Hello to all who may read this
I've been reading posts and spent a considerable amount of time researching dmt and finally I felt the time had come. Last night was my first experience and as I'm sure has happened to so many before me, it absolutely blew me away. I'm not normally someone who posts in many forums but the content and genuine collective feeling that the nexus radiates makes me want to be part of it. Knowing it was Saturday and setting an alarm to remind me (The memory has been shredded from years of abuse and medication), I finally get to post as well as read all of your research, musing and comments.
I've had an interest in psychedelics for many years but after my experiences with LSD and mushrooms in my teens, due to the place I was in mentally, I decided to leave most of them behind for a while, drifting instead into a highly abusive relationship with IV ketamine. The psychedelic journeys that ensued were at times fascinating but culminated in addiction and worsening physical and mental illness. I was seeking a doorway to something more than a reality based on matter and that which we see before us. However, I was both naive and damaged - neither in the right place mentally or mature enough to understand any lessons I came across. One thing lead to another and I ended up a heroin addict for 8 years. Psychedelics were way behind me, or so I thought.
Today, I am over 5 years clean of heroin and with the tools that meditation and yoga has granted me, my mental and physical health is much improved. One of the many heroin detox's I attempted lead me to Mexico to a clinic that gives it's patients the psychoactive plant Iboga, originally used in African spiritual practices by the Bwiti tribes. Ibogaine showed me many things, not least some of the conflicts within myself resulting in my addictions and depression. It was nearer to what I had been seeking with my early ketamine experiences but enabled far more lucid thinking and therefore the ability to retain more of the idea's and concepts I came across during the experience. Although I learned a lot and put that experience alongside a handful of others that enabled me to reassess my place in this journey of life and move forwards, I was still left with many questions - as I no doubt always will be
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Last night was unlike any other psychedelic experiences. Alongside the unthinkably beautiful geometry and intricate visions, seeing my body as separate to myself, as purely a vessel, was enlightening. There were familiar threads to past psychedelic experiences with k, LSD, Ibogaine and with mushrooms, but nothing near the same incredible plain that I was taken to. The beauty and the enormity - it was all I could do to hold on, try to take it all in and remember to breath (I kept thinking that if I didn't remember to breath, having left my body, it might forget to do this by itself
). I had made a 'machine' using some of the excellent descriptions I viewed on the nexus and it worked as perfectly as it could for a novice. During my first experience, the concept of taking something to unlock these doors was incomprehensible. With every breath, it was like I was being drawn deeper into the fragments of the typically invisible cellular fabric that constructs the reality I see, and the one I don't. I was nothing and everything. We were all one, and many, but intricately connected. It was shocking and utterly awe inspiring. Though I had prepared as much as possible, I was at the same time, unprepared. As I have read here before, all that I felt and thought and saw now seems futile to describe for the lack of justice my words would do it.
I simply wanted to write this to say hello to anyone and everyone who may read this, to say that I'm extremely glad this community exists and grateful to be able to take part in it, though I will likely do much more reading than writing in the future, as I realize just how much there is to learn.
I am looking forward to doing Ayahuasca hopefully some time later on this year. At this time, this wouldn't be possible as I'm still on a number of medications for depression and being SSRI's these would react terribly with the MAOI components of the ayahuasca. Thankfully, this isn't, from all that I've read, a problem with DMT. Regarding the depression, it is my anxiety and depression that has drawn me to these healing substances. During the second experience last night, I realize just how futile and pointless anxieties are. This morning I feel an inextricable new lease of life. After the experiences yesterday, I spoke avidly into a tape recorder, filled with new creative idea's both for paintings I'm working on, metal work and some writing. I've had a creative block for months. This new inspiration alone feels beyond a blessing. Despite my amazement, I remain highly aware of the power of this incredible substance and respectful that it is not to be played with. It is not something I feel drawn to experience repeatedly day after day, as has been the case with things in the past. For one, I need time to process these two experiences last night. Though I would be lying if I pretended that the thought that there is much to be explored through further experimentation and the potential of these further lessons, doesn't excite me. One step at a time though
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Peace and love to all that are present on the forum. I look forward to hopefully interacting with you at some point in the future and am sure I will be learning much from the numerous fascinating posts.
Take care and thanks...
WeAre1_Infinite
"Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty" - A.Einstein
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
-- Margaret Mead, anthropologist