Bit of background
Prior to this experience I'd never used any psychedelic in my life. I had this Changa sitting in my house for months just waiting for me to pluck up the courage to do it. I had listened to hours of McKenna and read tons of trip reports. I was at the stage where I knew hearing about other people doing it wasn't going to fill the hole anymore.

The setting
I'd made no solid plans that day to do to it but it randomly just seemed right, it was a quiet Sunday just me and my girlfriend in the house. All of a sudden the worries about it weren't there and I wasn't in two mind about doing it anymore. I packed about 100mg between a bottom and top layer of Hindu Kush in a small glass water bong and got setup on the sofa. The lights were dim and there wasn't any music or distractions. Considering I was about to smoke a substance my girlfriend only knew as "one of the strongest psychedelics in the world" she looked surprisingly calm. I'd been on about it a ton so maybe she was also glad too that it was time to see what it was all about, at last.

Launching off
Last minute and I did get hit with a wave of an "uh oh" vibe but I was too committed to it to pay it much attention. I just glanced at my girlfriend and got the lighter going and started to burning up the top layer of weed. The smoke filled the chamber, thick looking so I pulled it in hard and deep. Managed to get a good lung full and held it for a while. I blew it all out steady and immediately commented to my girlfriend: "Doesn't taste that bad". Already it had me, I the anxiety that was there a moment ago (and should still have been) was completely gone. I knew something was different. I felt very sure about what I was doing and relax that this was going exactly as it should. Somehow I knew the time was ticking and quickly re-lit and took another huge pull. Golden - The room adopted a slight gold buttery glisten. A whiteness was also beginning to fade up. I blew the 2nd burn out and held the bong up for my girlfriend to take. As I felt her lift the lighter and bong from my hands I was now unable to see anything in the room it was all white'd out. I'd normally expect that this would have caused me to panic but so strange was the feeling I had. "It" was now in full control and as if speaking though me we calmly said "I'm fine, I'm fine". It was important to me that she not panic when I was gone and I now knew I was going away. I allowed my body to straight up alittle and fall back, as I fell backwards towards the pillows behind me, BOOM, I was gone - I never even felt the impact of hitting the sofa pillows.

In nowhere land
I completely didn't exist, nothing had ever existed. At least that's the best way to explain where I was. To say it was dark or empty wouldn't be enough. It was like zero and infinity all at once. The time I was there for was also unquantifiable as if I'd been spread thinly across all that ever was and all that ever would be.

Loading screen
I began to regain some limited awareness, not enough to know who I was or think "oh I just smoked changa" but enough to be able to perceive very basic aspects of my situation. It was dark now and very faint visual pattens began to emerge. This appeared to be glass or cut crystals like the ones on puzzle games, they would rotated and configure themselves in various maneuvers but all in a very 2D manner. I watched this show speed up, using big blocks to begin with, then smaller ones with detailed moves. The parts were partially transparent but in all manners of different color. A rhythm began to form and I found some audio noises accompanied the "work" they were doing. The easiest comparison was I was watching some sort of machinery process. This got brighter now and more clean looking the edges were so straight and HD-ish. There were little cartoon builders that look like video game 16 bit graphics of Lego men who were inside the patterns kind of marching on the spot with this rhythmic pulse to the show. Components continued to slot into place and turn like a puzzle completing its self.
For a brief second opened my eyes, I saw the lamp shade hanging from the ceiling, it was flashing green like a disco the room had been turned into a disco. I ignored this spectcal of color, satisfied that I was still OK in the real world and closed my eyes again back into the DMT space.

Checking in
Now it wasn't like what I was seeing was in anyway boring but for a moment I felt my consciousness sort of shrug as if to say "what is the purpose of this" almost as soon as this thought began, the visual show faded off, the rhythm however continued but was passed over to another phase. This part is tough to describe but it didn't require constant visuals as it felt more like a series of deep thoughts bouncing between 'Me' and 'It' starting slowly but speeding up between each reply and response:

It: made a suggestion that it had brought me to it by controlling destiny.
I: very much doubted that to be true.

