SWIM's vaped spice on a number of occasions; the first being a cosmic hyperslap of vast energies and cataclysms of which words do not even begin to suffice. It was harsh, and then it was a thing of absolute divine beauty, the epitome of all beauty that SWIM has experienced.

However, this is not the experience I wish to discuss.

The third time SWIM smoked spice was the most horrific experience of this short life.

The spice was measured out on a set of dodgy scales. This was not known at the time, and SWIM was under the impression he was consuming a rather managable dose- the scales read 30mg. However, we have since learnt that the calibration was way out, and it could have been anywhere between 80 ~ 130.

It started out typically; the whoosh, the vibration that rent the very fabric of SWIM's basest molecules, that feeling of rushing towards Hyperspace at a billion billion clicks an hour. Then, everything just became WRONG, in the purest sense of the word, and this feeling of "Oh, you've done it now".

This inescapable feeling of dread, of impending doom, of calamitous evil on the brink of the horizon, completely took over SWIM's mind.

SWIM's flatmate, who was sitting opposite SWIM, took the form of a purple Shiva-like Entity, as tall as infinity (literally), glowing a luminescent purple the likes of which cannot even be imagined, outshone only by the 4 resplendent, neon green eyes that shone out from It's face. It had four arms, and it was dancing, reminescent of how SWIM pictures the Nataraja. At first, this Entity did not even notice SWIM. SWIM was less than an ant in comparison to the moon next to this figure. SWIM extended his consciousness gently in the direction of the Being, and immediately the full focus of this Being was drawn towards SWIM, like a moth to flame.

In the briefest instant, which lasted for almost all eternity, this Being examined, in explicit detail, every facet of SWIM's life. Now, I won't go in to details, but SWIM used to be a bit of a questionable character, and definitely didn't pass the judgement criteria.

SWIM had a kind of telepathy with the Being; no formal exchange was needed, no upload of information was required from SWIM's end; the Being, was, is and forever will be everything. however, the download of information to SWIM made him completely re-examine his life.

That's when the Judgement came.

With the tiniest, most miniscule, flick of the wrist, the Being picked SWIM up and cast him into the depths of the flame of the candle lit before him. All of this occurred before the visual stage was in full effect; this all occurred in reality, not in Hyperspace.

SWIM broke through. Not to the usual Hyperspace. To a place I refer to as the Void.

It was a place of pure pain and light and sound. There was a cacophonous screeching, the wailing of perished, vanquished souls, the sound of metal nails scratching on glass. There were feelings of utter and near soul-destroying pain. Pain of the likes of which SWIM could never even begin to imagine previously, nor since. There was light so bright, that it outshone everything, and only vague, indistinct outlines could be made out of horrible, ambling creatures. Even the light was pain. After what felt like (literal) Aeons, SWIM became aware of his "body", in this place. He found it could move. So he tried to escape. It was futile. There was no end, no boundary, no border. It just was, forever.

SWIM spent days and days trapped in his own mind. From the view of everyone else, he had only been gone for 20-30 minutes. From SWIM's viewpoint, it felt like eternity.

SWIM had no clue what to do. He screamed. He begged. He pleaded. He cried. And then, he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After a time, SWIM noticed the shapes had departed; the screeching had stopped; the pain was dissipating. However, the light was still there.

Outlines started coming back to him. SWIM could see the vague shapes of his room and his friends. At this point, he threw up- a black, evil, disgusting slime. A necessary purging of all the accumulated evil SWIM (and a few others, but mainly himself) had forced upon himself over the years. As soon as the vomiting was finished, a feeling of peace swept over him. SWIM thought he had died. The colours started filling the outlines back up again, and he slowly came back to a very concerned room of friends. Everyone there was still relatively new to spice, and no one had heard of the vomiting before. Just as the last threads of the Void were slipping away from him, he "heard" (felt? received?) a message from the Being.

"I hope you learned something, Child."

Definitely sounds like an earth shaking experience. These rough rides are also some of the most moving and teaching experiences one can have. The vibration of each cell is one of the most interesting parts of the come up for me.

Just FYI, usually your own experiences are best made with their own thread rather than replying to a thread with it. This was a great experience report and def needs its own thread, which it has. Typically when replying in threads about someones experience you want to talk about similarities or give insight or answer questions ect. about "their" thread. Either way theres nothing to change and just thought I would let you know for future reference.

Oh, okay, good to know.

I must say, I'm used to more uhh... Open... forums than this one. Posting something like this in my regular would end up being overloaded with all sorts of off-topic rubbish. Generally the best bet is to stick to old threads, where I'm from, heh.

Thanks though, I'll definitely keep that advice in mind, for the future. (-:

Are you glad it happened? Or do you wish you hadn't experienced that terror?

I am not glad of the experience.

I am glad of the changes it helped me create in my life.

You contradict yourself? They are one in the same experience. Without the experience you would not have the changes right?

So ultimately, you are glad!

That's good!

That was my point - it seems that when recalling all of my past 'bad trips', they don't seem bad at all anymore, but rather 'intense, and profound'. They all helped me or changed me for the better. This mindset I believe is healthy because it allows me to pre-embrace the 'bad trips' that have yet to come, and get a head start on their integration.

I fully understand what you're saying. With all my other "bad" travels (including the aforementioned hyperslap, and a couple of Psilocybe experiences), in hindsight, they become deeply profound, meaningful and helpful- even though I remember the scarier aspects.

This experience, however, shall forever be embedded in my mind as pure torture.

This pain created a lot of positive changes in my life. I am glad of the changes. I am definitely not glad of what sort of experience it took to show me the way to these changes. I wish I hadn't had this experience. The changes were necessary, but I don't feel that such an intense experience was a necessary precursor to this change. I still have horrid nightmares about the experience over a year later, quite often.

Sounds to me like "possibly" your attachment to the horror of the experience might be causing your nightmares about it. I know it can be difficult to deal with, but if you observe how the duality of experiences work to teach us things in our life you might be able to come to the conclusion that it was necessary and that all parts of it are good.

You don't appreciate good until you know bad.

You don't understand happiness until you experience sadness.

Ect.

You say it took this sort of experience to show you the way, and then you say you don't feel like such an intense experience was necessary to show you the way. You must realize that it was necessary otherwise you wouldn't be at the conclusion that you feel it wasn't. Because you wouldnt be where you are to see this. So it was necessary because here you are now experiencing life after such an experience. Possibly an important thing to try and integrate is acceptance of it in all its glory. Then maybe you will rid yourself of these aftershocks that manifest in your dreams.

There are forms of beauty in existence which are unspeakable, and that once glimpsed can, must, only serve to catalyze a more sober study of our own.

If there is a god, let there be blindness also. Amnesia, grace.

Thanks for the share friend.

Learn, integrate, grow and blossom. Learning from experiences like that are something to be cherished even when a single reminder can bring ultimate terror to your dome it is still necessary to go through fire and brimstone.