I grew up Mormon: a stout believer that I was in sole possession of "the way" I had often felt stable in secure in my beliefs of reality and spiritualism. Revelation or.. what is real and what is not, came from a top-down, structurally sound organization of well intention-ed men who believe there is something more than a life of suffering caused by a cold world of non-believers. I served a mission faithfully, and I was an extremely obedient child. I have never had any experienced with any mind-altering substances. I hadn't even been on a date until the age of 22.

Where Do I begin...

I have had a near-death experience on a couple different occasions. The bizarre nature and peculiar quality of these ephemeral tastes of infinity, at first, brought me an intense fear, yet a profound sense of clarity and unshakable peace I had never before witnessed: These experiences led me here, to the Dmt-nexus.


I had always been promised the ability to see visions, and revelations from a divine being, more specifically God. After literally --religiously-- exploring all of the reasons as to why these visions were not happening to me, I came to the conclusion that These visions and revelations are reserved for a select few who KNOW, and it was my role to have faith in what they know or have seen. This led me to a further exploration of the Mormon churches foundational legitimacy and its truth claims, I was stunned. My sincere desire to know the truth led me to Entheogens and a clear answer began to emerge, I CAN know.







The ramifications of this experience shook the very foundations of my life, family, and situation, but have ultimately brought with it a "Peace which passeth all understanding..", and most importantly back here, the present moment. I will be eternally grateful for all it has done, and continually does for me, and for the people who have dedicated their lives to pointing others beyond the fleeting nature of "me": the ego.
Thank you Nexians.

I have entered into hyperspace twice, both times I experienced an ego death. If anyone has questions about my religious awakening etc. feel free to ask, it was quite the story.. I may divulge it upon further inquiry. Without further ado, here is my essay and my first step into hyperspace, and ultimately the deep feeling-realization that forever changed my view and love of life,

enjoy:



A buzzing whirring, Not all too much different from the synthetic lull of an old Hollywood UFO touching down on earth began to engulf my entire being. Paying close attention to the noise I begin to notice it fly beyond the normal spectrum of conventional brainwave patterns, switching from alpha, beta, theta, delta and beyond. The Reticular Activating System of the brain checks reality about… every fifteen seconds. DMT rendered this biological advantage useless.


This new realization was quickly dwarfed by the flood of sense perceptions that began to pervade my short term memory, preventing “me” from holding onto the information for use at some future time. I began to count, to process the information being received by the brain, but immediately I was gripped by something which rendered this ability to remember 7 +/- 2 bits of information in short term memory capability useless. It was almost as if there was a cleaning company that was ready for me to arrive, and the instant I did they began to de-fragment my brain. This struck me as odd. Rather than an old man with a white beard. I saw a woman, very serene and beautiful, begin to rearrange all of the thoughts in my head, preventing me from escaping this present moment.


This was the end of “me”: the ego. Without time I noticed, the mind becomes still: “I” formless no-thing-ness (the space that inhabits the deepest recesses of our molecular being. much like the space in between the words written on this computer screen), became aware of “this”: impermanent thought forms (The words which inhabit the space on the screen).


As my mind became free from thought I began to hear something/someone scream (telepathically of course, there was no actual auditory stimuli present in my immediate external surroundings, or at least in THIS reality we --as a collective of the human race-- inhabit) “WHAT THE F--- WERE YOU THINKING?!” This was shocking, and did not cease to increase in power and intensity. I saw a dark figure appear to my left. A little boy perhaps? He began to cower and shrink as if being shouted into a corner. The instant I looked to see what/who it was, I could only see the silhouette of him/it. It quickly hid behind me as if a child hiding behind it’s mother. The shouting continued: “What the hell were you thinking? Did you think you could just use this? You have no idea what you’re dealing with.” I realized the force was mother nature (I could see her standing next to me, as I looked she stepped back into the wall, this was profound to say the least.) and she began to show me how much was she was doing to prolong the longevity of my physical and psychological form. I was being breathed, “I could instantly stop this flow of energy to your body” communicated something placidly. “I could stop the beating of your heart” Said the voice stoically. My heart began to beat at a million miles per hour and an intense fear gripped my entire being "...Did I take too much?!” said a thought that enetered into the brain without permission. “I can end your thinking.” said the voice for the last time before being gripped by some unseen entity and forced to see myself be tortured and killed mercilessly.







