This is my farewell letter to the nexus. I felt it was necessary to share my experience and post this letter in order to support those that might follow in the future with similar feelings of disenchantment with this substance. You are not a failure for moving on. You simply think differently and have different ideals from those who willingly work with this stuff. I'm happy with where my life is headed, without it and this stuff is contributing nothing of value to me. In the first addition of the Nexus, Traveler wrote that he was walking home from the bar one night and said to himself "is this all there is?" I do not share that opinion. There is plenty here for me. So here is my account and why I am leaving, and DONE.

A little background information
I’ve been using psychedelics sparingly since the age of 16. From Mushrooms to RC’s I played around a lot and had some great experiences, and some bad trips that I was able to always work through, but nothing really changed me until I finally got my hands on LSD at age 25. My experiences with LSD have changed my life for the complete better. I now appreciate life and am inspired in ways that I had never imagined possible.

I would also like to add at this time that my life has been pretty tumultuous. I've been addicted to IVing haroin in the past (4 yrs clean). My mother is not psychologically well. Also, my older brother, 5 years my senior is even worse. He suffers from severe Obsessive and Compulsive behaviors and is slightly schizophrenic confessing that a little girls voice taunts him and often keeps him from sleeping more than a few hours at a time. Sadly he believes deeply in the Christian god and Christian Devil, and tells me often, including today, that he believes my mother is with the Devil, and that this voice that bothers him so much is connected to a Lucifer type demon.

I myself do not hold such fantasies in my conscious state of mind, and instead believe in what seems more appropriate to the Nexus’s general belief, that this universe is one level among many interconnected levels. That being said though, these deeply influential people in my life and their words have had an effect on my psyche and it has bled into my subconscious, as I have felt the presence of these thoughts become real while under the influence of DMT.

These thoughts do not surface with LSD even on high doses of 5+ hits. Maybe because even on those doses I know where I am, i'm still on earth, and I never get completely lost. It seems that only when im tumbling around in the washing machine of psychedelic soup that is my usual DMT experience where I start to lose grip on who I am and where I am that these harmful religious influences become extremely evident in my conscious, and I become terrified and uncomfortable, always feeling as if every inch of it is real, and that I am being ripped to pieces by the soup while a green skinned female entity is present regardless if I actually see her or not. Green Tara, serpent woman, spirit of the plant whatever you wanna call her, I don’t like her and I don’t trust her or the experience itself. I often have this epiphany while there that I’ve had to deal with her on unkind terms before and I get this “oh great its you again, I have to deal with you again” feeling I get whenever I vape. Almost like I’m going to have to battle her or something, though I never do.

Long story short
or long story long…..this isn’t working for me and I havn’t gained any insights whatsoever after a year and a half of trying. If anything I’ve just scared and confused myself with nothing to show for it. The only positive I get out of the experience, is when I get back to this world I am just so thankful to be back that I never want to touch another mind altering substance again….then I slowly forget the details of the experience…then I read a report or two that talks about castles and beautiful landscapes and I’m envious, till I smoalk, and come back feeling like i've been duped by others accounts and the experience itself. It’s been a year and a half that I’ve had this stuff sitting around. A year and a half of thinking about it every day. Not a day has gone by since seeking this stuff out that I haven’t thought about it. Always back and forth, and I’m plain sick of it. That’s why today, after returning from a long real life trip, filled with deep reflection, I flushed it. And decided that I am done. And I am moving on with my life. And Im not coming back to this website again outside of being a lurker for some of the other aspects here that I enjoy such as meditation and chemical/plant knowledge.

Conclusion
If anyone else out there finds themselves in my situation, don’t be afraid to move on. It’s not giving up. It’s simply moving on. If I ever get cancer or something terminal I’ll probably seek it out once again as a last resort. But only as a last resort.
From the position of where I am at in my life, right now, I realize that this stuff is more harmful than good. Atleast definitely for me with my background and life aspirations. So to those out there now or in the future who might be in similar shoes, listen to your heart, your deepest inner voice, and if it’s telling you this stuff isn’t good, then GET RID OF IT. That’s my two cents.

For the most part I appreciate most of the members on the site and I wish all of you the best. No need to ask me questions as I won't respond. I just wanted to get this out there. In support of others on the journey who like me, who needed to experience it before heeding the advice given in the Health&Safety section located at the top of every page.

Be well.

Good for you for knowing yourself and what you need to do.

May I ask, in what forms of dmt were you working with it? in what setting? and what did you hope to get out of it?

Things can go very benign, sooth, soft, gentle, reliable, warm, if wanted.
One should not necessarily vape! There are other formats, with the plants, that does co-ax with you no doubt.

Blessed be.

When you get the message, hang up the phone eh ? Farewell and be good, Atlas_.

Good luck. Be well.

Why you should NOt take DMT.


The experience works with what you give it - nothing more, nothing less, along with the fact of where you currently are in your life. It holds up the mirror.

<3

Do what feels right for you brother.

Best of luck to you. If psychs aren't your thing, then let them go.

I wouldn't completely swear off them. Keep that door open, you may find your interest being resparked years down the line. You never know.

Happy travels
~ND

I have felt the same way at times about the spice, but my most recent spice journeys have made me doubt that again.
My latest spice journey gave me some deep insight into personal, social problems I've been having for a long time.


