so this is how it began I decided to brew 7 grams of Powdered Syrian rue seeds and sealed them into tea bags.
I followed to brew them into a pint of water and boil them vigorously , straining the water into a cup
and adding a new pint every 30 minutes, for 3 different times.
Alongside this I Brewed 36 grams of Powdered Acacia Confusa into 1 pint of water, and Very slowly simmered
for 3 hours, 3 separate times each time using a new pint of water.
I carefully filtered both of these brews until there was no sediments. and then condensed each down to an amount
that was equal to only a few ounces for each brew.
I let them sit refrigerated until they all of the sediments had fell to the bottom and I filtered each, one last time


a couple of weeks passed by as I just lived life, yet it wasn't until 2 weeks later that the notion hit me that
I would consume these brews, Prior to this I had several experiences smoking extracted Dmt and drinking
moderate & small doses of the home brewed Ayahuasca. and I was at the point where I really wanted Tosee
some change in my life, and see further into myself and the Ayahuasca and be healed in any that I may have needed.
At I stood there holding the Syrian Rue brew in my hand I thanked god for allowing me to be there, at that moment
and I drank the brew at once. around 25 minutes later I noticed that I began to metabolize it, at least so It felt
and I went back and got this glass with Pitch black and Crimson colored liquid of the Acacia Confusa brew in it
on top of the liquid there was a thick noticeable iridescent film containing a beautiful ornate pattern in it
I stirred this glass the best I could while i just flirted with what anxiety I was feeling about what I was about to do.
In that moment I said Thank you and Drank every bit of it as this remarkable feeling of electrical current and buzzing
came from my stomach to the top of my head. the taste was very pungent and organic, i could distinctly tell that
this medicine came from the Soil , this is what it is for and I could just tell.

Over the next hour I just sat listening to music and struggling with a bit of nausea, reading and pondering my life.
after approximately 40 minutes had passed the nausea was to the point of me salivating and almost drooling.
Having to spit it seemed like once a minute or more I was expelling this saliva and mucus as a distinct feeling
of energy just raised from the bottom of my stomach and spine to the top of my head in what felt like
completing a sort of circuit.

the nausea and buzzing sensation got to the point to where I could no longer sit upright and I became unable to read.
when I glanced at the walls there was these strange metallic looking symbols that I could faintly see stretching
and bending on the surface of my walls and ceiling as the familiar tryptamine head space began to penetrate my mind & body.
When I closed my eyes I seen rolls and rolls of beautiful highly ornamental things made of what looked like precious
gems and metal interlaced with these rolling waves of color that brought them in and about.
I said Thank you and upon laying down and turning off my lights I began to very much be at peace with how I was feeling
and the nausea began to come to where it was no longer getting worse.
I started to have thoughts that were very immersive and almost detaching me from my surroundings.
I began to feel quite hot and my skin itched I began to scratch because my legs were itching and feeling numb and almost immobilized
as soon as this occurred to me, all of the happenings behind my closed eye lids Divided in halve, and then divided into quarters
and my perception also divided into 4 distinct pieces, I felt like I had 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 heads, and 2 minds
and this frightened me right away Just as much frightening as the first time I took 3 large inhalations of Dmt months earlier for the first time and thought to myself
"I'm dying how can I stop this" right away something said, "Don't resist, you cant hide, you cant stop it, It's on Purpose"
My perception continued to divide and divide, and meld which was a whole different point of attention than where my mind was prior to this.
Over and over this happens over the course of 20 or so minutes and I continued to struggle the further my mind and everything i knew came apart
and contextualized into the beginning of this chain reaction.
at first I thought I assumed some amount of control over the situation and that I could "Mentally strengthen myself to cope with this"
but each time that I fell apart and came back together was like something was partially disassembling me and putting me back together
each time it seemed like I was a different being, dying and coming back into life in a completely different location.
It was utterly terrifying, and nothing had ever confounded me like this and exuded such serious control over my attention.

