Though I do not live in Portland, one of my neighbors has a bumper sticker that says, "Keep Portland Weird."

As for Mr. Bass, . . . what can one say but yikes?

McKane says that he and a group of like-minded friends had gathered near the park’s fountain to organize a fantasy battle filled with elaborate costumes and fake weaponry. He showed up wearing a sequined chain-mail vest, a leather kilt and a snowboarding helmet. He also came bearing an arsenal of weapons, including a hubcap shield, bamboo javelin, green lightsaber, machete, toy battle-ax and a master sword strapped to his back.

To enhance their live-action role-playing game, one of the participants broke out a stash of mind-altering substances.

“It’s not like I’m a drug addict or anything,” says McKane. “But whenever someone offers some to me, I’ll take them. I find that it’s pretty rude to refuse gifts.”

McKane gobbled up a potent cocktail of MDMA, Dimethyltryptamine and acid. “Moon Rocks, DMT and LSD—it was the trifecta!” he says. “Man, that shit’s pretty awesome. But don’t do it alone. Otherwise, you’ll end up wandering the streets on a weird spirit journey.”

Which is pretty much what happened. The drugs took hold and the game never quite got off the ground. McKane says the cops closed the park around 10 p.m. and he left to go dancing with friends. Later, he broke into a musician buddy’s practice space near the Hawthorne Bridge, where he spent the next several hours tripping balls and hanging out by himself.

By morning, McKane was channeling his Jaypar Prakkari character, fully immersed in a mission that could make sense only to a drug-addled LARPer. “I was here to save America,” he says. “In 10 days, Obama was going to be assassinated. Morgoth was chasing after me. I was chasing shadow dragons. It was crazy.”

At around 7 a.m., the weapon-wielding, hallucinating hero found himself at the intersection of Southeast Seventh Avenue and Morrison Street, where he decided to take on rush-hour traffic.

“I was walking down the yellow line in the middle of the road and jousting cars,” McKane says. “I was walking like I owned it, like I was a spaceship. People were honking horns and driving around me. Guys in trucks were being dicks. It was pretty fantastical. I was having great time.”

The fun ended when McKane found himself face-to-face with a red BMW, which he admits he mistook for a shape-shifting demon. The driver, a northeast Portland woman, had stopped in the middle of the road and was blasting her horn. A fearless McKane sprung into action.

“I hopped on her hood and tried to pierce her tires with my master sword,” he says. “I was trying to prove a point. Don’t mess with a dark elf.”

The freaked out driver called 911, and a swarm of police quickly arrived on scene and brought McKane under control. He was cited for criminal trespass, but not arrested, and was taken to Providence Portland Medical Center.

“Honestly, the cops were pretty nice,” McKane says. “Even the one who pointed a Taser at me. But they broke my master sword. I was so pissed!”

I would rather see 1000 Articles of high elfs attacking BMWs than one article of a drunk teenager crashing their bmw and killing their friends.

Every one knows that high elves refuse to drink and drive.