Hi guys,
A while back my sitter was concerned about some of the things I did while on a trip. He said he heard lots of the "MAKE IT STOP" screams and a bunch of other disturbing stuff.
I didn't believe him, so I decided to record myself during one of them... turns out there was nothing that time. Still, I didn't think it was reasonable for my sitter to lie to me about it, so I continued asking him to record me while I was gone.
Then on the third time recording, he caught me doing it... pretty much all the stuff he said.
I was absolutely shocked and taken aback... none of the trips were extremely bad at all, although some did seem kind of scary.
Later, I sat in my room, thinking about what could have happened in there that would make me do that. I had this feeling in the back of my mind that something terrible was going on that I never remembered upon coming back. It was ridiculously frustrating that I couldn't come up with what it was.
After some agony over trying to remember, I confirmed with myself that there WAS some terrible stuff going on. One bad vision after another, the bad experiences in hyperspace flooded back into my mind. The concerning part though, is that they didn't even "come back," I always knew those things happened, but my mind blocked it out!!!!!
It was like a "HOLY MOTHER I KNEW THIS STUFF WAS GOING ON, I REMEMBER IT" feel, but my mind would cover it up immediately after I came back like a government trying to cover up a conspiracy.
That got me thinking, what if this whole thing is just a huge lie? What if there is no meaning, no message, if it's all just a trap that makes you forget all the terrible stuff that happened to lure you back into going again?
I took a long break from tripping. It wasn't until recently when my sitter and I decided to go back again.
This time, it was different. I had never seen entities so sad. They were actually sorry about what had happened... NEVER had I actually seen THEM sorry (why would they even care, they're so far above us anyways) and they tried their best to offer an explanation as to why I felt that way that I did earlier, though I couldn't understand any of the explaining. They said it was okay and offered me a bunch of gifts, which I said no to, but I smiled and let them know I was happy to be back.
Well, here I am again, back at work as an explorer. I don't know if its real, or fake or whatever; I don't even care anymore.
Even if its all just fake those guys offer some pretty good advice sometimes, though I usually am only able to understand like 0.000000001% of what they try to say.