...Ever noticed a decrease in sexual desire?

I'm a bit reluctant to ask, and maybe a little embarrassed about the situation, but I've had a decrease in sexual desire. It pretty much started after the first break through.

I guess I have just started finding other things more interesting than sex. This is a problem.... I'm married, and this is effecting my marriage. I love my wife, but I've been more interested in learning new information than having sex. She is getting upset. She thinks that is because I don't care about her, or thati have stopped loving her. I certainly care about her, but I also feel like sex is less important of a factor(to me) than it used to be.



Has anyone else dealt with this? A few factors:
In December, I quit drinking alcohol, and began attempting to decalcify my pineal gland. Could these factors be playing a role as well?

And lastly, does anyone have any recommendations for natural labedo boosters?

Again, very embarrassed to ask this, but hopefully someone can offer a little insight.

No need to be embarrassed, brother. I have not had the same thing happen, my sex drive increased with the molecule. That said, have you ever studied tantric sex? Turning sex into an hours-long sacred act. Perhaps you and your wife should explore this together (I'm interested in exploring myself, but I'm chronically single)....incorporate sacred sexuality into your studies.

Here's a little bit of info on Tantric sex

And you can find libido pills at your local grocery store; they're expensive, and you'll want to study each label carefully, but I've used them and they work. Natural products include Yohimbine , though you'll need to really read up on it as it may not be suitable depending on your health status; Horny Goat Weed is another herb you may want to look into.

No experience of such but I dont have any spice to base this on, maybe youre just in an integration phase?
I do know pink lotus stamens increase the libido from what Ive found from smoking them through a bong or joint but they cam.also be brewed too I believe.
Not sure what amounts to use in a tea you would have to look into it.

Thank you for the replies, guys!

I'll look into those links right now, and check out the pink Lotus stamens.

In all other aspects, I've been excelling after the spice. I feel like I may have kicked so many other interests into hyperdrive... Maybe I need to focus on this aspect on one of my next journeys and see if i can work on some balancing of thoughts.

Here's a nice tidbit of info (which you may already know), women want sex with their partner for the intimacy. Don't think of it sexually, think of it as her wanting to be with you in the most intimate way. She wants her love (you) inside her. Hope that doesn't sound too risque.

Men like the carnal, dominating, capturing, infiltrating, conquering of the softest-ness aspect of a woman. I can see how a breakthrough could decrease this as you may feel you are overcoming instinctual physical aspects of thought processes. You might need to get in tune with the more feminine side a sex. In tune with the emotions. It'll become more intense and you can actually go places (like realms) if you focus on her and the feeling and the two of your love merging in this act. I'd second the tantric experimenting.

This could also be a lesson. Learning to control your libido. Be an active participant and not just instinctual urge. CHOOSE to be turned on. Don't think about it. Just decide. It works when I'm not in the mood. I just act without regard to my actual erectile functioning at the time. It kicks in as I don't relent. Take the thought out of it. Feel. Do. Love.

Don't be embarrassed as I'm trying to not feel too encroaching. Best of luck! This is such a FUN problem to have to solve if you think about it What's the solution?

I have had a similar issue. Sex sometimes seems very
Unimportant compared to the incredible vistas afforded
by DMT . It's also in combination with maturing and growing older .
But a definite connection between the spice and the disinterest in sex
For me for sure . I resonate with your post .

Totally off topic and I sure you've been asked this ten million times, but why do you always write with poem stanzas? I've always wondered . . .

Because my phone sucks
And capitalizes words at the beginning of every line
most of the time in an attempt to get my thoughts out
I forget to correct that sorry about that .

You are not alone.

I too went through a similar, what I call, "phase" when I first experienced, what I call, "the outside world" - life outside my thinking. I lost all interest in "earthly pleasures" and wanted more of the extremely rewarding enlightenment-type experiences. I too, am married.

Here's what has assisted me in my highly intentional work to "rekindle" things...

I remembered that altering my brain chemistry gave me new possibilities for being (regardless of how I altered the chemistry). I intentionally began creating my experiences with my wife in the light of "I do not KNOW her" - science shows that the mind fills in the gaps of perception with what is already known, for example 80% of what we think we see with our eyes is 'downloaded' and we have a hard time seeing changes. It's called "Change Blindness". Not knowing my wife has allowed me the glorious opportunity to continually discover who she is...like continually discovering the wonders of the psychotropic experience. I also remembered that language, words can have an impact on brain chemistry. Think of when you say or hear "I love you" or "I hate you". Use words with respect to yourself, your wife, your relationship that leave you feeling empowered. This is different than lying to yourself. Where you could say something like "Its embarrassing, but I..." which could leave you feeling smaller than you like maybe say, "I'm exploring how to..." this small language shift (or one you like better) may leave you with a different experience.

