Hello everyone. I'm so very glad that a forum like this exists. I've been looking and reading around, and I am continually impressed with how friendly all of you are and how enlightening so much of this forum is!

Sitting down to write this introductory essay is a bit of a turnaround for me. As a teacher, I'm used to assigning essays not writing them. Regardless, what the past year has shown me is that we are all students. My journey started when I accidentally ran across a Terence McKenna video on YouTube. I remembered his name from some reading I had done in college, so I decided to listen. And listen I did, for weeks - anything I could find online. I couldn't believe that what I had been looking for existed all along. That there was a way to find answers to the mysteries, rather than slog along a life that was unsatisfying and meaningless. So, I taught myself the chemistry. And I succeeded. The process was amazing, and for a year I was engaged, excited, curious, hopeful, nervous and felt like a student of the most important work.

I remember hearing somewhere that with psychedelics, as in life, there are three stages: preparation, inhalation and integration. Well, I've done the preparation, and now I am stuck. Rather, I am afraid. I tried an ayahuasca analogue six months ago (MHRB and Syrian Rue), and was blown away by the strangeness of the experience. Sitting with the experience for a time made me realize that I had erred on the side of caution. I had not taken enough, and the experience was just strange and not enlightening (for lack of a better word). 3 months ago, after the successful extraction, I tried smoking DMT with a friend. And again, the dose was too low and the experience was uneventful. Plus, having a friend there who thinks what you're doing is totally nutty doesn't help. Well, at this point I decided to put all of this breakthrough business aside, and convinced myself that this road wasn't for me.

But I can't walk away. For some reason, call it curiosity, I just can't accept the fact that I have come this far only to falter. What I fear is that this is my ego talking. I wonder if ego has been the motivation behind all of this - and if I actually do breakthrough, I'll have my head handed to me by the power(s) on the other side that all of you mention. So, I sit in bed, the pipe and lighter at the ready - but I find myself typing rather than journeying. Oh well, "just do it", right?

Just keep practising! Let go of preconceptions, and don't try to breakthrough, it will come. It took me a few tries before I managed to break through. Having Harmalas in your system is a great way to layer doses when smoking, which means you can build up to it, making letting go much easier IME. Smoking DMT is a tricky business and there is a definite dosage window, increase your dosage slightly each time, say 3-5mg until you find it. you also have to consider that you may be burning the spice, which renders it less/ineffective. Meditating beforehand is also a great way of reducing sensory input and quieting the ego.

Hello beat meme,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thank you for submitting that Introduction Essay - I really enjoyed reading that. It's always nice to see one that is well written and edited, .

Don't be too hard on yourself. I believe it's good to take time and wait until everything is right - from sitter (you probably don't need one if the person you described is your only option) to set and setting issues. I usually tell folks to follow the call and not to do it until the call is clarion.

I don't frequently vote for promotion after just an introduction essay, but in this case I am voting for your promotion. I hope others will too.

Please take a good look around this place - I think you may find a lot of helpful information. This section may be particularly relevant https://www.dmt-nexus.me...lt.aspx?g=forum&c=20 , in particular the links on smoking and changa.

Yes, it can be very scary to breakthrough - it's one of the strongest and most visual experiences known to humanity. It can be convincingly 3D immersive and disconnect me so much from my body that I am sure I am dead. But, coming back reborn so to speak is quite amazing indeed. And the things I've seen and been shown just by letting go, surrendering, letting the trance take me, trying to accept whatever happens and just observe, work on figuring things out later, etc.

Feel free to join us in chat sometime if you like. You will most likely find understanding live interactions with Nexians.

I am glad you joined and look forward to seeing you around.

Again, a very warm welcome to you.

welcome to the nexus!

i find whenever i want to journey i come onto the nexus and start chatting with people about it (on chat) or reading a couple of experience posts and that helps with some 'preflight' anxiety!

but your pretty much said it already: Oh well, "just do it", right?

...right!

Peaches, Pandora and Purges - thank you for the warm welcome and advice.

