I'm not totally sure why it came to this but I took some shrooms not that much at all. I started around 8am I waited for about an hour and a half or hour and forty five minutes. I was watching the movie Renegade though I shut it off before the fear had even came I was still pretty detached on the come up. Then it slowly started to come this immense fear eventually it subsided and came to a calm. To be honest I could interact with the world the entire time just as well as I would sober. I felt in some sense like I might have been interacting with this whole other part of myself. But the other part of myself seemed to be all these other human beings. I eventually looked up "The Black Iron Prison" http://principiadiscordia.com/bip/1.php and was thinking before hand that I was somehow imprisoned by my expectations or something along those lines. I thought of this in particular because I have heard it mentioned different times while listening to "Aeon Byte Gnostic Radio" it was an idea that Philip K. Dick had brought up I guess. Though I still don't know much about it.

During the fear I had thought I should call or text someone, felt like I really needed it. Though when I looked through my phone I was haveing a hard time deciding just who I could trust. I texted and called one person but couldn't get a hold of him. When I was trying to do this I had the thought come to mind that "It's always too late". Anyways somewhere in there I got worried that I was going to just end up experienceing oblivion forever but while I would maybe be in a sedated state. And this scared the shit out of me and I was looking for a way out. So I decided to get in my car and just try and extinguish my life. I don't really want this but at the time I felt like that was the only other alternative. All the while I'm looking at everyone on the highway thinking "any one of these people could possibly help me" but I had already decided. I remember seeing a car that had crashed and burned on the way, "I've never personally saw that first hand before" so that was particularly strange that all these thing's were coming up as I was about to do this.

In a sense I had an odd feeling that I had already done this before. In my personal life I hadn't really done that til then but yet I still felt like it wasn't the first time. I drove for about two hours and decided to go off an exit smashed my car up pretty bad. But luckily I came out of it without a scratch just some strain and good thing I didn't harm anyone else. Police and Ambulance showed up. Took me to the hospital I was there from 3pm to prolly midnight. When at midnight The trip picked up again. I would have this hope like the world around me was going to change and then I would subsequently feel let down.

But oddly enough I start to hear everyones thoughts some of them being people I knew. It was like they were reflecting off of these other people. I was basically hearing all this "Why doesn't he talk" on and on. I was told to go outside so as soon as I get up to go outside someone shows up to take me to psychiatric. Everything was changing though I still don't understand exactly what was going on, I had definitely felt this before at least one or two other times. Then I'm sitting in the waiting room and there's this other guy waiting in there so I thought I should talk to him so I did for a bit. He'd keep passing out since well it is pretty damn late and so I decided I'd let him get some sleep. I looked at the television and it was as if it was speaking to me about all these opportunities I was given when I was younger. Some parody stuff in there though mostly I wasn't laughing because I was still detached.

Eventually it was warning me of these people that were on the way and it gave me the impression I needed to step up or something. Scare Tactics would come on though it wasn't Scare Tactics it was this weird different version of it. I knew all this was pretty strange but I was still intrigued. Anyways I'd be shone thing's like "Thought Police" and the like. There's still quite a bit I'm not recalling. Oh again I still felt pretty capable of controlling myself no need to pass out. It was all going on in the world though I did get a bit worried at times because I thought if that can change what else might change? There were some arguments the staff had with people there. I ended up yelling at them and then they threatened to send me upstairs. So I went upstairs and it gets really weird up there, where all there mental patients are. Damn the atmosphere in that room was horrible enough to drive even a sane man nuts in my opinion. Though to be honest I had more of a problem with the staff than anything.

Anyways in there and now that I think of it in the waiting room. I'd look at the clock every 5 10 minutes or more. But it hadn't moved wth. So that's freaking me out a bit. Then as soon as I would think to do something it would all get started again. I felt like people there were waiting for me to act. I recall at times laying down trying to sleep after turning off the tv of course because I honestly couldn't take much more of that. When I would lay down I would have these images of all these people who were there for me when I did what I did with the car. I was going through it again. Then there would be strange moment's where I would feel as though someone came over to me and would put there hands on my shoulders though there was no one there. It was purely feeling Then I would sense a drawer open up in front of me. Though as soon as I thought something the drawer I would sense being shut and the hands on me backing off. This happened prolly 5 or 6 maybe more times throughout the night.

