I am totally blown away by what you just described, as I write this my friend and I are currently reading the "Tibetan book of the dead" you referenced. Due to just having my mind blown, I will respond to what you said bit by bit.



I guess the most shocking thing to me at first was, rather than seeing an old man with a white beard, I saw a woman, and the feeling is that she was nature manifesting as a very nurturing feeling inside of me, the divine feminine if you will.

As if, whenever you feel kind and loving toward another, and that comes from an instinctual desire to uplift and inspire others, you are mother nature reaching out and touching people in this way. You, and yet, infinitely greater than you.



This describes the motivation to be (or one of the main reasons why people become Mormon) to a tee. The ultimate goal of obedience to the laws and commandments of God is perfection, which is essentially having your physical form [The physical body at its peak (Early twenties most say: I've heard this taught many times)] perfected and glorified to be like God. "Equal partakers of his Glory"

By far the most difficult thing for me to reconcile was the fact that (In being honest with what I know and what I don't) I had to give up the belief that I would still have family ties after I die. Not that this will not happen, but that I had so firmly believed it for so long it felt like I was dying.

in a sense this was true, my ego --at least a little part of it-- died when I accepted that there could quite possibly be just empty space after I die.
This was the conclusion I came too when I was honest with myself completely.

Coming to this realization is what ultimately led me to Eckhart Tolle, then later The spice. If there is just empty space after my physical form perishes --Which is the literal dichotomy to having a perfected and/or resurrected physical body--

(perfected form: matter solidified vs. no-thing: empty space)

What could I learn from this space? after all I spend two years completely and totally engrossed in the idea form was the answer. This led me here.




This is very fascinating because the first time I went to hyperspace I saw arms everywhere, coming out of the bed, pulling my head this way and that, teasing me almost. But most shockingly, I saw a face materialize as the spice's potency was coming to an end.

Now this is weird. Once I saw this face I was a little shocked. later I saw EXACTLY what the face was. It is here:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me/art/
The face of the woman is 100% what I saw. I can't remember seeing blue, but I did see yellow eyes and the facial expression is spot on. I had never seen this page prior to looking at the art section which was 2 weeks after my first trip. coincidence? my mind says: "yes" haha but my consciousness is open to the possibility lol.

Now as I saw this face I mimicked it's stare, tipping my head down slightly and staring with an almost wide eyed intense expression of utter focus but startling awareness, almost like an animal ready to pounce.

Now, AS I DID THIS, the fractals began to re-emerge from the space that was leaving due to the spice wearing off. I could go back temporarily by mimicking this gaze!

Now, whenever I feel that thoughts are taking my focus off of the moment --after checking to see if there are others nearby who would freak out by seeing someone with such a serious look on their face lol-- I can access this state and accept what is (no matter how badly my mind labels it: for example it being 117 degrees farenheit outside today lol) very quickly. Crazy man!



Wow, just wow. Thank you for writing this. In the midst of the suffering I remember saying "Thank you." many times. Gratitude was the only thing I could do to end the pain, it felt like. To truly feel grateful no matter what happened.

Also, I really just can't put into words what the pain felt like, it was like.. a Saw movie, but I was in every single scenario multiplied over and over. Barbed wire, knives, everything sharp, cutting, slicing... Yeah, no fun. I kept saying "thank you."

The instant the pain stopped, I remember standing up looking down at my hand and seeing it on fire, but this was not burning, it was the fire of enlightenment. I have not been the same since.



No, thank you! It feels as if I have known you before, or maybe it's me talking to myself. At any rate, I look forward to communications we may, or may not have in the coming moments. Thank you, I feel incredibly lucky to have read what you wrote (:

No worries, Im still interested with what that quote was lol. Let it fly on this post lol. I can understand the fact of some people not being honest and truthful about some things, but nobody's perfect, if we were where's the fun? its already figured out.

As a young adult who's happily married, I kind of looked at my own marriage in my life lol. Nothing in a bad way lol. We are both soo different in the aspect of being the same, its mind boggling. She doesn't smoke pot, drink, nothing. I do enough for us both, but we have an understanding that goes deep than what makes us different on the outside. Its hard to explain. like ying and yang? But We respect each other not to judge, we have the same deep understanding. One holds half but not the full picture, but together make a whole.

My ma is on the crazy side she knows I take entheogen's. Still trying to be a mother and pitch "great opinions" to me but, cant blame her, im HER kid to her lol. She just wants the best for you cause she loves you, things that are not understood are frightening to some. My grandmother passed away last year and a half, but she's always with me because I know she is. They are never truly gone unless we let them fade. I always think "what would she do?" and that always makes her present.

Im waitin for the quote... lol would love to hear it!

Safe Happy Travels! --dls--

Immense respect man.. I can only imagine how much you have experienced! It's insane.. I've never been on a forum before and It's crazy how many people have faced some of the same dilemmas I have.

Without further ado, one of my favorite quotes. This one came to mind as I read your post. I never truly understood it up until I was in spice space.