I support you

changa and a gvg or bong can help you get there easily in one hit if its big enough and held in long enough, which can help make it easier than taking a bunch of hits in a row. A low dose before the breakthrough can also help melt the fear a good deal

sometimes we just have to acknowledge the fear, not let it take the helm, and just go for it

you will certainly survive with your mind fully in tact, so no worries. it only lasts roughly five minutes or so, and you'll be extremely happy you did so, beyond words, after. you've come this far, mine as well take the plunge once to see for yourself

happy trails :]

you also might find this diagram of use: https://www.dmt-nexus.me...ers/house/DMTDiagram.png

Congratulations beat meme on your very rapid promotion. I do hope you will become an active member at Nexus. I suspect everyone will benefit.

there is no such thing as a grounded psychonaught

Let's check in again in 20-30 years, and see how you feel, okay? My husband and I in our mid 60's and mid 40's actually feel quite grounded and rational.

A very nice introduction thank you. In fact half way through I decided to promote you and laughed when I saw it had already been done.

Its un-canny how many different things you wrote that I relate to. T.M....yup when I saw my first vid of him speaking I listened to Mckenna for over a year straight everyday, everything I could get my hands on. Try the Pschedelicsalon pod cast btw. Huge Mckenna archival recordings there and Lorenzo the host is amazing as well.

I feel the most important thing I have learned in all my years of using these substances and was incredibly reinforced during my time in Peru drinking ayahuasca was how vital staying grounded is.

Thirdly, If I may ask are you having trouble breaking through or having trouble letting yourself breakthrough? It sounds to me like in your past attempts you kind of had one foot in the shallow end of the pool and one on ground. Nothing at all to feel embarrassed of. Were not talking about baking cookies now are we? We are playing and exploring with human consciousness in a manner that does have risks.

So with that said Id like to help you as would many others here. What do you need? If you just need to know how to breakthrough that's a piece of cake. Click on my signature and follow those recommendations. If you need to talk at length about the feelings, fears, excitements of going for it we can do that as well.

My own 2 cents is you should press on Mate. Its obviously calling to you and I will 100% guarantee after your first breakthrough you will chuckle at the thought you almost turned back and be so grateful you pressed onward. No explorer ever found a city of gold by going home.
Let us know what you need.
Cheers

Love the intro! you are very much welcome here dont turn away yet, im at the same stage as you. smoked, but barley got effects. then I had nothin left, but now I have a few special changa dosages im gonna smoke in a bong. gonna aim for the breakthough dose this time. Hopefully it will go okey for both you and me : )

Olympus, thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I followed your signature link, and it changed my mind both about trying the launch again and my method (I will try the sandwich). One question I have is, what did you do once you exhausted McKenna's body of work? No one else seems to have his unique combination of awesomeness. Am I wrong? Any suggestions?

Zombi, right back at you.

Welcome, teacher. By all means, press on. You can't imagine the world of riches that exists just on the other side of this self-imposed barrier you're experiencing. We all go through it. Getting there requires a leap of faith and considerable force of will, but the rewards are many and genuinely life changing. Don't give up before it happens.

Hey Kids,

Its been a year, over a year, and I am happy to report that tonight I really experienced dmt. I guess you can call it a breakthrough, but, as you know, words seem so inadequate when trying to communicate that place and that thing that happens to you and your reality. How can you explain the terror mixed with euphoria? The absolute disconnect from this reality, and an entrance into...what? I don't know. But so beautiful, and powerful and vibrant.

It started with geometric patterns for me - my vision was very immediately altered. I closed my eyes and saw that the blackness I was expecting was alive with pattern and color. Then came the feeling of acceleration, and a relentless folding in of me and the world and my reality and all of it, just folding and folding.

And then I opened my eyes, and I realized that I had never seen color like this. Everything exploded into high definition, realistic color that makes ordinary reality seem drab. My sitter was sitting across from me - his face suddenly anchoring me back to where I was, but I was over here, and over there did not seem to be a real thing. I looked again at my sitter, and I felt a waking up - as if I had been a sleep all this time - but, now, I was awake. It was like watching a black and white movie turn to color. No, it was like waking up IN the world of Avatar. Just total 3D, technicolor craziness. And I could see so clearly, everything - so much detail.