I felt the beat of my heart and gave it my complete and utter focus and attention. Instantly I realized I haven’t been taking the best care of my body. I realized that I could no longer use the spirit molecule to benefit my means to an end. I must respect life, and nature, prior to allowing it to teach me it’s secrets. Mother nature was not yelling at me, but at my ‘pain-body’, the little boy. The real me, the “I Am” beyond the fleeting nature of name and form, was in strict observance to the proverbial a--kicking my ego was experiencing.
At the end of this fuel-filled adrenaline disnyland rollercoaster down the rabbit whole to hell and back, I stepped up, my body was on fire. No-mind, no thought: Complete, and utter observance of reality --the present moment-- without all of the additions the mind constantly adds to it. Beyond "me".

This was odd, the first time any physical object pointed me beyond its use to something else, more accurately, no-thing: empty space.

This trip into the infinite led me back to something I had read a year earlier but had never fully internalized.
"Death is not the opposite of life. Life has no opposite. The opposite of death is birth. Life is eternal."

Article= Mind blown... Great report!

Trip reports never cease to amaze me! Under certain actions or circumstances everyone has their own way to perceive reality with what they are given aka life exp.

As stated in your post you say that your no longer needed the molecule does that mean from forever use?

If not, how will your outlooks be on life after you stopped at one trip? You might be compelled to go back now that there is a broader spectrum of ideas!

Do what feels right for you. I'm taking a break from hyperspace at the moment but that feels really short lived as the space is calling me back already lol, its a feeling I have and know it will never go away even if it submerged itself from my conciseness for a while. But that's just me...

I always knew there was something bigger to this life than what we can see in front of our eyes even as a child from no religious background, but knew it was there. Never seen it just knew it had to exist.

Beyond Me, Welcome to the nexus! Lots of good people are here to listen and pitch opinions and not judge, so if there is a question, ask it and you will get the collective in on it lol.
Happy Travels Friend!

--darklordsson--

The end is only the Beginning my friend!
Sorry, I should have clarified a little bit more. I was shocked at how DMT would point me beyond itself. Not to the permanent cessation of it's use. But a more careful and considerate approach.

A week after my first awakening I began working out and preparing my body physiologically for the trips to hyperspace. I, in no way felt that this was the end. I felt such a deep respect for mother nature. She was always there and I never knew it.


darklordsson said:

So true!

It was as if.. I was pointed to a truth that deep down I already knew, and in order to understand the simplicity of it, I would have to return back to that which I had temporarily forgotten? Absolutely stunning, Just an utter feeling of gratitude.

Quick question for you Darklordsson, after experiencing hyperspace for the first time did you experience any large paradigm shifts?

Amazing report. A complete paradigm shift in the space of a few minutes. Why is DMT not on the news every night of the week. What a strange world we live in.

When you describe your spiritual awakening, what has this resulted in? Are you simply following your own intuition or attempting to follow a tradition?

I think there are many positive aspect to mormonism and they seem to have created a very tightly knit and supportive community. But like all major religions it seems a bit authoritarian.

seriously! I was in complete and utter shock at what was happening before my eyes.. The first thing I felt after coming from hyperspace the second time was "Why has this been kept from so many people, how could you not feel love and gratitude for life after this?" and the benediction to this thought was: fear.

The greatest difference spiritually I have noticed is a deep sense of gratitude toward life, no matter what form it comes in. Much less mental interpretation of this or that, and more acceptance of things as they are, not as my mind wants them to be.

Secondly, I tend to think a lot less now. Before it seemed like I was possessed by thought. Now I seem much more observant? Less reactive to stuff that happens on the outside.