I finally thought to myself I've actually done it, I've started something that's taking my life. it says "yes you have"
and this sense of deep deep realization just rings out through me taking me further and further apart
I fight it with all I have and force myself to sit up. I could not tell where my body was adjacent to the surroundings of my house
Everything was this huge series of kaleidoscopic,complex metallic jeweled tunnels that came apart and back together, that presented deaths riddle,
waiting for me. very frightened and desperate to abort this experience.
I finally make it to my bath room and when I turn the light on things ease up to the point where I cam see most of my surroundings
I try to vomit, and I have no success what so ever, Only around 2 hours in and its been the most frightening thing that's ever occurred to me

I slowly shamble to the top of my apartment and everything felt like this electric sea that which was my abode, felt like it wasn't separate from me
I fall down forward on my bed and slither up onto it and I cant really tell where my body ends and the room and bed begins but I lay down
My heart beat shakes everything in this entire place, more and more as I began to fear that I'm going to come apart again and it may be worse than before.
It beats Harder, and faster and everything begins to vibrate as I feel this turbulence and its a stronger vibration than anything I've ever felt
it feels my adrenaline is kicked in and the fear has reached a Pinnacle, This cannot go on further, I cannot take this embodiment of my worst fear

Something happens, My heart beat becomes this Steady Hum that is vibrating at the exact same frequency as this vibration of everything that moves.
Everything I see turns to this Bright White Light that is brighter than anything I have ever laid eyes on in my life.
The Vibration became an explosion and my heart stopped, my head exploded and everything became This Bright White Light.
The fear, the body, the mind All were gone and Something said "He finally did it, He left who he was, and came here to Remember!"
This rang louder and resonated with me more than Anything in life, period and what ever energy was left in me, Was Distributed into this
Infinite space of most beautiful pattern I've ever seen and It was stacked through itself for Eternity, and It was the end of time.
There was no beginning or end to it, Just it. The essence of every living thing that ever exist, and what Constituted it was showing why.

The last bit of concern and fears left me as I UN-remembered my entire life and everyone and everything that had been a part of it.
there was no longer anything for me to fear.
my last thoughts were, I killed myself, I committed suicide and I never knew that it would end like this. The Deepest most poignant feeling of fear ever.
as I looked through this Infinite area that was inexpressibly complex and beautiful,
It was said directly to me "You are Forgiven for who you were, This is eternal life, It's what you are, its where you came from and it's all that will ever be"

I could have never imagined from any amount of studying anything , reading, measurements, or stories of other peoples lives
That what I was experiencing was possible, It was the most Complex, Advanced, Natural, meaningful purpose. and it was Impossible
The further that this went on The more I was shown and the more that I was loved and welcomed.
as I began to realize that this was the origin of all existence and that its nothing less than necessary it to spend lifetimes on earth as humans.

My perspective of this infinite place, and most importantly the presence of ultimate life Drew me directly into it.
as I realized what it was, and that my whole life's purpose was to realize this. Any question I ever had as a human was answered, Directly without delay
and in that instant it was clearly said to me "Do you accept life?" I was already 100% sure that I had died and Immediately I accepted.
and I was propelled through infinite architecture , all became one

as soon as the Light dispersed I was approaching closer and closer to the earth, as I got closer I recognized Green plant life and trees
a very verdant area flourishing as life, I went through it further and further while the essence of it expressed itself to me
All of the life, the plants, animals, they recognized me and accepted me. and I Remembered every human being, Being my Kin, and why we coexist
The Motion came to a stop and there was an explosion or energy , I was under the soil and I was the Earth.
when I realized this, The most ecstatic Warm, loving feeling of care giving entered me. It was breath.
I realized I was Alive, the explosion of energy became my heartbeat. the energy was redistributed back into me, and condensed.
realizing I had been allowed to survive what I knew as death, I cried, it was the most emotional experience I've ever had as a human
knowing how I came here and why. I just laid, blindly embracing the most grateful feeling one could never imagine
eventually words came back to having context and the meaning of life had been shared with me. I said Thank You

Your formatting is very hard on the eyes. It was difficult to get past the first couple lines.

Any chance of a little cleanup there?

I have bad grammar and not alot of education in english but, this is the most memorable , fundamentally important psychedelic experience i've ever had so I just wanted to get it out there and share
it would probably take my a long time to learn how to write better but I'm trying

No worries. I didn't know if it was a stylistic thing.

Good that you got it out there. Just trying to make the screen-to-brain conversion a little easier for others.

:-)

thank you friend i have a lot to learn with grammar

A1pha do you seriously care about his grammar that much where that's all you can say? Jeez..

Tosee, that was an absolutely riveting report, one of the best I have read in my entire life. I cannot believe you were able to recall and remember all of those feelings you described..my god that is an insanely profound and intense ayahuasca trip.