It: began to scan my mind and show me flashbacks of things I knew from my life.
I: acknowledged that I recognized these memories but denied meant it anything particularly special.

It: then showed me the face of man I met at a casino and talk to about DMT. He had looked at me with a very knowing look that night, I didn't know him at all but I'd asked a question about visiting the 'godhead' and he had smiled in a way that people do when they have had an experience. It somehow implied that 'it' was in control of this man that I'd met and had sent him to me as part of a long priming process that had carried me up to my decision visit it today.
I: Also resisted this being true but the re-play of that mans face did shock me as it looked like written into his facial expression was a look of knowing. I'd been confused at the time because its odd to ask a question and also odd to get such a look in return. It seemed to make move sense now as if the moment was planted there by this thing.

It: Then flashed another memory of me in my car, stopped at some lights looking out the window. Followed by an image that graphic designers would call a 'swatch' this image was a visualization of ideas I'd had regarding website design and color schemes I wanted to use.
I: OK now this did freaked me a little as it was amazing to see a raw idea data in such visual way. The swatch was a series of boxes and colors that perfectly described my creative thoughts from that moment. That form of memory being recalled is so much sharper than anything I've ever experienced in my daily life. Then for it to have also pin pointed the very moment I'd had that thought and played a few seconds of it back to me! What on earth is this? Is it just me here or does something external have access to my whole mind!

This back and forth of checking and verify increased with speed and detail I can't remember all of the examples anymore but it began to convince me of serveral things:
- 'It' was me, that's why it knew everything about me inside out.
- 'It' had not only access to my memory's but had control over all of reality and had planted keys into my past like the swatch and the casino man only to be able to use them later to prove to me that it was also me.
- 'It' needed me to accept this so I could let go and trust it and come with it.

It's all a blur to me now but I know it beat me with logic, it convinced me that all of the above was true. I submitted to it totally. I was in awe of it. Total checkmate! Like a lock smith cracking a safe, in record time, it knew the exact combination to open me up.

Benchmarking
After I let go this thing had a good explore, at least that's how it felt. Sort of like it ran a benchmark test on me. It ran me through my paces with some intense calculating of somthing but I don't know what. It treated me like I was its play thing and it enjoyed being me for a moment. Reading this it sounds like a nightmare of an intrusion but in fact because I'd handed my trust to it this was actually an exhilarating experience. It made me think it had found all my potential ability and quick showed me it was there and that it worked.

Breaking through
As the benchmarking began to slow, all was dark again. A crackerling like a sheet of tin foil blowing in the wind could be heard. It sounded like it came from all directions and seemed very out of place after everything that had come before. I'd forgot what or where I was. This sound did remind me briefly of trip reports where other had heard the same. I had some level of realization that I was tripping but it never got a chance to fully emerge out into a full thought before I was interpreted by a very new strange environment unlike anything that had come before.

A misty white fog like background was in front of me, as I tried to focus and see where I was but then noticed a shape of a greyish line. The line then stood out to be a color that was like all colors you can think of together all flashing so fast that its never any of them. Almost like a disco ball but deeply concentrated and so fast it was not even flickering. This line moved and became thick, its movement had a bounciness to it. It seemed to want my attention. I felt a little worried and as I did it snapped into an evil looking smile. I say evil but it also was also a little playful in it's movement. It seemed to be reacting to my potential fear by mocking me. Not only that but I also noticed that this "mouth" was just for my benefit. Something I could recognize and interact with yet I knew that this evil grin was there to say: "Do I really need to use this?" It's struck me as quite funny and I again began to trust it and relaxed. The smile disappeared, we knew that wouldn't be needed.