I was on something like a beach - my sitter was there as well. When I looked around, I felt this amazing sense of well-being well-up within me. It felt as if I had finally slowed down from the blast-off - I was at cruising altitude and the view was absolutely overwhelming. I saw my sitter, and looked to his eyes. He was familiar, and that helped bring some sanity to the situation. Looking into his face was a good thing, a familiar thing - and I began to realize that I was losing the signal. It was as if my senses had, for a short time, received a hard to reach frequency. And now, they were losing it. As I struggled to conceptualize the whole thing, everything started to break up. I reached out to my sitter, not sure if I did so physically - but it sure felt like it.

"No, wait - its changing. Where is this?" I asked my sitter

"Your ok - you're coming back. Lay back down - you're ok."

"Will it stop? Where is this."

"You're home, you took some spice, and you left. You've been gone about 15 minutes. You're totally safe - you're ok."

Holy shit ______, this is insane. All of it. Its ridiculous."

"Yeah - whoa, wait - lay back down. Yeah - don't get up yet - lay back down."

When I started talking to him, I began to sense that I was losing everything. Like I was between worlds - and everything I knew was not real. I began to think about faith - I had to ask myself then what I believed in - because everything I had believed in was gone. I was simultaneously in two worlds, but an inhabitant of neither. I was nothing.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, its going away. Is this what it was like for you last week?" I had sat for my friend the week before, and had watched him blast off the very first time he hit the pipe. He had come to it with an innocence and courage that my ambivalent ass could never muster. Until tonight.

"I think so - you had me nervous there for a minute though. Did I get up and start doing stretches last week?"

"No, why? Did I?

"Yeah, and I wanted to laugh - but I didn't want to freak you out. Then you started to make this primal scream sound - like really loud. I was worried about the neighbors."

"Really? I don't remember any of that - none of it. I was doing yoga? Really? Weird. I don't know if I could ever do this again. This is too much - its a lot."

We continued talking like this for a few hours, trying to make sense of the whole peculiar thing. What was the source of all of the information in that place? Had we made it all up? Was all of it just a projection of our deepest imagination? It didn't seem likely - but who knows the depths of the unconscious? After this conversation, my friend blasted off again - I guess it only takes a week to get over the terror that had me hiding the pipe. Well, after his second blast off, my friend was convinced that the information is some kind of alien intelligence. He was much quieter about the experience this time. He was much more perplexed and meditative.

I have a feeling that the first few time you blast-off, you take a lot of your baggage with you. Terrence called it blowing out your pipes - and once you get them blown out a few times, you're freer in experiencing dmt. I don't know. I don't know if I will ever be ready to this again - I still have so much to process - but I just wanted to finish this loop of the journey and share my experiences with all of you.

Grounded psychonaut no more!

Congratulations!!

I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm beginning to come back to a place where I feel comfortable exploring once again. Reading your original post and then finding this most recent one from yesterday seems like beautiful synchronicity. I am really happy for you! (...as stupid as that sounds )

Now I'm off to read more about "blowing out the pipes" - another meme I feel I was meant to hear at this moment of the journey.

Thank you!

0.

welcome.. and good job.

Don't rush yourself, the first time you really have visions they will stay with you for a while, so if you find it rolling around in your mind, it's normal. No need to rush back into the realm. Use it with respect and it will respect you and it seems that is what you are doing welcome to the nexus.

I'd say all of our egos lead us and motivate us towards the spice.



yes you will.... as we all do.

Congratulations beat, my heart rate went up a couple beats when I read the "was it like this for you?" line. It's a feeling/place/thing that has no parallel. Sounds like you are serious about integrating your experience.

I selfishly hope you're journey with the spice is not over yet, I've really enjoyed your posts. Wish you well and continue to be safe and brave.

I've been turning the experience over in my mind - so thankful that I still have a mind to turn things over. And when I look under this rock, I realize that all my concepts, all that I think I am, is held together with tape and twine. What other conclusion can I reach? When, in 30 seconds, all of it (all of it!) just melted away into a dream.

The disintegration was so rapid, that, I must say, I was offended. So rapid and so complete! 43 years of life, evaporated in less than a minute.

And who woke up then? The spice showed me something I cannot explain. Me observing me observing me...disappear.

But, here, now. What to do? Just observe, I guess. Observe and be thankful for the love I feel. Thank you, dmt.