Also I'm much more patient when listening to people, less mental noise goes on in my head as I look at others. Whereas before I would listen exclusively to see how I could reciprocate their same level of emotional re-activity, instead, I pay close attention to their facial features, and sub-communications, i.e. body language, tonality.

Being on the spice highlighted these aspects of human communication so elegantly I was shocked by how much I'd forgotten we all do this naturally and --due to social norms in society-- unlearn that inborn tendency we all possess to connect with others and view reality without thought, from a place of inner-peace inside.

Also, I feel a deep oneness with nature. Before, going out and taking a walk alone in silence in nature was an almost absurd idea to me. Now, doing brings me back in line with the vibrational frequency of nature we seem to collectively feel while on the spice.

I have an immense respect for those who are in the Mormon church. I served beside them and felt a sense of community I'm sure most do living faithfully in any kind of ecumenical setting. The major difference I feel then from now, is that I don't feel that I'm in sole possession of this ability to feel connected with others anymore, and this is the foundational Core of the L.D.S. church. We have the truth, they do not, seems to be the underlying message of the doctrine.
But I can see in many ways how this belief can be beneficial to some, after all, who would the believer be without the unbeliever?

Nice thoughts nexians. And where does OP go from here? One pretty consistent experience seems to be the flood of gratitude. I'm wondering what you guys do to give back - is it a general "be nice to those ppl you interact with" or is dmt push you to do anything specific? I feel like those who do proper ayahuasca lean into environmental issues. Just curious, thanks for sharing!

Great report man! Glad you found a new way of understanding.

Just a suggestion for where to go from here...join sharetheseeds.me and become a steward of the sacred species! Not sure your into plants but maybe now you are. Peace and good luck with future journeys!

Honestly I have no idea! Up until this point in my situation I've never really felt like this.
I have written a book of sorts, but since then.. My entire view of life has almost completely changed.. And not necessarily in ways that would reinforce my previous hypothesis.

I used to view life as a means to an end, age 0 to 75 bodily struggle for immortality or perfection. Now, I don't see anything as imperfect. Kind of like an orderly chaos.
In the past few months I've done a lot of new things, but I can no longer see myself in things, so I'm in a state of like.. Confident uncertainty? Actively here, but disinterested in any outcome.

Have you ever noticed this before? It's a very fascinating paradox, kind of like in the tao te Ching "do nothing and there is nothing left undone" I've done quite a bit, but it has been more for others than for the self.
I see how much people suffer due to desire and fear.
This has gotten more philosophical than it need be, but that is the current state I suppose?
Any suggestions finitefox?



I really am now, the beauty of nature is truly ineffable, I would like to facilitate the process of doing this in a more beneficial way. This sounds like a fantastic idea. I have looked on the site briefly, I am a little busy working at the moment, but what would you suggest I start with?

So many plants to choose from! There is in fact a hefty list of DMT containing species but the world of plants is so vast. Food plants are where its at to really help benefit our world. A few fields of study that may be of interest for starting off good is "sheet mulching/composting" and "hugelkultur".

Growing the entheogens is just as important though. Most are a little tricky to grow but with trial and error you figure it all out. Some species of direct interest in these fields are Mimosa hostilis, Acacia confusa, Banisteriopsis caapi, Peganum harmala, Psychotria viridis, etc. Those were all DMT and ayahuasca related plants but there are others such as peyote and other mescaline cacti, morning glory, etc.

Hope you find your way! Peace

Yes and no. Funny to have both haha.

Yes in the sense that I realized that some minor things I need to work on for myself became apparent and very vivid.

No in the sense that I realized that I had forgotten but this is what I already knew and had to be reminded, haha Its like your inner voice comes to life and says "Its Time To Remember Who You Are." If that makes any sense.

But it took me a couple times to really switch opinions on some things. But I always knew, "Science explains how things work, but not why they do..." spiritualism covers the other part imo.