If your wife is an explorer of similar mysteries as you are, maybe try exploring them together. Share with her your experiences in a way she can hear (this may involve learning her language).

If you learn to explore the wonders that are the consciousness that has chosen to be with you and the consciousness you have chosen to be with, with the same intensity and vigor you explore other areas of being and consciousness I think you will find, as I did, that things will pick-up in the area of current concern.

Oh, nothing to be sorry about, I was just curious, thanks for the reply.

Thank you all for chiming in and offering the advice! It is all very well put, and I am glad to be able to share some of my issues with folks who know where I'm coming from.

Here's a bit more info- my wife has no interest in any of these compounds or experiences. And maybe that had a lot to do with it from my end as well.

It's been more evident that we are very different creatures. And, I won't deny that I've changed.

The best advice that I was given after my first profound awakening was to "leave room for people to grow around you. There's no way they will be able to relate with what you just expedienced, just be loving."

I try to use that advice and be patient - even when my wife thinks I've lost my mind, which she does.

I think that for some people in some situations (not saying you!) the 'life template' that so many people in modern life subscribe to (the pattern of modern life in general, including the marriage aspect) can be in great contradiction to the things we unearth in/about ourselves through psychedelic experimentation.

I'm not of the mindset that if you're married and things like this begin to happen that you should attempt to fix it - unless you want to fix it. And when I say 'want to fix it', I don't mean that you mentally think you should and so you 'decide' to want to - I mean a deep desire to fix/improve/enhance/bring back in to whatever may be balance for you and your love.

If you want to, great - do it to the best of your ability. This shouldn't be hard, because if you truly want to, you will be excited and driven to do so.

But if you just decide you want to, then...well, in my opinion, perhaps you're trying to hold on to something that you're not really all that juiced up about. Maybe there is someone else out there, who if you were to meet and spark a new love with, this would signify bringing your life in to balance/in to alignment with the new things you've unearthed in yourself, ways you've changed, etc - the new you - as opposed to trying to fix something that is a part of the life the OLD you chose to create.

That's the thing - this template of life that is so common causes us to get involved in things to the extent that we become VERY attached to them, and then if we evolve to whatever degree necessary to start having issues with the other people in our lives, we tend to lean towards 'fixing' things rather than acknowledging that maybe this phase is beginning to show it's end. (unfortunately at this point most will be pretty [seemingly] locked in with their marriage certificates, mortgage, etc)

I do NOT mean that I think this is the case in all situations - not. at. all. I just mean it's a definite possibility for some people in some situations. Others, definitely not - they should change/improve things how they see fit. Some should accept the change and move on.

I'm not saying to ditch your marriage - not at all. I'm just putting my perspective out there because it doesn't get said much, and, well, if I exist and feel this way, then I'm sure there are others and maybe they just haven't considered it. I think humans naturally love change and diversity and ending old cycles and starting new ones - but with the way most of us are programmed, we get in to something like a marriage and stick with it cause that's 'just what you do', or out of fear, or out of having tunnel vision and forgetting that you can be a clean slate whenever you choose to wipe everything clean for a fresh start - thus forgetting the potentials we may open up by doing so - ones that could be 100 times better, or rather 'more in alignment' with who we are NOW, versus who we were when we created the phase/world we're currently in.

Again - not saying ditch your marriage. Not even advocating it. I don't know your situation - only you do. Just here to hold up a sign saying "Change? Maybe?" If not, ok sign is down.

If you know you want to stay with her and try to make things work in a way that keeps both of you happy, then just disregard everything I said - it's all rubbish. In that case, everyone above me had great ideas. Don Jon is a recent movie touching on the subject of losing yourself in your partner, and vice versa, through making love - greatly enhancing the experience. Could be beneficial for you if that's the path you choose, and it's kinda funny too. (plus has Scarlett Johannson nommm)

I'm glad that you voiced your honest opinion.

My honest opinion is that I had an "insight" that I will likely be alone one day. Not alone, but not really bound to much.

But, that may just be a strange thought that passed through my mind one day. And it could mean nothing at all. For now, we work on balancing the current relationship.

I will admit that I have been rather selfish with my time recently. I'm back in school, and when I'm not in school, I've been out hunting for morels, so I have been giving her less attention. My error. I can see how I could be difficult to live with if ones views are based on the standards that they've been taught from society.

