could have suffered a mild schizophrenic episode here.

Personally, I would be getting myself checked out and wouldn't be mucking about with DMT or any psychedelic, grass included, until I knew for sure what was going on.

I really hope you don't take offense to this. Its meant with the best of intentions.

All the best.

Yeah, I hear you there. It certainly sounds like it, doesn't it? Funny thing is, I'm self aware that this is highly unlikely, in fact improbable situation that is occurring. It is my intuition that is feeling the deeper connection, but it is my mind that is talking myself out of looking too deeply into things. Funny thing, considering this is usually reversed for most people, with their mind convincing them of things that are not real. I also have a strong pull towards shamanism, which is embodied so well in this video.

I have heard that when the shamans were first encountered they were thought to be schizophrenic, and I just found an interesting undergrad essay which posits that they are one in the same.. with an interesting tidbit on DMT..

Anyways, if you want to read through all my posts you'll get a clearer idea of why I am here. A good place to start would be my introduction essay. I know it seems super unlikely, but there may be a deeper reason I am posting to this forum than first meets the I. Some people claim to understand the concept of infinity and infinite possibilities yet when an idea is offered outside of their 'infinite' worldview, it becomes subject to labeling with a psychiatric disorder, generally because their minds cannot comprehend anything outside of their comfort zone. People such as this are the primary cause of the unfortunate state of affairs our world is in, leaving it crippled, dark, and dense.

This forum has a high energy of intelligence, so I am seeking a partnership of what I can offer and what can be provided, that is all. Also I'm interested in nootropics and out of all the things on this site that is off limits to new members, nootropics is one of them, which is hilarious because they are legal. So I just have to keep sharing and growing with all of us until someone thinks that I have made some modicum of a contribution to this forum and I get the carrot removed from under my name. And yes, I know it's supposed to be a seedling.

And, well, I'm sure you know Terence.

EDIT:

also, I'm still needing to point out a few things that make me feel dis-ease from your post, so I need to address more from you.


"seeing the same person in people" indicates that I was incorrectly identifying this singular individual by mistaking many people for the same person, which is terribly insulting to my intelligence and perception. It disturbs me to my core you would type this. "Feeling that this same person follows you from place to place" also indicates to me you're injecting your own thoughts on the story as well. I never said this - coincidence does not imply causation. "The feeling that he is all knowing" also isn't entirely true, although it is pretty close to the interpretation of the gaze that I sustain with him. Of course, since you are not me and you have also not made eye contact with him from my point of view it is a topic that you may want to reconsider thrusting an opinion on. Remember.. implicit messages, my dear friend. I am truly disappointed by the words you have typed.

I hope that I can help expand your worldview Mistletoe Mix, to understand a concept such as infinity and infinite possibilities. Perhaps in your reality, something like this would be too far outside what you could consider to be true and you would want to see a psychiatrist for help, and I applaud your suggestion as to what you would do in your own reality.

I also don't want to be alarmist but given your posts I would strongly caution you against using psychedelics. I believe understanding the concept of infinity is very baseline to using these tools effectively, and if you lack this basic, fundamental knowledge you can truly cause permanent and irreversible damage... I read through your introduction essay and your trip report of "something like 20 years ago" and I do not think you should be using these compounds ever again.

I really hope you don't take offense to this, it's meant with the best of intentions.

(Also, it's 'whose', not 'who's [who's = who is / who has]. Language is powerful...)

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To pitubo, nice quotes. The book will be arriving any day now!!

Hi

My heartfelt apologies. I really didn't mean to upset you. Of course, I know next to nothing about events you wrote about and you know your own mind better than anyone. So you're right to pull me up on inaccuracies if I have introduced/magnified them. This was unintentional by the way. I worried about sending that message, and now I think perhaps I did the wrong thing.

I hope you won't mind if I disagree with you on the topic of shamanism and schizophrenia which you touch upon. Terrence McKenna was a great orator and fabulously erudite but also, in my own opinion, wrong on a great many things. Schizophrenia and Shamanic visions differ in important respects:

1) A Shaman is able to enter and leave (unless using some kind of psychoactive brew) the altered state of consciousness at will. A schizophrenic can not; she remains at the mercy of her delusions.

2) A Shaman has a firm grip on what is an aspect of an altered state and what is an aspect of base line consciousness. A schizophrenic is incapable of distinguishing between the two.

3) A Shaman is not persecuted by his visions, a Schizophrenic is.

4) A Shaman's 'hallucinations' tend to be visual, where as a schizophrenic's hallucinations are almost always auditory.

Richard Noll's 'shamanism and schizophrenia: a state specific approach to the "schizophrenia metaphor" of shamanic states.' (1983, The American Ethnological Society) gos into greater detail and has a good reference section for other social scientists countering this common trope.