Then for awhile I thought I was in telepathic connection with people though to be honest I don't know it was very strange. While upstairs I would continuously hear these doors slamming shut over and over people being in a room seemingly haveing a hard time opening the door. So I would get up and try and help out. Was I dreaming a lot of this or was I awake?

There were odd times I felt that people I knew were in my mind, to be honest it sounds pretty crazy I know. But they were all commenting on how weird it was that they were there. And I began to notice the slightest thought I had could hurt or help them this particularly freaked me out. I felt like I was there trip, very weird feeling.

Also I hadn't eaten in the morning and I couldn't get the staff to give me anything until around midnight. Anyways I'm not giveing definite times but it was prolly around 4am or something. And there wanting to have me see a psychiatrist this early, I must have been dreaming but I don't know. At times I felt like I had been in that place forever and that I just woke up and everytime without fail the person near me would get his meds and I'm freaking out again because I'm all of a sudden thinking they keep putting us back to sleep so I'm thinking "No this needs to stop I need to get out of here". More suicidal thoughts, thinking I'm going to just jump out the window. I felt like I was there forever at times. At some point after the weird mind trip with those I knew I was seemingly put in isolation and I would basically see everyone going through repeating like this same old thing repeatedly vomiting and shitting speaking jibberish. I would be trying to get the staff's attention but they would just look past me like I wasn't even there.

It came to a weird point where all these people got to be together I was left in isolation and there was supposedly one other person who took the same route as I. I still felt this so wrong because I felt why would we be sentenced to this isolation and then forgotten? No one is beyond redemption I'm thinking so anyway I'm like ok I'll find a way through this except my mentality tends to be lets dive deeper into it. "I don't know why I'm strange like that I guess". Anyways at some point I think I die in there but then later I'm outside and it seems to happen over and over again. It seemed like it was never going to end. So more time warp stuff came up passing out repeating the same over and over.

Eventually after being there seeming like an eternity, a bunch of people show up and there saying that God told them someone chose this exact date to send someone here, in my mind I'm thinking "are they talking about me?" I would shove that aside. People there would be talking about chakras and ghost and stuff. And would always send this loving smile my way more than anyone was sending towards me. So that was particularly nice but I was afraid to even say anything to them for fear that am I really awake maybe I'll just be talking to nothing. "Fuck I can't decide so I do nothing" There all waiting for something but I'm not giving them nothing I was worried how I would look to be honest. These people would do with me what I noticed in the lobby. I would feel hands on my shoulders like they were prepping me for something. I would stop to think, they back off. I look at them and they are just smiling with there eyes shut. "What is going on here?" It ends up being a dissapointment because my mind is not particularly disciplined and I think of like the worst things and immediately regret it. Not wanting these people who seem to care so much to leave. After the experience there identities all change and now they judge and I am left alone again.

Lot's of weird changeing of bodies it seemed like, invasion of the body snatchers stuff I guess but it seemed to be me. Except where the personalities of these other individuals changed I stayed the same. Change seems so foreign to me at this point. My mind remains in a silent state. At some point I guess I actually do wake up in the real world and it is two days later. They didn't even bother to get me up the second day to eat so that was great. Anyways on the last day some asian woman shows up and she starts singing something along the lines of "your looking out the window sill but you don't know you've been swallowed by a shark" I thought that might have something to do with my situation but I don't know. Some weird stuff here.

