I am new to this forum and this subject in general. I am a recovering Mormon who is in search of real truth and resolution. I grew up as a Mormon for the first 26 years of my life. I was very much convinced of its validity. My first steps out of my former religion came from trying cannabis. I was amazed how well it helped me see through my cognitive dissonance. About a year later, I tried psilocybin mushrooms. I did not enjoy that experience, however, I cherish it. It is a moment of uncomfortable clarity which has given me assurance and direction as I stray away from the traditional path of my family. I have been interested in DMT for quite some time. However, I would like to have an enjoyable experience this time. I would like to feel prepared when I take that gulp of brown goo. I am extremely excited for the new information I will obtain to diffuse into my psyche and help me feel more at peace with myself and my life decisions.

I have seen several therapists about my mental issues. I believe I am very intelligent, however, I am afraid it is more narcissism fueled delusion than genuine genius. The therapist's usually comment on my intelligence, though. The point is, regardless of my perceived intelligence, I am failing at many challenges I take on in life. I find that I am terrible at being a cog in the gears of some other person's ideas. This has lead me to constant financial hardship; I don't come from money.

I meet the diagnostic criteria for ADD to a "T". I was never diagnosed or treated for this as a child, and as a result, I am beginning to feel the affects. I have developed anxiety and depressive disorders, and I am afraid if I don't turn the tide soon I may continue to lose utility in this American culture based on money. I am here to learn more about psychedelics in general, and how they may help me overcome my past and my present.

When I experimented with Psilocyben, I was shown the social maps that make up different cultures. I was shown how Mormonism is no more than a simple toy when compared to the incredible complexity of reality. This insight has given me the strength to continue my healing process rather than going back to the Kool-Aid. I have a hard time fitting in with the traditional crowds where you would find these substances, no doubt because of the strictness and length of my previous indoctrination. With that said, I would absolutely love to find friends here and within the psychedelic community in Los Angeles. It is harder to get away from an indoctrinated childhood than one might think. I know I am still surprised by how much that dogma still influences my default thoughts. I hope some people here may have some experience with this and which plants have helped guide them to happier paths.

I personally, am finding the importance of the structures I was shown by psilocyben. Much of my life up to that point was a misguided experimentation masked by Mormonism. Since then I have began to rebuild my social structure based on organically discovered truth. Most organic truth fits together as well as the rose petals in a rose bud. I believe, when taken with the right mindset, psychedelics will accelerate that learning process. In order to achieve that mindset, I would like to learn from members of this forum about these experiences so I can benefit from the experience by having the necessary structure in place to effectively integrate new profound knowledge without my past or my ego getting in the way.

Thank you for reading my introduction. I hope I will have many new experiences to write about in the future.

Framebender

Well the first thing that strikes me is that you are obviously no dunce, you can present your thoughts in a clear and concise manor that is well structured and very easy to read. Maybe your Mormon heritage has instilled some virtues you don't appreciate at this point in time.

Spiritual philosophies/ideologies can be the pursuit of a lifetime with no clear definitive answers. So I applaud you for considering alternatives on your personal path to truth.

You say you wish to learn from other members about the experiences they've had, IMO those experiences are often personal and based on the backgrounds/experiences of the members posting those experiences.

Often those experiences are filtered through the "writing on the walls" ie the background that shapes an individuals perspective of the world we live in. The influences we grow up under have a profound impact on our adult lives.

Personally I think we all live in state of evolution where beliefs are challenged and sometimes shattered on our own path to personal growth. This evolution needs to occur on a personal level, but that sort of evolution can sometimes come at a price - often others aren't ready to entertain ideas outside of the standard dogmatic opinion.

I'd say that you will do well to continue on your own path to enlightenment, just be aware that others in "the flock" are on a different path and sometimes may not be so open minded.

Love the ones you're with without judgment and find your own path/truth and be prepared for that truth to evolve with you.

& welcome to the nexus

welcome to the nexus, framebender.

What a difficult move it must be to move away from such a rigid framework into the free-fall that is the psychedelic uncertainty. I'm afraid your search for truth will forever remain a search, unless you exchange one dogma for another. IME we just keep learning and illuminating the unknown, but truth or certainty remain ever elusive. In a way this is wonderful - it keeps us on our toes and this way we can always keep journeying, keep finding out more things about ourselves and the universe.

I don't have any personal experience with overcoming dogmas since I grew up pretty openminded but I know there are those that have similar stories here on the board. In any case I would strongly advise you to not only rely on psychedelics for your search and the establishment of new beliefs. Psychedelics are very powerful but if you take them long enough you will see that the messages recieved sometimes are even contradictory or nonsensical. It's important that we use sound thinking to interpret and use the lessons learned in a positive way rather than take them at face value without questioning their validity for our real life, our existence.

As for the psychedelic community... it's a very varied group in reality. The ones that look super psychedelic are only one part of it. Some of the members of this forum, if you'd meet them in real life you'd NEVER guess they were into these things. And that's ok. We don't all need to wear hippy T-shirts with stoned aliens on tie-dye rainbow backgrounds. After all there's a lot more to the psychedelic experience than the "trippy" stuff. I think there's plenty of members who would say the same as you do - they don't really fit in with the psychedelic crowd. I know I'd say it.

Since the journey is so personal I find it ok not to have many real life friends with whom I share these experiences.