At times I have felt so confused, scared and quite frankly alienated from life on Earth I too felt DMT did more harm than healing, but then my latest 2 spice journeys changed my mind about that again. Next to the deep, objective insights into my own harmfull behaviours, DMT also rekindled a flame of passion for life that had been snuffed out for a long time. It did so by, once again, showing me the existance of an entirely different, exotic, discarnate realm of being. And that to me is exciting and brings hope. Hope for existance after death. Hope of gaining creative ideas in hyperspace to solve problems back on Earth. Hope of being able to see through every illusion my own mind creates whenever taking on a hyperspace perspective. The Hope of learning, through hyperspace ordeals, to deal with any level & kind of fear with a calm & clear mind.


My DMT journeys used to be alot more dark, sinister and confusing about 2 to 3 years ago. In hindsight I realise
this was because I never took care very much to create the propper set & setting. I would just throw down a couple of matrasses in my bedroom and smoke DMT with people who's energy was pure poison.

The reason my latest DMT journeys were so inspiring, apeacing, healing & fruitfull was defenitely because I took much greater care of set & setting and now only smoke with a friend who's energy is very calm & sincere.
He layed on the coutch and I layed on a matrass on the other side of the livingroom table. We turned down the lights, put on candles & incense and listened to a long youtube mix of Ravi Shankar music. A whole album in 1 track.
Then we meditated for about 20 minutes and smoked some cannabis joints while drinking tea.

That preparation made me so calm, clear and receptive that it really got te most valuable & positive experience out of the DMT. Also I smoalk DMT in joints, with a tobacco-alternative herb mix & Cannabis(for filling & taste)
This allows for a very gradual & controlled ascent into hyperspace. Much more gradual and controlled than smoalking DMT vapor from pipes.


As for other Psychedelics: Set & setting is massively important. Taking a Journey with LSD, DMT, Mushrooms or any other psychedelic should be done like sailing across a large ocean: You should only undertake such a journey when the winds and the tides are just right, so to speak, so they'll take you and your ship to the desired location.
If those winds are unfavorable they would drive you into unpleasant territory. The psychological equivalents of sandbanks, seacliffs, hurricanes, tornadoes and other such misery. Trips through these territories are what can leave us battered, confused, scared & alienated. These trips you'll want to avoid.

But if you feel there is a nice calmth in you and with it a great stability, the curiosity to explore and to learn and you can create a nice atmosphere in a controlled enviroment(Room with Incense, Candles, Meditative ambience/music or in a nice spot in nature where you won't be disturbed under the sun or the moon & stars) with a good companion...
That is when you are most likely to sail through the insightfull, inspiring & revitalising territories of consciousness and where you'll most likely find therapeutical, ideological & creative treasures

The final advice I have to give about psychedelics is don't overdo them. Don't do them too often.
Don't do the too recreatively. Only use them as needed. Like any other medicine. Or would you take painkillers when you have no pain whatsoever? Or Penecilin when you have no serious infection of any kind? Well you see my point.


The trick is to take a Psychedelic in a troubled period of your life, that you cannot resolve otherwise, yet to find a day in that troubled period in which you are calm, clear and receptive inspite of the unrest in the layers below/beyond the mind.
I find such a state of mind to be the oppertune moment to do a psychedelic:
They are needed as you are troubled, but at the time being you're calm & clearminded enough to handle the experience well and come out the other end a stronger, wiser happier person.

Great post, SKA. I definitely jibe with your insights!

I can relate in a way to what Atlas_ describes. I have not had a DMT experience since 2011 due to a seeries of failed trips, strong bodily discomfort and misfires and some very uncofortable trips, that in the end I attributed to the fact that it just wasn't "right" anymore. Sometimes DMT or other psychedelics can do a lot to help us work things out, but sometimes they just don't. As the famous song goes - for everything (turn turn turn) there is a season.

The things that were bothering me back then, I believe I've worked through them thoroughly, but my life has taken some turns and I'm in no position to continue research of DMT for the time being. However, my interest in it remains, hence I remain here at the site. It has, after all, shown me incredible things, and given me the chance to meet some incredible people over this site. I also believe that I will come back to it and other psychedelics eventually. Some years down the line perhaps.

It's good to know when to change course and when to persist. There is no shame in realizing that the path you walk is not bringing you to where you want to end up and thus change the way you're going. Using the analogy of DMT as a tool - you wouldn't use a hammer to screw in a screw - so you also wouldn't use DMT for a problem that it's simply not suited for. Of course with matters of our ever so complex minds it's not really always clear which tool or method is appropriate, and sometimes failing to fix something is necessary to actually fix it. The experiences, even if repetitive, bad or failed still give us somethign to reflect upon. Taking decisions, letting things go, changing behavioral and thought patterns, these can be very positive things. Obsessing about a substance day and night is IMO definitely not healthy, even if said substance is DMT. The world is so big and so full of interesting experiences waiting to be had, it offers us so many options of who to be and how to feel, and sometimes it's hard to realize this. Sometimes we need to stop in order to proceed.

I too share some of your feelings on psychedelics, I believe they are important but I also believe in spiritual growth and how psychedelics are simply one part of that.

I point you in the direction of the Bhagavad`Gita a book that gave me much peace and many answers, it's something I have found much guidance in and much spirutual development. Read it for what it is, without the purport and without others opinions.

I hope you find the guidance and direction you need in life, I also believe their is so much more to what we are experiencing, that liberation is a real thing and we can find eternity and bliss together for all beings.

Have a good life

DMT is definitely not for everyone. Be well

Wishing you the best on your journey