Im aware that this post will sound like im insanely batshit crazy.
However i think that my mind is strong and that i was put on this earth to go through some heavy stuff.
I don know where to start but lets just say there is alot of heavy energy in my soroundings, many people around are feeling very bad and life is generally hard and heavy.
Ive been feeling a push of a sacred path that i need to pursue.
First there was ayahuasca that spoke to me and told me i need to heal myself to heal the world.
I tried following that way but i was not strong enough, the energies were to strong and i could not take it without it breaking me down.
So i got lost for awhile, i started experimenting with rc psychs and dissiociative drugs to find something.
I didnt know what but i went in my subconsious mind and looked everywhere for the truth that eluded me.
I got addicted to new frequncies and unique states of mind.
I got further away from my sacred mission and more lost in my ego.
But after a holy journey to india and a long lesson in pain i finally got a sign from god, he/she/it spoke to me through the sacred mushroom of amanita.
He showed my true power and that i need to focus and find myself again.
I got the courage to fight my pain and find the love to heal myself again, i had to do it or everyone i know will keep on suffering for eternity.
I kept focus but after some time i got lost again, i got once into the dissiociative realm of darkness.
It felt wrong but know i know it was right, i had to embrace the darkness to see the light, by this time some powerful forces were pushing me forward and put me were i needed to be.
I got intruduced to some really holy people by pure divine intervention.
Shamans that work with the true healers, a toltec priest that came from the dark side but had seen the light and showed me the true power of energies.
He had the ability to push and manipulate these fields without the aid of drugs or plants.
He had real powers and he showed that its real.
A santo daime shaman lady, she gave me the blessing of kambo! The sacred frog accepted me and told i need to spread his medicine further.
I was chosen for my strength and my unique mind that would not break, ive pushed myself through heaven and hell but i was still here.
I went through a intense initiation, i took kambo 5times in 1month untill i was accepted, i am now a kambo shaman and i can start to heal other as kambo healed me.
So why am i telling all of this then?
Well im doing this cause i had a true divine moment 2days ago!
I have been doing alot of lsd lately, 2weeks ago i did 700mcg and died!
That is my old weak self pitying ego died.
I broke down and cried out, i was done and had to surrender to the pain of life.
I felt sick and tired of not having the power to change myself and others anymore.
So 2days ago me and my best friend went to a rave, we had planned this night for months but the whole week just fought our intention,
we both got tested and it was close we gave up and didnt go.
The day before i gave my friend kambo, he was first patient and it was intense!
He had a easy journey but i really felt the medicine in my body while i gave him the burns.
It told me i was on the right path and i needed to not doubt myself.
I was doing what had to be done and that i wasnt wrong for using other tools than the plants.
So when the time came for the rave i just followed the voice and brought with me 10hits of lsd and 500mg of ketamine,
it was a long journey there and we had to take 1hour train and then walk another hour into the deep forrest to get there.
We ate the lsd on the walk there and took a small line each of the K,
we had no idea what was gonna happen to us by then, it just felt like we needed to do this somehow.
Once we were there we walked to the dancefloor and made a joint and chilled out for awhile, we chatted abit and just embraced the energy flow.
After awhile we started to really trip out and we had to walk away abit and sit down to collect ourself.
This is where it all got crazy, we decided to snort some K but it was hard to focus, i had it all in a envelope but it was hard to see how much we should take and i was afraid we were gonna mess it up and spill it somehow.
It ended up with us snorting it all up at once! Over 200mg each while peaking on huge amounts of lsd!
What happened after that was pure insane divinity!
We both totally got out of ourselfes for awhile, first we were together and shared this divine moment.
We got it! Every ansver to every question was ours! We were god and we were gonna do it! We were gonna save the world and its all in our hands!
After that my friend got unresponsive for awhile, he was floored out holing his head off but he told he was fine.
So i stood up and startes dancing again, i felt possesed by a forest god, i was howling and shouting while i felt this viking troll god pushing his energies through me.
This is insanity and i love it!
I just felt the power growing and i had to embrace it or it would destroy me!!!
After some time i came back and realised my friend is loosing his shit, he tried standing but gravity just sucked him down.
I tried talking with him bit he could not keep his focus for more than a few secs.
He wasnt there and started to take form of other people, he spoke spanish for awhile and then english.
I spoke his name but he told me that wasnt him, so i had to snap out of my delusion cause my friend needed me now.
He started screaming that he was alive and he loved it.
It was so intense for him and he started thanking me, he told he needed this and was so thankful i had pushed him to this edge.
We had opened the gates and the energies were flowing with full power through us.
This was so real that we could not deny it.
I know it sounds so insane but you had to be there to believe it.
The most stunning part is that through all this drugged up madness one thing stood out stro ger than anything.
The spirit of kambo came out and spoke to me,
she told me that i had to push my evolution like this to be ready in time.
The combination of high doses of lsd and ketamine had pushed the energy faster than years of meditaion could do.
Its not for everyone and most people would have lost their mind doing what we did.
But i needed this, i had to do it to belive in the power of the gaia conciousness, its all real and i have a part in this.
I am now ready to put the dissiociatives and rc psychs in the backseat and start really working with the plants.
Once again i know how this all sounds, im still processing this trip and i will integrate it and get back in my mind soon.
Im not crazy but sometimes i do need to lose my mind to heal my soul.