The white mist faded and in front of my face was a series of orange, blue and purple diamond shapes, a confusing looking arrangement of geometric shapes. The edges and colors where glowing like neon lights but the background was also very bright. I moved my head from side to side as if trying to gain some perspective. In the real world I was completely still, this head I moved was only moving in DMT land. As I moved the shapes in front of me moved too and copied me! It was the smile thing but in a new form, now these shapes were it. A big diamond shape held all of these features. This diamond shape "head" was definitely looking right at me, with no eyes or mouth - no face to speak of at all but I sensed personality it this confusing looking thing. As it floated from side to side with my movement I saw that it was constructed of layers. Like the monsters in the computer game Space Harrier but each layer was a bigger version of the one in front. These layers built what I will have to call a head and neck. When I followed its along to its origin it actually made up the whole area I was in. A gigantic dome or tent like space the sides of this were cut into square sections that held scenes or at least knowledge of some kind. I can remember that these sections connected together like a web. I didn't take much time to explore this much as it was only a passing glace to understand my surroundings. The huge, very alive geometric god in front of me was far more attention grabbing.

As I looked at it, it looked back at me and we fell into each others gaze, both seemlingly amazed. It opened up its mind to me and we synced up. Another telepathy session began but this time the thourghts weren't bouncing back and forth like before. This time the 'conversation' was much closer to what you think a mind meld would feel like. The basics of our understanding together were this:
- This thing was me.
- It was also everything I wasn't.
- It was everything and was glad to see me again.
- It had missed me as I had been away from it.
- It had called us here to meet.
- Since I was it, and it was everything, I had in fact called for myself to come here.

With that last thought all human style thinking collapsed in on it's self and I just felt the truth of that moment in bliss. The revelation that I was part of all existence and could finally know what that was began to manifest, as frequency or vibration. This vibration was building up a scale as I soaked in my utter amazement of this vast new awareness. It built and built until it felt like I was on the top floor of all existence staring down at an epic landscape. It was a view so brilliant it was no longer visual, audio, emotional or logical. It was all of that and more. I could now perceive something entirely new. It was like knowing the full map of all of space, time as well as anything that could be classed as outside of those. It beat with ego shattering beauty in front of me. Awestruck I let out the words "Why?, Buy why?". I simply could not fathom why 'WE' would have done this. Yes we, I lost 'me' completely. From this point on I only saw everything as one and it was all of us, consciousness was creating reality like a flower blooming, bursting out, dancing as it unfolded - But why!


The return
The question was unanswerable, I was too simple to get it, the question doesn't mean anything, the context was wrong - not applicable. There was no answer to why.
I began to float back down from the peak, the frequency/tone lowered as I gave up my quest to know more. As I wound back down the diamond head guy floated down with me. Looking deeply into me like a parent of a small child. It looked happy for me that I'd enjoyed where we'd been to but also curiously amused at the dumbfounded reaction I was having. It seemed enjoy me, it was enjoying my feeling of enjoyment.

My head in the real world turned on the pillow, I just slightly reposition for comfort. As my head tilted the big dome area turned with it, the perspectives were link up. The diamond headed friend me place me on the pillows and telepathically let me know that I was brilliant and valuable person who can do anything I want to do in life. That life was only temporary and is a one time thing, immeasurably valuable. As if it were saying: "You will return to everything one day", "Enjoy being separate from everything", "you are so lucky to be free".

I took half a second to digest it and then opened my eyes, I was so happy it went well. I was so happy it was real and I'd been there finally. It was time to tell my girlfriend what I'd found!

Trying to debrief
I looked straight at her and said: "We, its all of us", "Its you, you're it too" "It's you now looking me, but its also me looking at you too"

I could see 5 or 6 versions of her head floating all over, around her actual head. It was like seeing how I fly would. They were all focused on aspects of her reaction to me talking being taken in by my visual cortex, all the meaning behind her facial signals being processed simultaneously. I could see that I was not making a great deal of sense to her.

I attempted to explain the story, with varying levels of success. I went on for ages barely leaving time for her to ask questions or for me to catch a breath.

I was blown away with this as a first timer and couldn't believe how real it turned out to be. I've had a crazy time integrating this over the last 9 months and its been hard at times but rewarding overall. Exciting new concepts and theory's have began forming in my mind that wouldn't have been welcome, conceivable or compatible with me prior to this experience.

DMT truly turned out to be everything I heard it would be and more!

