I'm sure some of you have seen some of my pasts in the past, so you know i'm an Ayahuasca-nut, i highly love and respect this stuff. With that said, my father was 71 years old, he died on the 24th from what is believed to be a pulmonary embolism and also he was suffering from MRSA and sepsis and we were originally told he had pneumonia. I think it was 9 days before his death, he started getting sick and it looked like maybe a flu or cold.

Now, i was REALLY wanting him to experience Ayahuasca, and had been wanting him to for quite some time now. I had convinced him 7 days (a week before his death, on the 18th) to take a Harmala capsule, drink my Lemon Balm tea and an hour and a half later drink my Acacia and Lemon Balm tea. Now, i gave him the dose that i take, it's pretty full on, about 215mgs of purified Harmalas and about 9 grams of Acacia Confusa inner root bark tea.

Now of course, he experienced heavy nausea and he couldn't physically purge because of surgery he had on his gut years ago, so i told him to take a few tokes of some Cannabis to relieve some of the nausea and he tried but his lungs were already not doing so good so he hated the coughing that comes with Cannabis so he could only take a couple puffs... and then had to put up with the rest of the nausea and such for awhile, but i think it settled after awhile and he layed in his bed for the entire experience and i checked on him periodically. I remember asking him at one point, how is it going for you? He said "it's rough as hell...".

After awhile, i heard him apologizing to his dog (i think because of the time he accidentally ran into his dog while driving his scooter chair because he couldn't physically walk, and i guess he didn't see the dog due to being severely drunk and trying to be an asshole i guess and ended up smacking into the dog but thankfully the dog was alright), and a little later on after that i heard him giggling so i can only assume the euphoria had kicked in after some time of suffering.

Well, the next day (the 19th) i asked him how his experience was, he looked at me, with this look on his face, like he was told he was gonna be gone in only a matter of days, he never said much about the experience and did everything he could to avoid talking about it, so i'll never know what he experienced. Now, it's at this point that i feel it's necessary to mention that a few weeks ago on Ayahuasca, i was thinking about when the time came for my father to go (although in my mind i was thinking he had atleast another decade in him) and i saw a vision of my dad, dead, on a hospital bed, and i saw his face very clearly. And while certain details of the vision were different from what i ended up seeing in reality only days later, the way his face looked, was the same it looked in my vision, a vision i never told my father about (regrettably).

On the 20th and 21st i think it was, my mother took him to two separate doctors to see if they could figure out why he was feeling sick, both doctors pretty much apparently said they couldn't figure out what was wrong but they gave him anti-biotics and sent him along his way. On the 22nd, we thought he was under the influence of his Methadone, because he had told my mom he had taken one to relieve this severe pain in his neck which was stiff. And see, the thing is, is that he was an alcoholic, not so much in the last few months of his life (thank god) because him and my mom and me and my brother kept having days where we were so frustrated with his behavior and him not being able to recognize how he had been acting and all that so we kept having arguments and trying to get him to understand things and all. And plus there would be times where he'd be hurting alot (physical pain, back/spinal/shoulder issues) and so he'd take some sort of prescribed pill and drink some type of alcohol on top of that, and would be fucked up for 2 days and would snap out of it, and so we thought he really did seem like he was just "fucked up" on the 22nd and 23rd, which in reality was the sepsis due to the MRSA, which i wish we would have caught the difference. We had considered taking him to the hospital on the 22nd when he was really starting to get bad, but once again we thought it was drug-induced, so i looked up the half life on Methadone and it said it was anywhere from 36 to 55 hours on Wikipedia (i know, it's Wikipedia, but i was looking for quick information) and so me, my mom and my brother all thought we'd just give it till the next day and if he didn't get any better we'd get him to the hospital.

