Can you give away what you learned from DMT, and how?
I have not written much on here about it, my blog at tripsit.me goes much more into it, but my partner,.with whom I'm very much in love, has been suffering from severe depression for some time now, due mainly to the suicide of her ex-boyfriend. To summarize: she had a relationship with him for about a year during which he struggled to get himself off of heroin. After their break-up, he continued to live with her at her parents house for some six months, she thought he was working and putting money away to get his own apartment. He was working, but the money was going to dope. I guess he was holding out hope that they could rejoin, and as she and I moved from being close friends into being lovers, the reality that they wouldn't hit him and he couldn't take it.

He hung himself in her bathroom, leaving her to find him.

She has horrible nightmares, I've heard her talking in her sleep, telling him he is dead, asking him why he's there and to go away. The sufferation she has endured due to this, as well as a myriad of other traumatic issues (father going to prison, losing family home, mother addicted to prescription pills, sister with severe mental issues, she herself in + successful + remission from heroin addiction,etcetc-) makes the universe seem cruel to her. And I don't get it, either.

I myself lived with addiction and suicidal depression for a long portion of my life. I tried to kill myself twice over seven years ago. Long years of my life were sacrificed to my illness and I can't get them back, but after over a decade of searching, in and out of "treatment", I stumbled upon something that brought me out, made suicide an impossibility, and ended my emotional addiction to heroin. Two years after my discovery, I've successfully detoxed from methadone. The discovery was 5meo-dmt. In 22 minutes, I was able to receive what in years of searching I failed to.find-meaning and peace.

I wanted to give this to her, but now it's to late. Last weekend, I chased her at 4:00 in the morning to the top of a downtown parking garage and had to restrain her until the pigs,er, cops finally showed up. I didn't think I'd be able to stop her. She was jacked-up on methamphetamine ,a drug I've never touched, and I'd been up all night listening to her relive the tragedy. She is not a small girl. At 5'9" and 160lbs, my 5'6",130lb frame was having difficulty hiding her back. I thought I was going to watch the woman I love die in a horrible way.

Now here we are, it's a week after the fact, she is in the hospital and I'm in shock. Having the advantage of distance, I can see a little more clearly regarding us than I have in the last 6 months, since we've been basically joined at the hip. I have wanted more than anything to show her that she can pull thru, that life can and will get better. She didn't know me when I was bad and doesn't have the frame of reference, she doesn't think I was as bad off as I was, and her pain is the worst in the world because she owns it.

I have talked extensively with her about the use of psychedelics in therapeutic and healing ways, but she has very limited experience with them. She had another awesome ex who dosed her without her knowing it on LSD, then left her to deal with it alone. She took some X once that she said made her delirious and she thinks it was a date rape attempt. So she doesn't have a good frame of reference. The path that led me to DMT was one of spiritual exploration and discovery. I had been researching Cabala and the western corpus esoterica, and somehow, the molecule came along to affix me to the Tree of Life. When l was let down again, it was into a new body and mind, nothing short of miraculous.

She has NO spiritual foundation, this, the troubling matters of her life, as well as my lack of credentials and knowledge in the matter of working with other people has prevented.me from pursuing this route to her. One of the reasons I thot dmt may be beneficial is it's spiritual nature, it's not an introspective thing really, like LSD or shrooms. Don't mistake this: I'm VERY cognizant for her need for therapy, and although I have severe disdain for big pharma and profit seeking corporations selling questionable medications, I know that for some it may be what they need.

Big pharma is a contributing factor to her suicide attempt, actually. After her.ex's death, she was prescribed Xanax, just long enough to become dependent upon it, not just emotionally but physically. She has struggled with it harder than she has with heroin, going to the street to procure them. It is a terrible drug, and I hold the Dr who have it to her partially responsible. That's another matter entirely, I just want to point it out.

I know, now, that we should have cooled it down after his death, but that very much easier said than done. I don't know where we are headed now, but other than relating this story to the community that has been with me on my journey, I want to know- considering the factors, is this very personal route to healing one give away? I'd never push anything on her, she held an interest in it, and tried a low dose of dmt once which she loved, but it was the last in my phial and I haven't sourced any since. I'm questioning everything right now.

