Hello all. I'm Yex. I'm just under 24 years old and am currently returning to learn from psychedelic teachers after a period of abstinence. First of all, I'd like to express my gratitude to be able to be part of this forum. I've read a fair amount of threads before joining, and this place seems to be a great spot for learning, teaching, and sharing about entheogenic experiences and related topics. Anyway, here's a brief bio about me and my psychonautic journeys thus far:
My first entheogenic experience took place when I was 15. I had already been interested in psychedelics for several years at that point, but didn't really know how to go about finding them. One night, a friend of mine, who is a few years older than me, called me to let me know that he and another friend had procured some 20x Salvia Divinorum for me. He was never very interested in psychedelics, though he had tried them a few times, but he knew of my deep fascination with the subject and had bought the Salvia from a headshop with the sole intention of turning me on. I met him in a field and smoked one hit of the Salvia from a bubbler that he provided. At this point in my life, save for a small handful of experiences with alcohol, I had never ingested a mind altering substance. Having never smoked anything before, I began coughing profusely, and as I did, I saw my friend transform into a many-armed being resembling a Hindu deity. I reached out for him, and then it really hit. In the ensuing trip I was exposed to a part of reality that was so different from anything in normal day-to-day life that words hardly do it justice. I found myself in an orange-colored world, where sharp, triangular beings were crucifying me and using me a piece in their grand, cosmic wall. For much of it I did not remember my name or who I was, and for parts of it there wasn't even a 'me'. The few fragments of my self that remained fought frantically against the tide of ego-death, but this was to no avail, until I came down. I found the experience overwhelmingly unpleasant, yet I was nonetheless deeply intrigued by the world I had seen, and hungered for more. I remember realizing that I fully understood the line in "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane that goes, "When logic and proportion have fallen softly dead…"
Soon after this I was exposed to marijuana, and over a period of several months I went from being an occasional weed-smoker to developing a practice of smoking cannabis every day. I found myself going deeper and deeper into the world of drug-use. The full account of this period could be the topic of a book, so I'll summarize. By the age of 17, in addition to Saliva Divinorum and cannabis, I had tried psilocybin mushrooms and ecstasy, as well as coca leaves and cocaine. This was followed by a period of abstinence (due to circumstances beyond my control). I resumed my exploration around the time I turned 18. That year, 2008, was a blur of drugs, both of a benign, psychedelic variety, as well as darker substances (so-called "hard" drugs), e.g. cocaine, amphetamines, heroin, ketamine, et cetera. I never became physically addicted to these substances, only dabbling in them, and quickly realized their destructive nature and quit. The majority of my journeys in this period consisted of consuming copious amounts of marijuana and hashish, and "tripping" on psychedelics as often as possible, experimenting with LSD, mushrooms, morning MDMA, MDA, and research chemicals [I won't name which ones as I've read that new members aren't supposed to discuss RCs]. Following a car wreck near the end of that summer (not under the influence of drugs, mind you), I began to realize the path of foolhardy recklessness I had embarked on, and began to tone things down. While I had previously darted all over the place, socializing with a large pool of people and often tripping in a social setting, I now became somewhat of a hermit. I continued to go on psychedelic journeys, using LSD, mushrooms, morning glory, [research chemicals], and various herbs such as mugwort and Calea Zacatechichi, and continued smoking hashish in enormous quantities. I retreated into myself. I also began to engage more a long-standing interest in shamanism and the occult, ritualizing my use of these substances. Around this time I acquired some DMT, and smoked it a handful of times. I never broke through, but had fairly psychedelic results. I remember often smoking it and hearing a voice (or more accurately, a thought beamed into my head), saying, "You have smoked us. We can show you what you want to see, but WHAT do you want to see?" I also experimented with home-brewed ayahusca, with moderate results.
I had become thoroughly lost in my own mind. Hope shone through, though. By the end of 2008 I had met my girlfriend (now my fiancé ) , which propelled me out of my torpor. I also had the opportunity in early 2009 to travel to Peru to drink ayahuasca with a group of people, guided by two shamans (one mestizo, one white). This proved to be a powerful experience, one that, if I chose to, I could write at length about, but, for the sake of brevity (as this post is already getting rather long), suffice it to say that I was profoundly affected by the spirits of the vine and of the various other plants involved. However, due to my head and my soul being rather thoroughly messed up by years of ill-use, the experience was taxing, involving heavy purging and moving of very dark energy. Immediately after returning to Peru, I moved from southern California to Seattle, and life moved onward.
Though the ayahuasca helped show me the way forward, it would take several more years of depression, chronic hashish use, and involvement with dark magic before I would finally take the necessary steps to heal. In 2010, following a mental and spiritual breakdown, I converted to Christianity, and soon thereafter quit smoking cannabis. A few notes on this: first, while I still very much consider myself a Christian, I also remain deeply influenced by shamanism and animism. I'm sure many people, Christian and animist alike, would disagree with me, but in my own view I see the two as completely compatible. I am still highly critical of organized Christian "churches"; to me, the true Church is the union of all living things through the bonds of unconditional love. Second: while many people may swear by cannabis as an entheogen, and while at one time I viewed it as such, for me personally, it had come to be absolutely poisonous to my mental and spiritual wellbeing, and ergo had to be removed from my diet. I pass no judgement on those to whom cannabis serves as an ally, as I can only speak for myself.
Anyway, both in the the time preceding and following my spiritual awakening, my psychedelic use was scarce. It has only really been recently that I have once again begun exploring plant/fungus/chemical medicine teachers. I've recently, at the current age of 23, had some very good experiences with mushrooms and LSD, as well as having had a good experience with prolonged use of Silene Capensis (so-called "African Dream Root" ) as a guide for dreaming. I also recently did a short (week-long), makeshift shamanic "dieta" with lavender as the guiding plant (I should note that this was not a proper dieta by the standards of amazonian shamanism, just an experience of restricted diet and activity comparable to one). I know lavender may seem like a strange candidate for shamanic healing but I for one am glad to call the plant an ally. I am currently working with Capirona in a similar manner. Capirona is not a mind-altering drug in the conventional sense of the word, but was one of the tree barks used by the ayahuasceros, I worked with, and a powerful teacher in its own right, and I'm looking forward to working it into my rituals and learning from this plant. I regularly listen to recordings of icaros by the shamans I worked with, often playing them as I fall asleep, which often results in old feelings and patterns of the ayahuasca experience returning. I'd really like to try ayahuasca again, although I would want to do it under the guidance of a shaman, and now that I have a family (a one-year-old baby and fiancé ) , it seems unlikely that I will find the time to travel great lengths to find one. I'd be open to smoking DMT again as well, as I have never "broke through". In general, I now treat psychedelic teachers with much, much more respect, avoiding the recklessness of my youth.
Anyway, I hope this post wasn't too long. I'm really looking forward to using this forum to get good information about psychedelics, to share my experiences and insights, and to discuss this topic that, as I know from personal experience, must be approached with respect and care.