I truly wish ya the best man. I know the growth and evolution of a relationship and the processes of finding homeostasis can be an absolutely beautiful thing. Just had to throw my initial post in here in case you were someone who wasn't really looking for that but felt obligated, or just hadn't considered other options.

Much love <3

Ultimately, if we do nothing, you and I probably both know what comes next.

For now, while in school, stability is very important. It also may allow the right amount of time to pass for the right things to happen. I'm an optimist. We talked about it some today, after my last post. It was a good conversation- but it did confirm that she does not exactly understand what's going on.

I shared some of my perspective and tried to put it in relative terms. I think it will come together.

It would be worth giving maca a try for the time being...nutrient dense and really great for you and can give libido a boost, goes really well in smoothies I find.

Not so sure about this - and I intend no disrespect to the poster of this POV - I would argue that the socially conditioned archetype of hetero-normative male sexuality is similar to how you described (hunting/taking possession, etc) however all sex between all people involves intimacy - whether it be embracing it or trying to subsume it.

I think that most sexuality difficulties are intimacy issues - the frank difficulty of being intimate with another human being includes challenges that extend way beyond the physical aspects of sex. I know personally, that when there are challenges in my relationship with my wife, it certainly extends into our sex life. But like everything else, it fluctuates. Nothing is permanent.

To the original poster - I don't think anything is wrong with you. Its completely natural for interest in sex to wax and wane. Nothing contributes to anxiety like anxiety and if you can find a way to not worry about it, nature may well surprise you

Amygdala, no disrespect taken! I fully agree with you as I was making a generalized statement to get to the essential differences. I probably should have distilled my intention with the statements.

So, thank you for the addition!

As you mentioned, and I agree, there is much shared intimacy in sexual relations, and there are many factors to what creates that. I also think there are different forms and avenues of intimacy. One couples concept of it may be far off from another's. This also may change as one person evolves themselves over their lifetime. Perhaps even evolving away from their partner's perceived avenue of intimacy.

There's also a teetering scale of intimacy and instinctual urges. This, to me, is the difference between things like one night stands, friends with benefits, love making in a couple, cheating, what have you. Levels of intimacy versus levels of instinctual urges. Women tend to have excess of the former, and men the later. I was suggesting to increase intimacy

ALTHOUGH, as reading other peoples input, I've just thought that SHE may need to try and increase her knowledge of HIS intimacy route. She may need to try and understand his new found interests and/or beliefs. He may feel she is now seeing him as some outsider/someone different to whom she used to know. He may be detecting this and feels less intimacy from her.

Sorry for the third person addressing AcaciaConfusedYah. It was easier to type this way in the flow of the conversation. I could be wrong on that Just know I meant it to be directed at you and not just about you.

Yeah I'm with Amygdala on this; I don't think generalizations are the most helpful ways to think about such matters. People are SOoOoOo diverse with such different drives and preferences. Floor Fan's mega-respectful reply to Amygdala was really nice to read, though. Using a gentle touch in communication sure does produce thoughtful results and a lot less reactionism than what would commonly happen in a forum. I LOVE that.

Finally, I just wanted to chime in that my single (so far) experience with DMT has produced a TON of flux in me, physically, emotionally, spiritually, all that. I would so not be surprised to see a sexual component to this flux. I think you'll figure out what's up soon enough, Acacia!!

All of you guys have nailed different aspects of my situation. It's certainly not simple.

And I really do appreciate all the perspectives. Seriously. If I'd have wanted just one, I'd have chosen mine!

FloorFan's comment pretty much described my position: "ALTHOUGH, as reading other peoples input, I've just thought that SHE may need to try and increase her knowledge of HIS intimacy route. She may need to try and understand his new found interests and/or beliefs. He may feel she is now seeing him as some outsider/someone different to whom she used to know. He may be detecting this and feels less intimacy from her. "

I think my lack of desire could be stemmed from feeling less desired. Of course, that feeling comes from personal interpretation of the situation. I feel less desired because I'm choosing to interpret her expressions as less desirable (I think this is a modest way of putting it.) The thing is, I kinda just don't care anymore - I DO CARE, BUT I'm willing to let go of that if things aren't right.

If she isn't happy with who I am, I cant change that for her. I figure I'll give it 3-6 months, practice some of the suggestions above, and reassess our relationship and go from there. I don't want to make any rash decisions just yet.

We've been married about 5 years. No kiddos.