I'm sorry of this post is disjointed, if it gets no response, I'll take it as a sign that I've made no sense and delete. But if you have an opinion other than deriding me for thinking I could help someone, please share.
Thank you, nexus

I can see you have alot on your mind null24, and giving DMT to a friend or lover is no small decision. All I know is DMT helped me and my girlfriend to reset our directions in life, gave us an emotional reset, give up addictive drugs, and brought us closer.

If she really wants to experience it and she is, "at the end of her rope" as they say it could possibly help her get a mental reset. Xanax is no small addiction and I have alot of former opiate friends who went right to Xanax after their opiate addictions. [with and without doctor prescriptions] Xanax is one of the worst addictions.

Xanax will greatly mitigate DMT's effects though. I feel for you in your time of struggle and can empathize with your desire to help your lover.

Just be sure that this emotional quagmire you find yourself in doesn't lead your own self back down a dark path of addiction in an effort to escape the pain this relationship is causing you. If this relationship causes you to slip back you won't be helping anyone anymore, including yourself.

If she wants to be helped you will be able to help her.

Good luck on the path friend.

Thank you.

seeking proffesional help is the only answer

That's what I pointed out, and she is in the hospital.
I know what she needs, she knows what she needs, but unfortunately the professional help she has been getting got her strung out on benzos.
I want her to see what I saw, feel what I felt; like I said in the title, to give away what dmt gave me.

But I'm not about to take on that responsibility. It's something she wants to try, I'm just wary. Now is obviously not the time, and I'd never expect admt.experience to cure all that ails her, but what it did for me was to solidify a spiritual foundation from which I could fearlessly pursue mental health thru confronting my negative psyche-clear my karma, so to speak-and that's what I'd like to give her.

But again, her only concept of a spirituality are some hazy memories of Bible stories that have no relevance to her.

@&$#, IDK, with all the eloquence I can muster right now, is about all I can say. Her care at this point is out of my hands. The only reason it was there to begin is because I'm the only person and the most stable thing in her life-and that's pitiful. I fear for her, I love her and can't imagine the pain she endures. But for my well being, as well as hers of course I have to leave it to the"pros" for now.

I shouldn't be writing now, I've been too too long, stressing to hard.

Thanks fort taking the time (try to) read and make sense of this.

But again, how would YOU give away the teachings of dmt? That may nut even mean providing the molecule itself, in fact that was the method I was trying. I want to show her things can change, life the compete turn-around in my life, but she didn't have the reference point of knowing me several years ago, when I was shooting heroin every day,, and realty caring about things like anyone's well-being. I know it can get better, even from the lowest ring of hell we can ascend back into three light. This is fact, but too get it's a nebulous, esoteric idea and nothing more. She didn't have a Lott of chances or time before the suicide energy prevailing in her consciousness now takes complete control and she losses the fight.

Loving sometime in her state has got too be one of the biggest challenges I've faced.

I am sensing a trend in your posts lately...

edit : ^^ this thread is about null24's problem and not about trends

try offering some good advice , add something , share

whats up with the trend ?

thank you hug , purges and infectedstyle , for adding something valuable to this

I feel the pain and desperation in these posts Null and it is a very difficult situation indeed.
I think that in her current condition all you can do is leave it to the professionals at the moment as far as medication goes. I do not think that this is such a bad thing as, over the years, i have come across many addiction and mental healthcare workers who are complete stars and do the best that they can with the tools that the state provides for them.

I think the best way of giving away what you have learned from DMT to someone is to be there so that they can lean on you for support. Which appears to me to be what you are already doing. Afterall it was you that learnt these things. You are the biggest thing in the learning equation, in that you were open and ready to recieve these lessons. Which may have been already buried within yourself.

I am very sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds to me that she will need to do a bit of recovering before even considering something as drastic as a DMT experience. What did cross my mind how ever was Ayahuasca and / or Ibogaine both to help resolve the addiction and to help heal some of those wounds. I imagine it would be best tackled under the watchful eye of an experienced healer or guide under these circumstances.

My thoughts are with you, this can't be easy. Take care.

We come from the most beautiful place imaginable? If there's something DMT shows us is that we can experience angellic beings love us that have nothing great interest in us. The fact that the dmt experience shows light-beings be they real or imagined, the fact that they are actively teaching us love gives me hope for humanity.