Science and spiritualism go hand and hand its like a married life, you have your disagreements, some trust issues (at some point or another lol). But they need to respect eachothers opinions no matter how farfetched the others ideas are. Because they might be true lol.

I learned to have WAAAAYYYYY more patience from my experiences.

Glad to answer for you! Pitch another ? if you have anything picking your brain!

Peace --dls--

Incredibly insightful, thank you.
I also had this very deep feeling of being welcomed back to something I already knew.

It feels as though I'm in an incredibly infantile state spiritually now haha.

Another quick question, Did taking the spice in any way give you an indication as to what it is you could do to benefit others? in other words, Has it compelled you to make any changes for the practical aspects of your life situation, i.e. career or passion?

I'm excited!

I plan on taking your advice to heart. Thank you for pointing me to this. I would never have come to this conclusion otherwise!

I've noticed, perhaps due to some kind of physiological debilitation of sorts, that I have a tendency to give my complete and utter attention to what I focus on learning. Sometimes this works to my detriment. i.e. crazy sleep schedule, not focusing on diet and whatnot. I will get lost in studying and practicing for endless hours. So, this may help me to find a balance (:

Whilst learning how to procure spice (parsley), I completely engrossed myself in the science and chemistry of it. I'm excited to see how I can contribute to something horticulturally and agriculturally which could benefit others so directly, thank you.

Its gonna sound like a Morgan Freeman quote but "Nothing you already didn't know"..

Just to be yourself, who cares what other people say they all have opinions and judge left and right but they are just opinions. I as well still do this as though I don't mean to. Kinda still hate that part of myself, but at least I know im working on it.

Just be yourself that's all. The rest will follow very shortly.

Glad to answer for u! Happy travels!Thumbs up

Just wanted to second the notion of being a gardener, and not just for the "mind expanding" plants. If God was the original architect, laying cosmic flesh onto the bones of the universe, God is currently a gardener, tending life through light. Dare say that the care-taking and nourishment of life, human or otherwise, gives meaning to it? Like the external practice of the internal realization of entheos.


I guess what I'm really trying to say is that don't wait for your vision, like there is some secret reason you're here if you could but uncover it. If you have a deep purpose inside your heart, likely you already have exhibited signs of what it is (talents, abilities, personal challenges, situational advantages, etc). Your vision is what you create. The meaning you give your trip.

I deeply unqualified to tell you what to do - I just wanted to riff off these thoughts because part of what you've said resonates with my personal experience. If I were a better listener methinks darklordsson probably said that already but more tersely.

Life changing stuff there thanks for sharing it was captivating and well written.
One thing I would advise is telling freinds to let you say the first words after the experience as being brought out of it too soon or having the pressure to communicate can cause anxiety and stress.
I look forward to reading your further journeys would you say you arent religious at all now?
Nothing like a profound psychedelic trip to strip all the social conditioning away and leave us to see that we are a part of nature not the owner or master of it. If we were all earths gardeners even just a little maybe the species would have a greater chance of not destroying itself.

--Dls-- Thank you for being so honest and open, it seems to be a trait absent from most human interaction these days.

I tried Pm'ing you one of my favorite quotes, because I didn't want this discussion to stray too far from the original topic, but alas, I am a new member! Haha



I love the analogy! Growing up mormon, the marriage analogy was their one-two punch. I've yet to be married, so this is something I've yet to learn. I did share my experience with my mother (obviously with the contextual perceptual filters necessary for her to listen without labeling me an apostate renegade lol).

I saw lady aya morph into my Grandmother (her mom) She knows it was an entheogen, but nonetheless was moved. I did what my grandmother did to me in space (she looked into my eyes, stroked my shoulder and arm slowly saying "it's okay, it's okay..)and she nearly cried, it was what she needed to hear.

Wow that shifted my thinking in just the right direction. Internal realization manifesting into the external world, in a very real way you ARE the way the universe has decided to manifest itself to me this moment.



