Hi folks, friends, allies, and any others that claim else wise!
I had a pharma experience, Saturday night, that I would like to share.
I'll give enough background to fill in some gaps:
August of last year, I had an experience on mushrooms that changed the way I chose to view myself. I was presented with three individuals - The addict, The observer, and the late-40's working class family man. I was told that these three individuals compose who I am. I was given a breakdown of the "self," and this is what I was working with at the time.
The Addict to Impulse: Was the part of me that craved thrill. Adrenaline junkie, for sure. Think of all the things that come to mind when you hear the word addict. That explains this character. Skinny, scarred, scared, and wild - With the fire in its eye, and a blade in its side.
The Observer: This character is my favorable representation of the body, the word, the eyes and ears of the self - The holder of curiosity and wonder. It has been around this planet for a very very very long time. It loves balance and progression - furthering and expanding the understanding of all things encountered. It is a chemist, a curator, and a cultivator. It holds the passion and the dance of life.
The late-40's working class family man: pretty much self explanatory - questions nothing, just does what he is told in order to sustain and survive. "Luxuries" of simplicity and complexity do not apply to this character. He works in an office building with many others. Nothing exciting happens during his day. Sometimes - late at night, as he sips his beer while watching a football game on the DVR - he wonders what he could have been if he had applied himself more thoroughly in his earlier life. The thoughts are quickly interrupted by the sounds of a screaming baby and a tired wife calling for assistance.
Pretty weird interpretation of the self... What ever it was, the mushrooms saw that it was important for me to understand things in this particular fashion. I interpreted it in many different ways. One particular view of this platform was past, present, and potential future, but I was also carrying all of those loads in the current self - at the time.
I was confused. I thought this could mean that I was schizophrenic, or had some issues with multiple personalities. Those are possibilities, I'm not willing to rule em out lol, but I tend to err on the side that I have a creative imagination and the mushrooms knew how to get my attention.
It worked. I realized that I had been dwelling on my past. I was allowing my past to paralyze me - Paralyze the present, and inhibiting the potential future growth. But.... what to do? Questions, many questions...
My understanding of the situation was that "I am the Observer." I always will be, and always have been. I may take on other forms, depending on the situation, but I am who I am.
I decided I need to make a change in the line up. I had to send off the addict. I had to send off the middle class working man. I have to be able to become the person that has defined me from the beginning of time, and those two were no help. I learned from them, and now it is time to move forward.
Around December, when I first met the molecule, I successfully transformed the addict. I was stripped of his presence from December until March 1st....(coincidentally, the day Mars retrograde began.) He was not sent back to me as the addict. He spent time learning the ways of the warrior. The addict ascended to
The Guardian. He is my protector in the spiritual world, although after last night, I'll be a little more patient before I call upon him.
The working man was sent away, as well. I did not receive an upgraded version of him in return. Instead, I received an ascended version of my Grandmother - who passed away on the first of December. That's a whole other story.... I'll get there one day. To make it simple, her passing kick started my becoming. On this day, I learned that death is not what I had thought it to be. It is not something to be feared, but something to embrace with the love of those who once surrounded us.
OK, a lot of back ground before I even talk about last night. But, it's all related.
Last night, I felt like I was possibly getting a cold, or enduring some symptoms from possible allergies. In hindsight, I was probably just exhausted from being up all day working a charity event. I didn't go to bed early enough the night before, and got up 3 hours earlier than normal - 5am. Throwing off my cycle probably lead to to decrease in energy and stamina..... Mars retrograde could have played a bit of a role in how I responded...
So, I got home from the event and felt drained and a little sick. A thought flashed in the back of my mind.... I remembered reading that someone used harmalas to aid in healing from a common cold. I decided that I would give it a try and see what happened.
Customarily, when I feel like I may be getting sick, I make Rieshi(Ganoderma sp.) tea. After drinking the tea, the symptoms generally disappear within a day or so. So, i began making some tea! Its a 3 hour process, so in the mean time I decided to consume 110mg of full spectrum harmalas.
After consuming the harmala, I decided that 22mg of the molecule couldn't hurt! It would be a small dose, but maybe enough to loosen me up so that the healing can happen naturally, without a lot of intervention on my end. From what I had read, this is considered a pretty low dose.
I went about my business, aiming for a calm meditation while waiting for my rieshi to finish brewing. As I was sitting in silence, I was confronted by an entity. It was very very pushy and forceful - Nagging and obnoxious - Spouting orders as if i should accept its word as authority. The personality that this entity had reminded me of a military officer.
Initially, I entertained its requests and tried to accept the "advice." But, it wouldn't stop. I asked, "I've done what you asked, now please leave me alone so that I can work on healing." It would not take no for an answer, and began more intense bullying.
Finally, I had dealt with enough. My patients for this entity had grown thin, and I was getting angry. I'd tried asking politely. Polite wasn't working.
I called upon the
The Guardian. Immediately, it lunged from my body, smashing the intruding entity against the wall. Its right claw wrapped around the intruder's neck, crushing its throat. The left claw was plunged deep into the intruder's torso, wrapping fractal-fingers around it's heart - squeeeeeeeeeze. The intruder shrieked and screamed as it was paralyzed in the presense of
The Guardian.
This was fear. This was the same fear that it was trying to project onto me, only a few minutes prior. Little did it know...
"ENOUGH!" I finally said. "Cast it away!" The Guardian lifted it by it's heart and flung it through the window, out of the house, into the woods - then returned to me.
The anxiety and pressure that the intruder had brought on to me was lifted. I felt relief! Whew! With this new found relief, I went back to working on my rieshi brew. After about thirty minutes, I saw the intruder standing outside, staring through the window. A humbled look on its face. "I was just doing my job." It said.
"Fair enough," I replied. "I'm sorry I released the Guardian on you. Your tactics were not to my liking. I gave you the opportunity to be assertive and diplomatic many times before I asked my friend for help. I gave you the chance to speak to me on the level that I normally reside. It was not right for me to respond with violence, but I was being pushed to my limits. When you instigate battle, be sure it's one that you can win before you put on your war paint. Also, be sure it's one worth fighting for. Are you hurt?"
"Yes." It replied, with a shameful look.
"Okay, come on in. Let's dance. Let's dance together and heal each other."
The Intruder(officer) came back inside. We put our resignations aside, and danced for the rest of the evening....
Instead of healing myself, we helped heal each other.
Sometimes it's good for a change. Other times it isn't.