A shaman is more than a schizophrenic accepted by a tribal society and a schizophrenic requires greater care and attention than an ostracized shaman would. I think there are behavioral similarities between someone on a psychedelic and someone undergoing a schizophrenic episode and because of that there is a counter-cultural drive to defend psychedelics against the charge that they turn people mad. Mckenna's approach is to attack the status of schizophrenia as a disability and present it as little more than eccentricity. Instead, it is western society that is at fault and its conservative inability to accommodate difference.

But I think the truth is that there are differences between the two phenomena and McKenna would have done better to draw those out.

>> I read through your introduction essay and your trip report of "something like 20 years ago" and I do not think you should be using these compounds ever again.

yeah, you're probably right.

>> I really hope you don't take offense to this, it's meant with the best of intentions.

no offense taken at all, mate.

>> Also, it's 'whose', not 'who's [who's = who is / who has]. Language is powerful..

thanks for the heads up.

All the best.

Sorry, i do not mean to derail this thread but, unless i am missing something, i do not understand why Mistletoe Minx should never take psychedelics again because he or she was spiked 20 odd years ago.
I do not think that being able to understand infinity is absolutely necessary for someone to use these drugs effectively and maybe through using them one can be introduced to such ideas as infinity.

Mistletoe Minx, it's fully accepted, I reacted instead of created with my response. I really do enjoy your thought out responses regarding schizophrenia and shamanism, I agree with what you've said. Definitely true they are not equal, and for the record I do not believe myself to be either a shaman or a schizophrenic. But one thing is for sure, things in my waking reality are definitely not the same things everyone else seems to be encountering, but I don't have a specific chemical to point to and say 'this substance has directly caused me to perceive reality this way'. It's more like, every event in my past has led me to experience this present moment, and that is a powerful concept that is constantly unfolding.

And hug46, I had someone recommending me against taking a chemical based on things I had typed, and I sought to emulate and reverse the situation just to elicit a similar feeling so he would understand how it felt to have someone recommend against taking psychedelics. Ask me today, when I have had time to think about my response, do I really think he shouldn't? No, when I think about it in this frame of mind, I couldn't care either way.

What I don't understand is human rationality. How does this:

"The stereotypical clown, the stereotypical 'red indian' and so on, and... er.. they all took turns in 'being me'. In spite of being pinned to the floor, they took turns dancing me and then seemed to rate the experience to me and let another archetype have a go."

Seem more reasonable than experiencing the same individual in various garb at different points in my life?

Because one had smoked some unknown substance before? Little machine elves invading rooms and goddesses telepathically telling people they have been orchestrating this whole thing sounds pretty insane to me, doesn't it to you? "It was a mentally manufactured vision that completely replaced all that." - This does not exist in reality! Yet I'm the one that shouldn't be taking these chemicals because I am experiencing things in physical reality?

I think it's because people only understand what they allow themselves to believe. I mean, the earth is flat, right? So relaying my subjective experiences to everyone is a test to see how open minded people are here.

Also hug46, not to derail your derail, but I noticed in another thread you said "If one is intelligent about their alcohol consumption it can be a positive experience." Couldn't the same be said about heroin?

Ah, ok. That makes it a little more clear. How does it feel to have someone recommend against taking psychedelics? Is it bad? I suppose on a forum dedicated to one of the psychedlic daddies (or mummies) it could be taken as a bit of a kick in the teeth but i think that there were times in my life where maybe someone should have recommended that i take a break.

As far as this guy you keep seeing goes i think that, if it keeps happening, you should force a conversation. Maybe get a name. I don"t know, it"s a bit of a tough one. It would probably freak me out badly if i was a bit younger.



I believe it could but IME heroin has far more potential for addiction which can marr the more positive aspects of the experience.

Wow, this is uncovering a lot more than I thought possible. Yeah, I took it as a bad thing, an insult. I think because I take it to imply that my soul is weak, which is a pretty stupid way to think about it now that it's been typed. Like I'm unable to process my reality correctly, which is about all I've really got in this world. That scares me a lot.

And thanks for the answer, the addiction potential explains more of how I was thinking about it. I find chemicals that cause physical addiction to be particularly dreadful, which is what brought me from alcoholic to kava, of which studies have indicated there is very little, if at all, physical addiction potential. But we are all different individuals at the physical, emotional, intellectual and consciousness level, so we all react differently to things.

I'm really sorry for the aggressive nature of my prior posts, I don't know why I do this. Part of the reason I started this journey in the first place. I am perceiving a problem therefore I can perceive a soulution.

And that was a really funny play on word with mummies. Good stuff

Hi

>> Mistletoe Minx, it's fully accepted,

Great. Thats a relief.

I suppose I just read your thread opener and was struck by what seemed at the time like a lot of pain and of course the posts we write are reflections of our current concerns, right?

I mean personally, making sure set and setting are right are essential aspects of a pleasant experience. I wouldn't go near psychedelics if I was just a little bit annoyed about something. If Im annoyed because I burnt the toast, thats it, all trips are cancelled. I don't want a bad trip about a frazzled baguette.

all the best.