Hahahaha. Hey tat check this out!

This was a really good read thank you for taking the time to post this. Def brought me back. It is you, you are it. WE

Pretty hardcore for a first time but sounds like it happened perfectly!

Sounds like you got what you came for

Good read!

Great report man! Loved it!

It's breathtaking, quite literally.

We're this two sided coin. On one side, we're this physical being with specific constraints due to physical laws and such, but there's the other side. A boundless state. We're that river that flows through it all.

Great report.

<3

So glad this story made sense to you guys. I've tried telling shorter versions of this to people (who haven't broke through) and can see them considering the prospect that I might have totally lost my mind. So it feels great to be able to fully unload that expereince here.

I have had a few much lighter hits of Changa since but strangly I don't have the same gun-ho attitude I did on this first time. Even though it was a brilliant and positive journey, I've been left with an unexplainable daunting feeling when I imagine returning.
I suppose I'll be ready again one day when the dust finally settles.

welcome to the club, getting odd looks and fearing the glory come as standard

I guess this forum is ideal place to air this stuff for sure.

The funny thing is people are quite interested when you tell them just a little. I've noticed the idea that DMT is released internally when you die seems attactive to people who haven't heard of it. The evitability that we will all get one dose before we leave here, like it or not. Once you give more detail you can almost see the moment it gets too freaky sounding for them.

i find that once I tell them it goes beyond rainbows and dancing mice and describe the insanity that dwells at the depths of the experience they then decide its not for them or that your just bonkers, thats when the look comes out.


i dont mean to be arsey but you know this is just a guess that Strassman made? and is no where near proven.

Not at all, I respect this forum seeks to keep hearsay down to a minimum. I had heard it wasn't concrete yet but they recently did prove that the pineal gland in rats do produce DMT I think?

I suppose that theroy is a work in progress but the whole 'near death experience' similarities fit fairly well. Also that Steve Jobs death quote "oh wow, oh wow, oh wow" is somthing I look at with hope that he was being DMT'd on his way out.

Still wishful thinking for now

That's one helluva write-up. I felt right there with you. I could relate to so much. It was also a large sounding dose. Do you know what the ratio of DMTlant material was, and what exactly was the DMT infused into?

Awesome write up!

Thanks Nice to see you enjoyed it.

That first batch I didn't make but it supposed to have been 50% DMT. Type wise I have no idea but could see it was covered with an orangish powder mixed with plenty of Caapi B Leaf but anything have been in there.

My clumsy logic was that 50mg of DMT in the 100mg would be a decent taster dose, turned out to be alot more than I bargained for

Since then I made my own Changa mix but haven't had the balls to try anything more than a few crumbs here and there.

Yeah, 50mg DMT is quite a hefty dose when administered effectively, especially with the potentiation of the caapi. Didn't mean to stick my tongue out at you - damn "colon-p" from "colon-plant" tripped the smiley

It's really amazing how much you remembered and with how much detail you could describe it, and how you could communicate with them, or different versions of you, i've never experienced any interaction with entities on DMT, but i feel i can relate to it somehow, the realization that everything is you, and at the same time it's not you at all, yet again, it is all part of you, i totally get that.
Definitely not easy to integrate in the way you perceived reality/life before.

For a first psychedelic experience it's really impressing with how much maturity and confidence you handled it.

Thanks for posting your notes! Incredible. I keep laughing to myself over the past week because it is now funny to me that we all perceive ourselves as separate things from each other when, in reality, we are all the same "thing" experiencing itself from different angles. That's my impression, anyway. The LOVE is HUGE. It's like, how can I dilate my physical aperture to let it flow out sufficiently? It's an inexhaustible and completely renewable resource, but most us in physical life are exhausted and famished for it.

@Makyo


Thank you. I think recalling it back immediately after made a huge difference in retaining the details. The next day I retold in again in full to different people a few times (I couldn't help talk about it to everyone).