"Whenever you meet anyone, no matter how briefly, do you acknowledge their being by giving them your full attention? Or are you reducing them to a means to an end, a mere function or role?

What is the quality of your relationship with the cashier at the supermarket, the parking attendant, the repairman, the “customer”?

A moment of attention is enough. As you look at them or listen to them, there is an alert stillness – perhaps only two or three seconds, perhaps longer. That is enough for something more real to emerge than the roles we usually play and identify with. All roles are part of the conditioned consciousness that is the human mind. That which emerges through the act of attention is the unconditioned – who you are in your essence, underneath your name and form. You are no longer acting out a script; you become real. When that dimension emerges from within you, it also draws it forth from within the other person.

Ultimately, of course, there is no other, and you are always meeting yourself."



Thanks --dls--

I'm glad you enjoyed what I wrote. I didn't want to be presumptuous, but I thought you would dig it.

Hey, so you ran in to KALI: Kali: Sanatan Society

After reading her description, she definitely fits those "death" deity type entities. For me, I see/experience something more akin to Chemchok, but their purpose is almost identical.

I wrote about Chemchok and Shiva here. dropthemillstone: On Shiva

I read somewhere else on the forum that a guy spoke with a sahdu in India who said that Kali is "very easy to find," which I took to mean a pretty common encounter among transformative experiences.

It's important to remember that they are there to HELP you, as terrible as it seems. Obviously, you got that as you report your feeling of gratitude to have your identity violently dismembered.

I had an experience last night almost exactly what you just said. Except she said my "gf isn't ready, she is where she needs to be" Look out for an trp report soon. It was stunning to feel so clearly, "ohh wow, Mother Nature, majestic, always there, never ending, dominant, beginning, end, active, moving, still" it was shocking.

Man, that is some strong stuff! But it makes a lot of sense, beautiful quote! Every person you run into is a reflection of you, your personality and happiness. When you get a smile from someone, its hard, really hard not to smile back. As to be kind to others its hard to be cruel to the ones being soo nice to you, so you feel as you need to give it back! I knew I would love it.

I have learned to have a different perspective with that quote, thank you for sharing Beyond Me!

Probably one of the most difficult programs for the mind to let go of.. but so true. In my experience this mentality is key to overcoming fear of the bad trip. Thank you for your valuable insight.



Anytime brother!

I have been putting off reading this thread for a few days due to my busy schedule, but I am truly amazed reading your story. I find it so incredibly fascinating, and I very much look forward to having you as a fellow member of the Nexus.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Thank you entheogenerator!

I had failed so many times at attaining the sacred fruit, until reading one of your posts 3 weeks ago, then BAM everything clicked.

Absolutely grateful, many thanks.

That's awesome! It's so nice to hear that my words are helping someone, somewhere! Glad you were able to work out the kinks!

Hey i tried to PM you back but as I'm a new member it's not working! Here is my message:

No way!! Wow! That's amazing, and actually quote comforting that others have had similar experiences to it. I literally had no idea at the time wtf was going on.
Oh yes at the beginning I felt the similar - my own pain and weight of the suffering i had inflicted upon mother nature, and then i saw the felt the whole world and its suffering. Ah It was so painful! Apparently i was properly screaming for a while :S Awh , I'm so glad you enjoyed reading! Wow, that does sound similar.

"I saw a woman, very serene and beautiful, begin to rearrange all of the thoughts in my head, preventing me from escaping this present moment." Wow!


I'm going to highlight certain parts of your post which really remind me of mine, obviously these experiences at totally gorgeously unique, but drawing some parallels where they exist i think helps us further understand our experiences thus what we learn from them.

“WHAT THE F--- WERE YOU THINKING?!”“What the hell were you thinking? Did you think you could just use this? You have no idea what you’re dealing with.” I realized the force was mother nature" (Thoughts/experiences where quite similar for me here too...

“I can end your thinking.” said the voice for the last time before being gripped by some unseen entity and forced to see myself be tortured and killed mercilessly."

I was killed over and over and over and over again, until I was just empty space. No-thing..

Mother nature was not yelling at me, but at my ‘pain-body’, the little boy. The real me, the “I Am” beyond the fleeting nature of name and form, was in strict observance to the proverbial a--kicking my ego was experiencing. Wow!

This trip report is so interesting! And it does sound very much like Dismemberment to me. I'd like to also add how you've written this is excellent - so hard to describe trips like this but you've done a really good job.

Yes, terrifyingly beautiful is exactly the way to describe it! That was your first trip? Jesus! That's amazing! Well done for getting through that psychologically! And do you mean in myself? I am not very spiritual - as in i feel as though i understand what 'divinity' is, that i met some form of that force... I also feel great fear and awe at what i experienced... before that i would have considered myself an atheist. How about yourself?