Though I'm glad to say the attempt failed and I live to see another day. Oddly enough though during some of the experiences people after what they went through they said I was the devil all along. Ok kinda weird

Also when there felt as though I was not alone in my mind there seemed to be two sides too it like two sides of the same coin. One side seemed to be based around my insecurities and such mostly consisting of people laughing kinda dragging me deeper and it would proceed to this other side and it seemed like I was supposed to do something to counteract the other side. But I had no clue what to do. I think the other side might have been my "Shadow" and it seemed to be winning.

O dear o dear sorry to read you had such a horrible time that sounds terrifying Mushrooms can be very powerful even at low doses.
Were you depressed or having trouble in your life at the time? Under stress or anxiety?
Not knowing you and your history its impossible to say whether you just got overwhelmed and it escalated or you have an underlying mental illness that has been triggered. Im leaning to the latter.
Either way it doesnt seem like psychedelics are for you, how are you now?

I'm not sure, I'm also leaning towards possibly the latter as well. But I don't know right now I'm just trying to figure this out. Because whether I ever use them again or not whatever is going on underneath needs to change. Oddly enough I can't help but wonder if I'm beginning to tap into telepathy or if I'm just communeing with something else in me. But either way it seems every once in a while I get an answer and the electronics in my room seem to be effected, odd.

If you saw me normally I'm fine, detached but other than that alright. Though I would say that a band like Meshuggah "Catch Thirty Three" or Katatonia's "The Great Cold Distance" both fit my current situation. Most of the time I'm unable to feel emotion, the connection is very hard to establish with people. In one sense I almost feel like I'm in telepathic communication with others in that place but it's so hard to say. Because and keep in mind it's purely thought in this case not voices. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht7kTC7_SjM And I still don't understand our capabilities and if I'm just being an idiot or am on too something. Confusing stuff this is.

Just so you know I have no desire to commit suicide but then I take that and I am confronted with Oblivion. And one second I'll think theres hope but it's easy to flip and want to give up. I honestly should have gotten on Nexus chat maybe someone could have calmed me down. I actually think I could have handled it better but I got overthinking a particular thing and thought great my apartment is a mess and it's gonna just automatically be seen as oh he had a problem. When Honestly I'm usually sober the majority of the time. I actually think my rash actions were more from stupidity than anything bc I knew better than to do that.

Well like I say I cant say as a) im not a professional pysciatrist and b) i dont know you but you are right in that you shouldnt touch psycedelics again until you are absolutely sure you dont have an underlying condition. Maybe this is the positive that has come of it. You are lucky to still be alive and now you have a second chance.
One thing is for sure is that its shown you have some issues to sort out. Psycedelics are very good at bringing these things up. Keep us up to date with your progress.

Will do

The detachment and unable to feel emotion can be a sign of depression. Ive felt been in a similar state of mind your choice of music is a good reflection of your mood. Irrational thoughts are also a common symptom. Ive heard it from a member of my family.
Treatments these days are effective I responded well to prozac with no side effects and only needed to take them for a few months. I stopped when I was able to get out of bed with some energy again and havent taken them since.
Nowadays I take B6 ( Pyridoxine hydrochloride) 25-100mg. I havent had a bout of derealisation or depression since. It promotes good sleep too.

You went through quite an ordeal. Luckily neither you nor anyone else got hurt when you crashed your car.

What strikes me about your story is that while you seem to feel very detached from your environment, you also describe the events around you as if related to you in particular, some of it almost sounds like a delusion of reference. Could it perhaps be that these are related, you withdrawing from the world around you and then feeling that events unrelated to you (eg. stuff on the tv) feels like it is directed at you?

Wether the telepathic experiences are objectively real is hard to tell. When people are in extreme stress, like you appear to have been, people are more likely to experience this. However, as you were also very much mentally unbalanced at the time and perhaps also having delusions of reference, it makes little sense to draw conclusions.
All paranormal events should be scrutinized honestly and objectively or else you risk getting lost in wishful thinking and end up believing the whole world is part of your personal delusion (while the whole world is really mostly stuck in its own delusion).

