I have been hesitating posting this for some time. Many drafts were written and scrapped. I have finally decided to just go for it, and let the words flow and hope for the best.

I am currently facing some major drug charges, and possibly looking at decades in jail. I will try to provide enough information to provide some context, while hopefully not giving too many inappropriate details.

For the past three years I was addicted to heroin. During this time my life became more and more unstable and my behavior all the more risky. My house became a haven for users and dealers. My friend was even robbed by gunpoint while staying with me.

This past winter I was approached by a couple who had gotten kicked out of their house. I let them stay with me for free, helped support them, and shared my drugs with them. These characters turned out to bad news, and when the boyfriend beat his girlfriend to a pulp, I finally got rid of them.

I had no knowledge that during the three months that they were staying with me, the guy was acting as an informer to the police. I was later to see the statements that he made. I was accused of selling, and making drugs. Although I had a drug problem, I have never been a drug dealer.

My house was now on the police radar, and I was their prime target. After I kicked these guys out they would often try to break into the house when nobody was there, I had some things stolen as well.

At one point I had to spend the night in the hospital. I awoke to the watchful eyes of a roomful of police and detectives hovering over me. This kid had gone to my house, did some major finagling, and left and called the cops. This was the tip that they were waiting on and my house was raided while I was at the hospital.

I was arrested and spent a month in jail before I was bailed for 10 grand. I kicked my heroin habit cold turkey in jail. When I was released I was depressed and suicidal. Relapse seemed inevitable. This is when I turned to ayahuasca.

My intentions with this medicine was to help me transition into a sober life, and to gain the strength to face up to the reality of my situation. I drank six chali-rue brews within a month. I am running out of time, so I will give a more detailed trip report after work.

I am now living with my parents awaiting trial. Although this is my first time in trouble, the charges are very serious. There is also so much hype regarding this case. I have actually received hate mail suggesting that I be shot and killed. Most of my friends have turned their back on me and I have become the most notorious figure in my town.

Needless to say that this has been very hard on me and my family. I really do not intend to come here to focus on my case or look for sympathy. I am looking for support to move forward and guidance on how best to use these plant medicines.

My experiences with the brews have been positive so far. I feel like there is much potential for healing but that these lessons don't come for free. I felt like you can't just be a passive observer during the experience. I was a little overwhelmed and disorientated, and it was hard for me to hold much concentration. I would like to learn how to work with medicine in a more conscious and involved way. I will talk more about this later.

As of now I am four months sober and feeling fairly good about things. I have definitely been through the whole spectrum of emotions: from anger to fear to denial to despair. I know that the only way I can get through this is to adopt acceptance. I hope to achieve that, with the help of the sacred medicine and possibly from my peers here.

Thank you. I am sorry I brought this dark tale to the Nexus. I didn't know how to write this without including it on some level. This is the first forum of this kind I have participated in. I had a great time last night yucking it up in the chat room. I look forward to meeting everyone here. I am off to start my first day at a new job. I wish I got more than three hours of sleep last night... Wish me luck.

Peace and many blessings.

Hi redsquirrel. Welcome to the Nexus. I have got to say, much respect for your attitude about your current lot in life. I understand your hesitating to share something like this, but it seems like you have one of the most positive and pragmatic outlooks imaginable, considering the circumstance. I have a good feeling you'll find the info and help you're looking for. Nice to meet you!

Second what Continuum said; Kudos to your attitude! Thank you for sharing your tale!

Wishing you the best!

Sorry to hear of your plight. I am a criminal defense attorney and would be happy to answer any questions you may have if you are located in the USA.

Life is never easy for anyone, and what you've gone through is terrible,

I applaud you for writing this,
and I imagine it wasnt very easy getting it out for others to see
Very courageous

I hope everything goes well for you, and I hope you come to a point in your life where your "happy" and not in any type of distress,

Now of course we all know thats easier said than done.

Oh and, as far as the law goes, Silence is golden.
Thats what ive learned in my experience.

How do you believe ayahausca has helped you?
and if you dont mind, how does one go about making an ayahausca brew?

Glad you got this written up redsquirrel! You did such a good job with it, so honest, which was nice. With the support of everyone on here, combined with the inner strength that we all know you have, you will pull through this situation, for sure.

I'm afraid I can't offer you any practical advice with regards to ayahuasca, because as you know, I'm very amateur in that department too. I wish I could help you more, but others will certainly be able to.

Please do come in the chat often, it's great to talk to you.

Xagan

Thanks and thanks everybody!!!

I can't tell you how welcome everyone has made me feel, that alone has been a huge help, anything to keep me optimistic and positive.

I have got another batch of chali in the works, and will have a session within the next few days. I will try and capture some details from the journey. It is hard for me to talk about my first few experiences that I recently had. I think I went into it with a lot of expectations. Although I was hardly disappointed, I realize that I can't just expect a life-changing experience to be given to me every time that I drink. I foresee my relationship with ayahuasca to be an ongoing process over the next few months and I hope to be able to be more articulate about my experiences as they evolve.

I realize that I was purposefully vague about my legal situation. There is of course, much more to the story. It is unfortunate that I have to face an event of such magnitude and with such far-reaching consequences, but I am very fortunate to have been given this chance to start over. I have little doubt that my addiction to the needle would have done me in eventually. Any jail sentence is better than putting my family through that.

I will report back after my next journey. If anyone has any suggestions on how to bring focus and intention to the trip I would appreciate it. I have over a decades worth of experience with psychedelics, but this is the first time that I am using them with such a specific goal in mind. I am not just looking to explore the nether-regions of consciousness, I am looking to heal and to prepare myself for change.

Thank you all for your time and consideration.
See you down the rabbit-hole.

Peace, blessings, and acorns for all.