You said exactly what needed to be said. You're in for a treat finitefox, enjoy every moment leading up to and after partaking of the fruit. Your story does sound eerily reminiscent to mine, haha. High school... Hmm wasn't the most NLP friendly playground, very easy to be labelled a crazy for speaking in run on sentences and syntactic ambiguity. Was even more difficult in Japan haha

Thanks for posting this report. I have been uncomfortable with conventional religions since I was quite young and have often wondered what the spice experience would be like for someone steeped in a little more dogma. Of course, it would be different for every individual, but your report is really interesting.

I recently read the Thurman translation of "The Tibetan Book of the Dead" and something in your report has a direct translation to a passage about Yama - God of Death.

Apparently, according to Tibetan mythology, when the body dies, there dawns a series of opportunities for the person to "find the light" or "ascend" which most lay people usually pass up because they are too afraid to go, or because their grieving loved ones keep them preoccupied with the physical plane. The deities that arrive (creative hallucinations of the (sub)consciousness to escort one to higher realms become more and more fierce. Lastly, it is Yama himself who counts the virtues and vices of the individual on black and white beads. Usually, if you meet Yama, you will be destroyed over and over again in a violent manner as you describe. But, even within the dogmatic scripture of this book, they say that Yama is an hallucination - that you can make him disappear and thus end your pain. If you do not, you endure the dismemberment as long as you can stand and then move on - completely unscathed. You survive the worst nightmare of your own making as it were. Cleansed.

Your experience sounds so much like that. Of course, you did not see the Tibetan Yama with the head of a buffalo and a bunch of arms because you had not downloaded that cultural software - but the experience is so similar. Archetypal destruction of illusion! Outstanding. Thank you so much for sharing it. LOVE GIVES LIFE WITHIN.

Profound, to say the least.. The irony of man destroying nature, in essence destroying himself. Attempting to satiate an insatiable lust by making his corporate entity larger and larger, in essence becoming more than he already is. Seems like this is the current state of humanity, eh? Glad I could step out of that dream (get it! ) and into reality, whatever that even means lol



Ironically now --when I do go to any kind of religious meeting-- it's a true spiritual practice, being aware of my inner body and reactivity to things that people say that would before cause my heart to beat a little faster. Focus on my breathing, heartbeat etc. it's a fantastic meditation. I'd really recommend it.

The LDS church is the perfect place to observe your inner reactivity to very strong opinions being thrown around as to what spirituality is and is not. But now? I in now way enjoy the corporate aspect, I.e. The structure/organization.

Do I need organized religion? No. Personally I don't observe any moment isn't religious in some way.
I like what someone told me while I was in Japan: "the finger pointing to the moon is not the moon." Something the Buddha said.

I've noticed that when the corporation takes hold of a spiritual concept, it isn't long before they begin teaching the finger IS the moon. Basically "look at me!!!" Mentality. This is the ultimate conclusion I came to. The church may point to the truth, but it is not it. Try saying this to someone and you'll see how angry they will get, this is not love...

When I read a book by eckhart tolle called stillness speaks something he said resonated deep within me, he basically said 'I am not the truth, I can at best point you there, the words within this book don't say look a me, but look beyond me.' Other than that quote, the spirit spice is the only physical object that has quite tersely pointed me beyond itself.

A finger pointing to something much more ineffable and magnanimous. The whole is so much greater than the sum of its parts lol the mind loves boxing up reality and labeling it, your consciousness loves reality as it is without labeling it. At least that is my experience.

Very interesting read, I too had a similar experience in my first few sessions (once I got up to a working dose) Where I was extremely confused and my mind was racing trying to understand and that's when I felt an entity question me what I wanted from it. I immediately recognised it to be mother nature but this just brought up many more questions and I wasn't able to communicate with it and that's when another entity came in and blocked me off from mother nature and said boldly, You're not ready. Getting my life together and exploring this new even deeper love for nature allowed me to go much further when I next smoked.

Glad to hear you've found your path!