Well, the 23rd came and early in the morning we loaded him up into the truck and my mom took him to the hospital and he was admitted. First my mom was told it was pneumonia, then they said his blood cultures came back positive for MRSA, which btw he had like 10, 12 years ago as well that he had gotten from a hospital treating him for a shoulder issue but even though he had went through the MRSA sepsis before, once he was treated with anti-biotics he snapped out of it, and we thought it would be the same this time, but we were wrong.... Me nor my brother went up there when he was admitted, so we decided to go up there the next day, friday the 24th, and only a few hours after me, my mom and my brother left, he died. My mom was called around 10 something that night and was told we needed to go up there asap, and my mom being an ex-nurse, said she instantly knew he was gone and when she told me he's dead before we went up there, i didn't know what to think. And when we got there, i saw his stuff outside in the hallway as we approached his room, and i went in and i saw that face, his face, his dead face, the face i saw in my Ayahuasca vision like a few weeks before this all happened.

Now, i wanna post this in a separate post because my first post is long enough.

He had told my mom several times the day of his death, that he wasn't going to make it out of there alive. And my mom, said she just kinda blew it off because he was loopy already but plus he had Valium in his system in order to deal with his cerebral palsy spasms that were happening. And when he passed, it looked as if there was no struggle involved, like he went peacefully, no resistance.

And that brought up a few things to my mind. One, i like taking Lemon Balm with my Ayahuasca, because it raises the levels of GABA in the brain thus causing a nice relaxing experience from the Ayahuasca. Valium works by binding to a specific site on the GABA-A receptor, which if i'm not mistaken, would work in the way something like Xanax would for calming a "bad trip". And it got me thinking that maybe because he had the Valium in his system when he died, as well as a half of Xanax my mom had given him before we left, then couldn't that have calmed or relaxed one into the experience, the death experience, to smooth the transition from vessel/body to the spirit realm?

Also, do you think the one Ayahuasca experience he had a week before his death, could have prepared him for the other side, and maybe even possibly have shown him he was going to die?

And also, me and him both shared similar traits (and i happen to have Aspergers so i'm wondering if he possibly had that but just went a different way in life than i have), and so one time i had a dream (actual dream, no Ayahuasca or substances involved, lol) where i was in the hospital, woke up, told my mom about the dream and two months later i was in the hospital with Salmonella Sepsis after eating some bad chicken apparently a few weeks beforehand and the doctors said i was like 12 hours away from dying and they never expected me to make it, but when i made it and i was released from the hospital, i remembered that dream and what i had seen in the hospital and even some of what i had done in there, was pretty much what i had seen in my dream 2 months prior.

And i'm wondering, if maybe he had a similar occurrence, maybe even several as within the last few years of his life, he kept saying he didn't think he had much longer left and he told me how one time he woke up in his bed and his eyes just so happened to be looking at the mirror in his room and he said he said his father (my grandfather, he died a few years ago), and i think he saw this like towards the beginning of last year or so, and i think it could have been a sign, like "soon, son, soon". And just a couple or so weeks ago, i even reported in my thread having to do with Lemon Balm and Ayahuasca, about how i saw a small green orb in my room with open eyes, no other open eyed visuals and i believe it was a real orb, a ball of energy, during one of my recent Ayahuasca experiences.

And so anyways, i just had to come here and report about all this. Yes, it hurts like fucking hell that my father is gone, he'd been with me my whole life and even though we had our struggles, we were family through and through and i loved him and i hope he knew that, lord knows i rarely told him. RIP dad.

This world is a strange place. It gives us some of our most cherished moments and unfourtonitly some of our darkest moments.

Everyone has their own beliefs, but I think no matter what, the love you have for your father and he has for you is a real tangible thing... It lives... It's eternal.

My thoughts are with you man.

Thanks DocAdams, i personally do believe a part of us is eternal, as energy that contains consciousness/awareness but also may contain a collection of memories from lives lived. I think we are here to experience, and while experiencing life can be both happy and traumatic, the point is to use your awareness/consciousness and to experience life in any way you can.

Oh, and i also want to make it clear that i know giving Ayahuasca to my father when he was sick, wasn't necessarily the best time to do it, but for one i wanted him to experience it as soon as possible, and two now that he's dead, it seems like maybe he was meant to experience Ayahuasca at that time. I certainly wish he could have taken it on better terms, and more than once of course, but nonetheless, he took Ayahuasca, and a week later, he had the "final trip", which i'm hoping really is a combination of something like DMT and Pinoline.

My sincere condolences go out to you and yours.... It is never easy to lose someone you love. Thanks for sharing, Sabnock

Thank you Entheogenerator