I agree. Seems to most logical to me thus far. That and I've been practicing imagining an indigo violet bubble around me shielding me from too much energy. I'm extremely sensitive to people and their emotions, its almost posionous the way vibes cut into me and make others feelings overpower mine. Some days I have to wear ear plugs so I can stay calm.

You may want to beef up your lower chakras a bit. This is typical of people who are focused on the upper chakras without having a solid root and foundation. In Kung Fu, we would have you stand in a square horse everyday while doing rooting visualizations. Chi Kung that replenishes the root chakra and the Tan Tien (2nd chakrah). The Solar Plexus is also key to being secure in one's own physio-emotional state. As much as I love me the indigo (third eye) stuff and the violet bliss... it must be balanced on a solid base. Otherwise people become spiritually and physically weak. Airy fairy so to speak. Develop the root, and you won't fly away. The winds of other people's intent can not move a Sequoia.

Redguard I feel you bro, and know exactly where you are coming from. I am also not an either-or kind of guy, and tend to want both... all of the above... and then some. I was the kid who had to try all 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins.

It didn't help me that my background in mystical things was mostly Buddhist & Taoist Kung Fu. These are powerful, effective and very useful traditions... and I highly recommend Chi Kung to everyone... but the Yin & Yang way of seeing things implies that there is always a balance to be found. It also makes you think that all things are part of the Tao.

Sadly, there are limits to this. Non-dual philosophies etc. are fine and dandy, even work like a charm... until they don't. There comes a time when fence sitting is not an option for you anymore. You might feel neutral and above the fray, but they don't see you that way. To be neutral in the face of real darkness is to tacitly support it. Think of the Swiss and Hitler.

I used to go around the world and hang out with every kind of person I encountered. I felt love and oneness for all of them... even... especially, the misguided darkness lovers. I would stay up all night joyfully chatting away with methed up satanists... trade entheogenic plants with twisted old witches... even hung out smoking weed with straight up thugs and gangsters. I have seen just about every sick underbelly that humanity has to offer. Klansmen, Illuminati types... you name it. I was so good at this, that I could feel relatively safe among people that would smash my skull in for a laugh.

Needless to say, I stopped this. It was needlessly provocative, and at some point you push them into a corner with your light, and a cornered venomous creature is dangerous. Even those of us with massive protection and skill to burn can be set up and fall into traps. Don't go hunting vampires unless you are prepared to slay them.

For this reason, I suggest that in your search for people to learn from you only go to people that are clearly and amazingly on the side of the light. Dark people are dangerous and the grey people are shifty and untrustworthy. I say this as someone who was kidnapped by sorcerer cultists in Mexico, and came this close to being sacrificed.

Of course, I don't expect that anyone here will take my word for any of this. You will all follow your own paths and I pray you are guided and protected on those paths long enough that you come to see the light on your own. All I can say is that this is not a case of polemics. The dark and light are not "equal opposing forces." This is illusion. The truth doesn't lie in the synthesis of thesis and antithesis here... as it does in most things. Darkness is sickness, disease and death. The light is the life force of the Universe. Do not be fooled. Chaos is not powerful... in that it is not a power you can control. It is like a wild tornado or cyclone that destroys everything in its path. Real power is like the Death Star that can destroy an entire planet in an instant. What the light beings have is beyond even that... they can erase darkness from creation retroactively.

Make no mistake, a little attraction for the darkness is all it takes. A tiny crack in the door, and they are in. Diabolical home invasion on steroids. Do not invite darkness into your life. There is a reason that vampire myths involve you inviting them into your home...

i've been interested in chi kung for a while, hyperspace fool, but there doesn't really seem to be a lot of options around my area with regards to learning it. i'm not sure how i would fit another schedule into my week anyways, go to yoga, two year old, pregnant wife and working 40+ hours. what are some books you would recommend for a very beginner? i know you've mentioned mantak chia before, is that a good starting point?