Thanks so much for messaging me! Really found your post interesting,
Much love
Nadia

Did u ever do a mission? Sorry ir its been answered

Yes (:

I'm glad to have found someone that shares this very particular experience of being raised mormon and taking shamanism to heart. I was raised a mormon as well... (until 17 when I moved out) and became interested in shamanism and native americans. I never made it to a mission, though most my brothers have. I was made deacons and teachers quorum president, then a counselor in the priests quorum. I started asking questions about the world being 6k old, the dinosaurs, garden of eden, the hypercyphili from the pearl of great price that Joseph Smith found and filled in the blanks, all sorts of things really... and never was satisfied with my fathers or the other melchezedic priesthood leaders responses.

Like you, shamanism has shown me revelation the priesthood promised. Yet, for some reason its hard to shed all the beliefs that were imprinted into me for so long. It leaves me confused often and I'm torn between the plan of salvation and the truths I've found through shamanic voyage both through the use of entheogens or not. I find myself comparing everything to the churches teachings. Part of me hopes and believes that the plan of salvation is true. But I don't think that God calls himself a mormon. Anyway.
Its obviously much bigger than the church. But thats not to say they dont have truths as well right?
I just hate the church doesn't make room for the obviously real aspects of spirituality that nature is blatantly putting into our faces.


cts,


I find it facinating. I know that the spirit of the mushroom and many other plant spirits speak to me. In my dreams I am shown where to go to find things. In my waking life I am drawn to them. When I walk in the woods, I will be prompted to steer out of the course and am always find sacred healing plants where I 'feel' they are. This has been going on for about 6 years now especially.

I have had time these past months to spend most of my time in nature. I'm in the mountains of central america and have been searching the mountains in lou of panaelous cyanescense and ganoderma australe. I've found a spot in the mountains where a spring comes straight from the mountain in such force it creates an amazing creek. There is a pasture going up the mountain at 6k feet elev. to the peak and I have found the exact spot that was beaconing me. I'm a 100% certain a shaman of times past made this spot holy. I started really having this impression these past months, and I sat meditating in the field last week. I know how many shaman statues in mex and guata have depictions of mushrooms and morning glory. As I got up to walk away from the field I was prompted to turn up the mountain and walked straight to morning glory about 40' out of my way. It proved to me the feeling I had got was correct. That the spirit manifested truth. I felt like I heard the song of the shaman for this holy site. (I know, it sounds crazy, but it really isn't) This is just one of hundred of personal examples. But because it happens so frequently and so profoundly, for me, it is hard to shake this feeling like this ancient art of shamanism is the basis of spirituality practice.

Earlier this week, I had a profound thought. Something that I haven't been able to shake.

I felt like yes to the both of it. Shamanism and Mormonism. Maybe?!

I felt like a possibility exists that Shamanism is operating through the temporal or terrestrial plane or dimension of spirit, and that the celestial plane of spirituality is the higher way, and that of the priesthood.

Especially when I take entheogens I am certainly transported to another realm of spirituality, but it seems to me that it is the realm of spirit for plants and animals and this planet. Even though other 'human spirits' are there, I feel like it was a choice/limbo/or an array of reasons. -- To be a warden over that realm or perhaps, stuck in it. Perhaps God gives us that right to choose? or because of the practice of practicing religious connection with it, we 'doom' ourselves to never reaching the next level...? This has been a vast new thought, I'm still trying to figure it all out, and put all the pieces together.

As I recall, the church teaches that all tiers of the plan of salvation except outer darkness are better than life on this earth. And I certainly find the world of shamanism to be better, but perhaps, are we selling ourselves short?

Shamanism often talks about the 'others' in another dimension that is different than the one they travel about.

Maybe it is a realm they cannot get to because they don't have the authority to translate over? realm of priesthood and our God's perhaps?


This makes me think of a lsd 25 trip where I meditated thinking of being in my mothers womb. I always think about what happens after I die? Well.. I haven't died yet, so why worry and contemplate something I can't know (at least that was the thought process at the time).
I felt that, since I had been born, it is something I've experienced and why not try to go backwards and see if I could pick something up? See where it is I came from as it were...

BIG MISTAKE.

I started to remember being talked to by my parents in my mothers womb. I thought about how I was just floating in there free from any pain, and how my senses were dulled. The state of mind not having any knowledge yet, and anyway.... I kept going back and tried to think of when my soul came into my mothers womb. I felt like it happened when the semen hit the egg, and BAM...

I was in a place of immense white light and these spirits both looked over at me and telepathically told me to leave, that I was unclean, and that I didn't not have permission to be there basically. Again, this wasn't vocal, just impressed with certainty.

I opened my eyes, and I felt like I would be judged for trying to get there by using entheogens.

This was years ago, but it sticks with me, and is brought back up by this realization of the degrees of glory and where shamanism and priesthood might fit, that perhaps they are both right...

Anyways. This is my rant for the morning. I found this forum monday and have been waiting for the gates to open so I could PM u. But they don't allow new members to PM ehh?

Cyanescence: Moved by what you wrote. If you read this by chance, please reply, I'd be very interested in talking to ya.