Hey hello,

I'll try not to make an essay out of it, hehe. First and foremost, I would like to say hello to all of you! I've been reading alot on this forum for a while now, and I am really impressed by this community. It seems that the internet is in need of more places like this, where interested people can come together without the feeling of a: being pressured and b: share without having to 'perform'.

About me... As I said, I've been reading alot on these forums for a while now. I'm a bit of an old psychonaut, as I was younger I've been (recklessly) experimenting with a host of chemicals, plants and the like. That went very well, up untill a certain point where I really lost touch of myself and it became more of a 'rush', the psychedelics were no longer about learning new things but it was just about 'going further beyond'. I had a big crash at a certain point, and I had to stop my usage of the stuff alltogether. This offcourse happened in conjunction with alot of other important changes in my life, some might call it
'growing up' :-).

Now, a couple of years later, I find my self having moved, Im learning a new profession, found a lovely partner and I'm a very happy person on the whole. As the crash that I spoke about involved a big, bad trip and being semi-stuck in that world for quite a while, I have been very reluctant in the further usage of psychedelics. Mind altering substances are nice, but one should not do it simply because of 'wanting to be OUT there', as it then quickly turns into a flight from reality in general.

But, last summer (also almost one year ago), as I was on very nice festival and there something sparked within me. I felt like I could go into the 'realms' again. Ever since that big crash experience, I had the feeling that a part of me was still there, and I wanted to find that lost part, to reconcile and to heal. So, I went on a psychedelic voyage, for the first time since years. It turned out to be a very nice experience, and it opened my eyes to the possibility that I once again could undertake suche voyages.
After this experience I decided to let the whole thing rest for a while, as I started my new educational programm. However, as the spring came and as I saw nature rejuvenating after the winter, so did my curiosity for the psychedelic healing and learning experience come back.

My whole attitude has changed though. During my younger years I was just interested in 'going far and fast', neglecting the lessons that the plants/substances could teach me. And, as with everything in life, I got what was coming to me. Now, as I am a bit older, I am more interested in the whole experience. I want to 'grow into it', taking my time to prepare and I want to listen to my heart, most of all. I'm a humbler person, I hope.

Well, thats why I'm here. I want to set out on this path of shamanic healing again and I want to get into contact with you fine people. I don't want to sound too much like a hippie (which I fear is what I have become in the course of the last few years), but I want to 'meet' other people who share the same interests. To talk, exchange and most of all, to learn from eachother.

So... Thank you guys for giving me a chance to be a part of this community!

Warm greetz :-)

EDIT:

Maybe at the risk of sounding preachy.... I want to add something to this story... As I have been treading through the forums, I have gotten the impression that this DMT story is something that has to be treated with respect. I see so many users who talk about 'hunting for breakthroughs', as if a breakthrough is the kind of enlightening experience that can not be had otherwise. Sometimes I have the feeling that people on these forums place too much emphasis on this 'breakthrough-experience', as if there are no other important goals to be achieved. The hunt for the breakthrough can become a fixation on a goal, and when we do that too much we risk loosing sight of the beautiful things that happen all around us already.
We do NOT need DMT to be happy. Or any other psychedelic substance, for that matter. We just need to keep our eyes and ears open, or we might loose sight of what life is all about. Just be careful you all, and remember that life itself is the biggest trip there is!

That being said.... Happy tripping!

Hi lamate!
Thank you for your intro post. I found your story enjoyable and am able to relate to your journey. I believe in our quest as psychonauts we must walk a fine line with clear intentions. Otherwise one may fall into a sort of escapist intent, losing touch with this physical reality as you well know. A few months ago, I foolishly took a very large dose of LSD with this escapist intent. It was an unwise thing to do, but this dark, crushing trip propelled me into a difficult life changing journey. For the last 6 months, I have abstained from all drug use and instead embarked upon a fearless moral searching of my self. I have processed and released several difficult life events through meditation and conversation, becoming more in touch with my deeper self than ever before.
Today I am free. Released from that which I once carried.
I too feel ready to be taught by DMT, used with discretion. I consider it a life enhancer. Not vital to living a deeply satisfying life, yet through it I hope to become more of my true self.

Lamate, Do you feel like your "crash" motivated your growing up? or was it sparked by the life events that came your way?

Hey, I don't really know in which order it came, crash first and then growing up, or the other way around. I guess it was both at the same time, I had been caught in a destructive pattern and I was looking for a way out. Clearly the only thing that I could relate to were drugs and 'escapes', so thats the lesson that I got taught. I'm sure that if I had been willing to listen to reason, I would not have needed such a strong bad trip. It all sprang forth from my own stubbornness and pig-headesness.

I'm not quite sure if I got the answers I sought, many times in life that which I wanted and that which I needed/got were some very different things. My problem is that I am a very impulsive person by nature, quick to jump into new adventures but that sometimes makes it hard to stick with things. The only thing that I learned is that you can never force things. You can't force spiritual growth with psychedelics. It's not like a computer, its not a machine that you can give a certain input, so that it produces some output.

I guess the best thing is just to be aware of what you are doing, and yes its a fine line. Not easy, but its a very fun line to walk :-)

Hi Lamate!

I think this is one of the biggest issues with the illegality of psychedelics. They are profound substances that can shape one's life for the better, but there's a certain way to go about using them. However, with them being illegal, outside of forums like this one and experienced, thoughtful users acting like shamans, it can all go horribly wrong.

I've got a couple of friends who have hit them hard in the past, and come up empty handed in the long run. Personally, I like to leave it until I have the urge, like an inch I can't scratch in my mind. That's when I know I'm ready for another round I never had a shaman-like person to ask either, I just kind of figured it out for myself. Well, with some help from Hunter S. Thompson.

I'm with shang on this one, the most harmful thing about psychedelics is that often due to their illegality they are not used properly. I had a heavy few months during my last year of uni where I took to much 25i/c because it helped me escape (I now hate those drugs, I find them shallow and unsatisfying) from a very bad break up which damaged me for about 12 months and at times I still mourn that loss today. Since being blessed with a knowledgeable community and friends more recently I have been able to use a wide variety of entheogenic and psychedelic substances for positive grown and healing.