I have a few questions for you, I understand if you do not want to answer them, if I were in your shoes I certainly wouldn't. It seems to me that you have come to these conclusions about chaos the hard way. What was your breaking point? What was it that opened your eyes to what chaos is?

Well, it wasn't any single event... though I could recount a great many that would have been enough, individually, for most. I have a weird combination of being rather thick headed, yet also intuitive. I tended to always fundamentally know my place in the scheme of things, but kept trying to test the boundaries, and to find exceptions. I was strong enough to get away with foolish behavior for a long time, and stubborn enough to not heed clear warnings... so, my Hyperslaps have been hard and their impact immense.

In the end, the thing that opens your eyes is danger. Hanging by a fingernail and staring into the abyss... being sure you are at least as likely as not to not survive this latest foolhardy mistake. That kinda stuff is behavior modification at its most impending and immediate.

I suppose you have to have been attacked, and have engaged your opponent to see behind the masks and games. You have to have felt the sting of their venomous backstabbing and heard them laugh as they savored your pain. Betrayal, deceit, sadism and even worse stuff have to be experienced to be truly believed. Everyone seems to think that it won't happen to them... until it is too late. It is humbling in the extreme to realize how few true friends you have, and how many of the beings you encounter are actually quite happy to see you fall.

If an astral parasite is feeding on anger and you are no longer angry... and you are not able to be goaded into anger by it... it will leave. Same goes for fear, sadness, spite and misery. This is why it is important you strive to be "good" and positive, and associate with positive light people. In this way you are no longer the astral equivalent of a malarial swamp.

It is humbling in the extreme to realize how few true friends you have, and how many of the beings you encounter are actually quite happy to see you fall.

any help, book suggestions, advice will be much appreciated

Long post, sorry. But this sort of thing has never happened to me. I haven't been experimenting with any sort of substance as of late. Has this happened to anyone else unprovoked like this? No weed, no DMT, no aya. Anyone have suggestions?

I would love to take aya and actively try to rid myself of it but feel my inexperience and total lack of techniques puts me in a handicap.

There are plenty of beings that are not on either side, and the grey entities can run the gamut. For instance, many of the parasites discussed here are not "dark" or "light" so much as voracious for negative emotions. Also, you may find some dragons (for instance) to be helpful and wise, while there are others that are as black-hearted and malicious as they come. In the end, though, it is my opinion that there are very few beings that are truly neutral. Even Switzerland wasn't and certainly isn't neutral. Everyone takes a side at some point. Or... they are serving the purpose of a side unawares.

sitting on the fence and adopting grey philosophies or clinging to non-dual conceptions of what is going on (as nice and blissy as they tend to sound and feel) all tend to get in the way of you befriending and utilizing the help of the only people who can actually deal with the situation.

Sadly, there are limits to this. Non-dual philosophies etc. are fine and dandy, even work like a charm... until they don't. There comes a time when fence sitting is not an option for you anymore. You might feel neutral and above the fray, but they don't see you that way. To be neutral in the face of real darkness is to tacitly support it. Think of the Swiss and Hitler.

...

The dark and light are not "equal opposing forces." This is illusion... Darkness is sickness, disease and death.

I have read enough Western Occult to know that it is not my thing. I prefer to go to the source material in Kabbalah, Norse, and Druidic info... Zoroastrianism and Gypsy stuff. The problem with Crowley and his ilk is that they gleefully embrace the darkness, and many a young mystic has followed their lead down paths that lead to desolation and ruin.
...

You really don't want any of your hip dark rituals to succeed.

The only surefire way to deal with negative entities and parasites is... POSITIVE ENTITIES. Light beings (angels) and the friendly "gods" are able to rid you of the parasites you carry, defend you against attack, and can destroy the dark entities.

I say this as someone who was kidnapped by sorcerer cultists in Mexico, and came this close to being sacrificed.