You may be on to something when you write about experiencing your shadow and about the intruding thoughts being repressed parts of yourself. Try looking into bodywork therapy, it might give you means to deal with this.

I seriously wonder why you watch tv while waiting for the mushrooms to come up. In my experience, the time between taking the mushrooms and the effects setting in is critical to the quality of the trip. The more relaxed you are in between, the more relaxed the trip will be. If watching tv in that time span, it is not strange that you got so dissociative in the trip. In general, with your condition, maybe you would benefit yourself greatly by not watching tv at all anymore and do simple physical exercise, such as walking or biking in nature.

Seriously, get rid of your tv. Go outside and feel the interaction with the world. You are not alone.

I am not a mental health professional so take my comments as an opinion, not an advice.

Quite an experience, from what i can gather you feel like you missed the boat earlier in life and harping on that in a big way, even if you don't think about it much. Or atleast that sort of issue surfaced during the experience and more or less set the tone. Then you feel the need to be around friends, but cant find any, crash your car ending up in some mental facility.. the perfect storm..

As for the tv, people etc. talking to you in some odd way, it would seem like your just keying in on certain things that have meaning to you, and probably experiencing some level of temporary delirium or similar. And, well, I do know its more then that.. pot has the same sort of effect on me. Solution was simple for me, I just quit smoking pot.

I dont know you, but always eat health and take care of your self, maybe make some new/better friends, and set a new path in life. If you ever decide to mess with psychedelics i would suggest smoking dmt.

I often subscribe to the notion of oneness so I kinda took it that different trauma or what not reflected off of them (Personal Unconscious). Like it was mean't to get me to turn the mirror back around. I didn't have to act on any of what I heard yet I felt like maybe I needed to or I would miss whatever might be learned from it. I felt no need to speak out aloud. Because they seemed to be going on inside in some fashion though reflected out there. I mean even if that is a way to help yourself one is kind of hesitant to answer back for fear that it would be perpetuated and never get past it. I mean if I didn't take such a rash action and still had that come up I could of handled it better I think. Quite possibly have healed a lot more of what's inside that maybe I wasn't aware was haveing an affect on me before.

But it's also like I feel everytime I get an answer, that somehow takes me deeper it also seems like I get closer to something dark as well (Shadow or Collective Shadow maybe?). Perhaps it is Jung's idea of one being swarmed by the unconscious. I mean to be honest when I made it to the lobby I felt like I was "waking up" in a sense yet I was still confused. When I was in the lower part of the hospital and heading to the lobby I felt this whole impression of "Fate". Which reminds me of something Carl Jung had stated "Until you make the unconscious conscious it will appear outside as fate and direct your life". So I want to figure out what energy is going on inside that would lead me to takeing the actions I did. Because I don't want this to ever happen again.

Sorry for it being mixed up, I'm just sort of typeing this as it comes too me. I could organize this a lot better.

It's quite possible it could just be a delusion but I don't honestly know. I've been thinking of trying to see a jungian analyst in my area to see if I can understand more of what's going on. And to be honest My mind was as clear as when I was sober I just freaked out feeling like it is always going to be the same. But if what Jung had stated stands for anything maybe there is hope as of yet. Some things I was seeing on the television was even a different take on someone giving me opportunities whether friends or family. I knew noone else could possibly be seeing that. And the feeling that I feel just as clear during a trip and are basically staring into oblivion at times scares me. Though this also brings me back to something another had said a human will experience oblivion and something more God what have you will not experience it.

I know this will sound crazy too a lot of people, I understand that. But either I share my experience and possibly get a chance to speak to someone else with a similar experience and is still in it or got past it. I know for sure though that I can't do these thing's alone because I need someone there to give me another perspective. Don't worry I'm not going to take anything not after this. I'll continue to frequent the forums in hopes that I'll find other's to the point that maybe we could help one another out.

Thanks for the advice, I do need to exercise a lot more. Though I don't particularly know anything about the bodywork. What would you personally recommend as far as bodywork goes. At least to give me an idea what type of work might be worthwhile.

