Orion wrote:For those who have it - did you guys develop the fear after some bad trips or was it caused by something else? Was it always there or did it just start for no apparent reason ?
For me, it's like having an extra wheel in the gyroscope of internal thinking. Weed spins it up, and if you're not mindful of how it shifts balance and response to emotional stimuli, it can drive thinking into unpredictable death spirals--not obsessed with death, per se, but the kind of thinking that makes you say things out loud that can have destructive consequences to adult relationships. It's almost like you can see certain consequences before they happen, and then by matter of simply having mindful awareness of the fear and related outcome, it all comes true because you put the wrong emotions forward (fear shines through). It's as if all the good things in life turn out to be a house of cards you've built, and if you blow on it just right it all falls down. But if you avoid thinking of it that way and are not afraid, it is as solid as anything we know and understand in life. It morphs from concrete to smoke and back again in the blink of an eye.
I've always been prone to 'decoupled' manners of thinking. Cannabis did not come first for me. I was an independent kid, and I always enjoyed magical thinking. I was the kid that would wander off into the woods and fall asleep if the weather was just right, and I've felt more comfortable in nature than congested cityscapes all my life. I believe there are some forms of thinking that are better suited to natural environment/setting, and they are NOT helpful if you find yourself dependent on complex social interactions.
Keep in mind we've only been doing this modern western thing for a very short period of time. A specialist in one environment is an awkward outsider in another.
I'll go a step further out on the limb with a working hypothesis. I think 'the fear' is a reaction to manipulating insight shamans know as dreamweaving. I believe insight is malleable just like memory is. I know it's a weird concept, and I make no claims. Emotional impressions of events to come shape our experience of them; this part we know for sure. Why not then extend it one step further as a paradox, like Schrödinger's cat? Both outcomes of love and fear are possible, with a spectrum between. Both outcomes of resistance and flow are possible, with a full spectrum between. And what if this idea of dreamweaving shaped where on the continuum your consensus reality fell?
Wouldn't that be an interesting personal discovery?