I agree with Hug46 though, the best you can do is to be a pillar for support. Wish I could say something useful cause i just wish you and your dear friend a lot of well-being. I hope you find the strength.

Thank you all for your kind responses.

I personally don't have the greatest memories associated with professional mental health care. But most of what I received was directly related to 12 step based drug treatment, and I've gut big issues around that. But yes it's apparent that she needs serious help.

All of your responses point out good things. Yes, I guess I kind of answered my own question. There was a time I would have'n not cared.
I just so want to see her smile again, but I have to back off.

I haven't even tried to contact her in a week. She's angry and upset, and despite caring deeply for her well-being, so am I.
I mean, she took me to the edge of a parking garage. Like I said, there at some things a human should not have to experience or witness, that is one. When I think of her, I remember the snarling, growling beast she was in the last few days. Only when I lookat a picture of her in better times can I recall the sweet, loving girl I know. But my mind's eye still holds the terror. It was like she was possessed. She was, I guess, on horrible drugs. There's a reason I've never touched methamphetamine, this only solidifies my disdain for that drug. I don't know if if things would have gotten so drastic without it..

Thanks again. This road has been a struggle, that is certain but I'm still persevering. I don't know if she and I can remain together after this, I don't really care, I just want her to experience gratitude and joy from within herself, as I've been freely given.

Sounds like a very tough situation you are dealing with, and a very hard struggle you have gone through in your past. I can barely imagine what it must be like..

I`m sorry I don`t have much advice to offer about your specific situation but I just want to wish you the best and reassure you that you can come to this community any time you need some support and feel free to pm me if you just need someone to talk to or something.

And if I may answer the title question, I`ve found that there is nothing we can say that will transfer what we have experienced with psychedelics to someone else. The only thing that I found I can do with my psychedelic lessons is to try to be a better human being and to set an example for others through my actions instead of my words. Not sure how that would apply to your situation other than what you are already doing.

Best of luck to you and your gf

Thank you for the kind words endlessness. I guess, yeah, I've been giving away what I learned in the sense of the behaviors-.I am most certainly a "changed man", having consciously and with effort used deep spiritual experience I had through one or two very special hyperspace visits. I would have walked away from her if I had not put the lessons I learned there into everyday use.

I think at this point, advice is unnecessary, she is in the care if doctors, although they don't know her, she came in thru the e.r., it's what she has, and she will have to take the actions necessary to work with her Dr.

I can't thank enough the members of this community who've expressed their support; your love and kindness are invaluable . Ths community as a whole is fantastic. It's a special place, the DMT nexus.

. This is the kind of thing I wish she would get into, but she doesn't even really "get" my connection to the nexus. She talks of a desire for a spiritual footing in life, but had had her mind woefully polluted by parents who became xian, maybe, at xmas and told her convoluted stories about guys killing giants with slingshots and what-not. As far a she learned, it's just"the Adventures of the Jewish Fairy King and the Magical Prince". I try to point her to books and the fact that there is everything here in town from buddhists, to naturalists, to a Crowley-ite temple for spiritual resources, but I can't really get her to go explore. She's been so down for months, the best reaction from her when I point out the gigantic full moon shimmering in the shy, or a gorgeous sunset is *maybe*a tiny little smile, and a "hm".

I don't know where to go from here with her. My mind has done this wonderful, merciful thing where it seems to be preventing me from feeling all the pain. I'm numb. I'm angry at her, and I love her, but the tall pain just isn't letting itself be known right now. I don't knew how healthy that is, but I really don't need it right now, I need understanding. The time separate is affording me the luxury of looking at things more objectively, and knowing she is getting care, is giving me breathing space.

I do know it's time for some self care triage, school starts up again in a week, and I'll dive into that with all my heart. I'm taking an "Intro to Shamanism" ATH course, which I'm sure I'll be looking fur some help with here: and am going to try my hand at fiction writing. Anyway, thank you all, you're support and insight are really what I need. Without y'all, and the small list of dependable friends and family, I'd be truly lost, but with those resources even when I know I'm the only person in the room who is dealing with this kind of thing, I also know I'm not alone.
Alone kills.