Many have spoken of this white light experience, and I am terrified to have it. The ultimate truth. I hope you have integrated this experience into your life in some beneficial way. How are you feeling after this?

Also, I am not experienced with acacia confusa, but doesn't it average over 1% DMT? Is a 36 gram brew not an insanely high dosage?

Sky Motion, yes thank you all in all it was a very vital and beneficial experience in my life
nothing ever made me so humbled and grateful as this ultimate reminder.
a bit irrational dosage on my part but it was something I just had to accept it.

at this point it's been around 6 months or more since that experience and it still resonates as the most memorable and important one when it comes to these things.
I try not to base my whole consensus on what things are about, but this time around
there was no escaping the true nature of reality, everything having to be broken down on a fundamental level , and reconstructed on such.
no choice but to see it for what it was, and that's went a long way into helping me deal with and integrate life I remember what I can

as terrifying & appalling as it may have started out, All in all I deserved this experience
its just the relentless amount unconditional love and understanding
that ended up leaving a much bigger mark on me than the fear. when the equation is solved, everything is added up, all questions answered, only thing to do was accept it

Great report!
I wonder if trip would have been much diferent using cappi root?
cheers..

Awesome description Tosee.
I am glad you had such deep and profound experience.

Love and respect!

I'm guessing you will remember that forever...

Your experience reminded me of two I have had in the past. Even now, several years later, when I reread this report my hands tremble. My use dropped off dramatically after this experience as well. I just didn't need to return for a long while...nor do I to this day return more than a handful of times a year. Integration is still occurring... You did a better job than I of capturing more of the emotional component, but there really aren't words that can describe the brilliant clear light and the expansion of consciousness that unfolds.

So that is my way of saying welcoming back from the light friend...
I'm pretty sure you will never forget it.

Peace

What you just said here, this my friend, is exactly how I feel and I know there's quite a few here that feel the same. When the myriad of experiences we have, are broken down, at the bottom rung of the ladder, there's this intense multi-faceted ('relentless' as you put it and you literally took these words right from my mind) type of love and compassion.

And yes, all comes from 'this' and all shall return, ad infinitum. The very last line you said "only thing to do was accept". This, imho, is what it boils down to. You have to ACCEPT this realization, not shy from it, not run from it, not ignore it, not push it to the side or compartmentalize it into something it's not, JUST ACCEPT IT, which ive seen quite a few here that don't....and they still wonder "is it this? is it that?".

ITS LOVE, THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. YOU ARE THAT!

<3

THAT.

Nice report Tosee.

That's the kind of experience I myself would like to one have one day

Thank you all for showing some love and feedback.
I had been dabbling with psychedelics and consciousness for nearly a decade.
and it seemed like every year or two I would have an experience that was just astounding.
one that would really stand out from the rest.
when I encountered DMT, and then Ayahuasca, the experiences did not cease to amaze me
At the point where I brewed this one I was still trying to "Control" the type experience
that I would potentially have. I wanted a Care Free, no worries beautiful breakthrough.
My prior experiences had been some very intense and unimaginable beautiful.
but for some reason I had a problem pulling out bits and pieces in terms of trying to.
Fully remember and articulate my experiences.
But this time around, It hit me on the money. for everything I had and nothing I could do about it,gave me what I was looking for and so much more, and made me accept it.

I'm no expert when it comes to giving advise but I would just like to add this.
Do whats natural, Have a natural and true respect for these plant medicines
Even if you aren't having the type of experience that you have pictured in your mind
take your time. I did it and I was ready but Not at all aware of how ready...
I don't test my Limits with any of the entheogens anymore.
I think its best to just start very humble, take ones time and soak in every point of each experience and then perhaps increase the dosages as you see fit.
once you know the brews power, and relative consistancy. its not predictable tho

What I did there was a Honest, tad bit foolish dive into the heart of existence through these two plants. If your reading this, you don't have die like I did.
my words don't convey the magnitude that this experience carried.
stay humble & grateful,happy & healthy,
were just a circuit with the only capacity being to carry on the current of love.
most important in the experience I realized that there is no need question and test everything. I realized how silly it was of me to to want to look into the face of what I saw and think that I could actually live. let alone comprehend it.
Who I was leading up to that point died and re established its connection.
It really struck me hard realizing that I had to go that far to ask a question.
never had I felt so small & humbled.