As for having a pleasant experience - there's really no guarantee for it, ever. You can try to minimize external factors that are common causes of bad experiences and try to judge your internal state to choose a day you're feeling in harmony with everything, but even so, you never know what the substances manage to dig up and flip around on you. The most rewarding experiences I've had were ones that started out very difficult with a lot of emotional turmoil, but then something inside breaks, like a resistance that was causing all this suffering - and suddenly the solution is there, and the entire trip turns into something amazingly beautiful. Without the initial pain there would be no learning effect, nothing gained.

I wish you an astonishing journey.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post. I have already gained knowledge from your responses. I had a taste of how personal these experiences really are when I had my only mushroom trip. My good friend was doing them with me, yet we both experienced a feeling of being disconnected from this life and in-tune with our connection to the universe. While the experience is personal and very much based on our own subjective ideas, I find there is some objectivity that ties all of our experiences into a common theme. It is not an obvious theme, and I imagine, like with everything, the objective connections are only realized after having experienced that specific journey in which the connection is taught.

There is book called "Incognito" by David Eagleman which is about how our brain's executive functioning system works. The idea is, our brains are constantly collecting information and processing it into our belief systems. At times, this leads to brilliant ideas, while at other times it may lead to mental illness. It fascinates me how delicate this system is and how incredibly powerful it can be. The more I pay attention to my creative process, the more I find my own creativity is usually based on what has been occupying my mind. I may take some specialized knowledge I picked up a while ago, then I will add it to the current problem occupying my mind. If I meditate long enough, the solution will start falling in place; often, it is a compilation of several seemingly unrelated ideas. Our mind is like a live program being written before our very eyes. I imagine psychedelics are some kind of program meant to help restructure our coding. By adding a hitch in our reality feed psychedelics help us begin to reevaluate our belief structure without our subjective beliefs preventing the open-minded contemplation.

Additionally, I am very much grateful for my childhood and my amazing parents. I don't want it to sound like I think I had it rough, because I didn't. I am simply saying I did not consciously choose to follow this path, I came across it during my disillusionment with the Mormon church. I feel like the path found me. I simply was not ready to come to terms with the fraud that is the Mormon church at the time I took shrooms. While that religion produces people with incredible discipline and talent, unfortunately it promotes a system that robs individuals of many extremely valuable experiences out of fear of the unknown. It is really quite stunning how deeply it grips many of its members without them ever realizing what is really happening. That was my experience, anyway.

Thanks again for your warm welcomes to the forum. I am excited to see where this wealth of information might lead.

Enoon's right, if there is no sadness how can there be happieness, in this case learning, most of learning comes from dramatic impacts in our lives. Its up to us to choose wheither or not we hear them through the realm of thinking and analizing, or with a substance. Whichever path you choose it will teach you the right way not everybody needs phycs to see things clearly, sometimes it just takes a step back and not tourturing yourself with the past. Personally, I just went through an event that kinda hurt my soul, and degraded my stature to myself, made me feel smaller, but then (as terrified as I was at the time and second guessed everything i did currently) took dmt, and as a learning experience through what i did to find my way, (like i said its not for everyone) once again. Its not something i can explaine, but it is hard to go through, but once your out the other side of the tunnel and look back, your glad you ran through it. I have also found you dont need it to see things through dmt, just some simple thinking. It can go either way, its a personal choice.

Good Luck on Your Journey Friend!

Darklordsson, thank you for your input. As far as whether or not I need a therapist goes, I can say this forum is some pretty good therapy. I think by sharing and hearing each others stories we can all gain from this forum. I think I once heard Joe Rogan mention one of the affects of psychedelics is a natural affinity for what any random person has experienced in life. Not that we must agree, but the experience itself is valued as a life and a path explored. There is very little room for the influence of a bias when a person has this mindset, IMO.

On a separate note, I understand that we cannot talk about a specific deal or offer anything tangible, however, I would like to read about each of your stories about how you found this path in life. As you found it, how has your personal community changed and adapted? And especially, How did you meet new people (in person) who were already on this path?

I feel somewhat stuck in my current community. I have shut out old friends, because the anxiety from (non-verbally or verbally) being reminded I am a social pariah. However, I have not found many new friends within this group specifically. I think I am not alone in this Situation, of which I mean unable to break into this community outside of forums and the internet. I believe it is mostly due to the legality of our interests. There is no address for something like this forum outside the internet communities, is there?

If you have already written about this, a link is perfect.

Framebender

Hi Framebender.

I don't think there's a shortcut to happiness, psychedelics are no shortcut either, but if done correctly they can definitely help you on your path.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and life's always been kind of a struggle for me, especially social situations tend to become confusing and sophisticated rather quickly, it's pretty stressful and i often feel/am misunderstood, mainly because of my own misinterpretations on how to conduct proper social behavior, and partially because i tend to give out the wrong signals, even when intended differently paradoxically.

I think i can understand just a little how hard it is for you.

Psychedelics have been a huge teacher, especially Psilocybin, LSD as well, for me personally they taught me the most when i tripped alone, the introspective nature of the trip is much greater when you have no one around that can interfere with your taught patterns, you can dig really deep and analyze everything as much as you possibly can.

I've learned a lot from them, both the dark experiences and the good ones.
Meditation is also something worth practicing, it comes in very handy when your trip goes dark, the key is to remain calm at all costs, especially when your ego dissolves it's important to let it all happen, to not resist, i've found meditation extremely handy on such occasions, to learn how to let your thoughts pass is sometimes a good thing on a psychedelic experience, you can cancel out unwanted emotions much easier and go to the next thing on your mind, and in daily life it's good as well.

As someone with ADD it'll be pretty hard for you to ban all thoughts, but it is possible if you try enough, then it's just a matter of perseverance.

Good luck, i wish you all the best.