anyone else have this "problem"?
I have had all the usual reported experiences: elvish contact with communication,
in a room with beings creating impossible jeweled balls competing for my attention.

also, as a side note, spice was used in a graveyard and the entire area was filled with
an enormous number of impossible to describe beings all unique from another...

Back to the point, The past 4 times I get the cosmic buzz/rip and then I am engulfed
in the infinite energy field(GOD?), and I realize that everything is just the imagination of myself
and I AM that I AM. this may sound cool and it is enlightenment, however it is immensely
difficult to internalize this upon reentry. Basically, after knowing that I am GOD, and
everything is my own imagination, it is quite difficult to immerse myself back into the
mundane world of normal human behavior. Oh' for the days of bizarre mechanical elvish
tricksters playfully doting on me with impossible gifts from other dimensions..
I would have never guessed that one day I would look back on those experiences with
a yearning for the "normal" or at least it didn't use to be such a mind Fk.
wimper-help.
p.s. I have at least brought back and incorporated a feeling of unity in that we all are
actually the same, even as we may percieve each other as individuals. This has absolutely
changed me and I feel like i am "stuck" in medidation with ths in mind as I go about my day.

I Love you all.

It's funny you should say that... I've actually been reading I AM THAT by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj... I'm guessing it would be right up your alley

I'm pretty certain that I've had at least one similar experience with yopo... it was probably the most *real* experience that "I" ever had, and probably the most clear.

forgot to mention: 50mg white to slightly yellow white, smoked with the machine

I am not a "religious person" but have found that I tend to blaze my own trail in the arena
of spirituality. I am reminded of Terence's line- "what do YOU see when you look into the waterfall?"
before these GOD exp's began, I was having unbelievably ecstatic spiritual awakenings with spice
in the natural settings around my house(away from my house and others in the fields and woods in the area)
mostly in solitude.

if you noticed the contradiction in the above paragraph - "religious person", spiritual awakening, then
realize that in my mind religion is man made and designed to keep the masses from the total empowerment
of true spirituality only to be found within.

I have found that lower or higher doses actually just slightly turn this same experience
up or down a couple of notches.

in fact, this evening as I sat on my beautiful back prorch with a fire pit roasting and a soft
and beautifully refreshing rain cleansing my enviornment, I consciously tried not to have this
GOD experience and had it anyway, with a quite modest dose. i feel relatively well versed in
describing and distinguishing diff types of dmt experiences so I don't think I am projecting
or missinterpreting these manifestation.

any helpfull insights will help balance out the worlds' Karma. thanks

I actually just came across a clip of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj... I think it was him...
any way in it he was giving different mantras and grounding vibrational chants and
there were translations. One that he repeated over and over was "Natha" and this means
"awakened being of light". coincidence, sure, but interesting that my name is this plus n.

yeah, I remember that not long after breaking through with yopo, I took a relatively light dose of ololiuqui seeds and had a similar breakthrough experience, just much less intense.

that's pretty cool...

You are correct in your language the "I" dissentegrates at a point when the realization manifests
that everything is everything. However, in my subjective vision, the "I" as I typically am bound in the 3d human
world more acurately morphed into actually being GOD. this is the part that I am cracking up over.
Previously, I have witnessed the archetect of the universe/universes and the infinite energy, but
my god, I am having a hard time integrating the whole part about becoming GOD. It is like I had no
chance in hell to stay in "witness mode" for I WAS and what I was..was GOD.

I thought.. this is infinity in a vial. if one follows infinity to it's logical end, and realizes that everything
is everything, then we are all GOD and this reality that we live our temporal lives bound in,(most of the time)
is a natural outgrowth of the very nature of infinity's existence. this line of thought could be followed as far down the rabbit's hole as we like... maybe infinite universes with such subtle differences as the number of hairs on
my head would be justification for - and infinity of existence. after all don't most believers in GOD
admit that he is infinite, once that genie is out of the bottle, it seems to me that infinite universes and
all of reality including us as"individuals" actually being GOD as a representation of this infinitism is
inevitable.

