Hello,
I have already posted in "Reasons not to take dmt" so this will be my second post. I guess I will mostly write it like a report, rather then writing too much about my interests and stuff. So, here it goes...
I started smoking weed sometime around 18. I had friends who smoked earlier, but around that time was when I really felt I wanted to try it too. So I did, and smoked for the entire summer, and I eventually got told off to the police, so my parents found out and wanted to kick me out, but things got fine and they are still paying for my university costs. I tried cocaine twice, and didn't really like it, as I was never really interested in doing stuff like crack, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, etc. I was interested in trying lsd, and afterwards dmt also. The reason behind my interest in drugs I cannot really tell without being too philosophical, so I will avoid it.
When I moved away from home, I had a chance to research on the subject a bit more freely, and I encountered terms like "salvia" and "lsa" for the first time, which could be even obtained from legal sources where I'm from - so I decided I would try something like that first.
And then one day I was walking in the supermarket under my flat, and saw a shelf with seeds. I looked, and there it was - Ipomoea tricolor
So I bought 5-6 packs (you get a pack with 60-90 seeds, it costs like one dollar). When I got home, I prepared it and did it, and I was really blown off. Things were too amazing, music was too good, and although I got mentally kinda handicapped (I would walk in circles for long periods of time, for example), it felt good.
Sometime later, some of my friends also tried it, and they couldn't believe how twisted their minds got, but they also had awesome trips.
Then one day, I decided to do it again. This time I took some more seeds so I would have a more intensive trip. It all started well, my friend was around and he couldn't believe how excited I was and how happy I looked. But sometime later, I was lying on the floor. My friend saw I was looking a bit too weird, asked me if all was fine, and I just nodded with my head, as I couldn't speak anymore. My saliva was going out of my mouth all over the floor, but I kept smiling, because things were so good. I took a bowl, and started collecting my saliva in it. My friend was getting kinda freaked out by then, but he didn't bother me. As I was watching my saliva, in all those tiny white bubbles, I saw little universes. I realized that if I were to go as tiny as I could get, into the bubble, and then even tinier and tinier, I would get to another universe, and so on infinitely. This made me feel like a God - we were all Gods, playing with the worlds in our hands. I took a piece of paper and wrote to my friend "All in." He thought it had to do something with poker, or whatever, but I literally meant "All in" - it was the ultimate formula for me, meaning that All can be found nowhere else but inside of ourselves, everyone could know everything, just by looking into themselves. I clapped my two hands, and then asked my friend to clap on my hands, and I was as happy as ever - in my head I was making an ancient greek-like poem about Gods who make worlds shake with their thunder. (Our clapping was the thunder, and all the tiny worlds were shaking before us)
Then, as I sit on the chair, I felt some momentum inside of me taking a roll - my thoughts were getting so fast I couldn't grab hold of them, all the things I had thought were building into one web that was growing bigger and bigger at enormous speeds, and I feel something big is coming, I feel something huge is coming, and I have no more control over it, and I just simultaneously lift my legs into lotus pose, lift my arms up wide, encompass the existence, and in the moment when I blow up I shed two tears out of my eyes and tell my already freaking horrified friend "Duke, it's all over." (Duke is his nickname) At that moment I had seen too much to explain, but it was literally anything you can imagine - millions of faces, millions of eyes, tears of newborn children, people dying, atoms exploding and universes disappearing. I had touched the sky. After that I wasn't the same, I knew I had lost my mind and wanted it to STOP. But it didn't really stop that soon. I asked my friend to put me gently to sleep, so he tried to, but then I found myself in a circle - I would open my eyes, he would ask me "are you ok man?" and I would say "yea yea, it's fine" and close my eyes. Then I would open my eyes again, and the same bloody thing happened - I was stuck in time. I was wondering, if in some other worlds I was already dead, or at a mental hospital, and then I couldn't believe that, if I am already dead somewhere, how could I be here? Will I just wake up "dead" the next time I open my eyes? With closed eyes again, I felt I was shifting dimensions every moment: the "I" was the same, but things going on were changing - my body was here, then it moved there, then some thoughts were coming, but it was absolutely not "mine". Later on, when my girlfriend came, she started talking strange stuff with my friend, so I started tripping that they were gonna get married sometime in the future. I was absolutely sure it was meant to be, so I didn't bother fighting it. But then I started tripping out my friend wanted to kill me
So this I had to fight, because he was about to do it very soon. I told him "No, you're not gonna f-ing kill me", and he was like "Sure I will". And the more I argued with me, the more it got intense in my head, so I kinda realized you have to let go and not argue with faith, so I let it be that he will kill me. It was supposed to happen in a few months. It's been a year and we're still hanging out fine.
Still, it took me 2 months (+ a few months of time-to-time flashbacks, which happen even now sometimes, when I smoke, or when I'm feeling down) to integrate the experience. People have told me that I've been really odd. And I had anxiety attacks. Sitting in a cafe with friends, and for 2 hours paying attention to nothing but the clock, and sweating. They didn't know what was going on, so I was a bit "off" those days. But later on I even spoke to many friends about it, although never going in detail, as I know that it simply doesn't mean much until you see it for yourself. At the beginning, I often wished that it hadn't happened to me, but now I don't mind, and I appreciate that I have many new different perspectives to look at the world from.
At the moment, given the instability and insecurity that followed after my first breakthrough, I will not to psychedelics until I think I'm ready. That could be another year, or ten, I know that I cannot tell. I also cannot tell if I want to try dmt or lsd anymore. The way I see it, maybe I could now just be an old man fishing
But yeah, I think I will try dmt at some point in my life, I just hope that by the time I will have developed a regular meditation practice and have no troublesome personal issues as I've had during my first breakthrough.
I could've written a lot more, but maybe even this will be a lot to read, so that's it, if anyone has some questions or feedback I would love to hear it!
By the way, I am male and 20 years old
I hope to have a nice time here with you all.