I've been sick with a head cold for the past week (running nose, slight fever, sinus congestion) but was feeling much better yesterday and decided to launch. In the back of my mind I probably knew that I should wait until fully recovered but I've been eager to work up some momentum and decided to go ahead with the session. I drank a cup of rue tea (~3g in boiling water for 5 minutes) followed 20-30 minutes later by the setting of intentions, meditation, and 150mg changa (1:1:1 spice:harmalas:leaf).
I set down my pipe, closed my eyes, and prepared for flight. The 'runway lights' seemed to activate and flash as I moved forward, but after a few seconds I felt as if I was rerouted 90 degrees to the right into some sort of examination area (not a breakthrough). Visuals were very subdued and it felt as if parts of me were being unfolded and cleaned out. I was clearly told: 'You should visit more often' and the experience slowly faded.
I couldn't help feeling disappointed and uneasy somehow (mentally and physically). My previous session (about 2 weeks ago with 100mg of the same blend) was uplifting, light and filled me with joy. I meditated after this latest experience and was reminded that this is a
work - that healing and learning are not always fun and light, and that a journey may cover many kinds of terrain. However, I still wondered about the nature of my experience, thinking that perhaps I was not able to achieve full flight with my body in a sub-optimal condition.
While I meditated afterwards I thought suddenly of all the stars in the cosmos - their distance, their relative isolation. I connected with them and acknowledged their existence. I see you. I feel you. Thank you. I then thought what a lucky star our sun is, to be experienced with such intensity by so many beings on our planet. Perhaps this was a reflection of my own state of being, having felt down and somewhat isolated lately even though there are so many people who love and care for me. It felt good to be reminded that, just like the stars, I am not alone nor unacknowledged.
I ended up getting a bit carried away with details in this post but I'd be interested to hear what others think. Have you smoalked when sick? If so, do you feel your illness shapes the nature of the experience? Could the rue and harmalas have been a factor? All thoughts are welcome.
"Becoming a person of the plants is not a learning process, it is a remembering process. Somewhere in our ancestral line, there was someone that lived deeply connected to the Earth, the Elements, the Sun, Moon and Stars. That ancestor lives inside our DNA, dormant, unexpressed, waiting to be remembered and brought back to life to show us the true nature of our indigenous soul" - Sajah Popham.