I know, I lost you after you found out how "you were correct" but please excuse my post hyperspace
"far outness".
thanks and I love you.

Personally, I wasn't particularly engulfed by religion the first time: i took the piss out of christians, and other orthadoxors. Then, coming of age and I found god in my own way;
but yeah. I know what you mean. SWIM tells me sometimes how he misses the elves, and the newness of it all. But I know experiences later on are equally incredible, even more beautiful,
far more meaningful.

I wish you the best on your journey with the spice.

thanks for the posts.

So, has anyone also felt the part obout actually realizing that swim is GOD?
Even not feeling alone with these GOD experiences helps.
I am aware of the "messianic complex" disorder so I am looking for some grounding here.

i think part of my problem is that swim doesnt have a personal guide to
fill the void of our cultural lack of shamanism. swim has found this molecule
and swim has gone from research to extraction to learning to use effectively to
trying to navigate and reincorporate experiences. basically in solitude. I have a wife who
is not the type...nuff said there. Needless to say- I value this site.

I think that if you read through a lot of the other experience threads you will find this is a fairly common sensation, or rather realization. Indeed you are not alone.

God created the universe (even if that means god is nothing). You create your interpretation of the universe. That's why you think you are god when you trip. At least that's my take on it.

hey there,

the thing is [maybe]
regardless of whether you 'are god' in DMT space and not when you get back (so much), you are still where you are and you might as well make the most of it : )
Don't get hung up on one side nor the other, they are just different aspects of the experience of 'reality'.

p.s.

re the I Am the I Am.

have a go when you are in there on letting go of 'everything' and taking it back a level,

'I Am' goes to just 'Am-ness' [i.e. dissolution of the ego 'I' in relation to non-ego existence]

now that's where it gets [for me] really beautiful : )

Heidegger from memory did some work on this, and i imagine some of the crazy logicians have taken it even further.

theoretically (well from my understanding/experience) as soon as you can learn to let go of the 'I' aspect of 'I-Am' you could have the experience both in DMT space and in day to day space.
no separation, no conflict, no stress

: )

Those interested can read all books of Nisargadatta Maharaj free here : http://nisargadatta.co.cc/
A collection of rare photos, videos and many other articles added.
Have all of you read his complete works ?

thanks everyone. rawmo pretty much nailed it. after sleeping on it last night,
I feel a little more grounded and doing anything that isn't helpful to someone
seems not interesting.

also, when i have been saying "I", i am referring to a place where i am way past
ego dissolving and seperation with my own ego. I may have used wrong terminology.
"I" definitely dissolved into everything/infinity/GOD.


thanks again.

While shamans and spiritual guides can be very beneficial to some, SWIM thinks that they aren't a necessity to everyone. When you use this wonderful molecule, YOU are the one experiencing it, and part of what makes these experiences so amazing is learning the ability to decipher what happened - and more importantly - what you can learn from what happened on your own, in order to gain information on, well, anything! It's all up to you... you are your own shaman. This is just SWIM's viewpoint, he's not discounting shamans or guides one bit...

When I had my, I AM experience, it took me a while to integrate it. I found that I didn't need to use the spice as much, as the experience in itself was a wakeup call to a greater consciousness. It sent me on a journey of profound seeking (outside the DMT space) of knowledge and uderstanding that the expeirences had imprinted upon me. After much searching, and probing I found my own truth. You can find yours.

I'd take a break from the spice for a bit. Sit outside on your porch, fire blazing, rain coming down and just be. See if you can find that connection to the infinite by living in the present, experiencing the moment. See where that takes you. If you still seek more guidance from dmt, go for it, but know that eventually that avenue will cease to provide questions, and you'll have to search for the answers to lead to more questions elsewhere.

cool, thanks!

I just started reading I AM THAT, recently... I've been reading a little bit almost everyday... this is the first time that I've read anything by Nisargadatta Maharaj... based on what I've read so far, I would definetely recommend this book to anyone that might be interested.

Thank you Saidin, Bacon, and Rawmo--

Saidin, your recommendation gives me peace.

i will follow through and give it some time.

Thank You.