Yes, it does seem paradoxical that we could be seperate and one at the same time? Since this experience I see paradoxes everywhere to the point I'm unsure of anything ever being completely conclusive. I often find myself thinking that "Everything is a paradox" and then realise for that to be true the fact that everything was would also be a paradox meaning that the statement should be both true and false. Its an unending fractual of a thought.

@dropthemillstone

That's just how it felt, so unthinkably complex my brain just gave up taking it in. I was like an ant who had been allowed a few moments of human undestanding. Much of the very peak was honestly incomprehensible to me.

This is something i can 100%, relate to, sometimes you meet people and you can totally understand how you can be part of that person and visa versa, at others you meet people that are so completely different from, that you begin to doubt all you've learned, or think you've learned at least.Sometimes i can feel so much love and compassion for other people, at others i feel sad and angry at how people live their lives and have negative influences on others, by being ignorant by choice, or just irrational etc, it really is paradoxical.


DMT never gave me those insights, (yet?) i've got them from LSD and Psilocybin, and this is the strange thing about them, different psychedelics lead a lot of people to the same conclusions, "everything is an illusion, and we are all one".

Even the great Bill Hicks had an experience that lead him to belief that everything is an illusion and we are all one consciousness creating itself subjectively, the manifestation of God if i can put it like that.

There must be something to it, maybe this is just the top of the iceberg and we can never begin to comprehend the full truth, and i don't think we should, but it can possibly be very rudimental knowledge to what life is, to what we are.

It sure took me a long long time to process these "revelations", i completely understand why you felt the need to talk about it so much to other people, i've been doing the same for the last 6 or 7 years since i had them to everyone who is even slightly interested, i still do, and i might do it until i die, it's very natural of course, it challenges your whole perception of reality, it's not something you can or will ever forget.

I see this thin red line going through a lot of people's experiences, they all come to the same insights, sometimes the exact same conclusions, and yet i don't know if they really are insights, maybe it's just a layer of another illusion, maybe we are not intelligent enough to grasp the full truth, to be honest, these realizations made life much more difficult, on the other hand it flamed my interest in a lot of things as well, esoterica, anthropology, life itself.

Some questions that arose with it as well are things like, "are we defined by our brains, genes and hormones, is there such a thing as a soul, is our soul/ego capable of perceiving reality as it really is, and is it capable to work at full capacity?"

The more you know, or think you know, the less you actually seem to know.

Makyo, you reminded me of a thread of thought I often follow that I'm trying to put to rest. I may spin just a bit off but maybe this is along the line of what you are talking about.

Even before I was aware of psychedelics, I wanted to know why. Why all of this? Why am I anything, let alone THIS thing?

After learning some meditation techniques, practicing them, and the occasional entheogenic supplementation
I just think we can relieve ourselves of the burden to "figure it all out." YES, it's OK that "ultimate reality" or whatever you choose to call it, is completely beyond comprehension. I would never tell someone it is a bad idea to seek, but for me, the things I've realized about myself, my life, my family, the enormity of love itself (something so vast, my physical body filters out about 99%) - there is enough work right there to keep me busy beyond this lifetime. To comprehend the intension of God, or Logos, or Oversoul, or collective unconscious, or whatever term you use to describe that unfathomable thing that cannot help but humble you in its presence -- you can't know WHY. Why, in my opinion, is beside the point. How do we change ourselves, the way we relate to other sentient beings, to improve this tiny life in the physical realm? That information is available and urgently delivered. But do we take time to integrate it...to practice manifesting it daily? That is all I am concerned with at this point. WHY can wait. I have a feeling I will remember why at the appropriate moment, as for now - for me - why is just another distraction.

I want to focus on healing myself and lighten the suffering of others. That alone is a very tall order for humankind. What could possibly be wrong with pursuing this end? If by learning to love, to be patient, to close out unnecessary thoughts, etc, all turns out to be another layer of illusion, what harm have I done? So right now, I don't care about ultimate reality. I need to get things right in my reality.

Nothing like a good ol' baptism by fire and Godhead experience on the first try!

Thanks for sharing!

Revel in the integration, you'll prolly be integrating that one till your last days on Earth.