Thanks for the reply IANS ya I'd agree that is it. I sort of envisioned myself in the hospital as well how to put it. I am detached, I begin to feel life will change so there is this sense of excitement, but then subsequently feeling crushed and let down in a sense. That is when the thought's all begin to come, just after that.

I guess even if it is sorta missed the boat kinda thing, I always get the impression my life is only just beginning but I get the sense that it is what I have dreamed of kinda thing. Like dream was coming to fruition I just don't want it to be through this trying to take my life and such damn.

Hmm also it gives me the impression of something along the lines of "Plato's Cave".

I think in my case I've developed some sort of chemical imbalance to pot. But the effects are similar to what you are describing: like every sound around me even my own pant legs rubbing together while I'm walking, basically everything is meshing together and speaking to me. To be honest I've never bothered trying to psychoanalyze what going on with this. All my friends growing up all loved smoking pot and about half still do, the other half hate it as i do.

I would recommend just putting this one experience behind you and move on. After all the effects pot has on me is not who I am, its just what pot dose to me.

Does anyone in your family have a history of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or any other sort of psychotic disorder? You may have some latent psychological issues that the psilocybin triggered.
This experience report suggests to me that there was something going on besides just mushrooms. You say you took a low dose, but this doesn't seem like a low dose trip. It also appears to have lasted way longer than the normal 4-6 hours.

I'd be careful with future psychedelic exploration if I were you.

Blessings
~ND

It is good that you speak out. It is good that you claim ownership of yourself and your situation. It may help you to find some recognition and relatable viewpoints. But in the end, you will have to find the answers to your questions, after you have found what your questions are. That last part may actually be the hardest part.


This is what wikipedia has to say about it, but I find it a meager explanation and perhaps even a bit slanted in a very subtle way (through omission).

My interpretation of the significance of bodywork is that a lot of people's psychological and emotional problems have already begun before they have learned to talk. For those problems, talk therapy sometimes offers little help. Related to this, repressed parts of the self, like your "shadow" may not be well verbalized, in fact the verbal self may be part of the repression structures. Feelings and emotions that have become dissociated from your verbal self can still be accessed through the experience of the body and working from there can be integrated.

Most bodywork is very non-mainstream and not taken very seriously by conventional psychiatry. Personally I have found some very interesting ideas when researching it for my own needs and purposes, like this site. You will have to research some for yourself I guess, but not just intellectually in books and on the internet, but also physically, in your own body and feelings and emotions.

One tip I want to give you is to be attentive and aware towards your posture. All the chronic tensions in different muscle groups in your body add up to your posture. It turns out that to have a correct and healthy posture, you need to relax most of your muscles, which is really hard for many people. The same with smiling, you need to relax most of your facial muscles to smile.

The only thing I can think of is Alzheimers on my fathers side. And as far as psychedelic exploration goes, I don't plan on returning to it till I feel I am ready which will be a really long time. Honestly I feel the only way I would be willing to do it is if I had a sitter or a shaman of some sort even in the presence of a psychedelic therapist would be great, sadly that's not going to happen. As of right now I'm fine none of that stuff lingers. But the close call definitely brought family and friends and the like much closer to the forefront, so that takes precedence right now.

Thanks for the advice I'll be sure to check out the website. Sounds interesting, I have definitely been wondering more about something physically related that I might get into. And if that can help that would be great, I'll have to find out for myself how it works on me.

I'm starting to notice that sometimes as I'm going to sleep. I feel a sense of a sort of cyclone in mind or something. Not really sure what to make of this because as soon as I try to think about it I forget a great deal of it. I can't help but wonder am I just supposed to try and go through whatever this is? It's like it's spinning underneath in a sense, maybe unconscious or something. But once in awhile it catches on to me in a way and I feel myself being in it. And basically a lot of life suffering seems to be within it. Though I can't say what because I forget it as soon as I try and grasp what's going on with thought. If it comes up again I'll try and have more info to post.